Just got verbally accosted by another mom...

[liz]

Had to vent....

Just came back from the mall, where they have a small play area for kids. Just me, my mom and my 2 kids. Left my mom to watch the kiddos while I ran to see if there were kids clothing sales at JC penny. Saw my 2 year old looking my way, said "Grandma is sitting over there, be right back". Took maybe 10 minutes. Come back see my kids having a good time smiling, laughing. I tell my little one to get his shoes, time to leave. Another mom/caretaker comes up to me (and I swear to G@d, she looked ready for a fight) and asks me where I was. I replied "at a store" (thinking, "Why is she asking?") She proceeds to loudly say "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU LEFT YOUR KIDS HERE AND WENT SHOPPING!!" and folks, I'm sorry to have to tell you I got defensive right away because of her tone of voice and said loudly back "What are you talking about, my mom is right here!!" I knew I was losing my cool, so I just told her to mind her own business and to stop it because I was really getting upset (like crying). She just kept talking and talking but I tuned her out because I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I could feel everyone looking at us. I could hear my mom telling her quietly to please stop and that she was there the whole time with my kids (which was true). I'm telling you the whole incident was so mean and ugly. She was so loud- and I was SO embarrassed. I could understand her concern up to a point- she said she heard my little one call out "mommy"- probably while I was walking away. But still!!! She just had this excited, accusatory face, like she was dying to call the cops on me. :(:( Why didn't she come up to me privately? Why didn't she try to find out the facts first, like asking around if there was anyone with my children (it was a small play area). Clearly my little one wasn't too upset, because my mom would have noticed. A few of the other parents at the play area said to me that this woman was out of line. We are at home now, and my kids are napping. I feel terrible that I lost my temper with this woman. My only excuse is that I felt I was being personally attacked as a mother. (who knew that would hit such a nerve?) I am having a good cry now....this woman has me feeling like to the worst mother, and I didn't even do anything wrong!

[salsah]

so sorry that happened to you. i hope that your kids didn't notice. i'm sure that lady had good intentions (seems that she was concerned about your children). but she definitely didn't handle the situation well. she certainly could have been nicer about it and should have back down and apologized when you told her that your mother was with the children.
:hug5:

[o_mom]

I would have said right back (well, I say that now - I would have run away crying at the time)...

"YOU MEAN YOU SAW TWO LITTLE KIDS BY THEMSELVES AND DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT??" Really - if she was so "concerned", should she have called mall security or something?

[gobadgers]

Wow, you handled that so much better than I would have. Rather than being able to put a sentenct together, I would have socked her and then the cops really would have to get involved :-)

You are a good, caring mother and obviously a very kind person for for not throttling that rude ignorant woman.

[rgavelis]

Wow. I'm stunned. I guess on the one hand it's cool that she noticed your kids but she totally handled it wrong. I definitely would've watched them for a while before I jumped to any conclusions and then if I needed to say something, it would've been in private. Sorry you had to deal with this harpie. Hope your day gets better.

[Melanie]

Oh my goodness! First of all, YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about. I would imagine that is why she got louder and more rude, she was probably embarrassed to make such an accusation and be so totally wrong about it. I can't stand people like that.

I'm sorry your day out was tainted.

[sste]

You know a certain percentage of the population is crazy -- I mean literally crazy with mental health issues that go way beyond depression/anxiety. I have sometimes thought that being a parent can be a great cover for this type of craziness because you just hide it all under the cloak of parental self-righteousness.

Really, I think you were dealing with someone who has a few screws loose. Its one thing to misunderstand but when you explained the situation a normal person would have stopped talking, apologized, or just slunk away. Try to view this the same way as if someone started screaming gibberish at you in a subway or flashed you or some other sign of mental health disturbance.

[KBecks]

She's a freak. You are OK. I hope you can forget about this soon and enjoy going out.

ETA: You probably handled it great. I think it is A-OK to be defensive when you are being attacked. I am so loaded for anyone who tries to give me crap, but thankfully no one has come up to me. I'm sure you were graceful enough, and I hope it did not scare your kids.

[lizajane]

oh, liz...

i had this same kind of experience at the mall play area.

i was sitting quietly on a bench watching my 1 year old and my hyperactive 3 year old play. i saw a couple getting all anxious and angry while watching my son climb and jump and play. i heard one of them say that she didn't see ANYONE WATCHING HIM. i was right there. i had my eyes mostly on my 1 year old so he didn't LEAVE the play area! but i was still watching schuyler, too.

i see the husband go over and pick schuyler up off a bench and put him back on the floor. (i could have gone nutso over a stranger touching my kid, but i got it that he was panicked and let it go.) finally, i said to the woman, "are you concerned about the safety of *your* child?" because schuyler was being very active near her kid. and she jumped up, rushed over to me and starting YELLING that my kid was going to fall and break his head open and end up in the hospital because i wasn't watching him at ALL... blah blah blah...

