P & PT needed, and some advice

[deborah_r]

First off, if you could offer some prayers or positive thoughts for my mom. She is 68, has pneumonia, and has just been moved to the ICU. She has not been in great health for a number of years now. She is diabetic, has severe arthritis and takes many, many medications.

Advice part: I am 3000 miles away. Trying to understand what the doctors are saying after it has been funneled through my stepfather and my sister is hard. My sister is going to the hospital today to try to understand the exact situation, because my stepfather just doesn't deal with these things well. He is very kind-hearted, but not the best communicator.

So my sister said they want to put something in her neck or her head, because they are having trouble with her veins for an IV. Does anyone know what this means?

How serious does this sound? Like, in your experience, do people bounce back from this or is it not likely? My sister and I are worried because she has been talking about dying and even mentioned that February has the most suicides of the year. I worry that her will to live is not there. She has never really bounced back from my two nephews dying in 2007 (died 6 months apart, 20 years old and 17 years old).

I need to know if I need to get plane tickets ASAP and get there just in case this is my last chance, IYKWIM.

Thanks in advance.

[cono0507]

Big hugs to you.

Sounds like they plan/hope to put in a central line. It is pretty standard in most ICU patients. It is a larger IV placed into one of the larger veins generally in the neck area. It will allow blood draws (for most tests) from that line rather than sticking her again and allows her to get multiple medications via one IV rather than having many. In addition some medications can only be given in central lines.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_venous_catheter

As far as the communication, hopefully your sister can get the info today from the nurses and doctors to find out what the situation is. It is hard to get all the info third hand, especially if your stepfather isn't great at communicating the situation.

Big hugs to you.

[Snow mom]

Maybe they want to put in a central line for delivering fluids? I think these are usually placed on the chest but am not sure. IVs can be tough to place for lots of reasons. It may be that dehydration is making her veins hard to get an IV into. Pneumonia can be very serious especially in people who have weak immune systems, although they have some really good drugs to help. I'd recommend going if you can, not so much because of this illness but because I think the will to live is very important to beating illness. Anything you can do to boost her spirits is sure to help. I hope she'll have a speedy recovery.

[missym]

Deb, I'm sorry your mom isn't doing well. I would see if you can arrange a 10-minute phone conversation with the doctor in charge of her care. My mom was hospitalized in a different town from any of our homes, and communication with her doctors was a real challenge.

I am not trying to scare you based on my own experience, but if you think you should go, get the tickets and go. The thing I regret the most about the last few months of my mom's life is that we didn't take things seriously enough. She'd had so many health problems and so many hospitalizations that we were almost used to them. I don't know whether we could have changed the outcome, but looking back I wish we'd been more aggressive about her care.

Your mom and you will be in my prayers. :hug:

[MoJo]

I'd have your sister ask the ICU staff about whether you should get your plane tickets. In some ways, even they don't know what a patient's outcome will be; but at the same time, they have seen this many times.

My 2 cents: if it's feasible to do so, I'd probably go ahead and get the tickets. If you don't and then don't get the chance, you'll regret it the rest of your life. If you get them and she pulls through, then great.

I don't have any BTDT with diabetes, but my dad had a stroke in 2007, was in the ICU, and the complications took his life six weeks later at age 65. I'm SO glad I dropped everything (my job, my husband) as soon as I heard and spent a lot of time with him in those final weeks. Other family members said they couldn't do it. . . couldn't see him like that, etc. . . but I couldn't NOT do it. And I have NO regrets about my decisions. I wasn't 3000 miles away, but was in another state, so it wasn't easy. My sister flew out initially but didn't stay, and that worked for her. So it depends some on your personality.

I will keep you, your mom and the whole family in my prayers.

[stella]

Hugs, Deb. Why don't you go on out to see her? Even if she makes a quick and full recovery, you are probably overdue for a visit anyway, and just think - you could have several days with your family without the stress or distraction of your boys (as much as you love them!)

I think you should just go. It will mean a lot to your mom, and then you can decide whether dh needs to bring the children.

I hope she gets better and out of the ICU soon.

[klwa]

*hugs* I don't have much to say that the others haven't already. My mom passed away last year due to a MRSA infection, which was hidden by pneumonia and bronchitis. If you're able to, I'd try to get a ticket out to see her, just because.

[deborah_r]

Well, as for the tickets and travel, I can swing it, but it will wreak havoc with my job. But I talked to my boss already and she was very understanding about it. Also, I would most likely bring DS2 with me, because he is still nursing, and I just can't cut him off like that. Also my sister has never seen him, so there would be a happy side to the visit.

[deborah_r]

I got an update from my sister. She actually had a heart attack last night. Still in the ICU, I think she has one of those tubes down her throat, and she is sedated right now. I'm starting to panic.

[Sillygirl]

I am sorry to hear about your mom's health problems. They sound serious and you should make the trip if you can.

