Why do people lie?

[LarsMal]

I am so irritated right now. Last week I posted that I was frustrated over the communication breakdown regarding DS's p/s V-day party. I dropped him off at school this morning and his teacher happened to be on carpool duty. I opened the door to let DS out and she says, "I just wanted to double check with you to make sure things are good." I'm thinking she was talking about what happened with the V-Day party. Nope, she goes on to tell me that there are two birthdays- one today and one tomorrow. THEN she tells me that she spoke to both moms in carpool today and asked them if they had talked to me about what treats they were sending in. They BOTH told her YES they had talked to me. Ummmmm....NOPE...didn't hear from either of them!! :irked:

The teacher was beyond pissed. Why lie? Just say- oops, sorry, forgot to do that. If the teacher hadn't asked me, and just assumed whatever they sent in was safe b/c she was told they had talked to me, DS could've had a major allergic reaction. Thankfully she did ask me, and luckily I had some cupcakes in the freezer. I just ran home, got one ready for today and one for tomorrow, and took an extra one up for them to keep in their freezer.

I also took the opportunity (DS was one of the last to be dropped off, so we had a couple minutes to talk) to mention that I hadn't heard anything about the V-Day party either. I thought her head was going to explode!!! She told me she had gotten in touch with both parents and reminded them that they needed to get in touch with me regarding the party. There's been one other party where the parents told her they talked to me, and they didn't.

I've learned my lesson and will be taking the lead here. So much for sitting back and not hounding people, I'll just have to be the crazy mom of the allergy kid after all!!! I will be the one making all the calls now- which I should have been doing from the beginning.

But, seriously, why LIE?!??! It ridiculous, and it's my son's health they are messing with by lying to the teacher. What? Do they think they'll get punished if they don't tell her the truth?

GAH!!! It makes me SO mad!!!! :32:

Oh...and what really gets me is that one of the mom's has an FA kid, too!

[sste]

Those parents should be ashamed - - that is life threatening for your son. The best case scenario would be him sitting alone watching everyone else have their treats at the party. I don't think I would be able to just "forget" something like that. Shame on them!

Can you leave a half dozen cupcakes in the school freezer or is the capacity too limited? Given the rise in childhood allergies, maybe the school can get some additional freezer space. It sounds like you cannot rely on the other parents in this school . . .

[niccig]

Those parents should be ashamed - - that is life threatening for your son. The best case scenario would be him sitting alone watching everyone else have their treats at the party. I don't think I would be able to just "forget" something like that. Shame on them!

Can you leave a half dozen cupcakes in the school freezer or is the capacity too limited? Given the rise in childhood allergies, maybe the school can get some additional freezer space. It sounds like you cannot rely on the other parents in this school . . .

Yeah this. Be the mum that calls and checks in with the other parents, and keep a stash of treats for you DS at the school. It sounds like the teacher is on the ball though. You can tell her, if she's not sure about the treat that has been brought in, to give your DS one of his treats.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Yep, I'd leave a stash at the school and plan to do it next year as well. I've always encouraged moms of kids with allergies to leave stuff with us. Obviously, your son's teacher is much more in-tune with his needs than another parent would be. Sorry you're having that experience.

[AngelaS]

I'd be seriously annoyed too!! Grr.

My sister kept a box of Twinkies at school for my nephew. That way he always had a special treat on hand that was safe for him. :)

[srhs]

That's really lame of those parents! Sounds like the teacher needs to know to never trust the word of the other parents--only if YOU say, "YES, I approved that snack."
So sorry you're dealing with this! The other day, I was giving DH an earful about FA kids and how can other parents be so flippant and how hard it must be to send your kid to school worrying all the while....on and on.
(Our nephew has a lot of FAs.)

I really don't get how someone would just lie, like you said. Unbelievable!

[LarsMal]

I'm so glad I had those cupcakes in the freezer! The first thing DS said to me when he got in the car today was, "E had a birthday party at school today!" If he had had to sit back and watch the other kids celebrate (while he ate his grapes and crackers) I would have been heartbroken! He said the other kids had birthday cake, so his cupcake was perfect!

I haven't had to worry about birthdays yet b/c DS's class has Feb-Aug. birthdays. I talked to the director today. She told me I can leave up to a half dozen cupcakes with them- to keep in the freezer. I think I'll leave a package of Oreo cookies, too, in case it's not always a cake treat.

His teacher told me they were having a staff meeting this afternoon and she was going to bring the situation (how to deal with the parents who lied to her) up with the other teachrs, b/c she is REALLY pissed about it, too. She told me at pick-up that she actually contacted THREE parents about the Valentine's party, and she was appaled that no one followed through. I can't tell you how many times I've talked to the room parent- she is so useless!!

His teacher feels bad because she knows I'm going through a lot right now, but I told her that doesn't matter. I have to keep DS safe, so if it means making some extra calls, that's what I have to do.

Now...just need some Calgon to take me away and I'll be all good!!!!

[WatchingThemGrow]

I'm glad it worked out. Sounds like your son has an awesome, caring teacher, and that she might push for a policy of some sort.

[LBW]

Your son's teacher is AWESOME! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but at least you have a critical person on your side.

[Melaine]

Your son's teacher is AWESOME! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but at least you have a critical person on your side.

:yeahthat: I'm glad you have her on your team....but HONESTLY?!?! WTH with the other parents???

HOW OLD ARE THEY?!?
Do they not realize that not only is selfish, dangerous and wrong to lie, they won't get away with it?!?!

sorry you and DS are having to deal with this.

[Octobermommy]

Wow, I am shocked. Do they not understand the possible consequences? That is terrible!

[mamicka]

This is a perfect example of why I don't believe in the village.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. Good for you for doing what you need to do.

