Baby spacing/when to try for #2/36 yr old mom

[MoJo]

I was just wondering people's opinions on baby spacing/timing, of course realizing that ultimately it's in God's hands, not ours.

Some people thought I was too old to be having my first child when I finally had DD at age 35 after 10 years of marriage (but without any special medical intervention). My now 40-year-old DH is as old as most of the parents of his high school students.

I've always wanted more than one DC. DH wasn't sure at first, but now he's wanting to talk about baby names and buying me maternity clothes for DC #2 on a weekly basis.

I know I don't want to wait too long before we start trying again, especially considering my age. But I'm still nursing DD. It seems to me that conceiving before she's weaned means one baby or the other is getting short-changed. I've also heard that my body may need time to replenish vitamin stores. . . but I've also heard plenty of stories of people who waited very little or not at all.

What are your thoughts?

TIA!

[maestramommy]

Arwyn and Dora are 20 months apart. I got preggo the second time a couple weeks before Dora turned on. I'll say that it was VERY HARD on my body. Partly because Dora was still so young and dependent, partly because I wasn't done nursing, and partly because I hadn't worked out all the kinks of my first pregnancy. We did not choose to do it this way. God did. It turned out to be the best thing, but it was still very hard.

This time I got pregnant 4 months after Arwyn turned 1. Although I'm still feeling it somewhat, just those few extra months have made a huge difference. It helps that Arwyn likes to walk more, but mostly it's just the time. If I were younger (I'm 40) I'd have waited a little longer, but I'm okay with this difference. DH is very supportive and helpful whenever he is home, and that also factors into our decision to go for it.

[LarsMal]

L and M are 16 months apart. I weaned L and 7 months and was pregnant 2 weeks later- total shock! My pregnancy with M was fine, but when she was about 5 months old my body started to really go wacky. I developed some weird health issues and lots of allergies. Every doctor I saw said the same thing to me, "You've put your body through a lot having kids back to back, and it's just going to take a long time to heal." It took about a year for my body to calm down- and just as I was starting to feel better, got preggo again! oops!!!

This pregnancy has been really hard. Having kids 16 months apart is very challenging- although I'm sure there are challenges with any age difference. I'm 31 and I feel like I'm 50!

GL with your decision!

[Tammy]

Oooh- I'm so curious to see what advice you get since I'm going to be 36 this year and we're thinking of having another baby soon too. You know- I've had so many people tell me to do it one way, and then someone else says wait a while... everyone is different. My DD is a little over 2 yrs old. For me, I work FT and so does DH, so my time is somewhat limited I feel like sometimes. I didn't want to short change DD or have her at such a young age that she was extremely dependent with a new baby so that's why we've waited this long. I do think though that a lot of moms (and dads) are great at just going with the flow and handling things and like their kids closer in age. I admire them, but that wasn't something I thought I would be good at. So... here we are deciding when to go for it again. Good luck with your decision!

[schums]

DS and DD are 16 months apart. Honestly, the first year was VERY hard. VERY, VERY, VERY hard. Am I happy that they are close in age now? Yes, there are some great advantages. Would I recommend that anyone have their DC this close in age? No way! Aim for about 2 years apart. Give your body time to heal, and your DD time to be your baby.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Our first two are just under 18 mos. apart and the next two will be just over 18 mos. apart. I was 35, 37 and will be 38.9 for their births. It's been hard, but fun b/c my DH is SO very helpful and engaged. For us, getting through this part is manageable, but pretty difficult some days. I wouldn't trade it though. Our kids are a riot.

We feel like we have a really good support system with friends we've made through our church and in-laws nearby. I've got a playgroup and a babysitting co-op that are very helpful, as well as my own random friends from before who are good to lean on.

Physically, it has been fine, although I don't have the energy, stamina or shape of my 28 year old mom friends. Each time I nursed with huge difficulties, and finally weaned by 7 mos. The next period was always my last...

I'd recommend to nurse at least for a year, then see what happens. You can't MAKE it happen, but you don't want to feel like you shortchanged your baby either trying to have another. We couldn't nurse any longer (huge supply and other issues), so it just happened naturally. I'd say to go forward with a lot of prayer.

