Help for Deploying Neighbor

[mommysammi]

My neighbor's DH is going to Iraq soon. She's got 4 kids, ages 1, 4, 7, 10. She was able to find a dvd for her kids but no books. Any suggestions on dvds and books to help the kids understand the deployment (they are Army)?

Also, I would love to help her out, like cook one meal a week for her that can potentially last a few days. I will have my own family to tend to too so if I can make a big batch of something for both families, that'll be great. Any easy recipes that can be made for two families?

If you have any suggestions on other ways to help the kids cope with the deployment, that'll be very helpful too. My heart goes out to her family and all those families with members overseas. I don't know how they do it.

TIA!

[Hawkeyewife]

First of All, THANK YOU for asking this question.

How long is her husband going to be gone? Does she have family nearby? How active is her spouse support group?

Having gone through 3 deployments with children (the first time our oldest was 6 months old, then two kids for the 2nd and 3rd ones), the toughest times of the day were after the kids were in bed and on the weekends/holidays. Deployments stink! They are never easy no matter how many times you go through it, I hate thinking about having to go through another one someday.

I think meals are good, but even better would be to offer her weekly/monthly babysitting so she can get out on her own (I used to get a sitter once a week so I could go shopping or spend time in a bookstore/local library etc). Daily phone calls with my gal pals always help me stay sane and busy with the kids.

Does she have a large yard, maybe volunteering to help out with yardwork, leaves, snow etc... Our first deployment we were hit with a hurricane about a week and a half after my husband left, I would have appreciated help from anybody when it came to that cleanup. Are her kids busy with activities? Offering to help with practices/games. Cheering the kids on with whatever they enjoy is helpful.

Just be a good friend and when she has an emergency (something always breaks as soon as my husband leaves) be there for her, she will appreciate it.

There are family service centers on base that have all sorts of programs for deploying families, she should take advantage of one of the family classes. There are usually events on base for deployed families too, fun stuff for the kids in the summer, maybe even camps. Of course, the current administration is cutting the military budget by 10% so some of these programs may be disappearing.

[DietCokeLover]

As far as recipes go, the Duggar's book has several easy, cost efficient recipes that serve large amounts of people (for obvious reasons). You might look at that, or maybe their website has some as well.

[JTsMom]

Lasagna is a good way to feed a lot of people for several days, and it isn't much more work to make 2 than 1. How about something like beef stew and some nice, crusty bread? Baked chicken and roasted potatoes and veggies? I'm thinking if you stick with stuff you'd bake or make in a large stockpot you'll come up with lots of ideas. You're a great friend. :) Sending this family good wishes.

[sariana]

I'm sure her family already knows about this, but just in case they don't, they should look into Military One Source. My DH is expecting deployment orders within the next year, and he already picked up a huge pile of information and resources.

I assume the DVD she has is the Elmo one. We have two copies of it because I ordered one from One Source and then DH got another when he picked up these other materials.

If they need more info about One Source, let me know.

[infomama]

We all like this dish and it's easy to make/freeze. I use a rotisserie chicken instead of her method of boiling a whole chicken (much easier). Since I don't have the boiled chicken water I just use low sodium chicken stock for the liquid requirement. I also opt for a different pasta for the ease of eating..the kids can spear a piece of rigatoni better than long noodles these days. It's good reheated, too.
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/06/chicken_spaghet/

[Ceepa]

You're a thoughtful neighbor and person. :thumbsup:

[mommysammi]

How long is her husband going to be gone? Does she have family nearby? How active is her spouse support group?

Thank you for the great suggestions. I'm probably going to make tons of pasta sauces and freeze it for her. Stews are great ideas too.

Her husband will be gone for six months which isn't too long but long enough. Unfortunately, she doesn't have family nearby. She just moved here a few months ago so she doesn't know anyone. I talk to her because she's a SAHM too so I see her a lot when we go to the park. Besides me, she hasn't made any friends she talks to regularly. She said there isn't much of a support group here because the base is very small. I'll tell her about One Source. I hope One Source will be able to provide something for her. Thanks again!

[DebbieJ]

This is one of my favorite things to make for others lately:

Mostaccioli Casserole
1 lb. Mostaccioli noodles w/ lines
1 lb. Ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
1 (48 oz.) jar Spaghetti Sauce
3 c. shredded Mozzarella Cheese
3 c. shredded Cheddar Cheese
Parmesan Cheese

Cook mostaccioli noodles according to directions on package; drain. Brown ground beef with onion; drain. Mix together noodles, ground beef and spaghetti sauce. In separate bowl, mix together shredded cheeses.

