How do boys do in K?

[niccig]

I know this is a broad question and it will vary for all kids.

The son of friends has a sensory processing disorder - I can't remember the full details. He's had therapies for a few years. A recent evaluation suggested a school with experiential learning and less structure than what you find in many schools.

Our friends shared the report with us, and some of what was mentioned about their son doing better in a less structured environment, they were also told applies to many boys of same age who don't have sensory issues.

We have 18 months before DS is in K, so we're starting to talk about what he needs in a school. DS is in a play based preschool and so far it's been fine. But he does not do well with being told this is how you have to do something. He likes to explore and do things his own way. Our friend's son is the same. One of the evaluations was for him to fold a piece of paper in half exactly how the therapist did it. He refused and folded it in different ways. He finally did it the way the therapist did, but only after some time and he had to know WHY it had to be that way and why couldn't they do it his way as his way made the paper more interesting. Our DS would do the same thing.

We're having a difficult time seeing DS in the local K, we know 1 girl in that class and from what her mum says, I can see DS being on red all week because he will want to do things his way.

I know there's been some discussion that the current set-up in schools doesn't work for all boys. Any thoughts or suggestions, resources to read etc.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Well, I researched k a ton to find the best fit for ds. I really wanted a play based one and we found one. I don't think he would have done well sitting at a desk all day. I wouldn't expect most boys that age to be able to do that. I wanted a school that acknowledged that many boys at that age are squiggly wiggly worms. :)

I did find that my ds actually did much better with structure than I expected though. K was a lot of play and fun but there were a lot of routines, rules and expectations. They were just very in keeping with reasonable goals and expectations for the age of the kids.

Don't be surprised if you look at private schools though and they tell you that you should wait a year before kindergarten. That seemed to be the way some of the schools in my area handle boys. Instead of educating boys as they are they wanted to make them wait a year so that they could have a more academic, traditional school experience. It was a bummer because there was a lot of talk about being open to all kids but in reality they only wanted certain kids. My ds "flunked" the admission's test at one private school for reasons like you were describing (asking why and wanting to do things other ways). I had really had my heart set on that school but obviously it wasn't a good fit for him. It worked out for us (and them) that we went elsewhere.

I do think your public school could be just fine. A lot of maturity can happen before the start of school. Also, finding the teacher that is a good fit for your ds could go a long way in helping him have a successful year. Ask around, take a tour, get a feel for your options and talk to the school about your concerns. Hopefully they will be willing to work with you on finding a good fit.

Our kindergarten experience was fabulous. Even though ds had to change to a different school for 1st grade (k was the highest grade at his old school) it was worth it for him to have a fin, nurturing, age appropriate kindergarten.

ETA_ socially he did ok. He started at a school where many of the kids had been together for the previous 3 years so he had to try and find his niche. He had a rough first month getting into the routines, rules and expectations for school as well as trouble sharing (still). But, once that was straightened out he did well socially.

beth

[deborah_r]

I feel like I should answer because I have a boy in K right now! But I'm not sure if I will be helpful. His preschool was playbased, I think. I think they called it experiential learning or something. But they also definitely had times when sitting still was required and we even did a several month long weekly "homework" project (it was easy, just alphabet pages in a notebook, very open-ended)

DS is doing great in K, but I worry about him socially. He is not outgoing, and he is in a class with 14 girls and 6 boys (including him). He is also the smallest, physically. I think some of the girls scare him, they are so social and outgoing. But we haven't had any behavior problems, or any reports that he has trouble following rules.

He is in the public school by the way. It is one we chose through open enrollment, and has gotten many awards in recent years.

[m448]

it's a big part of why I started researching homeschooling when my first was a year old. I really do feel that schools are failing boys and hiding behind the guise of "he's got X, he can't do Z"

[hellokitty]

Subbing, my son will be in K next yr and I am very worried about how he will do. He gets pushed around easily and is socially kind of immature.