[brittone2]

I'm not sure if you are cycling, etc. while nursing, but I nursed DS throughout my whole pregnancy with DD. That's certainly not an option everyone would be comfortable with, but it is possible for some women. It wasn't always comfy but I didn't have the pain some women experience. My DD was a total surprise and DS was nowhere near ready to wean. (eta: DS wasn't really getting milk after my first trimester...it was mostly comfort nursing. In that respect, if you want your youngest to have a full year of breastmilk, nursing while preggo would not be compatible)

Kellymom has info on nursing in pregnancy, tandem nursing, etc. if you are curious.

FOr me personally, I'd feel the need to try to nurse my first for at least a year.

That said, I think there's only so much you can control, and you just have to have faith and try to figure out what will work best for your family.

[KrisM]

I've got a bit more room between mine. There's 2 years 5 weeks between each. I was 33, 35, and 37 when they were born.

I think having them 2 years is nice because by shortly after that, they are able to walk a lot more at a store and pay attention more in parking lots, etc. I found, for my kids, that the difference between about 22 and 27 months is huge. If mine were less than 22 months apart, I think it would have been much more difficult that it was.

The third pregnancy was much harder, but mostly because I had one kid that didn't nap any more and that was hard - no real down time for me. I was exhausted a lot.

[bluestarfish18]

I think everyone knows we're having ours less than a year apart. Did we plan it this way, heck no. Will it be exceptionally hard, heck yes. Especially since DH is military and is out and about more than just a regular office kind of dad. But in the end, I think it's what was supposed to happen, and we just roll with the punches.

I may not recommend it for everyone, but I'm just as excited as the moms who are waiting longer to have their next child. In the end, whatever works for you, will work for you.

[sste]

did you have a c-section with your first baby? If so, I would wait at least a year before getting pregnant for health reasons. I ideally want 18 months- 2 years between pregnancies for my body to fully recover. My mom had 3 pregnancies back to back and it was very wearing on her physically (she never lost the weight for one thing) and multiple kids in diapers was a challenge.

I think you have to assess how you are feeling physically, energy, weight, recovery and also how you are feeling emotionally. So, no one size fits all soluation.

[StantonHyde]

I was 37 1/2 when I had DS and 40 when I had DD--so they are little more than 2.5 years apart. OBs recommend spacing at least 2 years just to give your body a chance to heal/replenish. But I also know people who had babies at 39 and 40 because they were pushing the envelope.

I started trying to get pg when DS was 22 mos. It took 6 mos to get pg with DS, but by the second time, I totally knew what I was doing with taking temps and the right days to have sex. One try and bingo--DD.

As for age--yes, I am much more tired than I would have been when I was younger. But I was not fit to have a dog let alone a kid :bouncy: in my 20s. There are plenty of moms here who have big families and end up having kids spaced--starting in their 20s and having their last around 40. So people do it. Most of my friends all had kids older--35 and up to our 40s.
Besides, this is a great motivator for me to stay in shape and take care of myself! (I just try not to think that when my mom was 45, I graduated from college. When I am 45, my DD will be starting kindergarten!!)

[MoJo]

Thanks for some things to think about!

I do plan to nurse DD through her first birthday, but my cycle just returned a few weeks ago (she's 8 months and eating solids twice/day). And in the past couple of weeks, she's started asking for food whenever I eat (more than twice/day!)

DH takes care of DD by himself 3-4 evenings/week while I work part-time. DD is about as easy as they come . . . when I've taken her out for meals with other much more experienced parents, they ask, "is she this good all the time?" And the answer is, not quite, but for the most part, as long as I don't eat any milk/cheese to make her gassy, she's a very happy baby. Of course, there's no guarantee #2 would be easy . . . but so far, #1 doesn't present any more challenges than any active pre-toddler.

We don't currently have much support; all of our family is 3-10 hours away. But since DH is a teacher, he gets lots of vacation time.

I'll be checking back in to hear more!

[MMMommy]

DD1 and DD2 are 14 months, both c-section. I didn't find the recovery process too difficult, considering they were so close in age and c-section. DH said something that always sticks in my mind - DD1 will never remember a time without her baby sister. I think of that statement fondly. DDs are each others' best friend and "built-in" playmates. They adore each other, but of course they bicker like normal siblings. But being so close in age resulted in them being super close. I love that about their relationship. We're thinking of having a third now, and I don't think my fertility or body is what it used to be. I'm 36. If it happens for us, great. If it doesn't, I know I'll be happy with my 2 beautiful DDs.

Being 36 myself, I personally wouldn't wait too long (or at all) to try for another. I've seen too many heartbroken friends who waited and sadly, couldn't conceive in their late 30's. For me personally, I don't want to wait until the right time and have that right time be too late for me to conceive.

