Thanks for a great 48, DH!

[LarsMal]

We get to see DH a whopping 48 hours out of the week. How did he spend his time home this weekend?

1) Using the words "stupid" and "selfish" when I brought up my VBAC plans with him again. He is NOT supportive of this- at all. Makes it kind of hard to proceed with my plan when my own husband isn't on board.

2) Telling me- over lunch- I've pretty much reached the point in pregnancy where I'm "just too big" for him to want to get intimate. Sure knows how to make a girl feel good! Not that I'm that into it right now, anyway, but to say *that*? Thanks! (Then he tried to back-track and say it's not "me", it's just that when he can feel the baby so much on the outside, he can't even think about being...well, you know!)

3) Making fun of the waddle- several times and ridiculously exaggerated. Complete with some gorilla-type face that I'm SURE I don't make when I'm walking around!

4) Looking at me with shock and horror as I put lotion on my extremely dry legs. Then, when I called him out on it he tried to cover it up with, "No, you just look funny b/c you still have your socks on and a really big belly." Yeah, whatever. Then, when I was still obviously upset by the look he had given my thighs he tried, "Well, I much prefer it to the anorexic look you had this time last year." Um...sorry, NOT better! (That was due to a stomach condition I had developed last year and took a while to have diagnosed. It was horrible and depressing, and not a look I was going for or happy about. I thought he knew better than that!)

So...now instead of being sad to see him go again, I am counting down the hours 'til he is gone, and hoping next weekend will be better!!

And he wants to know what's wrong. "You seem upset." :6:

[MontrealMum]

My mind is filled with things to say to him on your behalf :angry-smiley-005:, but they'd probably be filtered by the sensors here. What a dumba$$ . Hopefully he'll smarten up on his own and bring you flowers or something out of guilt. He should feel like this until he figures it out :bag: So sorry you had to put up with that when you're probably pretty uncomfortable and frustrated to begin with.

[ha98ed14]

I know they say never to say bad things about your friends' Hs, but he totally crossed the line. I'm sorry he is being such a jerk! I can think of lots of other words to describe his behavior, but jerk is the nicest.

You are beautiful because you are bringing a child into this world, no matter what you look like. That miracle is beautiful, so you as the vehicle are beautiful too, no matter what you might look like at any given moment on the journey.

[infomama]

OH.MY.GOSH
I am just appalled at his behavior. He should know how much he screwed up and hurt you so he doesn't do it again. You need support and doting over at this time in your life, not insults and nastiness .

I'm so sorry.

[sste]

I think the waddle would have pushed me over the edge to violence! I am trying for the best possible interpretation and that would be that this is the time in a pregnancy when everyone, maybe especially the husband, gets anxious about the baby and about how another baby will change their lives and marriage. Still, he needs to communicate that in a better way . . .

The other interpretation of this behavior . . . well, let's just say the phrase behaving like a total a-hole comes to mind.

[octmom]

:13: It is time to think seriously about getting rid of those Bruce tickets you bought for him.

[kijip]

:13: It is time to think seriously about getting rid of those Bruce tickets you bought for him.

:yeahthat: He is really not acting worth of a wife that would buy concert tickets right before the due date. Scalp them and use the money for something for you!

[infomama]

:yeahthat: Scalp them and use the money for something for you!

I 2nd that. why reward him??

[ThreeofUs]

My first instinct is unprintable. My second is to send you a hug, because you need it.

If I turn off my emotions, though, it seems that them's fightin' words and it sounds like he's trying to pick a fight.

(I seldom call my DH a jerk, but this would have led directly to confrontation of the behavior in my household.)

Maybe you should detail these to him and ask what's bothering him so badly that he has to attack his heavily pregnant wife to relieve his feelings?

[citymama]

Oh Julie that is awful! I'm sorry you have to deal with this juvenile behavior right now (forgive me, he is your dear husband but grrrrr!). Does he have any idea he is being a jerk? Big hugs and hope you guys can work this out soon. :hug:

[jgenie]

:hug5: Sorry your DH is being a royal pain!!

