grrrr recommender-UPDATE

[motherofone]

UPDATE: After 6 emails and 2 phone calls-my recommender came through-probably to write about what a PIA I am. I guess I should ask for some bbb mojo to get into the program. I am meeting the director next week. Any of you brilliant moms have any idea what I should wear?
Thanks for all the great advice. I've never been the type of person to ask for things and your support and encouragement was very helpful.

I've decided to go back to school to get a certificate to make myself employable. The program is extremely competitive and only a few people are accepted each year. I asked a member of my dissertation committee (who was also an employer) for a letter of recommendation-two months ago. He agreed but has not yet submitted it. I send reminders every 2 weeks and feel like a nag. If he didn't want or was unable to send in the letter-why did he agree? The deadline is fast approaching and still no damn letter. It is too late to ask anyone else. I know that getting into the program was nearly impossible --but not having the paperwork in totally destroys any chance I had.
I feel like such a loser. I got laid off when pregnant almost 6 years ago. I tried for years to have another baby but that didn't work. I wrote a book-couldn't get it published. I've applied for every job in my field in my area-had a few interviews but no job. Now this longshot of a dream is being shot down-and there is nothing I can do.
Sorry for the long whiny post. I'm just so frustrated. I know that I'm lucky to have a great DH with a job and a healthy, happy DD. However, I'm 42 and am not ready to be done professionally.

[ha98ed14]

You sound like many of us on here with graduate degrees and once-upon-a-time careers we hope to go back to post baby. Know this: you are not alone. I could have written your post verbatim. I am applying to programs to prep me for my change-of-career field right now. I have to take the competency exams in May. I also have one DD and a great DH. It is hard. You're whole identity can become so-n'-so's mom if you don't fight to keep some vestige of the intellectual life you had before you were a mom. And that can be a real challenge because you know what happens to your brain during pregnancy ;). I guess I just want to throw out a BIG cyber HUG and tell you that your DD will be a more confident and intellectually engaging person because she has you for a mom. So even on the days you are just doing DD, remember that you are shaping HER mind with yours.

[Momof3Labs]

I hate when people commit to something like that and don't follow through. Can you offer to write it for the person? Sounds silly, but if they give you an outline and you write it, or you start something and they edit with their own thoughts, perhaps it will get them past the writer's block and get something out the door.

Otherwise, I'm not sure when the deadline is, but I'd find someone else. You said that there isn't time, but if there's even a week, it's doable. Don't let this one person get in the way of your plans!!

[mytwosons]

Otherwise, I'm not sure when the deadline is, but I'd find someone else. You said that there isn't time, but if there's even a week, it's doable. Don't let this one person get in the way of your plans!!

:yeahthat: I had an employee, who was in the same situation as you, approach me toward the end of January. She felt really weird and bad asking me because we've only worked together a few months, and she had to tell me about the original recommender flaking out on her. Plus, I know she felt bad the deadline was in a week. Really, I didn't care and was happy to help since I think she's really great. When someone asks for a letter of recommendation and gives me a month's notice, it's not like I spend the month crafting the letter.

I'm sorry you are in this situation! Take control and ask someone else to write the letter. Good luck!

[KrisM]

Otherwise, I'm not sure when the deadline is, but I'd find someone else. You said that there isn't time, but if there's even a week, it's doable. Don't let this one person get in the way of your plans!!


Definitely ask someone else. Most people will do things like this right away, so having a short deadline isn't a big deal. If I were asked, I would do it within 2 or 3 days at most or I know I'd forget about it. So, having only a week would be a non-issue.

[egoldber]

I agree I would ask someone else.

I found out I needed a letter of recommendation for Sarah for the GT program at the last minute (and don't even get me started on how stupid THAT is, but I digress.....) and I asked someone with only a week to go and she was so happy and eager to do it.

[ThreeofUs]

My DH does this all the time - and so do most of his colleagues.

Seriously, I'd call your recommender and talk to him. He's probably just overcommitted and your recommendation hasn't become a "fire" yet.

[cvanbrunt]

I can't tell you the number of times I've written a last minute recommendation for a student. I have several "colleagues" who agree to write letters and don't do it! Grrrr is right. Call him and tell him that you won't be considered if the file isn't complete. Then ask someone else. Explain that someone has dropped the ball and that will get some sympathy and probably a nice letter.

[lfp2n]

Is the deadline passed? Does he know the deadline. I'm just asking as I get asked to write a lot of letters for former graduate students in our program, I always say yes but give me the deadline when you want it done by, and I invariably do it that day or the day before.
Are you sure he's not doing this? I hope so, it sounds frustrating.

Good Luck