she proceeded to scream at me that i didn't deserve to be a mother (yes) because my son was climbing and jumping (um, in the kids climbing area...) and she hoped he DID fall and get severely injured because THEN i would "see."

ok, first of all, this woman had a toddler, maybe 18 months old. my son was 3. her kid could hardly walk, mine was taller than the little play house and rocks, etc. and my kid is HYPERACTIVE. as in, now that he is almost 6, he has to take ADHD meds because he cannot control himself at school.

sooo sorry lady for letting my kid PLAY in the PLAY AREA. clearly, she didn't have a CLUE about normal 3 year olds play tactics, much less those of a hyperactive 3 year old. i just spoke calmly and smiled until DH got back and we left.

FREAKS. seriously. i mean, you TOLD her that the GRANDMOTHER was there the whole time. that really should be enough!!!!

[MamaMolly]

Yeowza! Here's your twisty straw :54: and my sincere hope that the other mom gets some meds soon. Sheesh.

Listen hon, you did NOTHING wrong. And she is a total nut. If she thought you were a crap enough mom to go and leave your kids at the play area unsupervised then how did she know you wouldn't slap her silly? Gut her with a switch blade? Shoot her? FOr heaven's sake, the woman sounds unhinged. If she wee truly concerned she'd have contacted Mall Security, not shout in your face. Don't let this bey-och screw with your head.

[MamaMolly]

oh, liz...

i had this same kind of experience at the mall play area.

i was sitting quietly on a bench watching my 1 year old and my hyperactive 3 year old play. i saw a couple getting all anxious and angry while watching my son climb and jump and play. i heard one of them say that she didn't see ANYONE WATCHING HIM. i was right there. i had my eyes mostly on my 1 year old so he didn't LEAVE the play area! but i was still watching schuyler, too.

i see the husband go over and pick schuyler up off a bench and put him back on the floor. (i could have gone nutso over a stranger touching my kid, but i got it that he was panicked and let it go.) finally, i said to the woman, "are you concerned about the safety of *your* child?" because schuyler was being very active near her kid. and she jumped up, rushed over to me and starting YELLING that my kid was going to fall and break his head open and end up in the hospital because i wasn't watching him at ALL... blah blah blah...

she proceeded to scream at me that i didn't deserve to be a mother (yes) because my son was climbing and jumping (um, in the kids climbing area...) and she hoped he DID fall and get severely injured because THEN i would "see."

ok, first of all, this woman had a toddler, maybe 18 months old. my son was 3. her kid could hardly walk, mine was taller than the little play house and rocks, etc. and my kid is HYPERACTIVE. as in, now that he is almost 6, he has to take ADHD meds because he cannot control himself at school.

sooo sorry lady for letting my kid PLAY in the PLAY AREA. clearly, she didn't have a CLUE about normal 3 year olds play tactics, much less those of a hyperactive 3 year old. i just spoke calmly and smiled until DH got back and we left.

FREAKS. seriously. i mean, you TOLD her that the GRANDMOTHER was there the whole time. that really should be enough!!!!

Liza, I'm so sorry that happened to you! I imagine that mom now has her hands full with a typical 3 year old doing typical things and is humiliated when she remembers accosting you. Shame, shame, shame on her for wishing harm on *any* child. Bad karma.

[tarabenet]

Oh please! You are feeling badly because she was a beyotch with a capital B? No way! She's a nutjob and everyone else there knew it. Anyone who didn't figure it out just by watching her did figure it out when they watched the kids happily leave with mom and grandma.

Personally, I'm enjoying the mini-fantasy of her calling the police and then standing there making stupid fish faces as she realized how loony she looked.

Let this one go. It truly isn't your embarrassment to own, nor is there anything for you to fix. There isn't even any lesson to learn. It's just a reminder that some people are wack-jobs, and we will cross paths with them from time to time!

[C99]

I probably would have used the F word in there somewhere if someone said something like that to me, but I would not feel like a bad mother because of something some moronic stranger said to me at the mall play area. YOU know that your mom was there; what some busybody with too much time on her hands, but not very good observation skills, thinks is her problem.

ETA: People are idiots. I once had a man very obviously move his 18-m/o DD away from DS1 (who was 2 at the time) in my OB-GYN's waiting office after DS1 picked up a plastic chair near her. I was sitting on the floor next to DS1, so I caught it right away. The man was sitting on the adult chairs across the room. *I* know that DS1 was acting in a developmentally appropriate manner; his bias and reaction was his problem.

[Radosti]

Oh my! I think I would have given her a piece of my mind right there and then. You by far didn't lose your cool. I might have called the cops on her and slapped her with disorderly conduct.

