Listening to that "little voice" or not (pregnancy/delivery related)

[Sugar Magnolia]

I am hoping I can get some advice or insight on something I have been struggling with since finding out I was pregnant. This might sound a little nutty, even I think it does sometimes! But I would really like some honest (but kind) feedback.

The moment we found out I was pregnant, I have had this overwhelming feeling that if I give birth vaginally something will go wrong. That is the only way to describe what I am feeling. It is almost a fear.

I have had 3 uncomplicated labors and deliverys, so there is nothing to base this fear on.

When I found out my placenta was low and it might result in a c-section, I had the greatest sense of relief.

I feel like I am crazy for feeling this way. Dh doesn't know how to respond when I try to bring this up. I don't want to talk to anyone IRL because I think they will all think I have lost it.

Should I discuss this with my OB? Go to at therapist? Has anyone else felt like this before?
I am really at a loss over what to do.
TIA

[kdeunc]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I am a believer in "gut feelings". I think that sometimes you just know things. That being said I spent a lot of time with this pregnancy worried that I would deliver early. It turned out that I was pregnant with this child longer than either of my other two! It could not hurt to discuss your concern with your OB. I am sure that you will not be the first to have such apprehensions. Heck, this time around I felt like my OB probably had written "nutty" on the inside of my chart. :) I wish you the best of luck.

[Bens Momma]

I would definitely go with your gut (this coming from someone who is toiling over deciding between two strollers :ROTFLMAO:--see post below)! I've found almost always my instincts are right and there must be a reason know/unknown that you're feeling this way. I'm assuming you have a good relationship with & like your OB? Explain your feelings and discuss it with him/her.

Hugs-
R.
Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS

[ThreeofUs]

I also believe that sometimes we know things without having conscious reasons. Call it gut, call it listening to a little voice, whatever, studies show that patients with strong feelings like this are often right.

ITA: talk to your OB, explain your strong feeling, and see what s/he says about a planned c.

[nov04]

I've always believed in mine, it's made life a lot easier, allowed me to accept things a lot faster. The only thing I've ever been wrong about were that I was having 2 boys!

[JenaW]

I agree with PP. Talk with your OB. but be prepared for him/her to think you are nutty (even though I don't think you are). With my most recent one, I was sure I was going to find out the baby had some lethal abnormality at the u/s and we were going ot be called on the carpet regarding our "we will never terminate" beliefs. I had several "dreams" the entire first half of the pregnancy that the baby would be anencephalic (have no brain) and was so relieved when I saw the brain during my anatomic scan. You should have seen the look on the sonographer's face when I exclaimed, "oh, phew. It DOES have a brain!" So even though I firmly believe in "mother's intuition" sometimes our minds are overactive. Unfortunately, we can never know the outcome for sure until it is all said and done. So definitely talk to your OB. If your placenta stays low, it will be a non-issue. I am not sure I would jump right to a scheduled section if you have no other reasons too, but that is just my opinion. However, if that really would made you feel better, than by all means go for it.

j

[MamaMolly]

I'm a big, big believer in listening to your instincts and if that means going with a scheduled CS then it isn't anyone's business but yours. And what would be the harm in it? If it will alleviate your concerns or reassure you then certainly discuss it with your OB. I'm *sure* they have heard much, much worse/weirder than this!! ;)

Good luck!

[maestramommy]

I had two uncomplicated pregnancies, followed by two uncomplicated vaginal deliveries. When I found out I was pregnant with #3 I was afraid some something going wrong, having a m/s, finding out something was wrong with the baby, having a bad delivery, etc, etc. For me it was more feeling like I had gotten away unscathed twice, and now fate was going to catch up with me. There are times when I still worry, esp. since I do hear about things going wrong with my friends, but as more time passes I feel better. I have my last u/s tomorrow. If everything looks good then, I'll relax a little more.

[american_mama]

Like Melinda, I have heard that "third time mother syndrome" exists, although this is your fourth. You feel like back luck is going to catch up with you at last. After two easy, uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries, I specifically feared my third would be twins or that I'd have a c section for failure to progress. I thought about both a lot whereas neither thought even crossed my mind the first two times.

I am not sure how you can consider the possiblity that it is just fear talking without talking yourself out of a something unknown but important, but I'd try to give weight to both possiblities. I hardly ever have gut feelings, much less go with them, so it is very hard for me to imagine what it's like for you.

[Staraglimmer]

I don't think that it would be a bad idea to discuss this with your OB. I think it is best if you are on the same page. Honestly, extra anxiety during delivery isn't necessary. Hopefully your OB will be able to ease your stress. Also, it is a good idea to discuss your willingness/unwillingness to have a c-section. Good Luck! Everything will be fine!:D

[salsah]

you don't sound nutty, you sound pregnant. i think it is very common, even normal, for pregnant women to worry about the pregnancy and delivery.

i also believe in the self-fulfilling prophecy, especially with something like this. if you are really stressed about it, then something could go wrong because of the stress. you may fail to progress (because of the fear/stress your body can't relax and let nature take it's course) and then have to have a c-section. i still wonder if that is why i had an emergency c-section with my first. i was terrified of having a vaginal birth and after 24 hrs of labor and 3 hours of pushing, i had a c-section. i sometimes think that maybe while i thought i was pushing as hard as i could, part of me was holding back (subconsciously). i don't know.

i think that you need to resolve the issue to relieve any stress/fear that you are experiencing. talk to your dr. about scheduling a c-section. go ahead and schedule one (you can always change your mind later). then wait and see how you feel. do you really feel relieved that you are not having a vaginal birth? or do you still feel nervous or scared? if you feel relieved and comfortable with your decision, then go thru with the c-section. if you still feel anxious, then you know that your fear is not really about a vaginal delivery. you can cancel the c-section (if you want to) and then try to figure out what is going on or how to deal with it.