[missym]

Deb, I'm sorry things are looking more serious. Please know our thoughts are with you, your mom and your family.

[MoJo]

With my dad, during the early part of the intubation/sedation (my understanding is that sedation is required for intubation), he could still respond to us. After a couple of days, he couldn't . . . and NO ONE prepared us for that possibility. I hope that's NOT the case with your mom. But I thought I should let you know.

Hugs & more prayers, Deborah.

[hollybloom24]

Oh, how hard for you! Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family. Hopefully everything will be okay.

[deborah_r]

So, flights are really full these days, aren't they? So I can't play the "count on an empty seat for DS's careseat" trick anymore, right?

I looked at some flights and there were very few seats available (if those little seat plans they show you are accurate, I don't know if they are)

[o_mom]

I'm so sorry about your mom. I think you should make the trip if at all possible.

[JenaW]

Please understand that I know NOTHING other than what you have provided about your mother's medical condition, and I am NOT a physician. However, from my experience in healthcare (and my DHs as an anesthesiologist who works in the ICU) if this were my mother and her situation was as you described, I would be on a plane as soon as I could get there. I don't want to scare you, but I do want to be realistic. If she has pneumonia, and diabetes, and other medical issues, and is almost 70, and intubated, and in intensive care, than she has a LOT to overcome to be able to fully recover. That does not mean it is impossible, but I would guess the odds are not in her favor. I strongly encourage you to call the hospital and ask to speak to her physicians, becasue like a pp mentioned, even though they can not tell you with 100% certainty what her outcome will be, they will have a good idea of her prognosis and whether or not you should travel a distance to be by her side. If the worst happens, you will be there and have been able to surround her with love and say your goodbyes. If she recovers, then think of it as an unexpected visit with her and your sister. I wish you all the best.

Good luck! You and your mom will definitely be in my prayers.

[Melanie]

I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry, Deb. I hope you're able to get a flight. :hug5:

[MontrealMum]

I don't have any advice either Deb, but I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and sending P&PT to you and your mom :grouphug:

[JTsMom]

P&PT for your mom and for you, Deb. :hug:

[alexsmommy]

Hugs.
I'd get on a plane. Personally I'd feel like I'd regret it if I didn't do what I could to get there.
Best of luck to all of you.

[daisyd]

I'm sorry about your mom. P & PT & Hugs.

[lmintzer]

Oh, I'm so sorry that your mom is that ill, Deb! I hope you are able to get plane tickets and get out there to see her right away. Thinking of you, and sending positive thoughts. Definitely bring your little one if that will make you feel better!

[1964pandora]

I'm so sorry. I hope you're on a plane by now. That's definitely what I'd do. Praying for you!

[deborah_r]

Hi everyone, I've been away from a computer for over a week now. Got home yesterday. I did fly out that night (Thursday when I was asking for advice). It was really hard and it was crazy. Ran home from work, packed and off to the airport for the red eye from LA to JFK.

My mother was on the respirator/ventilator whatever it's called for about 5 days. The pneumonia seems to have cleared up. They kept trying to wean her off of it and it was not going well, then suddenly they brought it from 60% to 50% then lower and then off. She still is receiving oxygen through that thingie that goes in your nose. On Thursday they did this cardiac catheter thing and found a blockage. They did an angioplasty (sp?) and put in a stint. On Friday she was able to get up and walk a bit. I left early Saturday morning so haven't seen her since Friday evening. She was moved to more of a rehabilitation facility yesterday, instead of a hospital. She should be able to go home soon.

While I am very happy that she has gotten better, the whole ordeal was very trying and has been a strain on me and my husband and my kids. I am exhausted. I am frustrated with some things to do with her recovery and her willingness to do what is necessary. I never want to go on an airplane again with a child under age 5.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate it!

[o_mom]

Thank you for the update. I'm glad things are looking up. I hope her recovery continues and you can get some rest. :hug:

[ha98ed14]

I'm glad it looks like your mom is going to be ok. Did you take your kids and DH with you when you went? Cause you said you didn't want to get on a plane with a child under 5? I thought you went by yourself. If you had to take the fam, it would be at least twice as exhausting, so your feelings are justified! Glad you are home.

[deborah_r]

I'm glad it looks like your mom is going to be ok. Did you take your kids and DH with you when you went? Cause you said you didn't want to get on a plane with a child under 5? I thought you went by yourself. If you had to take the fam, it would be at least twice as exhausting, so your feelings are justified! Glad you are home.


I took my youngest with me. He was pretty good, but it was very tiring and he had his screaming moments here and there on the planes (4 flights, 2 there, 2 back). I can't see how any child his age would not have those moments. DH says he's tired from taking care of DS1 and I'm frustrated because I don't think he really gets how hard it was to travel with DS2.

On the last flight yesterday (over 5 hours) there were quite a few kids in our section, so of course all of the other passengers were complaining loudly how much it sucked for them to be stuck next to all of us. There was one girl one screamed and screeched almost the whole way.