Just venting now...

[LarsMal]

So I don't have another craptastic weekend!

DH's official day is 8:30-5. If he wants/needs to work extra M-Th go for it, we don't see him anyway. I just called to find out when he'd be getting home tonight. I even waited an hour, hoping when I called I'd be pleasantly surprised at how far he'd made it.

NOPE! He had only been on the road for about 15 minutes. I asked him why he left so late and he said, "I had to work 'til 5:30 to get my 8 hours in." Huh? He then tells me, "Well, when you sit around having lunch with everyone and talk for an hour, you have to make up that time."

WTF is he doing sitting around shooting the sh*t with people on a Friday afternoon when he KNOWS he has a long drive ahead of him...A pregnant wife who is on the edge after dealing with a kid with the flu all week...Kids he wants to see awake, and will be upset if they are in bed already, and that pregnant wife who does not really want to keep them awake and then deal with putting them to bed late (and then dealing with it again in the morning)...That (still) pregnant wife who DOES NOT want to cook tonight and now has to wait until 9:00 to eat b/c that's what time he'll be able to pick it up on his way home??????

I swear, I'm not going to make it. I'm ready to break down right now and I'm afraid if I start crying now I won't be able to stop.

That man needs to get his head out of his flipping a&& and start thinking about people (ME!) besides himself.

Okay, now I think I can deal with it a little more calmly tonight. Maybe!!!

ETA: A new bag of mini Cadbury eggs is definitely in need, too!

[kedss]

yep, boys are dumb :(
mine just passed his dissertation, he was done at 3:30, called me and said, 'I'm going to go 'celebrate' at another lab'. Its 3 hours later, I'm hoping one of his friends will bring him home and tuck him into bed when they are done 'celebrating'.
meanwhile, i have to decide what to give my 5 year old for dinner, who will probably fall asleep halfway through whatever I make(read: microwave) and his daddy will wonder why everyone is asleep by seven. And of course, dd(8 months) will take forever to get to sleep, she seems to get a head of steam when I'm more than ready for bed!

hugs,mama, hope you get your cadbury eggs soon-

[Laurel]

Between this and your other post your DH has me :32:!!!

Seriously, whatever you say to him tonight, know that there's a nation of moms on your side!

[elektra]

That sucks. It irks me when DH tells me that he's been playing the XBox that they have set up at work or when he takes a long lunch or whatever. However, I do know that we all need downtime at work too (hello BBB! :innocent:). But here's the thing with me (and for SAHM's too)--- I don't get the opportunity to just hang out later if I want to. I have to be done at 5pm sharp when the nanny leaves. I then work late at night to make up for it if need be. But DD needs me at 5 sharp no matter what. For DH, it just doesn't work that way and he leaves when he "can".

[Twoboos]

Oh I so hear you on this! every Friday, every single one, DH stays late at work for a "week in review meeting" (read: drinks). Hopefully he's home by 7:30-8pm, this is after leaving at 5:30am. Sometimes he calls at 7 and gives the old "it's so-and-so's birthday/last day/etc. so can I go out?" and I am ready to jump through the phone and throttle him, as he calls IN FRONT OF all his work friends.

Where are the brains on these DH's sometimes?? Some Saturday I am going to run to the grocery store and not come back for 6hrs or so, with no notice. And not answer the phone.

Your DH has no excuse!! Get some chocolate!! :)

[niccig]

I'd be hopping mad too. You don't get a lunch break let alone a LONG lunch break. He's just started a new job correct? I wonder if he's trying to socialise more to fit in more quickly. Still no excuse when everyone is sick and home and his help is needed. I'd tell him that tomorrow morning he is on call to make up for not helping you out tonight. And you might have to give him a heads up on days when you need him to leave on time or early. I've told DH tonight that as DS and I are sick, dinner is whatever he brings home, but he wouldn't think of this himself.

My DH does the same. No time to run errands or make phone calls, but he goes out to eat most day with work colleagues. It's better for me now that DS is in preschool, but before hand, I would be very irate when he said he couldn't do something and I know full well that he ate lunch out that day and of course that would be a day when I was dealing with a screaming toddler all day long.

[hillview]

I think you get Saturday and/or Sunday to yourself to do whatever you would like. That would REALLY piss me off!
/hillary

[LarsMal]

I'd be hopping mad too. You don't get a lunch break let alone a LONG lunch break. He's just started a new job correct? I wonder if he's trying to socialise more to fit in more quickly. Still no excuse when everyone is sick and home and his help is needed. I'd tell him that tomorrow morning he is on call to make up for not helping you out tonight. And you might have to give him a heads up on days when you need him to leave on time or early. I've told DH tonight that as DS and I are sick, dinner is whatever he brings home, but he wouldn't think of this himself.