[mytwosons]

My DS1 is in public K this year (after a play based preschool). At this point last year, I didn't think he'd do well. I was afraid he wouldn't be able to sit still, would join in when others misbehaved, etc. However, none of that has happened. He is very proud of his good behavior and hasn't had a single problem in school. I'm amazed, but I'm learning just how quickly things can change with our little ones.

[hellbennt]

my ds1 is in k, public school- came from reggio emilia approached/based
preschool
he's doing GREAT! and he has a late birthday, to boot, lol!
He's not shy, but is slow to warm up...

[kransden]

School is not kinetic for most children. They really need to be able to move around more IMHO. That said, unless your child has something atypical about them - autistic, ADHD, motor delays, learning disabilites, the list goes on and on (these are big examples), your child will still do fine. Your child may get a bad fit with a teacher too. There is a huge amount of growing up that occurs between 4,5, and 6.
The kids that are getting into trouble are not the ones that are just active.
They are active and:
cutting their neighbor's (TN for short) backpack straps, books, paper or hair
drawing on TN paper and ruining it
saying TN is ugly, fat, smelly, stupid etc.
crawling on the floor barking like a dog - constantly, not just occasionally
playing with the light switch all the time
won't shut up and often back talks the teacher
hits, pinches, kicks etc. TN
plays in the bathroom more than normal
can't sit in their seat for at least 10 minutes without getting up -EVER
they can't/won't do their work, SO they harass, distract, or annoy TN
can't EVER stay in their place in line, they cut, move, or pull TN out of place

Mostly, they lack "age appropriate" impulse control, and are often destructive. All kids will do what I have listed above, what is different is the extent to which they do it.

One of my little buddies, who is a handful, stuffed whiffle balls in my jacket sleeves. It was meant as a funny joke. There was no malice. (I felt like I was on Captian Kangeroo lol!) He's not a problem, he's just all boy. :) He needs more recess time and is wiggly, but does he do fine in class - sure. This was sort of rambling, hope it helps.

[C99]

DS1 is mostly fine in K. Our biggest issue w/him is that he does not want to go. This is because he wants to be in control of his time, and he isn't at school. But when he is there, he is fine -- participates, follows his teacher, listens, etc. He does better when he is separated from his friend, who is more of a leader and more aggressive than DS is. Academically, he is solidly average, which is about as much as I think I can expect from him right now. I am waiting for him to get really excited about some aspect of school and for that love of learning to click. His school includes recess and gym, so I feel like he isn't sitting at a desk for 7 hours.

[octmom]

I know that _The Trouble With Boys_ talks about the current educational model not being set up to address young boys' needs: http://www.amazon.com/Trouble-Boys-Surprising-Problems-Educators/dp/0307381285/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234095299&sr=8-1

I've only skimmed sections of the book. DS is in pre-K and I worry a lot about how he will do in K next year.

[MelissaTC]

I was really worried about DS given he is a summer birthday, etc... His preschool teachers felt he should go to K and they were right. He had an amazing year and had the best teaching team. I love those teachers so much! They were patient and kind and well suited to deal with 5 and 6 year olds.

[kransden]

I forgot to add, your Ds's "my way or the highway" is developmetally spot on for his age. He is learning how to be his own person. At age 5-6 it is not. Kids that age are more typically rule following tattle tales :). My dd had a hard time the first couple of months in kinder because she wanted things her way, not how the class class wanted it to be. She aged out of it. The teacher also expect it.

You might want to read 'Yardsticks' by Chip Wood. It lists the stages of development for children.

[JElaineB]

DS was in an free-choice, unstructured, play-based child care center (nothing preschool about it) since just before age 3 and entered K this year. He always liked to do his own thing. The daycare directors assured us kids from the center have always done well in the transition to K and by the time kids go to K they are ready for it. And they were right, DS is doing fine in K and enjoys it. Academically he is on target in reading/writing and excelling in math - just as he was before he entered K.