Need + thoughts

[tnrnchick74]

I'm sorry I started this thread.

[Tondi G]

I don't have any advise but I wish you the best of luck with all this! Let us know how things turn out! Hang in there!

[Melanie]

No advice, but good luck! I hope the law acts in his best interest. I cannot believe Parker is already 8 months!

[tnrnchick74]

No advice, but good luck! I hope the law acts in his best interest. I cannot believe Parker is already 8 months!
nevermind - forget I ever posted this

[EllasMum]

I hope things move quickly for you. I have a friend going through similar troubles right now and I have seen how stressful the situation is. Hugs to you and best of luck!

[MMMommy]

Best of luck to you!

[citymama]

Sending good thoughts your way! Sorry you have to deal with this.

[jgenie]

Positive thoughts coming your way - hoping things work out for the best. :hug5:

[kedss]

Big hugs to you and Parker- sending some mojo your way!

[Melbel]

Edited to preserve privacy of OP

[lizajane]

hang in there, mama. you are an awesome advocate for your son. peace to you!!!!

[tnrnchick74]

nevermind - forget I ever posted this

[daisyd]

P & PT. Hope things work out well for you.

[amandabea]

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Hugs to you & Parker.

[bubbaray]

This guy has threatened to kidnap him to NC, and threatened to commit suicide while holding DS.


That significantly changes the fact pattern in most jurisdictions. Were there any witnesses to that??

Are you handling this yourself??? Given the above, I would STRONGLY urge you to seek legal aid or find someone who might possibly take your case pro bono.

P&PT coming your way!

[Laurel]

That significantly changes the fact pattern in most jurisdictions. Were there any witnesses to that??

Are you handling this yourself??? Given the above, I would STRONGLY urge you to seek legal aid or find someone who might possibly take your case pro bono.

P&PT coming your way!

This this this x1000! Please use an attorney for this. What you establish now will determine the next several years.

[mbbailey]

Wishing you good luck and peace. I hope everything turns out great for you and your son.

[maestramommy]

I'll be thinking of you and Parker, and prayers for the best possible outcome.

[anamika]

Sending positive thoughts. Good luck.

[tnrnchick74]

nevermind - forget I ever posted this

[Tondi G]

" He has chosen to have nothing to do with us. I really just want him to fall off the face of the earth, but I know that's unrealistic. Doens't mean I can wish though!"

Are you sure you want to pursue child support and bring him into your and DS's life now? You say you'd like him to fall off the face of the earth .... bringing him into court and filing for child support will only give him that monthly reminder of his son and the $ he is paying out!

I'm sorry you don't have the $ to hire a lawyer or that someone won't help you out without a $5000 retainer... that sucks! Sounds like you could use some help!

I hope it all works out in the end. Good Luck!

[tnrnchick74]

nevermind - forget I ever posted this

[HannaAddict]

I am an attorney, though I do not practice family law. BUT, if there was a time to open up a credit card and charge a retainer, this is the time. Seriously. There are very few attorneys who will do pro bono family law work because it is hard, emotionally wrenching and can even be dangerous (for the attorney too). (I almost think that we need the civil equivalent of public defenders for this practice area involving children since the stakes are so high and so many people are hung out to dry and children pay the price.)

I would have suggested leaving sleeping does lie and having no contact with the ex, after all, you do have custody. I would also be hesitant to take the advice of the child support attorney who you haven't met with. It sounds like our local resource line where they will give your very, very general advice but are not really your advocate. Most attorneys, very good, expensive ones, will meet with you before you pay a retainer and give you some idea of what to expect, etc. I just want you to really know what you are getting into, it is a veritable fight for your child. I very, very seriously doubt that your ex will just quietly pay court ordered child support and live his own life. That is rarely the case. Especially if he has made threats or harassed you via email I would beg or borrow the money and get the absolute best attorney I could get. It will be worth it. You are at the mercy of an overburdened court and they have little time to try and sort out unwitnessed allegations (the threats) or try and referee the relationship between ex-lovers who had a child. It isn't only that your ex may want visitation, the court may just order it as a default and then your ex can do with it what he will, use it to hurt you or not. And even if he doesn't do a thing until your little one is four years old, he can come back and the court will still try (as they are probably required to do by law) and preserve the "relationship" even if it seems like he shouldn't be entitled after missing out on all those years. But parental rights are a big deal and unless they are given up or terminated (not likely), you will be stuck with your ex for a long time and he will have access to your child. Be prepared for that and be sure you can live with that result.

I would really try to do whatever you could to get the retainer together and i would see if there is any way you could negotiate your ex giving up his parental rights permanently. I would not expect a dime in child support and only hope you can keep your child safe from him. Sorry to be downer but family law is contentious, people do outrageous things (even when they were a previously loving parent pre-divorce or support proceedings!!). Get a copy of the answer and start interviewing lawyers while you try and raise the retainer. Good luck to you and your little one.