Spread half of noodle mixture in 9x13 pan or casserole dish. Sprinkle half the cheese mixture over noodles. Repeat layers with remaining noodles and cheese. Sprinkle top with Parmesan cheese. Cover and bake at 325 for 1 hour or until heated through, uncovering the last 10 minutes.

Recipe can be made ahead and frozen. Thaw before baking

[lmwbasye]

We are 14 months into a 15 month deployment and I have to say thank you for considering your neighbor. My kids were 3 months and almost 3 1/2 when DH left (now 17 months and almost 4 1/2). I have to say that for her two little ones, the most important thing she can do is be there for them. In the beginning of the deployment, I did a lot of projecting onto my older son, saying how his behaviors were b/c Dad was gone and he missed his Dad. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't miss his Dad, but to be honest at this age, what is tangible and present is more real to him. His behaviors had less to do with Dad being gone and more to do with my reaction to his father leaving. The less we talked about how sad we were about the deployment and how different things were and the more I just focused on a "normal" daily routine with him, the better it became. I've learned that what is most important to him right now is that I am here, I am an active parent with him (not just sad and brooding all the time...I'll do this at night when he is asleep...although I will tell him that I miss Daddy and a couple of times have cried in front of him and just explain that it's okay to cry and be sad) and that I keep things as stable as possible for him.

Some books we like are Daddy, You're My Hero and Night Catch. There are a ton others that she can easily find on Amazon, but these two were the most age appropriate for my son.

Various things that have helped as well are:

photographs everywhere of Dad

each child has their own personal small photo album (I used those plastic baby ones) with pictures of them and Dad

videos of Daddy reading to them, videos of Daddy doing things with them (playing with them, giving them baths, etc)

making things to send to Daddy

having Daddy send home various things

Daddy took a favorite (but not super favorite) animal of my older DS's with him and promised to take care of it for DS....DS loves seeing Little Snoopy on the webcam and I think it helps make a connection.....DH also brought Little Snoopy home during R&R and then went back with him

they have a jar of M&Ms and each day get to eat one...when the jar is empty, that means Daddy is coming home that day

they each have a Daddy Doll

they each have something of Daddy's to keep safe for him until he gets back (DS1 has a military coin and DS2 has a pillow)

when I say goodnight to them, I tell them I love them and Daddy loves them; when DS1 is disciplined, I'll say that Daddy and I are not happy, etc....basically trying to have them understand that Daddy is still a presence in their lives

we talk a lot about what we will do when Daddy gets back...trying to keep in their minds that he is coming back and have things to look forward to

Anyway, sorry this is long. Just thought I'd share what has worked for us. I also wanted to quickly add that cooking something for them is FABULOUS!!! I had a friend that did this for a few months and it helped so much. I, too, have no family or friends around and those couple of months she did this gave me that little bit of connection with someone that I really needed.

Let me know if you have any other questions. I'm in the last month, so can't say anything as to redeployment, but am hoping that we get through it okay (redeployment was the hardest time of the entire deployment last time DH went).

[bekahjean]

Everyone has such good suggestions, but I just want to add one more.
It's not so much for her, as for the family in general.
I would recommend that she look into http://oplove.org
It's a website where photographers provide free photo shoots for military families. The family can request a photographer be present when her DH returns home, or she could have all the children's photos taken and sent to him while he is deployed.

As a military wife, I know my husband enjoyed any photos I sent while he was deployed.
As the sister of one of the OPlove photographers, I know that they really enjoy the chance to serve the military families. It's a unique way for them to honor the sacrifice that our military makes.

oh, and I defiantly second the babysitting. Give her a chance to get out of the house and just be herself for a few hours. As moms, we all need that.

[DietCokeLover]

[QUOTE=bekahjean;2319836]Everyone has such good suggestions, but I just want to add one more.
It's not so much for her, as for the family in general.
I would recommend that she look into http://oplove.org
It's a website where photographers provide free photo shoots for military families. The family can request a photographer be present when her DH returns home, or she could have all the children's photos taken and sent to him while he is deployed.



What a great thing. I just passed it onto a friend of mine whose husband should be heading out for his 3rd deployment in the next few months. Thanks for sharing this!

[bekahjean]

My sister just loves doing these shoots. I hope your friend can find a photographer in her area.