Letting DC skip school on birthday?

[s7714]

DH and I have been debating letting our DD skip Kindergarten on her birthday for our annual birthday trip to Disneyland. Missing preschool wasn't that big of a deal, but I'm torn about doing it now that she's in K.

We've actually been wondering just how many more people are going to have their kids skip school on their birthday this year since Disney has the whole free admission on your birthday thing going on. ETA: That's not why we're contemplating the skipping on her birthday, it's just kind of become a tradition to go on a person's birthday in our family!

What do you think? Is it o.k. to let your DC skip school on his/her birthday to attend a family outing in celebration?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know a lot of kids like to school on their b-day (I was one of them) so you should factor that in. But, I voted that it was ok to skip school for something like that. I grew up in a family that had "mental health" days where we were allowed to miss school on occasion even if we weren't sick (we weren't supposed to do it to avoid a test though). Perfect attendance was never my goal. :)

Beth

[thomma]

Dh and I were going to take ds and dd's bday off to spend the day doing something fun (they're both in K). I casually mentioned it on the way to school one day and both kids looked at me like I had two heads...they didn't want anything to do with it. Both of them want to spend their birthday with their friends at school. They let me down easy though and said that their birthday night could be family time. :)


Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[Fairy]

I voted yes for the celebration, but really, I think it's fine for whatever reason. On their bday, I'd call 'em in sick. I don't see it as a big deal. If they're bringing in crappy grades and/or have a crappy behavior pattern, I would probably not do it. But if they're just your average or better, then sure, why not.

[Asianmommy]

I would consider skipping a school day for a family event up through Kindergarten. Once first grade has started, we'd try to avoid missing any school days.

[JBaxter]

I let my kids have 1 PL ( personal leave) day a year. They know they only get 1 so they use it wisely. DH gets them for work why not school.

[overcome]

I voted other b/c my answer is yes... No conditions! It is a special day. That being said, I don't know if I would be willing to take a day off work to indulge this request. And, I have an only, so I would only have to deal with this once a year.

[sarahsthreads]

I know a lot of kids like to school on their b-day (I was one of them) so you should factor that in. But, I voted that it was ok to skip school for something like that. I grew up in a family that had "mental health" days where we were allowed to miss school on occasion even if we weren't sick (we weren't supposed to do it to avoid a test though). Perfect attendance was never my goal. :)

Beth
We were allowed "mental health" days as well. DH is completely opposed to that idea, but until he's the one putting the kids on the bus in the morning I don't see how he can enforce his opposition. ;)

But, I don't think I'd have my kids skip on their birthday, I think part of the fun of a birthday is that it's your special day and everyone you see all day gets to celebrate it with you. (Well, obviously apart from random strangers on the street, of course.) Maybe you should ask how she feels about it?

Sarah :)

[JElaineB]

I'm not opposed to skipping a day for a family event, but DS enjoyed spending his birthday (well, actually the day before since his bday was on a Saturday) at school - he is in K this year as well. The other kids drew in a birthday book for him, I brought in birthday treats for snack, he got to wear a birthday hat and everyone sang Happy Birthday. Plus the teacher took a picture and sent it to me. I would say if you let the teacher know ahead of time that it is a family tradition and see if they can celebrate her birthday on another day that would be a good compromise.

[stefani]

I am not particularly opposed to the idea of taking the day off from school, but we have not done that with DS and it is not exactly practical with two WOHP.

DS is still in daycare pre-K, but so far what I do is I bring a cake for their snack. That means I take about 1.5 hours away from the office in the middle of the afternoon to pick up the cake and take it to the school. Then we do the birthday celebration the following week-end (or the earliest week-end that works for us).

[elektra]

My mom always let us stay home from school when we wanted to once we were old enough to stay home alone. And then every once in awhile she would stay home with us even if we weren't sick (she worked full time) when we were younger. My brother and I always got straight A's though, and it just ended up working out that we just really needed a day home if we asked for it. And it was really not often at all that we would stay home. So based on my own experience I have no problems with the concept of taking your child out of school even if they are not sick.
I did have a summer birthday but I don't think I would have wanted to skip on my birthday though, FWIW. However, I don't think my mom would have taken me to Disneyland either!

