Questions about putting our dog down and what to tell dd?

[MNmomtobe]

I have been putting off the inevitable. I know we have to put our 17 year old dog down soon. I have been in denial about it and the timing is always so bad. DH and I are doing in vitro next month so I don't know if being stressed and miserable is the way to into the process. BUT, I don't want to prolong our dog's no longer fulfilling life selfishly either.
This is morbid I know but it will be really hard for me just to leave his body at the vet nor do I want to take him home to bury somewhere in the yard (we will move someday you know?).
DD who will be 3 this summer is attached to him. I truly don't know what to say to her about it. I also don't want to be a miserable wreck around her but the first time she calls for the dog and starts looking for him, I will lose it.

Any advice? Thank you in advance.

[trentsmom]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. :hug: I know there are lots of good threads around here dealing with this. We had to put our cat down in the fall, and we just told DS (almost 5 then) that the cat died. DS still misses the cat and will talk about him. I bought the book "Cat Heaven" based on recommendations from here, but there were lots of other great suggestions given.

[Tanya]

I'm really sorry about your dog. That's an amazingly long life. My childhood dog was 17, almost 18 when she was put to sleep.

We just found out this week that my 11.5 year old dog has cancer. She's not doing well. I have two kids. My oldest is almost 6 and my youngest is 2.5. They went with me to the vet on Wednesday (after I went alone to the ER with the dog on Tuesday night). Even though I knew before the appointment on Wednesday, I still got really upset and my kids wanted to know why. I've been honest with my kids, but have tried putting everything in as simple of terms as I can. My 2.5 year old just has no idea. My older daughter asks a lot of questions, but I dont' think she understands that death is forever or really what loss feels like. Sometimes her questions are hard to deal with. She told her dad that it was funny that I was crying. She wants to know if we'll bury our dog in the backyard.

Anyway, we're meeting with a specialist on Monday, so we're not quite to your point yet. I don't think it will be long though considering my dog isn't really my dog anymore as I'm sure you understand. She's not eating, so I'm going up to get some pain pills this afternoon. She's already on medicine to help with her vomiting/nausea.

We're also dealing with infertility and this just seems like a really sucky year. What worked for my previous two has not worked this time around, so we're running out of time, money, and options. It's stressful.

So, I'm not sure your little one will understand much really. I know my 2.5 year old does not. I have cried and cried and cried in front of my kids. I try to answer their questions and help them understand that our dog is sick and the sickness is going to kill her, but we're going to give her medicine to help at least make her feel better. If we can't keep her feeling good, then we don't want her to suffer.

When the time comes, I think we'll have my dog cremated and maybe sprinkle her ashes along where she's always played frisbee. I don't know if we'll take her to the vet or have the vet come to our house (they will often do this if you ask). Maybe we'll bury some of the ashes for a little funeral for the kids and they can draw some pictures to put with her or something. I feel like they'll need a little closure too. If you want to take your dog with you when you move, you can always keep his ashes.

I'm really sorry. This is soooooo hard. Take lots of pictures to remember you dog with your daughter. I will always treasure my pictures.

[infomama]

:hug: I'm sorry.
We had to put our puppy (she was less than 2) down about 2 weeks after DD2 was born. She was born with "bad" kidneys and we knew all along that we were on borrowed time. It was one of the saddest/tragic moments of my life. It's OK to cry and it's OK for her to see you cry. My DD1 often says, "I miss Sadie", out of the clear blue and it's gut wrenching.
We put up a lot of pictures of her and I made a Shutterfly book of all the pictures we took during her life. We look at it often, remember the good times, talk about how much we miss her and that she is Heaven watching over us. We told DD that she was very sick and that she died. I honestly can't remember what happened the morning before we took her into the vet but when we brought her home, DH took her down to our barn (we live on about 3 acres) and buried her. I considered cremation but in the end chose to have her buried at home because I didn't want some random person handling her body in anything other than reverence and I was pretty sure that wouldn't be the case. I chose to be there when she slipped away and I don't regret it at all.
again, I'm so sorry...

[MNmomtobe]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. :hug: I know there are lots of good threads around here dealing with this. We had to put our cat down in the fall, and we just told DS (almost 5 then) that the cat died. DS still misses the cat and will talk about him. I bought the book "Cat Heaven" based on recommendations from here, but there were lots of other great suggestions given.