That doesn't mean that age should or would be a problem for you. Many women are having babies later in life and don't have problems conceiving. Obviously you need to do what is right for you and your body. Only you are in touch with your body and your body's signals. Go with your gut feeling and what feels right for you.

Best of luck!

[baymom]

My kids are 19 months apart and had it not been for dh, I would have loved to start trying earlier, so that they would have been even closer in age. My first delivery was a c-section with MANY complications and ds self-weaned at 15 months. My body took a beating, but I was only 30... I searched every OB in my county to find someone willing to do a v-bac with dd, as I didn't want a repeat of my first experience and was SO lucky to have been able to have the birth I wanted the second time around. Without question, it's hard IN THE BEGINNING when your kids are close in age. But, really, wouldn't it be hard either way? Sleepless nights take a toll on your body no matter what. Labor and deliver are hard on the body, as is nursing. But, if you are in reasonably decent shape, I say go for it, if it's what you want. Is there any way you could get some help the first couple of months? Paternity leave, Mom comes to stay, etc.? Ultimately, as you said, it's in God's hands.

[twobabes]

Maybe consult with your OB GYN if you have a good relationship with him/her? My OB is great with this kind of stuff and very sensitive to timing/age/body recovery issues.

[vejemom]

My girls are 18 months apart. I'm "only" 33 (yikes!), but DH is 47 and we felt like we needed to finish up quickly. DD#1 took a year to conceive so we started early with DD#2, but she didn't take nearly as long and they are spaced a little closer than intended.

It was been 16 weeks since DD#2 arrived, and I feel pretty good. I had JUST gotten back to my pre-baby size when I found out I was pregnant with DD#2. I'm not doing too badly right now but I need to get going with the weight-lifting to get my shape back. I had a totally uneventful pregnancy beyond horrible varicose veins.

Everyone says how hard it is to have two in diapers. I don't find the diaper part hard, per se, but constantly being "on" is hard. DD#1 isn't really old enough to play in her room by herself, so I'm always dealing with her at the same time I'm dealing with the baby. She's also active and has no fear - If I take my eyes off her for a second she's climbing up the outside of the staircase. She's ended up watching way too much TV, while I'm wrangling the baby and I'm considering putting her into preschool early so she can get out and do something constructive.

This is unique to my family, but I am the "Cruise Director". If I don't take DD#1 out to the playground or the petting zoo, it doesn't get done. With a newborn in the cold weather, we haven't been getting out much except when someone else can watch DD#2. She's also been in a mommy's girl phase, and screams when I leave her. Oy!

FWIW - BF didn't really work out well with either of them so I stopped pretty early. I imagine I must have had a lot more energy and bigger reserves of vitamins in my body than someone who nursed for a year.

[kijip]

We started trying when T was 1 and finally had baby #2 when T was 5 and 1/2, to the day. Since I am only 28 now and had no issues with pregnancy #1, we were thrown for a loop/did not expect it to take this long or come with so many miscarriages. That said, when I compare my situation to my little brother who just welcomed #2 about 18 months after #1, I am relieved it worked out as it did. I can't see myself doing well with 2 tiny ones at once. There is no denying my day is easier to juggle kid wise than my brother's family. T dresses himself, does most personal hygiene care, sets the table and can entertain himself readily when needed for me to handle something for baby F. Not to mention T is in school full-time since he is a kindergartner now. And this is with baby #1, T having been a notably "easy" baby and toddler. We are not counting on hitting that lotto ticket twice, though so far F is a very easy sleeper/non-fussy babe but since he was a bit early, I just expect that to change at some point.

If I were 36 and thinking about #2, I would aim for 2-3 years apart. Here there are a lot of 40 year old parents of tiny children (there are some parents in my son's class who at 48-50 are nearly the same age as my 54 yo mom) so I personally would not be too concerned about being the only parents in their 40s, but perhaps the demographics are way different in your area. Here, at 28, I am 10-15ish years younger than most of the other mothers in my son's class.

[MoJo]

DD's birth was vaginal; the only issue was post-partum bleeding for 12 weeks, any time I tried to do anything, such as laundry. My midwife said that can be normal; it's just not usual. We had thrush and mastitis to deal with too during that time.

Now, I'm feeling as good as ever physically, and I don't think there's been another time in my life when I've been so happy and content. I love being a mom. DD is as easy as they come, although I know lots of new challenges are just around the corner as she learns to walk.