[alexsmommy]

I know a lot of kids like to school on their b-day (I was one of them) so you should factor that in. But, I voted that it was ok to skip school for something like that. I grew up in a family that had "mental health" days where we were allowed to miss school on occasion even if we weren't sick (we weren't supposed to do it to avoid a test though). Perfect attendance was never my goal. :)

Beth

Same here. As long as our grades were 3.0 and above, we could take a mental health day so I don't think missing here and ther is not a big deal if the child is doing well academically. Like Beth we just couldn't use it to get an extra day get out of a test or project etc
I also agree that a lot of kids like to go to school on their b-days. They get a lot of attention and it's fun. I'd consider that as well.

[vonfirmath]

You didn't have a choice of just Yes. So I said Other.

If the family feels it is best for their child to take the child out of school for a day, then I see no problem in making that decision.

[pb&j]

I sure would. I believe in "life experience" being a very important part of a child's education.

I have never been to school or work on my bday, I always take the day off! :) In all fairness, it is over Xmas, so school has never been open on my bday. But once I entered the working world, I kept that tradition. For a few years in a row, I worked Xmas so that I could have my bday off.

[egoldber]

I would have no qualms about having a child miss school on their birthday (or any other day honestly) as long as 1) the child wanted to and 2) they wuldn't miss anything they had been looking forward to like a play, etc.

[C99]

No. In our district, school monies are tied to attendance rate. So if my child skips school on his birthday or on any other day, the school gets less money. Plus, it's kindergarten. This is when they are learning how to behave, what is expected from them academically, etc. I don't think saying, "You don't have to go to school today because you don't want to" sends the right message. At least not to my kindergartener/in my family. I liken it to me saying "I'm not going to feed you today because I don't feel like it." Mental health days once they start formal grading are one thing, although I personally did not experience these when I was in school.

[Melaine]

I would absolutely keep DC out of school, particularly at such a young age. For any event that I felt was important for them, whether it was for a celebration, a family event, or any other experience that I felt like could be educational (most trips, etc.).

[BeccaB.]

I would not keep my child home from school on his birthday. I'm a teacher and I have a lot of parents who take their kids out of school frequently for reasons other than illness. They tell other kids why they were gone so other kids hear that they were gone for things that in my opinion are not a good reason to be gone from school. For this reason I think it's really important to impress on my child that school is the number one priority and that attendance is extremely important.

[schums]

Do you take personal days during the school year for things other than being sick? Both of my dc's teachers have taken EXTENSIVE days (like 1x a week for several months in a row) off the last couple of years, and openly talked to parents AND children about why they weren't at school (not for professional development). If the teachers get personal days, then I don't think it's the worst thing in the world for a student to take one occasionally.

[Katia]

No. In our district, school monies are tied to attendance rate. So if my child skips school on his birthday or on any other day, the school gets less money. Plus, it's kindergarten. This is when they are learning how to behave, what is expected from them academically, etc. I don't think saying, "You don't have to go to school today because you don't want to" sends the right message. At least not to my kindergartener/in my family. I liken it to me saying "I'm not going to feed you today because I don't feel like it." Mental health days once they start formal grading are one thing, although I personally did not experience these when I was in school.


ITA. We also have the same funding issue, so it impacts more than just our family to take a day off. I'm not sure how I'll feel about mental health days down the road (I certainly enjoyed them as a teenager!) but right now, DS does not need a mental health day. He loves school, it's fun to celebrate a birthday with his classmates, and we can easily postpone family celebrations until the weekend.

[egoldber]

For this reason I think it's really important to impress on my child that school is the number one priority and that attendance is extremely important.

I don't believe school is the number one priority. I believe family is the number one priority.

I wonder how people feel about taking off for doctor's appointments?

[Melaine]

I don't believe school is the number one priority. I believe family is the number one priority.

:applause:

[Georgia]

I don't think saying, "You don't have to go to school today because you don't want to" sends the right message. At least not to my kindergartener/in my family. I liken it to me saying "I'm not going to feed you today because I don't feel like it." Mental health days once they start formal grading are one thing, although I personally did not experience these when I was in school.

It seems to me though that there's a big difference between letting a child stay home from school just because they don't want to go that day and the type of parent-planned family vacation the op is asking about.

I think some family occasions take precedence over a day at school and have and will continue to take dc out for these. I don't see any problem helping kids understand the difference between a family event and letting them skip school whenever they feel like it.

[Nooknookmom]

I voted no but may bend the rules on occasion. The reason is this:

My Mom used to let me do the same thing up into HS even, made a huge deal of the day, etc.

