Helping dh cope with career disapointments

[Sugar Magnolia]

Title really says it all.

Dh is getting his PhD in Medicinal Chemistry. Last week he attended a conference and a classmate and friend was offered a post doc. Later dh found out the same guy was given a substantial amount of money from a fellowship they both have. It sounds like dh has a case of jealousy, but dh wrote all this guys designed all of his friends research (it was dh's project but his adviser wanted him to work on something else). So dh's name has to be on everything this guy does (papers, posters, etc).

Dh is really bummed out. He is angry (not at his friend). I really don't know how to help him through this. I keep telling him that I am sure happens. Any ideas how to support him?

(It does not help that this guys wife is going to get a boob job with the extra money! And we have a baby coming in 4.5 months!)

TIA!

[jacksmomtobe]

It's a tough situation. My DH has had some tough job (more particular job ones than overall career) situations including some layoffs and some situations where he just was not treated well. It depends on your DH. My Dh tends to put the weight on his shoulders and feel stress about providing for us (which he has done more than sufficiently since we live well but within our means). For his personality my DH does and doesn't want to talk about it if you know what I mean. I just let him talk when he wants to and is ready to talk. I don't press him with questions. I guess the best thing is to let him know that you are always there to listen to him. Most people just want someone to listen not necessarily to provide a solution. Just let him know that eventually he too will be recognized for his hard work (even though some situations aren't always fair) and that you believe in him.

[tmarie]

You have my sympathies. My dh is at a big firm and worked for 7 yrs waiting for partnership. Turned down other jobs, etc....and stayed at the firm b/c he was so loyal. Then the year he was up for partner they changed the track---he and everyone in his 'class' pretty much got screwed due to timing, and partners even acknowledged as much. After 7 yrs of few vacations and having turned down more lucrative opportunities, he was BITTER and grumpy for several months. I was too but suppressed my feelings to help support him. The poor guy had to get up and go to work there every day, so it was very difficult. Basically, I just remind him how LUCKY he is to have a good job, colleagues he enjoys working with, and job security. In the big scheme of things, we are fortunate. Over the course of several months he has been able to accept the situation for what it is and seems to appreciate what he has, while continuing to work hard for what he wants. The current economy and job market really put things in perspective. Reading the papers these days, I just feel grateful for every day that we have jobs, can pay our mortgage, feed our kids, and have health insurance.

HTH!

tmarie