Am I obligated to invite siblings?

[goodnightmoon]

We are having a home party for dd's 4th birthday. It will be a pizza-making and cookie-decorating party where each child gets a personalized apron and chef hat to wear and then take home. We don't have a huge open area downstairs (and it will be too cold outside) so there is limited space. I'm renting kids' tables and chairs and there will barely be enough room to squeeze the invited kids in.

There are already 13 kids we need to invite (cousins and playgroup friends), so we're not including pre-school friends. I would prefer that younger siblings not come, but don't know if that will be considered rude. Besides the lack of space, the apron, chef hat and favor will cost about $15 per child so buying extra for younger siblings will add up quickly. It will be on a Saturday, so it would be possible for the siblings to stay with the other parent, I think.

I think that people automatically assume siblings are OK if it's a home party, but I just don't think I can make that work. I'm worried about what will happen if they show up and I have no apron, hat or chair for them, but don't want to spend a lot of extra money just in case....

Is this rude? Any advice? :)

Thank you!

[sunriseiz]

I have always asked before bringing a sibling, so I think as long as the invitation is addressed to the actual folks you'd like to invite, you are ok. When we've had younger sib's come to our parties, no one has expected them to participate in the 'big kid' activities, but just run around, so that helps with $$, though not space. Hopefully, folks will ask. :)

[Katia]

That sounds like a really fun party! How about a line on the invitation simply stating "no siblings, please"? I'd be upfront about it, otherwise you'll just worry about unexpected guests. I wouldn't count on people asking if it's OK. I've seen that on invitations and I think it's fine -- it's always nice to be able to bring along a sibling, but honestly, I've been to enough parties now that I realize having a younger/older sibling around isn't always in the best interest of the party :-)

[carolinamama]

I say only write the name of invited child on the invite. If anyone asks, I would tell them that the party if specifically for 4 yo's. But I would also not exclude people from bringing a younger sibling if they didn't have anywhere for that child to go. Maybe allow the siblings to play in a corner. I would expect the parents to be watching these younger kids. I know if doesn't help with your space constraints though...... As for aprons and such, I wouldn't have them for younger kids. That isn't rude; they weren't the invited kid.

[g-mama]

I would never think to bring a sibling along to a birthday party. The only way I can even imagine asking to do so was if my dh was out of town and I knew the mom really well. And even then, I would make sure she knew she didn't have to buy him a favor or anything extra like that.

If people came to a b'day party I was hosting and brought their other kids, I would be shocked. It just doesn't happen in my circles. I wouldn't even write it on the invite b/c it would sound odd. Would people just bring the sibling without even saying so??? That shocks me.

Sounds like a great party!

[kransden]

I just asked about this for my dd's party last year. This ia what was on her invite "Due to space limitations, only the invited child and parents may attend."

[AnnieW625]

We went to a 3 year old birthday party at a local My Gym a couple of months ago and the younger siblings (all under 2, and crawling or walking) were kind of disruptive in a baby type way so for this next party we are going to at the same place with lots of the same invitees the mom wrote on the bottom of the invite: no siblings on the gym floor, but babes in arms okay.

I think that babies in arms are welcome, but I think by the time kids hit 4 or 5 and are at the level where they get dropped off at someone's home I don't think you have to invite siblings too. I do think though that this gets hard when you are dealing with cousins, and maybe even playgroup friends who are used to being around their older siblings and their friends for playdates.

Good luck!

[KrisM]

No, you don't have to include them.

In our group, most of the kids go to preschool together and the moms are SAHMs. So, most of the parties are during the week on a non-school day. We have one next Tuesday from 11-2, for example. Obviously, we all bring the rest of our kids with us because what else would we do? Still, she put all the kids' names on the invite to be clear.

We went to another party that only had DS1's name on it and DS1, DS2 and I attended it. It was a Saturday and I didn't even consider bringing DD. DS2 was 3 months and I made sure the hosting mom had no problem with it, but that's a bit different, I think.

Sounds like a great idea for a party. Maybe we'll try it for DS1.

[fivi2]

I think it depends on your friends. My group of friends (who don't have any school aged kids) would automatically bring their younger child, without a second thought. My girls are 3, and about 80% of our friends have a younger sibling (6 wks to 1.5 y o) Even if the invite is addressed to only one, no one would think that means a thing. This isn't to be rude, it just wouldn't cross their minds that the younger sibling can't come. BUT, most of us are SAHMs and wouldn't have anywhere to put the younger child. In fact, if the invite said only invited kids, I think most of my playgroup would be really offended. Not saying that is normal, but it is for this group. younger sibs automatically come to playgroup, playdates, our little co-op, everything.

My friends with school aged kids, however, would never bring the other siblings. I think it is something that happens once you start getting invited to parties beyond your close circle. Maybe it is regional, or maybe my little group is weird?