[strollerqueen]

Very good advice.

[JTsMom]

I don't think you are nutty, and I think you should definitely talk to your OB about it. Before DS was born, I insisted that DH fill up the gas tank in our car, even though the hospital was less than 3 miles from us. Just in case DS needed to be transferred to the Children's Hospital in Miami. Seriously. And I had 6 u/s, and was told over and over again that everything looked perfect.

I hope that doesn't freak you out more, and I'm not saying go directly to a c-section- I'm just saying listen to your gut, and don't just ignore it. Explore your options- knowledge is power. I don't know if this baby completes your family or not, but if not, keep that in mind as well, as far as future deliveries.

In the end, it's your body, and you have to do what you feel is best and safest.

[mamaoftwins]

For me it was more feeling like I had gotten away unscathed twice, and now fate was going to catch up with me.

I completely agree with Melinda. I had a somewhat complicated preg, but delivered two completely healthy boys vaginally (and Squish was breech!), with no extended hospital stay for any of us and zero complications from their prematurity (except a bumpy nursing road!). I feel very lucky. And, my fear in trying for a third child is that we will get burned. Either with a less than healthy child or a horrible delivery. Just my irrational fears, but they are there.

Also agreeing with pps, mention it to your doc and have a conversation about a planned c/s (just a conversation, nothing, whether vag or c/s has to be set in store yet!).

[srhs]

...When I found out my placenta was low and it might result in a c-section, I had the greatest sense of relief.

Just had to confess I was in that mind-running-90-mph-half-asleep state this morning and started thinking about situations needing a c/s, like a breech position. I also felt this great relief and then this odd thought, "Oh! And then I can have a 3rd!"
I didn't have a great vaginal delivery experience with DS1 and think I have a little PTSD. For me, I think it's a "grass is greener" issue. It doesn't sound like it is THAT for you, but I did just want to say, "Ya, I have that feeling too!"

[Edensmum]

Always go with your instincts. They are there for a reason and no good comes of ignoring them. That said getting to the bottom of your feeling may help. I think therapy may be a good thing, many of the birth centers include therapists that allow women to work through things and that makes the delivery easier. Having a baby is a huge thing, allow yourself room and be gentle with yourself.
My OB trusting my instincts was the best thing she could have done for all of us. Perhaps tell the dr that you know this sounds weird, but this is on your mind and you need to be heard.

[KpbS]

I completely understand that feeling. When pg w/ DS2, one day I looked around at my mom's group and I was the only one there that day who hadn't had a c-section w/ DC1. They discussed at length their various birth experiences etc. and I left wondering about the significance. All throughout my pg I knew my labor experience was going to be different than DS1. Sure enough, I ended up with an emergency c/s without any advance warning signs. Life is unpredictable!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I am super thankful no one thinks I am a nut!

I have a sono in 2 weeks to see where my placenta is and I think if it has moved, I will talk to my OB.

Thank you again and I will keep you all updated!

[gatorsmom]

I don't think you are crazy, I think you have what I had- elevated sense of paranoia during pregnancy. I always had magnified fears during my pregnancies. In fact, it gets worse with every pregnancy I have. If this is the first pregnancy you've experienced it, consider yourself lucky.

I think you should talk to your doctor about it, do some research, and give yourself time to think about it. If you are still really fearful when your due date approaches, give in to your gut and schedule the c/section.

[Raidra]

I don't think it's crazy to listen to your instincts. I had two wonderful hospital births with my first two, but with my third, I really felt it was necessary that we have a homebirth. Maybe it was just that third-time thing, but I just had a feeling that if I birthed in the hospital, I was going to end up with an unnecessary c-section. Obviously, I can't know for sure, but even though my third labor was completely uncomplicated, I had a ridiculously long early stage due to poor positioning, and I think that if I had been in the hospital, it would have ended in a c-section. Oddly, I also made a big point of reading up on emergency childbirth procedures in case my midwife didn't make it in time, and I remember making several comments to friends along the lines of, "Well, even if she doesn't make it, I'm sure we can handle it" - and sure enough, my midwife got here about 5 minutes after the birth.

So, yes, instincts and gut feelings can be dead on.

But they can also just be fear. I would mention it to your OB. I would also read the book Birthing From Within and if you could take a BFW class, that would be even better. You could also look into doing something like Hypnobabies, which deals a lot with fear-related issues. If you develop a block about a vaginal birth, then you can definitely interefer with your labor and end up causing a need for a c-section--women can't labor effectively when they're afraid. Do what you can to work past this fear.

While I don't think it's crazy to have a strong gut feeling about something, I do think it would be a little over the top to schedule an unnecessary c-section because of it. C-sections come with a LOT of risks, and to take on those risks for you *and* your baby just because of a fear you have is, in my opinion, irresponsible. Prepare yourself however you need to--therapy, research, whatever--so that should a problem arise during labor, you can respond appropriately in a timely manner. But I wouldn't automatically put the baby at risk of c-section complications without just cause.