[liz]

I'm feeling much better now, thanks. It's amazing how venting about a stressful situation helps. It's even more amazing that perfect strangers care enough to write back with support. Spending time with the husband and kids, and reading the feedback, has me back on track.
And to all of you who worried that any kids were in earshot of the exchange, don't worry. My kids were clueless about the situation. I was very aware that there were children around (including my own)- that's partly why I shut my mouth and decided to get out of Dodge. You guys rock!:waving4:

[kransden]

The phrase "She's Wacko!" sums it up nicely.

[JTsMom]

What a nut she was! Seriously, if she really believed that happened, and her heart was in the right place, why wouldn't she have contacted security? Or yell out to you something like "Hey, maybe you don't realize, but this play area isn't supervised." while you walked away? OR, why didn't she catch on that your mom was watching them after a few minutes? OR, after you explained what really happened, why didn't she apologize? She must have just been looking for a fight, b/c it doesn't make any sense otherwise.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with her. It sounds like you handled it really well though. :hug:

[ahrimie]

I would have said right back (well, I say that now - I would have run away crying at the time)...

"YOU MEAN YOU SAW TWO LITTLE KIDS BY THEMSELVES AND DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT??" Really - if she was so "concerned", should she have called mall security or something?

hahaha, this one had me laughing out loud.

seriously, she wasn't concerned for your kids. she just wanted to pick a fight. i don't get why some people are just always in a combative mood... i feel sorry for them. something's gotta be wrong in their lives.

i don't even know how i would have reacted. i would have probably just stared back in shock that someone would talk to me so rudely.

[infomama]

You did just fine.

I would have most likely gone toe to toe with her faced with confrontation like that. I would have held it together enough so I didn't alarm the kids but I would have put her in her place. I may have said, "not that it is any of your business but my mother is here with my kids so back off." She had a lot of nerve doing that.

[mommylamb]

Wow... I'm getting super angry just reading that. I'm so sorry that happened to you (and to you too, Liza). I can't believe people sometimes!

[DrSally]

I would've totally felt personally attacked too. It would be hard to keep my cool as well. Maybe she's seen OTHER kids being left by parents (for real) and was angry about it. But still, the fact that you told her your mom was with them should've been enough to shut her up and maybe even get an apology.

ETA: I totally know how upsetting it is to have somone go off on you, even a perfect stranger for no good reason. I think we can all think of instances. I had a lady scream at me for not opening the door (I was behind her) when SHE flung it open and hit her toddler in the face with the door herself

[HIU8]

I have done this before at a mall play area and no one has ever said anything to me. Sometimes we meet my father at the mall to let the kids play and get some quick dinner. We all go down to the play area together. If it is not really crowded I may leave DD and DS with my father and run into a store for a moment (a lot of the children's stores are right near the play area). I've never thought twice about it b/c my father is there and my children know he is in charge when I am not there. If someone had said something to me I think I would be offended b/c while they might think they are right to say something, I am the parent that left children unattended for any amount of time (yes, I have seen this done with slightly older children).

[LexyLou]

I think what upsets me the most about this is that when I was a kid I looked at all moms as moms. I didn't see cattiness or spite or jealousy or a need to one-up. I just thought all moms were moms and had the same common interests.

Now that I'm a mom I realize that moms can be the meanest woman of all and it kills me. Why do some women/moms have this need to make themselves feel superior? Why do they have a need to "catch" other moms doing something wrong?

I mean, sure if I see something that is obviously wrong, I'd say something but I wouldn't just attack someone without knowing the facts. If she was truly concerned for your kids she should have watched first to see if someone else (your mother) got up with you guys when you left and if no one did, then approach you.

But geez! And seriously a mom who would leave her small children at a play area while shopping wouldn't even care what other people thought about it. KWIM?

[s7714]

Wow, so sorry you went through that! She sounds like a nut case. If she's prone to going off on complete strangers when clearly in the wrong, I dread to think how she treats her own family.

[gatorsmom]

You know a certain percentage of the population is crazy -- I mean literally crazy with mental health issues that go way beyond depression/anxiety. I have sometimes thought that being a parent can be a great cover for this type of craziness because you just hide it all under the cloak of parental self-righteousness.

Really, I think you were dealing with someone who has a few screws loose. Its one thing to misunderstand but when you explained the situation a normal person would have stopped talking, apologized, or just slunk away. Try to view this the same way as if someone started screaming gibberish at you in a subway or flashed you or some other sign of mental health disturbance.

LOL. This is SO TRUE!! I wish they had to wear signs to identify themselves. Then when us normal people are accosted, we won't feel bad because it was just a crazy person attacking us (maybe I should just sit down and be quiet now because some days I"m not so sure I"M not the crazy one...).

I"m sorry your day turned out like that. Jees, your mom was trying to explain it to the lady too. What more does she need to understand that your kids were not alone?