[ahrimie]

You definitely don't have to include siblings.. that's not rude. But I do agree with the above poster that it may depend on your circle of friends and what they normally do. Depending on that, I'd put it on the invite or not.

[sariana]

If my son is invited to a party, I assume the invitation is just for him. I don't consider that rude at all. But honestly, if I can't bring along his sister, he most likely will not be able to attend. My DH is out of town frequently and is not available to stay with DD. So I always ask. DD is only 12 months, so she can't participate in anything anyway. I'm not sure what I'll do as she gets older.

[hardysmom]

Tricky one--

Don't put it on the invite, mention when they RSVP.

Sounds like a cool party. Word will get around once you talk to a couple of people.

Call those from whom you haven't heard a couple days before the party.

Given that the party is for 4 yr olds, meaning siblings will all be under 3, I can't imagine anyone having an issue with the lack of favors/etc for the younger kids. I don't think that is an issue. Space and overall sanity is a bigger thing, particularly if you are cooking.

That said, assuming it isn't a drop-off party, many in my group would plan to show up with a younger child in tow. HOWEVER all would ask (or mention it) when they RSVP'd.

THAT would be the time to explain the situation, NOT on the invite.

For those who don't have cheap and available sitters, maybe you could say they could drop off their oldest child and that you will make sure a familiar adult is at their table to help with their pizza. I'm assuming most of these kids/parents know one another so that should be OK with most 4 yr olds. At 4 yr old parties we attend there are always plenty of parents/family around to lend a hand.

Personally, at that age, it would have been miserable to try to help Hardy make a pizza while keeping the twins away from everybody's stuff. Not fun for anyone. Once the format is explained, only a nut would WANT to bring an 18 month old. Marinara and unsupervised toddlers don't mix.

Putting "no siblings, please" on invites feels rude... Not so much because it excludes, but because it assumes that guests don't have the common-courtesy to at least ASK if it is OK if they bring a sibling. That seems insulting, patronizing... though I can TOTALLY see the logic.

My .02, Stephanie

[citymama]

Tricky one--

Don't put it on the invite, mention when they RSVP.

Putting "no siblings, please" on invites feels rude... Not so much because it excludes, but because it assumes that guests don't have the common-courtesy to at least ASK if it is OK if they bring a sibling. That seems insulting, patronizing... though I can TOTALLY see the logic.


I agree, don't put it on the invite. It's the kind of thing to mention in a conversation tactfully.

I hate to say it, but IME people do bring siblings unless it is a drop-off party for older kids - especially if the parents are going to be there (what are they going to do with the little one?). But people also understand exactly why not to bring a sib in such a situation - it's someone's house, for crying out loud, not a playground!, party favors, supervision, imposition, etc etc.

ETA: No, you should not feel obligated to invite siblings, by any means! Meant to say that first and foremost. And it sounds like a fun party!

[MMMommy]

No, you do not need to include siblings in your invites. And I normally don't include siblings unless the siblings are also friends with DDs. But at every party we have ever hosted, there are always parents that bring siblings along anyways without asking. Some do ask if it is okay to bring the sibling, and I do say "yes" to those. But there have always been siblings that show up unannounced. And my favors are never extravagant, so I usually have a few extra just in case. Could you maybe bring a stash of less expensive, simple favors to have on hand "just in case?" Maybe something that you could easily return at some point if you end up not needing them.

[TexasAg94]

We just encountered this situation! This weekend, DH is out of town and ODS is invited to a party. Invitation did not include YDS and I think it would be rude to take a non-invited sibling -- so I have hired a sitter for a couple of hours to take ODS (age 3, so can't just drop off , or send with another friend) to the party.

I think you should consider putting in the invite, just so people can plan -- just my opinion, though.

[Asianmommy]

We just had our 1st party where we did not include sibs. A couple of people asked if they should bring their younger child, and I told them the truth--that I was sorry, but the venue was really small and there just wouldn't be enough room. These kids were all ages 5 to 7, and everyone was dropped off.

[kimberley-k]

We just had the same problem, and since I was using Evite, I didn't have a way to address to only one kid in the family (the evite just went to the Mom's email). So, in the party info, I put "Since the science demonstration is geared for kids 5 and up, please leave younger siblings at home with Dad." One of the Moms mentioned that her 2 year old was very sad that he didn't get to come because he thinks he is my son's friend too. Oh well! I am really glad that I stuck to only having his 5 best friends - so my son got to really interact with his closest friends and it wasn't chaos of a zillion kids running through our house.

-Kim

[s7714]

My DDs have received invites that say things like "due to limited space, no siblings please" or "due to limited space, RSVP required!" and then they've mentioned no siblings when people respond. I don't think there's anything rude about that.