Dear Mom:

[tnrnchick74]

I know I live with you; that I pay a ton of rent to you; and that I am greatful that you have been watching your grandson on the weekends I work and before/after daycare.

But when I call (only once during my 12 hour shift) and you say he's "fine", that really doesn't tell me anything. When I follow it up with "has he eaten, is he having a good day/bad day, what are you guys doing?" it's REALLY not me trying to pry into your personal doings or having you "report" to me your exact location. I honestly CARE how my son is when I'm not with him. I REALLY want to know that he's having a good day/bad day. It helps ME get through my day.

And when you hang up on me after screaming at me "HE'S FINE - WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND", it does not make me in a very good mood. I'm not very well going to be laughing at your absurd text message regarding your fake report on MY son.

Yeah, I trust you with my son. But he's MY SON and I want/need/and expect to get more than "fine". I'm not asking for a huge dialogue; an hour long conversation regarding the number of poops he's had today - but an overall "he's been laughing and having a great time" works perfectly.

I've overlooked a LOT of things with you - your constant criticism regarding my parenting choices; your arguing with me regarding when/what to feed MY son; endless discussions of how the MDs I've chosen don't have a clue; and your constant jabs at what a horrible job I'm doing raising my son.

If I could get an office job working normal hours and make a livable salary, then I would. I would LOVE to find a daycare that opened by 6:30 in the am and closed at 7:30 pm near the hospital and was reasonably priced. That would thrill me to no end! But said miracle does not exist - at ANY price. The daycares close before I get off work. I'm not lying when I tell you that the hospital does not have a daycare. They really don't. And I wish I were a lottery winner so I would be able to quit working and be home with DS.

I also would love to move out of your house - but there is the childcare issue. I have no way to get him to/from daycare. I would LOVE to have my own place. I would LOVE to be able to read my PRIVATE mail before you look at it - or if you don't open it you ask me all about it, and go into my room to find it after I'm at work. I understand that you want to control every aspect of my life, and will never see me as an adult. But I am an adult; DS is NOT YOUR CHILD...he's your GRANDCHILD; and I do appreciate the things you do to help me. I wish respect worked both ways.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

[mamaoftwins]

HUGS!! :hug:

[sste]

What a difficult situation. I think its hard enough to keep boundaries straight when the grandparents live in another state - - I can't even imagine your situation!!

Are you happy with the quality of care your mother is providing for your DS? If you are maybe that is a silver lining in a very difficult situation.

What kind of job do you have? I guess its not office but if you have computer access I wonder if you could "skype" (internet video phone call) with your son a little during the day? Or just set up a webcam so you can see him during the day whenever he wanders into the cam's view?

[dcmom2b3]

Oh honey! I'm so sorry! If it makes you feel any better, please know that I have a mail-opening, boundary-crossing, PITA live-in mom, too.

I think that's why twisty straws were invented . . .

[MontrealMum]

:grouphug: I cannot imagine how hard it must be to live with your mom, I am very grateful that mine lives so far away at times.

[sste]

Also, my mother was a mail reader back in my high school days. Until one of my friends wrote me a letter and in it said, "And Mrs. Smith, you are probably reading this so you should know . . . "

Maybe you can get someone to send you such a letter . . .

[Happy 2B mommy]

Big Hugs! It's so hard being an adult and living with a parent. Hang in there.

You may want to try a pharse my cousin uses when her MIL is babysitting - she says "How's Gretchen treating Grandma today?" It imparts that how they BOTH are doing is important to her. And it's a type of question that, while not open-ended, is more likely to get a more detailed response. Like you, my cousin really depends on her MIL to help out because both her and her DH have crazy/non-traditional work hours.

[niccig]

Hugs. Mothers can be very difficult. Note to self to NOT be like my mother.

Would she understand "I'm missing DS. What's he been doing today?"

As for the letter reading....yep I have one of those too. I lock down ALL the paperwork before a visit. We're getting a fire safe, and I think I'll be filling that up before the next visit. You can get smaller fire boxes with a lock, that might keep some private things more private. It's a little more tricky with delivered mail - could you rent a PO Box?

Sorry you're dealing with this.

[ThreeofUs]

You know, I've been thinking about you and wanted to say {{hugs}}. Sounds like such a hard situation all around.

Hope things get better soon.

[tnrnchick74]

Thanks everyone. Right now we are just ignoring each other. I might have to get a PO box. And I do have a friend writing a "letter".

It's sad when I have to get my computer password protected 24/7; lock my mail up; and still have no privacy!

[ellies mom]

If childcare is the only issue that is keeping you from getting your own place, have you thought about hiring a college student to come over and provide "gap" care? They could come over before school get him ready and bring him to day care when it opens and if necessary pick him up from day care when it closes. It does add to the cost but it might be worth it.

[Ceepa]

:hug: Sorry you're in a tough position.