WWYD regarding realtor friend?

[mykidsmom]

Long story short, we are planning to move in the next few months. We had a realtor we liked that helped us find our current home. In the meantime and many years later we have become very good friends with a family where the husband is a realtor. Since we felt no obligation to the person who we used many years ago and felt it might be awkward NOT to use our friend we decided to interview our friend for the job. The problem is that my husband is able to see it as a business transaction and I am feeling like if we don't end up using our friend after interviewing him it will be an awkward mess. My husband is more interested in the price of the comission and is really treating just seeing this as what is in our best interest from a financial standpoint. As a women I am more emotional about the situation and am thinking about how it will make us look if after considering him we don't use him and go with our previous realtor. I KNOW our friend will be hurt. I wish we had not ever gotten involved with him as a realtor and just kept him as a friend but explaining to him we were not even going to consider using him would also have been awkward. What would you do in this situation?

[MMMommy]

I personally think it would be best not to mix business with pleasure in this case. What if things get heated (i.e. negotiations, fee talks, etc.). With real estate, things happen. Deals go sour, needs aren't met, etc. Since they are your friends now, I think they would understand if you explained to them that you didn't want to mix business with pleasure. I wouldn't be offended by that explanation if I were the realtor husband.

[KrisM]

I agree with the PP. Even now, you could easily say that you've thought about it and you don't want to risk your friendship by mixing it with business.

[mykidsmom]

how awkward would it be since we have already had him over to discuss selling our home and he is currently planning to come back over next week to do a sales pitch and tell us the commission and what he would list our house at?

[elektra]

I agree with the PP. Even now, you could easily say that you've thought about it and you don't want to risk your friendship by mixing it with business.

That sounds like a good idea to me.
However, it could work out well too. The interview based on commission seems kind of weird to me too. I don't know all that much about real estate but isn't it a standard commission that they all get? I can see wanting to know how your friend knew of the area, his experience etc. though.
Hopefully if you like him as a realtor you can just end up using him. It could very well work out. But if you end up wanting to use someone else for whatever reason, then using the above reason seems like a good idea.

FWIW, I had to "fire" our first realtor we used. She was a word of mouth recommendation by our mortgage broker (who also ended up being terrible). She was just really inexperienced and we rushed into it. It would have really been hard if she was an actual friend or spouse of a friend.

[mykidsmom]

since we will be selling and buying often the comission % is negotable. Standard is 6% but often if you are using the same realtor for both transactions and they will make money from both the sale of your home and the purchase of your new home, they will give you a break and lower it since as the seller you pay all the comission.

[KrisM]

Yeah, if I were using him to buy and sell, I'd find a way to nicely back out. I would feel really weird sharing my financial info with a friend. Since he'll be at the closing, he'll have seen how much the mortage is for, your down payment amount, etc. To me, that sounds like too much to share.

[MamaMolly]

Business is business. You can't let friendship screw with business and vice versa.

My horror story: We had a church friend who we used her to buy our 2nd home, and she was very helpful. Then we had to turn around and sell that home a year later thanks to a job transfer. When we bought the house we thought was our 'forever' home (hahahaha! Hindsight makes that SO funny!) but anyway we bought a LOT of house and had a heck of a time selling it. She had the listing for 16 months before we told her, IMO very kindly, that we appreciated her efforts but it was time to let someone else have a try.

For one thing she had maybe one showing a month. She was a great buyer's agent, but stank as a seller's agent. Another part of why we changed is that she had arranged for a renter who was a nightmare. Luckily he never actually moved in, because his security deposit and rent checks bounced. He told us he'd turned the power and water on in his name, he didn't. Of course he didn't mow the lawn or anything either. And the only thing our agent/friend said is that she couldn't understand why this had happened because 'he was such a nice man'. I had to explain to her that he was polite but not nice. Nice people don't kite checks!

The next agent we got was AMAZING and sold it in 5 months. She had showings every week, marketed it aggressively, etc.

Anyway our friend couldn't handle being let go. I honestly thought we were really, really nice about it, but it ended the friendship. My best advice is to go into this with a 'business is business' attitude on BOTH of your parts. I think it can work, but you have to be willing to see it as a business arrangement and keep the friendship separate.

Good luck!

[mykidsmom]

we don't mind sharing the personal info. For me it is just more that I worry now that what if we hire him and it does not work out, like we are not thrilled w/his skills, etc. Then again, like a pp said, it could work out great. He is a great guy and seems to be a sucessful realtor supporting his family doing it.
Any one in favor of using him? I fear backing out now would be just as awkward and damaging as backing out later.

[gatorsmom]

Any one in favor of using him? I fear backing out now would be just as awkward and damaging as backing out later.

Nope. I think backing out later, after he's put some time and effort into it, would be much worse. Now, even before he's given you a sales pitch, would be the best time to do let him down gently. I know of way too many friendships that went down in flames because someone thought it was a good idea to hire a friend. If you explain to him that you've thought this over at length and are afraid of losing their friendship, etc., etc., I'd think he'd be big enough to understand. If he's really as successful and self-secure as you make him sound, he'll be fine with it.

tough situation. good luck and let us know how it goes!

[khm]

If they both give you their pitches, and his "loses" then that's that, right? You'll have bottom-dollar differences to point out to him why you are better off going with the other realtor.

I'd also explain that you were a little worried about mixing business with friendship anyways, especially in the crummy market, and that his friendship is much more important.

But, there really most likely won't be a large difference in their fees unless one is a flat fee broker. The brokerage I work for only discounts fees if an agent is on both sides of the transaction (and not even in every instance of that) or in other pretty rare occasions. They take a pretty hard line that the fees aren't willy-nilly. Agents can request a reduction, but it isn't always granted. (At MY firm anyways, it is a large national name.)