[MontrealMum]

Yes, Ivy has a very good point. If my DH had done that it would have been his passive-aggressive way of picking (sucessfully, I might add - he knows me well) a fight. You probably should ask him what's bugging him, um, after you let loose a few choice phrases. (((hugs)))

[maestramommy]

I have a hard time believing anyone could behave that way unless it was intentional. Second the possibility that he's picking a fight. Jerk!

[Laurel]

I 2nd that. why reward him??

3rd-ed. If you didn't use the words "selfish and stupid" when he made concert plans so close to your date, he certainly has no right to say those things about a perfectly understandable desire to have a VBAC!

[kijip]

Does he have any idea he is being a jerk?

Part of me says he better know because it is so obvious but then part of me says, man I hope he does not know/is not doing this intentionally.

Weight seems to be a big issue with him. I would be really bothered by my spouse making fun of my weight, be it small or large. Triple-ly so while I was carrying his progeny. He really needs to get a clue, and soon. :hug:

[LarsMal]

Thanks ladies!

The nasty, hormonal b&tch in me wants to tell DH- Okay, you win, no VBAC, but I scheduled my c/s for May 5th. Oh...that's the date of the Bruce concert? SOOOO sorry!!!

With the weight/waddle stuff- I don't know what the h#ll he's thinking (clearly he's not!). He honestly doesn't think he did anything wrong. According to him, I'm just being super-sensitive and need to lighten up. Ugh...he's so STUPID! Those who called him a jerk are far too kind! I called him worse- to his face- after the whole lotion incident! Then he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to give him a back rub (because, to him, that's a funny way to break the tension). He's got a warperd sense of humor these days.

I've had to deal with this kind of crap all three of my pregnancies. I have always been thin, so for my family to see me with any weight apparently gives them free range to say horrible hurtful things to me. I get called "Fatty"- real nice. Then when I say something I get, "We only say it because you're NOT. It's just funny to see you bigger." I guess DH is jumping on the make fun of Julie train.

sigh...I'll stop playing my violin now!!!!

[MamaMolly]

Thanks ladies!

The nasty, hormonal b&tch in me wants to tell DH- Okay, you win, no VBAC, but I scheduled my c/s for May 5th. Oh...that's the date of the Bruce concert? SOOOO sorry!!!

With the weight/waddle stuff- I don't know what the h#ll he's thinking (clearly he's not!). He honestly doesn't think he did anything wrong. According to him, I'm just being super-sensitive and need to lighten up. Ugh...he's so STUPID! Those who called him a jerk are far too kind! I called him worse- to his face- after the whole lotion incident! Then he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to give him a back rub (because, to him, that's a funny way to break the tension). He's got a warperd sense of humor these days.

I've had to deal with this kind of crap all three of my pregnancies. I have always been thin, so for my family to see me with any weight apparently gives them free range to say horrible hurtful things to me. I get called "Fatty"- real nice. Then when I say something I get, "We only say it because you're NOT. It's just funny to see you bigger." I guess DH is jumping on the make fun of Julie train.

sigh...I'll stop playing my violin now!!!!

I think the comments from your family are because they are JEALOUS about what you look like non PG and are completely, nastily, in love with picking on you about your temporary rounder shape. Plus they know you'll get the weight off, so they don't think it hurts. Like they'd never say those things to an obese person, but since you aren't 'really' fat then they feel like they have a license to 'tease' you, none of which is funny. At all.

As for Dh...what can I say. I have a model that can't bring himself to do *the deed* when I'm PG. Seriously, we did it about 3 times the whole year that I was PG and after DD was born. Men are stupid. Also I think that some of the really obnoxious cave-man stuff is a reflection of the training he is doing right now. He is in a super-testosterone environment where this crap is only too common. I know DH gets stupider (crass, vulgar) when he is isolated (away from us) in training. Blech. It is temporary though, and they are reprogrammable ;).

[KBecks]

Men can be total idiots. I'm sorry.

[jacksmomtobe]

I think if we said to men some of the things they say to us they would be crying like little babies. If we would ever be so harsh with them they would just think we are a rhymes with witch. Sorry you are surrounded by so many insensitive people! I really like the scheduled c-section on the concert idea though. :) Hope venting here has made you feel better and DH smartens up by the next time you see (or talk) to him!