When I got out into the real world and had a job, I expected the same treatment!! "Um, no ma'am, you can't have the day off on your birthday!" was what I got, lol. Plus, DH's bday traditions were not like mine and while we were working together, I'd expect the day off on my bday, and not even DH would agree to it.

So, I think it "may" set up unrealistic expectations down the line IF done too much. Just may experience though.

[KrisM]

I don't think saying, "You don't have to go to school today because you don't want to" sends the right message. At least not to my kindergartener/in my family. I liken it to me saying "I'm not going to feed you today because I don't feel like it." Mental health days once they start formal grading are one thing, although I personally did not experience these when I was in school.

I agree with this.

If this trip is very important and it is the only time you can go, then I'd do it. Otherwise, I'd schedule around school.

I rarely missed school. A week in kindergarten for chicken pox. A day in 6th grade, and a half day in 9th grade. That was it. My parents wanted me to treat my school like a job. I never called in sick to work, if I wasn't, either. I think kids missing school is disruptive for both the child who misses and is now behind and the other kids who are there and need to catch up the kid who missed.

As far as missing for a doctor appointment, that is different, IMO. Although my kids doctor is open well past school hours, so I don't think we'd miss for that, either.

[egoldber]

I guess the doctor appointment thing just varies. My older DD doesn't get off the bus until 4, so it's almost impossible for her to have a doctor appointment at one of her specialists (allergist, opthamalogist, therapist) without missing some school. They do have early release on Mondays, but unless I remember to call 6 months in advance or know the EXACT day the appointment book opens, I'm screwed for those appointments.

I guess I just don't see where the correlation between missing an occasional day of school means you'll be a slacker later LOL! If my kid were behind or on the cusp, maybe. But the pace of her school seems so slow to me anyway, that I can't imagine not being able to catch up quickly.

[vludmilla]

I don't know for sure where I'll stand on this issue when DD is school age but I *think* I lean more toward "school is important and you need to attend, even on your birthday".

I will say that my dear friend from grammar school once told me that she wishes her mother had NOT allowed her "mental health" days when she was in school. She explained that she thinks it made her treat work (as an adult) differently. She calls in sick on occasion when she isn't really sick but just needs a "break". She feels guilty and a bit ashamed when she does this too. I should explain that my friend is no "slacker"; she has an advanced degree from an ivy league school and is a high level director in a large not-for-profit. But, she still feels like her mother fostered an unhelpful attitude toward school/work attendance.

[egoldber]

I should explain that my friend is no "slacker"; she has an advanced degree from an ivy league school and is a high level director in a large not-for-profit.

Obviously, your friend is NOT a slacker LOL!!! I think in this country we have a very unhealthy attitude about work and the work/family balance. I was basically NEVER, EVER allowed to miss a day of school unless I was deathly ill. All it did was help to foster a sense of perfectionism in me that is, frankly, not really very healthy. I mean how sad is it that someone like your friend who is obviously a hard worker and very successful feels GUILTY for taking a day off now and then?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't know for sure where I'll stand on this issue when DD is school age but I *think* I lean more toward "school is important and you need to attend, even on your birthday".

I will say that my dear friend from grammar school once told me that she wishes her mother had NOT allowed her "mental health" days when she was in school. She explained that she thinks it made her treat work (as an adult) differently. She calls in sick on occasion when she isn't really sick but just needs a "break". She feels guilty and a bit ashamed when she does this too. I should explain that my friend is no "slacker"; she has an advanced degree from an ivy league school and is a high level director in a large not-for-profit. But, she still feels like her mother fostered an unhelpful attitude toward school/work attendance.

To me, I don't think that it is a bad attitude to have. I think it is good for everyone to realize that there is more to life than work. We only get one shot at this (depending on your beliefs :)) so I think that needs need to be balanced. I think that a bigger lesson would be to understand that it is important to go to work and do well but that it's ok to cut yourself a bit of slack here and there. The key is to make responsible decisions (probably the reason my parents didn't let me use mental health days on test days, for example).

Beth

[AnnieW625]

I voted no because I had a summer birthday and always wanted to celebrate my birthday at school and never had the chance. I always liked how my friends would bring in home made baked goods too. Now I bet that is not done anymore because of allergies and such so birthdays at school may not be as fun either.

I do see the OP's dilemma. We all want our kids to have a fun birthday. Not sure if this is a factor or not, but this year if you register your birthday at disney.com you get in free on their birthday. So if that were a factor for and saved me $59+ dollars and was the only chance my child would have to go to DL then I see it as okay.