No matter who you go with, I'd strongly encourage you to come up with your own price by doing your own homework. Lots of agents (good and bad) will "promise" a high price or at least agree to a seller's unrealistic expectation just to be the one to win the listing. It is better for you to NOT go onto the market with an over-priced house, no matter who your agent is.

You are the one who knows your situation. Real estate doesn't have to be a hairy transaction. I FSBO'd a house and ended up being fast friends with our buyers, even through some minor issues right at the end.

[ha98ed14]

we don't mind sharing the personal info. For me it is just more that I worry now that what if we hire him and it does not work out, like we are not thrilled w/his skills, etc. Then again, like a pp said, it could work out great. He is a great guy and seems to be a sucessful realtor supporting his family doing it.
Any one in favor of using him? I fear backing out now would be just as awkward and damaging as backing out later.

Have you thought about just being honest about how you are feeling? Tell him straight up that you value the friendship between your families and that upon thinking it over, you realize that with these 2 different transactions (buying and selling) there is ample opportunity for things to go awry and you do not want contractual obligations or disappointments or differeing opinions to color your relationship with your friend. They were your friends first before he was your RE agent.

If you are just honest, it gives you the option to hear what he has to say. You did already interview him once, so to just shut him down without explaination seems unprofessional on your part IMO. Let him come and give you his pitch and then tell him how you are feeling. If you then choose not to use him, he will at least know why.

Adn you never know, He may come back with some real reassurances that you can make it work. This happened to me in interviewing my new day care provider. The first time I interviewed her, some things bothered me. But I kept the second interview/ visit and all those issues were addressed, and I was more than comfortable leaving DD there.

Just because you give him the second interview does not mean you have to use him, but for the sake of the friendship, I think you do need to be honest that you are concerned about the potential awkwardness that is making you nervous. Give him enough credit to be able to handle that. If he can't, or the wife wigs out, then maybe they were not the most mature of friends to begin with. Anyway, JMO. HTH.

[Twoboos]

If you are uncomfortable using your friend and don't want to use him, please let him know this before he puts in time/effort/money (gas, office fees, etc.). Having BTDT, it really sucks to work your hardest for a friend and be "fired" later.

I have worked w/many friends in the past and it's worked out great. There is only one situation where they felt I wasn't doing a good job, (and they thought they knew SO much more than me) and they let me know by firing me, without any discussion. This was like 3 years ago and it still stings, since it was one of my BFFs and her hubby (who I think had more to do w/it than her - and he let her deliver the message!). Oops, tangent.

Also, know that the market and buyers/sellers drive the price of a house. Not what you want to get, or what you think your house is worth. It's only worth what someone is willing to pay, and that can hurt sometimes and in no way is a reflection on the RE agent!

And, what khm said - do NOT go into this market with an overpriced listing!!

[pinkmomagain]

What ever decision you make, maybe make the talk just between the men? Men seem to be able to detach themselves emotionally easier than we women.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I would be willing to let one of my friends list it, and I'd tell them that if it doesn't sell in maybe 6 mos (or 3 mos) you'll have another agent give it a try. I've had a friend show us houses, and I'd be comfortable sharing info with her.

[infocrazy]

When DH bought our first house (before me), he used a friend. She really didn't have his best interests in mind. Yes, our house was a cool bachelor pad but it had a lot of issues that were going to make it difficult to sell since it had a very limited pool of buyers for resale. He was very upset when we went to sell it and I researched everything for our rough pricing guide--she had even told him it was in a different school district than it was! We are no longer friends.

Then, when we gave up FSBO, we interviewed a few different agents and ended up going with one that offered lower commission (3% for buyer's agent, 1% for sellers) since she was trying to build her name. After about a week, one of the other agents dropped by and showed us the listing. She had listed it as 2% for buyer's agent and 2% for sellers, thus making it less attractive to buyer's agents! We gave our listing to the new agent!

With any agent just make sure everything is in writing and you have escape clauses so you aren't stuck for x amount of time if something isn't working!

[Piglet]

My dad is a realtor and I have seen this from his end a lot. He has gotten hurt (emotionally) many many times and it usually stems from a lack of honesty on the part of his friends. He has listed for friends and has always been honest with them, but obviously that is just who he is and does not go for everyone in the business. He has voluntarily knocked off his commission for friends that were struggling (i.e. recently his friend listed with him after a divorce and my dad pretty much gave up his commission). Then there were the people that treated him like a friend until they decided it didn't matter - the ones that gave him a big shpiel that he didn't treat them respectfully when we were both at a family restaurant each having our own family dinner and my dad decided *not* to bug them about listing their house during dinner and they took it to mean he was ignoring them. That was like the dating equivalent to the "it's not me it's you". The reason I write this, is 1) in defense of doing business with a friend, if that friend really is a true friend and is a good experienced realtor then they will not screw you over and 2) if you are hesitating to use this friend because he is inexperienced or not a good friend that has your best interests in mind, then at least tell him up-front, be honest and don't string him along.

[mykidsmom]

Thanks for all the advice. We decided to tell him our concerns of mixing friendship with business and that our goal is to not harm the friendship which we fear would happen in the event something went wrong during the sale of our home. We told him if he still wanted to do his sales presentation we would like to see it but that we may still choose not to use him if we cant get past the issue of our concerns of mixing friendship and business. he seemed to understand our concerns and I feel a TON better now that we have been upfront and made it clear we still may not go with him and he knows this going into it.