Thank you for your kind words and response. I did do a search since I do remember seeing posts in the past but was unable to find them. I have more difficulty pulling things up on a search since the format changed. If you happen to find them, could you show the link here? Thank you.

[MNmomtobe]

Tanya, thanks for sharing your story. I will pray that you will find a way to alleviate your pet's suffering while allowing you to spend more time with her.

Infomama- that is a great idea about the photobook. I should have a few pictures taken of our family with our dog so we have some recent pictures. So sorry about the loss of your puppy. It is never easy no matter how much or how little time was spent with them.


I am thinking all sorts of things right now. How in the past few years my dog has slowly gone mostly deaf and blind, his arthritis has gotten to the point where he has to be carried down the steps to go poo and pee. It struck me recently that I had not seen him wag his tail in so long. I don't know if it is because he is so stiff from arthritis or because he is unhappy (or both). He certainly barks A LOT now (since he lost most of his hearing) but had always wimpered before when he was in pain. He doesn't really wimper anymore so I didn't think he was in pain. Of course he must be if he is so stiff.
He eats and drinks really well though. However, I realize that I tend to look at mostly the positives as excuses not to put him down. I do know now that it has to be done.

I also worry about being unprofessional at work and bawling my eyes out. I have a meeting to attend the day after the tentative day. I have picked this day because it is a Monday that I am off work and will allow me to spend the entire weekend before with my dog.

Anway, I am rambling.... thanks for listening.

[jse107]

Obviously I don't know where you work, but I would hope that your co-workers would be supportive of you and your loss. I know that where I work, everyone has been so kind to those who have lost a cherished family pet. There are always tears, but it's so understandable.

Hugs to you and your family. I know how much our pets are like are other children and there is no easy way to say goodbye.

For kids, an excellent book is "When a Pet Dies" by Mister Rogers and also "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" by Judith Viorst.

HTH...

[alien_host]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Putting a pet down is one of the hardest things to do. We put our dog down almost 3 years ago. She was almost 14 and not doing well at all (could barely walk, wouldn't eat or drink) and it was time. It was one of the saddest days ever when we took her to the vet.

Fortunately DD was only about 14 months at the time and we didn't have to explain it to her. Sadly, she doesn't even really remember the dog.

Anyway we had her cremated and have her ashes in a small urn. Originally we were going to bury the urn and get a small stone (that sits flush on the ground) but we never got around to it and have since moved. So I'm glad we didn't have to leave her behind.

Again, I'm sorry you are going through this. It will be very hard, but it does get better over time.

[Tanya]

Can you think of 3 things that your dog has always loved? Can he still do those three things?

Do you have him on pain meds for the arthritis?

My dog loves to play frisbee, she loves to go for walks, she loves to go for rides in the car, she loves to sleep on the bed (ours or my older daughter's), and she did love to eat.
I've been taking her in the car more frequently lately and now she has it in her head that she always gets to go because it's gotten difficult to get out the garage door without her. She hadn't gotten out of bed this morning for a pee or breakfast, but when I yelled up the stairs and asked if she wanted to go bye bye to pick up my daughter from school, she came on down. She's getting up on the beds by herself (pillowtop mattresses at that), but I'd give her steps or a ramp if I needed to. She's been going out to get the mail with me across the street and today, she ran back up the driveway with my other dog. She also played frisbee today. So, today, food is the only thing she's not interested in. It's a good day. I got her pain pills, so hopefully that will help with the appetite. Her tail is still wagging and she's following me around the house. She sits next to the kids while they eat even if she refuses any food that is offered.

I love the idea of a photobook. I'm going to do that for sure.

[ohiomom1121]

So sorry about your dog...I know how hard this is. I was one of the recent posters about my dog. We had to put her down about a month ago, and I was so nervous about how the kids would handle it. I got several books, but Dog Heaven was by far the most helpful. We started reading it with the kids at night a few weeks before we had to put the dog to sleep. My husband took her to the vet's early one morning before the kids were up...and we told the kids the angels came and took her. They handled it better than expected. DD always talks about Haley being in Heaven, and her getting ham sandwich biscuits from God (in the book). It's so sweet. DS who is 2 1/2 randomly says he misses her, and like PP said, it's heartbreaking. I think it was best to prepare them ahead of time, at least for us. As far as what to do with the remains, we had Haley cremated because of her size (100 lbs) and we have the ashes that we will be burying when it warms up. We found a company that came and picked up the body from the vet's office and then delivered the ashes the next day.