[schums]

But most jobs give you vacation time/personal leave. So you likely could have chosen to take your b-day off. It just would have cost you a day that you could have used at another time. Goes back to the choice cost/benefit thing.

[BabyMine]

Yes, Yes , Yes!!!! My mom and I used to have a tradition. Every birthday we would have a special day between us. We would go to lunch and just spend the day together. I loved it and plan to do it with my children.

[SASM]

I voted "no" but without reading your post. In YOUR situation, I would TOTALLY skip school for that trip, if you'd be going for an extended period of time, and not just ON her birthday. Otherwise, I wouldn't.

DS (in K) just had his birthday last week. DH, DD2, and I went into school and had lunch with him, while DD1 was in preschool. He was sooooo excited!!! They also made a big deal at school in regards to his birthday, which was very nice. We picked him up from school (as opposed to the bus) and went to his dinner- and dessert-of-choice, so being in school on his birthday was actually a big deal for him. :) We have other traditions that do not warrant his missing a school day.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Another teacher here...I don't think it is right. Do something special on another non-school day. There are plenty of them. 180 days out of 365 means there are more non-school days available. I think it sets up an unhealthy pattern, and we've always done stuff like "tell the birthday person 3 things that make them special." That is always a fun time for the all the students.

A PP mentioned teachers getting personal days. In 13 years, I've only had a couple of those - no vacations, ever, over a long weekend, no honeymoon during the school year, only medical leave. We have to PAY for our substitutes if we are going to be off for a day for something like closing on a house or moving or getting married.

[ahrimie]

I would not keep my child home from school on his birthday. I'm a teacher and I have a lot of parents who take their kids out of school frequently for reasons other than illness. They tell other kids why they were gone so other kids hear that they were gone for things that in my opinion are not a good reason to be gone from school. For this reason I think it's really important to impress on my child that school is the number one priority and that attendance is extremely important.

I agree here. Though I have taken "mental health" days as a working adult, I think teaching children that education is a priority is important. I guess it's a value comparison though. I can see the value of family traditions but personally, I think starting other family traditions are better. But it's ultimately your judgment call (definitely no judgment from here).

My parents always made me go to school, unless I was really really too sick. And it taught me a lot about persevering and hard work. Not many people like going to work, doing work, studying, etc. but it's one of those things you just have to do. In college, where you really have the choice to go to class or not, I'm glad I had that ingrained in me--when it mattered more.

JMHO, nothing more.

[Corie]

My kids love to go to school on their birthdays. They get to bring in
a special treat and wear a crown, etc. It's a big deal. My kids would
not want to miss school on their big day.

[Melanie]

I would. I used to on my bday for a Disneyland trip. There's nothing like Disney mid-week in the winter. As the child of two teachers it really ate my mom up so she'd make my Dad call. ;)

I like the idea of letting the children know, as they age, that there is a set amount of such days you will allow (personal leave - LOL) so they don't try to abuse it.

For us, I don't know that we'd do it for something like Disneyland, anymore (We used to in preschool often) but had we the opportunity for a trip or something like that, we might do it.

During a school orientation one teacher mentioned that she felt it important not to give children the idea that "school is someplace you go when you have nothing better to do," so we try to live by that. So far we've not had any exceptions to it, but as I said before, I'm not above it if it was something very special (to us).

My child also wouldn't want to miss on his Bday, though.

ETA: LOL, after reading more of the thread I ought to point out that yes, I do take my birthday off whenever possible and now that I'm a SAHM (only work part-time, also asked for the day off) that YES, whenever possible, my birthday is my ONE day off a year. Dh usually asks for it off and it's the main gift I request. Some years even to the extent that I could sleep in, but generally I help get everyone "off" for the day, first. And it's coming up soon and I can NOT freaking wait! This year Dh doesn't have the entire day off, but I at least get a 3/4 day off. I have to do one school pick up. So, I suppose that would prove the point some have that if you give your child a day off for their b-day they will always want it. And so what if they do? ;)

ETAA: My Dd, I think, has the best of both worlds. Her bday is at the very tail end of summer so we celebrate then, and then usually the first week of school and then I take her for a special day off on her half birthday day. Perhaps I go a wee bit overboard? LOL. She's too little to be missing anything at school though, so far. I'm not sure if we'll keep that 1/2 b-day tradition as she gets older, who knows.