It's okay to be sad about DD's birthday, right?

[sidmand]

I'm afraid if I tell DH he's just going to think this is silly...

I just asked my Dad and his wife if they think they'll be around for DD's first birthday. They said they'll just be getting back from Florida that week and don't want to drive here (NJ to MA) that weekend. The next weekend is Easter and then the weekend after that they're visiting her son and grandchildren in LA for 10 days.

I know it's not the end of the world and she's not even going to remember who was there. I know I'm feeling guilty because we had a HUGE party for DS when he was born (95 people!) and then he had a 1st birthday with all of my family and DH's family. And if I had made a bigger deal about it they might have come...

My sister says I sound jealous of my Dad's wife's grandkids...well, they do spend a lot more time when they go there ('cause it is in LA and you can't really take a quick trip from East Coast to West, I guess and we're lucky if they make one full day here!). Okay, was that jealous? yeah, maybe. I just feel kind of bad for DD. I know they love her but they've seen her all of three times since she was born and one time she was sick and they had to leave early because of snow (a few weeks ago).

They've been in Florida since mid-January (coming back at the end of March) and then they're off on many other trips...LA, Utah, Long Beach Island, somewhere else I've forgotten...just seems like we're so low on their list of places to come. I guess I'm thinking their granddaughter only turns one once, isn't that more important than playing tennis again? And we usually don't have family at any other birthday (well, DH's family likes to celebrate all birthdays, mine never did, so maybe that's why it's not such a big deal?).

And none of the rest of my family can make it this year so it'll be all DH's family.

But, I think it's also that time of the month so I'm just going to cry anyway! I guess this just gives me something to cry about.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I just asked my Dad and his wife if they think they'll be around for DD's first birthday. They said they'll just be getting back from Florida that week and don't want to drive here (NJ to MA) that weekend.

That is exactly what happened with MY dad and his wife on DS' first birthday. I balled my eyes out, thinking, "Really, you FORGOT when your ONLY grandson's birthday is, the one NAMED after your side of the family, and you made other plans without even considering him????" It took me a few days of being horribly sad and bitter to tell them that we would reschedule the party to a time when they could come up. I told them that I didn't want DS to feel slighted when he looks back on pictures of his birthday and his sister's when he realizes that they were there for hers, but were too busy to come for his. I think I even offered to pay airfare. Somehow, they cleared the weekend after his birthday and made it up for like 36 hours or so.

I totally know how you're feeling. Can you let him know how important it is to you? It is so hard when there are her grandkids and his grandkids. Maybe he can just fly up on his own if she doens't want to come?

[maestramommy]

Omigosh, is your DD going to be one already?? Seems so soon! Well, it's okay to feel jealous and to be sad that your Dad won't be there for her birthday. I was lucky because we lived only a hour away from my parents, but no more. My parents are coming out when #3 is born. But they probably won't be here when she turns one. That's just the nature of living on opposite coasts. Neither of us can afford to fly out that often. My ILs missed all my girls' bdays and you can jolly well bet it wasn't because they didn't want to be there. It's just so hard to live that far apart. :hug:

[Octobermommy]

I would be mad, they do know her birthday, right? That you have not kept secret from them.I think their priorities are messed up but that is jmo.

[maestramommy]

In rereading your post I see that they are not really that far away. Sounds like they didn't consider things when they planned their travel schedule:hug:

[sidmand]

Thanks everyone.

It's still a few weeks away, but yes, DD is almost one! And just started crawling much to her brother's dismay.

DH said I've cried over much more insignificant things (thanks for that one!).

I'll get over it. And I'm sure DD won't remember. And we'll have a fun time no matter what.

I guess I just wish they thought of DD's first birthday as being important enough to be around for, but I know they don't. I've got to take them for what they can give.

DH's parents are always trying to "compete" with material things and we keep trying to tell them that they're physically here so much more and that's huge to us. They've babysat for both kids so we can go away. My Dad has more money and can buy more "things" but the DC don't know who they are as much. And won't. But that's the way my Dad's side of the family has always been. I was not used to that when my Mom was around. I just need to get over it!