Yes, he started his new job about a month ago. I'm happy the environment at his new job is different. For the past 6 1/2 years he's pretty much eaten lunch at his desk while working so he could plug away at those billable hours. I'm glad he is meeting people and wants to eat/socialize with them (DH is kind of shy). But...do that Monday through Thursday, NOT Friday when you know your kids- who haven't seen you since Sunday night- are going to be waiting for you and traffic is a b*tch!

For the last hour DS has been crying for Daddy, because he knows he comes home on Friday night, usually soon after dinner. He just keeps saying, "I want Daddy. When is Daddy going to be home?" Heartbreaking!!!

And yeah...I'm heading out tomorrow morning- don't know when I'll return! When DH asks when I'll be back and if I want us all to go, my answer will be, "I don't know and NO!"

[ha98ed14]

Between this and your other post your DH has me :32:!!!

Seriously, whatever you say to him tonight, know that there's a nation of moms on your side!

Yeah THAT!

I don't mean this in any way but supportive, but I think you really need to talk to him and a counselor before this 3rd baby arrives. He sounds so unhelpful and even at times seems to make your life harder. Maybe hearing the message from a 3rd party will give him some perspective on his own behavior.

Does he see himself in competition with the DCs for your time and love instead of your partner in their care and upbringing? He seems to work against you, not with you. Sure, some body's gotta have a paycheck, and even if he doesn't help with household chores, he can do a lot better than to call you a fat a$$ when you are pregnant. I don't mean to bash your DH; I am just worried about what your posts will say in the months after DC3 is born...

[LarsMal]

Yeah THAT!

I don't mean this in any way but supportive, but I think you really need to talk to him and a counselor before this 3rd baby arrives. He sounds so unhelpful and even at times seems to make your life harder. Maybe hearing the message from a 3rd party will give him some perspective on his own behavior.

Does he see himself in competition with the DCs for your time and love instead of your partner in their care and upbringing? He seems to work against you, not with you. Sure, some body's gotta have a paycheck, and even if he doesn't help with household chores, he can do a lot better than to call you a fat a$$ when you are pregnant. I don't mean to bash your DH; I am just worried about what your posts will say in the months after DC3 is born...

It's only been since he started the new job and we're doing this whole long distance thing. He has always been very involved and very helpful. Until he started this job he was the one who did the entire bedtime routine. He would walk in the door at night and I would pretty much step back and let him take over. Until he started this job, I hadn't given the kids a bath in at least 6 months, probably longer. I physically put DD to bed, just b/c she is a mama's girl, but he did everything else.

He also does (did) all the dusting and vacuuming, the trash, etc. We had agreed that we would clean the house on Sundays before he left so that if there was a showing all I would need to do is pick up. He did vacuum last Sunday, but that's it.

I'm actually felling that when he's home he'd rather spend time with the kids than me! My brother and his girlfriend have offered to come here and spend the night with the kids so we could get away. DH won't go b/c he already feels guilty about being away from the kids all week. So, when he's home, he wants us to do everything together, but I really want to get a break from the kids since I've been on duty 24/7.

I really don't know what's gotten to him the past two weeks. The first couple of weeks were fine. Last weekend was bad, and we're not starting this one off on the right foot!

I just need to sit him down tonight and lay it all out there for him. He should be receptive. At least I hope he will be!!!

Who needs therapy- this is therapy right now!!!! Thanks!!!

[denna]

Oh Julie, Im sorry your DH was being so inconsiderate. It sounds like this hasnt been the norm in the past so thats good. How long is his commute? Dealing with a sick kiddo and being preggo is no fun. Not to mention you have a 2nd too! Id be EXHAUSTED. I hope you get that bag of mini cadburys (my fave too btw) and a massage out of this one.

PS Congrats on another baby girl! (I think I missed the gender announcement post).

[LarsMal]

DH and I had a long talk last night and I think I got through to him. Of course it started out with me being "hyper-sensitive and hormonal right now", but I squashed that quickly and made him see things from my perspective. That seemed to work! (He also came home with a chocolate chip cookie for me the size of my head, so I knew he at least recognized something was up!!!)

After we talked I told him I was sleeping in this morning and the kids were all his. Before I fell asleep he suggested I go out today and get a pedicure. That's more like it!

I didn't get out of bed 'til 10 then went and got the best spa pedicure I've had in a looooong time. He's been great all day today, so hopefully this will continue and the funk of the past week or two will finally be just that- the past!

Thanks for all the support!