[Melbel]

Deleted for benefit of OP

[tnrnchick74]

nevermind - forget I ever posted this

[Sugar Magnolia]

As someone who has been in your exact position, I would try and see if you can close the case before they contact him.

If you need anymore info, feel free to PM me. But having been there, done that I would do it a LOT different.

Good luck to you and your son.

[Melbel]

As someone who has been in your exact position, I would try and see if you can close the case before they contact him.

If you need anymore info, feel free to PM me. But having been there, done that I would do it a LOT different.

Good luck to you and your son.

It appears as though FOB has already been contacted because he filed an answer.

[Melbel]

Deleted for benefit of OP

[momtojack]

Many law schools have family law clinics where students handle cases supervised by experienced attorneys. Most, if not all, serve low-income or indigent populations but the actual criteria vary by clinic. If there is a law school near you, it would at least be worth looking in to. Good luck!

[tnrnchick74]

nevermind - forget I ever posted this

[purpleeyes]

if I continue with the child support case then I'm gambling whether he will use his visitation or not (he's out of state, has to come here, lots of $$$ with hotels, etc) or if I drop the case whether he will come after me at some point for custody, etc.

My only thought, based on my personal experience, is that it could totally go EITHER way. A PP said something about not being able to predict your partner's behavior EVEN if he had been good dad/partner, and that is SO true!! Don't try to guess what will happen, b/c imo, you just can't.
I agree with what other's have said, do anything and everything you can to get some sort of personal advice before you go into this. The more info you have the better you can fight this and keep Parker safe.

lots and lots and lots of luck and thoughts coming your way...
This is so hard, I know!! you can do it! :bighand:

[tarabenet]

I truly wish I could jsut open up a credit card and pay the retainer - but my credit sucks (a lot because of him); I'm barely making ends meet...but I am. My family is in the same situation - they are all struggling and no one has $5000+ to help me hire an attorney. Its just not a reality for me or my family.

So now I'm kinda stuck. Unless he decides to voluntarily relinquish his rights, in return for me closing the child support case (which the child support enforcement agency has said I can do at anytime), then I'm stuck with whatever the courts decide. And I have great doubts that the courts will protect me or my son.

Anyone have advice for writing a great, convincing letter to him to get him to relinquish his rights? Anyone know what he has to do to actually relinquish his rights?

WAIT. From the beginning of your time on these boards, you have painted this guy as basically crazy. And now you want to reason with him? You do not reason with a crazy person. Let me say it again, because it doesn't seem to be clear to you: you do not reason with a crazy person.

The courts are the resource you have. You don't sit around and hope that on the day you go before the judge you can mention that the FOB has made threats, and somehow expect that suddenly the police will trot in with the guy in handcuffs and assure you that he will never bother you again. You don't go out shopping, thinking the cutest Mini Boden for baby and nice outfit for you will fix everything. You move Heaven and Earth to secure appropriate help, to find counsel, to educate yourself on every aspect of this stuff you possibly can.

Your obligation to yourself and to your child is to protect your rights and security. It is high time for the Mama Lion in your soul to wake up and get busy! There is a tiny, vulnerable, beautiful little baby whose life depends on it.

If I sound harsh, well, I mean to. You tell us this guy has threatened to kidnap your child. You tell us he is abusive and harassing. And then you tell us that he seems to have stopped and you *hope* he will forget about you? Someone needs to be a harsh voice of reality here. Your life is not a fairy tale. You have a rotten set of circumstances. It isn't fair. We all wish for better for you. But it is what it is, and no amount of hoping is going to change it. It is up to you to work like crazy to fix it.

The members of this board are with you. We will be here to listen and to root for you and provide all the moral support we can. We want to read your victorious posts about how you took charge of this mess and straightened it out. We want to read about termination of his rights, full custody for you, child support money flowing in. Heck, I really want to read about him getting hauled in and held for observation, and about law enforcement monitoring his activities closely! We want to read about you getting yourself all kinds of empowered! What no one wants to read, but we all fear, is that crazy-FOB gets his nose tweaked and decides to make good on his threats, or even "just" goes back to stalking and harassing you. So yeah, I'm being harsh. Because you and that darling baby deserve better, and the only way that is going to happen is if you get yourself in gear! Come on, Mama! Get busy! You have a cheerleading section over a continent wide. NOW GO!

[tnrnchick74]

If I sound harsh, well, I mean to.


Well - it is harsh and while I understand the meaning and thought behind your post it's not very beneficial to my situation. The bottom line is I cannot afford to hire an attorney. I do NOT have $5000 sitting around and have no means to get my hands on $5000.

Thanks for pointing out to everyone here what a failure I am as a mother. Thanks for reminding me how much I am failing my child. That was very helpful.

[Melanie]

nevermind - forget I ever posted this

I hope my post didn't offend you. I didn't mean it to! I'm sorry.

[tnrnchick74]

I hope my post didn't offend you. I didn't mean it to! I'm sorry.

no problems.