DH takes care of DD by himself for a few hours 3 or 4 evenings per week while I work part time. We don't have any family here; they are all 3-10 hours away.

If DC #2 is born during the summer (another reason to wait 'til August to try to conceive), DH is out of school anyway (he's a teacher) and would be able to help full time. If we wait another year or two, my mother may be able to retire. . . although I told DH that if need be, I'd go live at her house for a little while if he was unable to take care of me. Mom did come for a week with the birth of DD and would do so again if we have another child.

I am thankful that DH is now so supportive of having another child, which is something I've wanted all my life.

I assumed I would discuss it with my midwife at my summer appointment . . . but thought I'd get a feeling for what others thought here now, to help me know how to respond to DH in the meantime.

It only took 2 months to conceive DD once we started trying. I know that future results may be different, but it was encouraging to read that sometimes it takes even less time the second time.

Thanks again for taking time to post!

[WatchingThemGrow]

Maybe consult with your OB GYN if you have a good relationship with him/her? My OB is great with this kind of stuff and very sensitive to timing/age/body recovery issues.

:yeahthat: We :heartbeat: our maternal fetal specialist - we kinda just got referred to her by one of her friends/coworkers. My age was what got me in the door, but I'm definitely one of her "boring" patients - except for the relationship we have. I feel like I can email/ask her things and she'll give me a really honest answer. The fact that she knows my medical history, can compare how my body is holding up comparatively, etc. is great.

[Ceepa]

Arwyn and Dora are 20 months apart. I got preggo the second time a couple weeks before Dora turned on. I'll say that it was VERY HARD on my body. Partly because Dora was still so young and dependent, partly because I wasn't done nursing, and partly because I hadn't worked out all the kinks of my first pregnancy. We did not choose to do it this way. God did. It turned out to be the best thing, but it was still very hard.

This time I got pregnant 4 months after Arwyn turned 1. Although I'm still feeling it somewhat, just those few extra months have made a huge difference. It helps that Arwyn likes to walk more, but mostly it's just the time. If I were younger (I'm 40) I'd have waited a little longer, but I'm okay with this difference. DH is very supportive and helpful whenever he is home, and that also factors into our decision to go for it.

OT: Melinda - I noticed your siggy has "hobbitte" Does that mean #3 is a girl? :)

[jacksmomtobe]

My DS & DD are 2 yrs and 4 months apart which seems to work well. I think having kids really close in age (12-18 mo) is hard physically becauses you have two kids to physically lug around but is probably nice as they get older since they could be come close playmates. DS really made huge strides physically towards the end of the pregnancy which made it much easier for me to care for a baby. I was our last Mom in our Mom's group to have #2. The first set were 15 months difference. In that set I really noticed how the older girl was expected to do things physically that the other kids were not doing yet. Having the kids 2 yrs and 4 months apart does not mean they won't be close. My two love playing together. My son is very nurturing with younger kids. That said kids ages 2-3 do get more challenging mentally so there are pluses and minuses to any age difference.

I was 35 when DS was born and 38 when DD was born. In this day and age it is very common for women over 40 (SIL is a Labor & Delivery Nurse and has noticed many more woman @ 40 coming in for their first baby) so don't feel pressured by your own age. I was still nursing DS when I got pregnant and continued into the pregnancy. We decided when we were ready for #2 and used an ovulation kit to help our timing (since it can be hard to find the time when kids are in the picture) and conceived in the 2nd cycle.

Only you know what is right for you but you did indicate that you are very happy right now so maybe the best solution is to enjoy the little girl you have right now. Especially since #1 isn't very mobile yet which will change life a bit. Two kids is a balancing act. It's hard to make everyone happy all of the time so often life is about priorities/choices.

Good Luck with whatever you decide!

[ThreeofUs]

I was 38 with H and 42 with G - and I know a lot of moms older than I am. Don't worry about age so much as when your body and your family feel ready.

[deenass]

I was 29 when I had DS 1 and 33 when I had DS 2. My children are 4 years apart b/c that is how long it took for me to be ready. I know there is never a perfec time to have kdis and how do you know when you are really "ready".

When DS was 1 - I KNEW I couldn't not handle a second pgy much less a second child. Despite the fact that EVERYONE I knew (including my OB - seriously, I found out 16 women were pg with #2 within an 8 week period of time!) I kept asking DH what was wrong with me since everyone I knew was pgt!