[deenass]

PLEASE don't evern think you are crazy allergy kid's mom - it is your job to take care of your kids and you are doing the absolute right thing by taking the lead - anyone who tells you that you're crazy is crazy themselves.

Most people just don't get it (even moms of kids with allergies). It's unfortunate, but true.

DS classroom has a policy that everything sent in to be shared with the class must be MARKED no nuts by the mom sending it in - makes peopel less likely to ignore the NO NUTS in the classroom rule as we are told anything without this notiation will not be served.

[alexsmommy]

Your son's teacher is AWESOME! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but at least you have a critical person on your side.

Yes. What a great teacher.
Seriously, I think you have to be the crazy mom. I would call the parents. You know what, I'd rather have them talking behind my back in a "Oh, you better call so-and-so, you know how she gets..." than risk a life threatening incident. Wow. People just don't get it.

I am happy to say, though my DS can be around trace amounts of peanut dust, his teacher is all over the peanut issue and reiterates all the time "No Chex Mix. No peanuts. Check the label."

Slowly, people are getting. DS was on a playdate and the mom called because she was going to make grilled cheese sandwiches when she realized the bread was made at a factory with peanut products. She called and I love her for it. DS1 would have been fine, but I like that more and more people are slowly getting it. She couldn't reach me and made pasta to be safe. Love it. Sorry you are not having the same experience.

[nov04]

dd1's best friend has a FA. We were given a 6 page list of safe foods at the beginning of the year. Snacks, candy and party foods including suitable bakeries. Only these items are allowed into the class. It sounds like something like this might be needed for your son's class. Takes the guesswork and procrastination out of the equation for the other parents.

I'm ill just thinking they would take something like this so lightly.

[JTsMom]

Oh Julie, I think my head would explode! WTH is wrong with those people?!? How could that many adults really think that lying about that was ok?!?!? This just blows my mind!

I agree with everyone who said don't worry about being the crazy mom- do what you've gotta do! If people don't get it, what choice do you have?

[LarsMal]

dd1's best friend has a FA. We were given a 6 page list of safe foods at the beginning of the year. Snacks, candy and party foods including suitable bakeries. Only these items are allowed into the class. It sounds like something like this might be needed for your son's class. Takes the guesswork and procrastination out of the equation for the other parents.

I'm ill just thinking they would take something like this so lightly.

The school is a peanut free school, which is great, but DS doesn't have a peanut allergy. They sent home a letter in the beginning of the year letting parents know about DS's allergies (egg/dairy), also reminding them that they are a peanut free school. They attached a list of "safe" foods- which was fine, except they were "safe" for peanut allergy kids. The way they put it together, though, made it look like it was all safe for DS, too.

I wrote my own letter to the parents (just in DS's class), explaining his allergies a little more. I took the original list that was given and typed up a new one- basically just taking out the foods that weren't safe for DS and adding a couple other options. The owner (not director or teacher) okay'd my letter, but wouldn't send my list home. grrr...

[SummerBaby]

I'm sorry this happened to you. My experience has been that most people think you are overreacting to your child's FA. I know that is what another preschool mom told me last year when I told her that DD (who is peanut allergic) could not eat cupcakes made in someone else's home. (per the allergist, you can't trust that people won't cross contaminate- i.e. use a knife in peanut butter, wipe it off without washing it, and then dip it in frosting). She was soooo angry at me for this and told me I was ruining her DD's birthday. It was totally irrational. I also know my neighbor sends her DD to preschool with nut products in her lunchbox despite a no nut policy (not our preschool thank God) and lies to the teacher about it because she doesn't think they have the right to tell her what her DD can eat. So while I think it's despicable that these parents lied in your situation, unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me. :(

Val
DD1 7/04
DD2 7/07

[MamaMolly]

Oh Julie, that so totally sucks. IIW the teacher I'd point blank look the parents in the face and ask why they lied. I'm in the mood lately to be confrontational lately so I think I might ask them why they lied to the teacher myself. :banghead: Ugh.

[LarsMal]

Oh Julie, that so totally sucks. IIW the teacher I'd point blank look the parents in the face and ask why they lied. I'm in the mood lately to be confrontational lately so I think I might ask them why they lied to the teacher myself. :banghead: Ugh.

I've been feeling especially hormonal the past few days, so I'm surprised I kept my cool today. I took DD up to the school to watch a program parents/siblings were invited to. The first three parents to walk into the room were THE three. They were all smiles and hellos- unbelievable!!! Of course, I didn't say anything to them- I choked!

Well, I guess only 2, since the one did call me last night- during dinner- to tell me she was sending a treat in the next morning. Thanks for the timely notice! She said, I think it's all safe- yeah, stuff made with eggs- and icing with milk. Then she says, "Oh wait, what are his allergies again?" (and this is the other allergy mom I've talked to many many times about this) :banghead: :13:

BTW, Molly- I PM'd you.

[Corie]

Most people just don't get it (even moms of kids with allergies). It's unfortunate, but true.




Yes, exactly!!

My son is allergic to peanuts as are other kids at his preschool. The preschool
is a peanut free school. Yet one mom passed out Valentine's treats to all
the kids containing peanut butter.

[dogmom]

Now I understand my kids pre-school policy about food allergies and food brought in! Whenever I asked about the one girl which had a lot of food allergies they just said the always notified her mother and she made sure that her daughter had a special treat to bring in that day. They probably came up with it after incidents like yours.

Our kindergarden has "Party in a Bag". When they have parties you back a party bag, just for your kid, with 3 treats. They suggest one sweet, one salty and one healthy + drink. Just makes everything SOOOO much easier. My son doesn't have allergies, but is a very picky eater, so I know we won't just sit there and not eat anything. (which usually happens at Birthday Pizza parties.)