View Full Version : Wow. This is hard.

02-18-2009, 06:43 PM
OMG. I had no idea that having twins would be THIS hard. I told my sister today that having only one baby was like having a goldfish compared to this.

Please tell me it will get easier (lie if necessary). HA HA.

02-18-2009, 06:52 PM
Well, my twins are my only kids, so I can't imagine life with an older one! But, it definitely improved once we all started sleeping. For us, that was around 6 months. That is when I started feeling human again. From then until they started walking life was pretty easy (crawling was a challenge, but nothing like walking).

You will get into a rhythm soon to make life somewhat easier. Are they sleeping well?

Good luck! It will get better! (or differently challenging. :) but for me, once I was sleeping for longer than an hour here and there I could handle it all better)

02-18-2009, 10:04 PM
It will get easier. I'm not lying. The first 3-4 months for us were hell - it really felt like survival mode parenting, and we even had lots of help from parents. It sounds horrible, but the babies just seemed like living things that we had to keep in good health - they didn't even really feel like our children until 4-5 months when we started getting more sleep (and adjusted to functioning with less sleep), and were able to enjoy them more. Our twins are 5 months now and I really feel like I've just started being able to enjoy them in the past few weeks.

It is so hard at first. You will get through it, because you gotta do what you gotta do. That's the daily mantra:) No one with a single baby has any right to complain to you! My OB had twins, as well as single babies at time, and he said that after the twins, one baby was SO easy. There were many days where I thought to myself - one baby would be SO easy. And I really think it would be SOOO easy - just imagine how much easier it would be to get out to doctors appts, grocery shopping, etc. And how much easier it would be to soothe only one crying baby at a time (it sucks when you have 2 babies that want to be held but you can only hold one!). But don't dwell on it. Having twins is an amazing experience, wouldn't change it for the world. But it IS hellish at first!

02-18-2009, 11:45 PM
IT IS so hard. I remember those thoughts exactly. The level of sleep deprivation parents of multiples experience is particularly gruesome.

But it does get better. When they start sleeping longer stretches and especially when they start to get used to a schedule, it gets so much better. I think things eased up considerably around 6 months. Mine are 15 months, now, and I have to honestly say in most ways, now, the twins are easier than my 3 and 5 year old boys. They eat what I put in front of them, they don't whine and try to negotiate, they go down to sleep in their cribs without crying at night and naptime, etc. In fact, at 8pm they start heading to their room and pointing to their bottles I have set out for them. They know their bedtime and stick to it!

Some wise advice someone gave to me was to take every offer of help anyone offers. Even if it is just to fold a load of laundry. Make a to-do list and don't be too proud to farm out some tasks to people. People love to help others and you need it. Save every little bit of energy you have. These 6-12 months will fly by and you can worry about the housework then!

la mama
02-19-2009, 11:07 AM

Everyone has already given great encouragement and advice and I agree! I had lots of help the first 2-3 months and I couldn't have survived without it, literally! Things got easier for me around the time that my extra help couldn't come anymore, thankfully. Now they're 6 months and on a schedule. There are times when it gets a littler harder than normal, growth spurts that make their schedules change, less sleep, fussy eaters, etc. But it is an amazing experience. Just the bond between other parents of twins is amazing, you just know exactly what the other parent knows. I recommend joining or at least visiting a mothers of twins/parents of twins group. I just went to visit first and within an hour knew I had to join just because it was so great to hang out with moms who "got it." No one who helped me in the beginning had any experience with twins, so while they were invaluable for their extra set of hands, the advice I got was not always applicable. Everything I hear from other moms of twins is different and very helpful.

02-19-2009, 11:13 AM
I desperately wish that DH and I had been able to experience one baby. I honestly feel a little cheated at times.

02-19-2009, 11:21 AM
Sorry, that was totally un-encouraging. It does get easier, but then, how could it possibly get harder? ha ha...
I honestly still feel affected by sleep deprivation, and it is two years later. But once they started sleeping through the night well (honestly not until around 1 for us) things started really really improving. Every stage was easier (for me). Learning to crawl, learning to walk, learning to self-feed, learning to talk....every milestone makes them a little easier to manage, IMO. ITA with pp about getting together with other moms of twins. Until I did that, I felt SO alone, regardless of the help I had from family and friends. You need people who understand, and only parents of multiples "really get it".

02-19-2009, 08:53 PM
:hug: It is SO hard at the beginning. I often say that ds and dd's first 6 months was the longest year of my life! :) It gets a little easier with each milestone and, for me, it got a lot easier from 3 on.

I agree with both of your posts! I wasn't able to be around other parents of twins and I think it would've helped a lot.

ds&dd 5/03

02-22-2009, 02:30 AM

I think it helps to remove expectations for a while. For the first several months, I figured that my job was to take care of the twins and myself. Some days, even that was hard, but we made it through!

03-10-2009, 09:00 PM
When you have twins, you need both parents completely in synch and as much organization as possible. You just do what you have to do. Some things are going to go by the way side... so you have to pick and choose. It's tough to make time to clean a refrigerator or bathroom, so keep the fridge neat and don't pee on the seat! That's my motto. Seriously, Yes I am a guy, but seriously, when you have twins you have to have a sense of humor. The main, did I say MAIN challenge is the lack of any type of sleep. It is compounded when you also have a toddler. But it seems like you just do what has to be done. Your body mainly gets used to much less sleep, but for me that is the toughest thing. Oh, and all these people said that they would help before the babies came, but once they got here there wasn't much help, except from my inlaws. Everyone else was MIA. I know one thing. My wife and I are struggling through every wonderful minute, but it is worth it.

03-18-2009, 04:05 PM
Ok, I am way late on this post, but yeah, it is hard. REALLY hard. And I sometimes envy those parents with one baby. *sigh* But man, when those two little munchkins run up to me with hugs & kisses (which are more like licks right now!) and yelling "mama", it is impossible to imagine it any other way. I'm sure most of us multiple moms feel that way. :)

Things got better at 3mos, 7mos, and 10mos for us. Now, they just get "different" for us, not necessarily "better" or "worse". For example, I'm kinda missing the days when they would happily ride in the stroller or be carried - I took them to the park by myself yesterday and they went racing in two opposite directions as soon as I put them down. It's a darn good thing I remembered to grab the Ergo on our way out of the house - we switched, one boy running, one boy riding every 10min or so. ;)

Agreeing with Melaine, find another multiple mom. IRL. We're good on the board, but you need someone you can physically talk to. I met a great gal (well, several, but one that I'm really tight with now) through my local Moms of Twins club, and she is fantastic. She totally "gets it".

And even now, there are still days when I feel very alone and overwhelmed. That is normal, and I just do my best to get through to the next day.

Hope all is well. You're doing great! Every day is an achievement.:hug:

:hug5: to all you multiple mamas here. You're the bomb! :)