Parenting dilemna-stubborn 5yo DS

[gavsmompa]

Wondering if any of you with 5yr old boys are going thru the same thing? My DS will try new things but instantly gets frustrated if he doesn't master something right away, especially when it comes to sports. We try not to push him if he doesn't like something but do try to reintroduce it at a later point. When we mention the mere fact again, he gets upset and is insistent that he doesn't like it without giving a reason. We feel its a feel of failure that he is scared of. For instance, he loves playing baseball around the house but when we mention if he would like to play t-ball this spring, he is very adament in quickly saying that he doesn't want to. We asked him if he would like to go skiing tomorrow and he threw a fit that he has already been a few times and knows how to do it better than most, when in fact the opposite is true and he has a whole lot to learn. How do you deal with this type of situation? Are there any books you can refer us to (not that reading a book is a substitute for parental experience) as a reference?

[wendmatt]

I don't think it's necessarily stubbornness. My DD is like this and it's because she is shy and doesn't like people to look at her. She won't do a team sport because she doesn't want to have people see if she can't do something. If she can't do something she won't do it again because she doesn't like to do something if she knows she can't do it, she does't like to feel like a failure. It sounds like your DS is more like that, he doesn't like it if he is not really good at something. I've worked at letting DD know that people have to practise to be good at something, noone is just great straight away. I've found that it's better to let her do it in her own time and not push her (doesn't help anyway coz she just digs in her heels too!). Good luck, hope he finds something he likes and wants to do soon.

[niccig]

DS is 4yo and is the same. We started a t-ball class, it's really low-key, just a few kids and he knows them because he did soccer with them. It's been a little better than the soccer class, which was difficult for the first 15 mins as he didn't want to play because he said he didn't know what to do. But after watching everyone for 15 mins he would start to participate and by the last 10 minutes was loving it. So, we've persevered with the classes.

We did T-ball for first time on Thursday. He loves hitting the ball and we have a stand so he knows how to do that and can do it well. He got upset when he couldn't catch the ball, and would cry or get upset when the coach didn't roll the ball exactly into his glove - he didn't understand that you have to move your glove to the ball. I would take him to the sidelines, calm him down and explain that you have to keep practicing. And then I would remind him of when he learned to ride his bike and that he had to practice and practice until he could do it. We're sticking with it for now, and we're getting a glove and ball at home, so we can practice together.

ETA. If anyone knows any books, that would be a good resource to use. I also know there's a SuperWhy episode when one of the kids has to practice to learn how to do something.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My ds is the same way. It has gotten a bit better as he has gotten older (6.5 now) but this is very familiar. I think it is just a simple matter of being frustrated not being able to do something just how they think they should be able to do it. Just encourage them to try but don't stress if they really don't want to. Try and find ways he can do activities he likes and find ways he can succeed at things (lessons, small group setting...). I found that once he has one success under his belt he is willing to give it a go again, especially if we play up what a good job he did the first time. Some times he won't do it and says he already knows how. That can be trying for us but we are never quite sure how to handle it; we take it on a case by case basis.

I really do think it is normal and not something you need to try and work on. It will get better over time.

Beth