I seriously couldn't consider the thought of another child until DS was 2 - at which point DH had major surgery. So, despite being mentally ready, emotionally we needed to recover from DH's illness. A year later, the timing was right.

My boys are 4 years apart, which made a lot of things easier - my oldest was toilet trained, in school, somewhat independent and even helpful with baby. I got to enjoy his babyhood and never felt like I rushed him out of it and now I get to enjoy #2's babyhood as well.

Your kids don't have to be close ina ge to be close to each other - DH and his sister are 6 years apart and talk almost every day.

[ahrimie]

DD's birth was vaginal; the only issue was post-partum bleeding for 12 weeks, any time I tried to do anything, such as laundry. My midwife said that can be normal; it's just not usual. We had thrush and mastitis to deal with too during that time.

Now, I'm feeling as good as ever physically, and I don't think there's been another time in my life when I've been so happy and content. I love being a mom. DD is as easy as they come, although I know lots of new challenges are just around the corner as she learns to walk.

DH takes care of DD by himself for a few hours 3 or 4 evenings per week while I work part time. We don't have any family here; they are all 3-10 hours away.

If DC #2 is born during the summer (another reason to wait 'til August to try to conceive), DH is out of school anyway (he's a teacher) and would be able to help full time. If we wait another year or two, my mother may be able to retire. . . although I told DH that if need be, I'd go live at her house for a little while if he was unable to take care of me. Mom did come for a week with the birth of DD and would do so again if we have another child.

I am thankful that DH is now so supportive of having another child, which is something I've wanted all my life.

I assumed I would discuss it with my midwife at my summer appointment . . . but thought I'd get a feeling for what others thought here now, to help me know how to respond to DH in the meantime.

It only took 2 months to conceive DD once we started trying. I know that future results may be different, but it was encouraging to read that sometimes it takes even less time the second time.

Thanks again for taking time to post!

You sound ready to me :) But sometimes, we just need a bit of confirmation from others too.

I always like to go into situations prepared for battle but usually find myself pleasantly surprised. Maybe I psych myself out too much?? With my DD now, I really dreaded and feared the pregnancy, labor/delivery, and even the next 5 years of my life. I thought it'd be hard and awful most of the time. But, I have to say, I really enjoy it!! Sure it's hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything else either.

Good luck!

[elephantmeg]

my 2 are 25 months appart and it's worked well. They are pretty close. But it's been tiring. I wouldn't have wanted them any closer! We have good friends whose son is about DS' age and they still aren't ready to have a second-they are waiting for him to be more school aged. I personally am having fun getting the baby stuff out and done :) I've been selling stuff as we go along and it's been great to get rid of the stuff and to know that we are almost done with bottles, baby spoons, the bucket car seat, swing, bouncy seat, pumping...

[maestramommy]

OT: Melinda - I noticed your siggy has "hobbitte" Does that mean #3 is a girl? :)

Yes:p I really should change that to "hobbette." Somehow it doesn't look right.

Mojo, one more thing that I wanted to mention was that people I've known with two kids close together said the older sibling didn't seem to have as many jealousy issues the first year. I know that was true with Dora. She was so young, kind of oblivious to Arwyn. She acted up a little, and around the time we were starting Arwyn with the bottle I started putting her to bed. Previously Dh had always done it. Well, after 2 nights she refused to go back, and would put up an unholy row if we tried to reverse. Now that Arwyn is same age as Dora was at that time she is starting to want me instead during the bedtime routine, and the past few days have been rough. One of them is always unhappy. So I told Dh we need to rotate every night until they get used to it. But besides that, Dora didnt' have any troubles adjusting. Now they will bicker over toys, but for the most part their relationship is pretty smooth. One of the pp said the older one will never remember being an only, and I think that has a lot to do with it. I'm spending the next few months actually trying to give Arwyn more attention because she won't be the "baby" anymore. I don't know why that makes me sad, except that she seems to feel it more than Dora did.

[JBaxter]

I had my 3rd at 36 and wanted to have another after Nathan turned a year. I got pregnant after 2 months of trying but m/c'd. We were not able to get pregnant after trying some interventions ( minor) so just figured 3 was our limit :) SUPRISE I had Jack at 41. I will say I didnt bounce back quite as quickly from delivery but Jack was also BIG 10lbs and 22 3/4 in w/ a 15 1/2 in head. So I cant say for sure it was my age or his size. I dont have any energy issues but I have 4 boys , house, dog etc...

