How to get DS to love DD?

[mommysammi]

DS is 4. DD is 1. DD adores and loves to play with DS but DS appears to be annoyed by her. I understand that DS still needs more time to accept DD. What can I do to help him accept and love her? I try to encourage DS to play with DD but because of the age gap, he's not interested in playing with DD's toys. But, he doesn't let DD play with his toys. What are some things they can do together? Any books out there to help DS learn to play with DD? Please help. TIA.

[o_mom]

Two good books to start with are 'Siblings without Rivalry' and 'Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me!' Both talk about sibling relationships and why they are different than other relationships. I found that my kids didn't start playing 'together' until closer to 19 months.

[mommysammi]

Thanks! Will get the books this weekend.

[o_mom]

Some other ideas for things to have them do together:

Have DS build towers of blocks for her to knock down
Coloring - get a big piece of paper and let them both color/scribble on it on the floor
Peek-a-boo with a scarf or just hands
Teach her to give 'fives' to him

Really, it does get much easier around 18 months. DS3 is 20 months and in the last two months has really started to interact with the older ones. He can say their names, which they love. He will play cars with them where he just pushes one along and makes car noises. They chase each other around and play peek-a-boo around the furniture. 6 months ago he was more like a piece of furniture or toy to them. Of course now one of his first sentences is "DS1/DS2 took" when they take something he thinks is his (pretty much anything):wink2:.

[brittone2]

My DS improved in his willingness to include his sister as she approached 2. She recently turned 2 and they've been playing quite a bit (happily, much to my surprise ;) ) for the past few months.

He's very particular about certain things when he builds, and she's just not always careful or still occasionally enjoys breaking apart something he's built (although this got a lot better from 18 months on, and especially leading up to age 2).

He has a few toys that he's allowed to keep in his room that are his alone. I respect his need to have space, quiet, and time to himself sometimes. Starting around age 4 he was more willing to play in his room to get some peace from his sister. While they play together probably 85% of the time now, he still likes a little time alone in his room each day to build, play, write, draw, etc. without her.

One of the first things my kids loved to do together (when DS was not yet 4 and DD was under 1) was to play in one of those tent/tunnel sets together. They still enjoy that type of play. They now build forts together w/ couch cushions and he makes up the story about whey their are hiding (a storm is coming or similar) and she gets caught up in his excitement and plays with him.

At one, your little one might be too young, but my kids have been enjoying Duplo and Magnatiles together. DS plays Lego by himself in his room, but they'll play Duplo when they are together. They could roll a ball back and forth together. Play music w/ some simple musical instruments like a band of their own? In the spring, depending on his age and how careful he is, with supervision maybe he'd be willing to push her on a baby swing? Play in the sandbox or at a sand and water table together? Trains? DS was pretty much over them by 4 but now that dd is interested, he'll play a bit with them with her.

Now that she's 2, they've really helped each other's play blossom a bit. SHe's more into figure play (dolls, dollhouses, etc.) than he was at that age. Her interest has been feeding his interest and he's suddenly into more of that kind of play. It has been neat to watch :)

Ditto the recommendation for Siblings Without Rivalry. The Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me book is one I should read!

[hillview]

My DS improved in his willingness to include his sister as she approached 2. She recently turned 2 and they've been playing quite a bit (happily, much to my surprise ;) ) for the past few months.


THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS!
/hillary

[brittone2]

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS!
/hillary

:hug:
They still have their moments, but they've been having a *lot* of fun together in the past few months. It totally warms my heart to see them play together :love-retry:

Thinking of you and hoping things ease up.

[hillview]

I have a 2.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I find that letting them have their space is what works best for us. We have games of chase and dance which they seem to enjoy together. Occasionally DS#1 will give DS#2 a train or car to play with HIM with but this is maybe 1-2x a day. The rest of the time letting them do their own thing works best for us. It is important for DS#1 that he be able to build and draw without DS #2 "messing it up." We try to create a situation where he can do that that is fair to both (learning tower etc).

Good luck -- I will be watching this thread.
/hillary

[Dcclerk]

One thing that I think has helped us is that we have the kids team up against mom and dad for silly play. Our youngest DD is older than your 1 year old (she is about 20 mos), and also totally gets into trying to attack the parent with pillows while the others try to "get away." Or DS will help DD "escape" while we are tickling her. It is totally silly, but I find it makes them tend to think of each other more as a unit and they are collaborating together rather than DD just getting in DS's way.

[brittone2]

One thing that I think has helped us is that we have the kids team up against mom and dad for silly play. Our youngest DD is older than your 1 year old (she is about 20 mos), and also totally gets into trying to attack the parent with pillows while the others try to "get away." Or DS will help DD "escape" while we are tickling her. It is totally silly, but I find it makes them tend to think of each other more as a unit and they are collaborating together rather than DD just getting in DS's way.

Great idea :thumbsup:

My kids like doing this w/ hide and go seek. They work together to find daddy. (and they love it).

[maestramommy]

My kids don't play together unless Dh or I are playing with them and making it intentional. Dora likes her scenario and doesn't like Arwyn horning in. And Arwyn just sorta muscles in when she sees something she wants, and doesn't make any bones about it. So there's a bit of friction going on right now. I'm hoping it'll get better when Dora's older and a little more patient. But right now I'm not surprised.