Personally I would pick a minimum age gap and start there. If you want at least 2 yrs then start trying at that point. I have a 3 yr gap a 9 yr gap and a 5 yr gap. All have had thier plus and minus'.

[kusumat]

http://www.webmd.com/news/20060418/pregnancy-spacing-affects-outcome

Here is an article about pregnancy spacing. I asked my ob about this and was told that TTC in less than 18 months should be ok if you are healthy and have no complication with previous ones. Though, TTC less than six months after the delivery is not recommended.

[KBecks]

My kids are close in age, 22 and 27 months apart. I did not nurse super long though. We tried for #2 shortly after A turned 1 because we didn't know how long it would take and thought it may take a few months or longer to conceive. All in all I like this spacing. The kids are buddies.

[alexsmommy]

I know I come from a different perspective but...
I often work with infertilty clients. Many, many of them are older moms who had absolutely no problems getting pregnant the first time and are shocked at having problems just a few years later. Fertility is not guaranteed. The irony was after working for years iwth these women, I became one myself, suffering four losses b/w DS1 and DS2. I had no m/c before DS1 and got pregnant with him relatively easily.
So I tend to err on the side of caution. I love hearing stories of women who have had no problems, but as advanced as we have become medically, we cannot change the fact that we are born with all the eggs we will have and we have little control over how fast they age. I say go for it as soon as you feel comfortable. The other thing to keep in mind, is it is really difficult with your first child to comprehend how much they will grow up in nine months. So many women I work with are thinking of what it would mean to have a second with a child the age they are currently parenting. The reality is they change so much in nine (ok, really ten) months that it's very different for many women than they envison.
Good luck with whatever you do.

[egoldber]

I became one myself, suffering four losses b/w DS1 and DS2.

Yeah, this was me. Got pregnant first month of not preventing with Sarah and had a smooth pregnancy. Then in trying for #2 (in my late 30s as opposed to early 30s) we had 3 miscarriages and a full term loss. I was feeling very much "on the clock" when I had Amy when I was 39.

The RE we worked with for recurrent loss said that at some point, your fertility reaches the steep downward slope. In some cases it's earlier and in some it's later, and you never know which case you will be. And it's not just becoming pregnant that becomes harder, it can be staying pregnant and delivering a healthy baby that become harder.

All that being said, I actually enjoy the 5 year spacing between Amy and Sarah. :) She is not jealous at all, she's busy all day with her own activities. In fact, we have the opposite problem. Amy wants to be doing everything that Sarah is doing and goes NUTS when she can't.

[MMMommy]

I love hearing stories of women who have had no problems, but as advanced as we have become medically, we cannot change the fact that we are born with all the eggs we will have and we have little control over how fast they age. I say go for it as soon as you feel comfortable.

:yeahthat:

[jayali]

I don't really have any sound advice. I am the mother of one - I was 41 when I had DS. We always thought that we would try for a second, but I wanted to wait a little bit to enjoy my first baby. Before I knew it I was 43 and thinking that we would try at 44 - but then I got really nervous about being that old and being pregnant so we never did go for number 2. The only thing I have to say is while I wish we had started a little bit earlier so that we could have tried for a second, is that I am glad that it was us and DS for the first 3 years. When it is your first I feel like every age is so special that I am glad that I got to experience all of those firsts independently of experiencing the firsts of a second baby. I also want to say that you are still young enough that if you wanted to wait a year before trying that I am sure you will be fine. Of course you never know, but to me 36 - 40 are still optimal ages to have babies.

[alexsmommy]

All that being said, I actually enjoy the 5 year spacing between Amy and Sarah. :) She is not jealous at all, she's busy all day with her own activities. In fact, we have the opposite problem. Amy wants to be doing everything that Sarah is doing and goes NUTS when she can't.

Yep, same dynamic here. The 4.5 year spacing is wonderful in many ways. I loved having DS1 at an age where he could do almost all things for himself, can completely entertain himself and was a big help with DS2. He still is...when I am dragging in the morning, he can go fill DS2's sippy cup with water and hand him a cheese stick which buys me some extra time before I have to function completely.
The unexpected IF has made us rethink whether to go for a third or not.

[Ceepa]

Yes:p I really should change that to "hobbette." Somehow it doesn't look right.

Congratulations! That's so exciting. :D