My DH just told me.....

[overcome]

that he does not feel comfortable giving DD a bath. WTF???!

He claims he is afraid she will say something to others about him tickling her vagina b/c one time she said "You are tickling my vagina" when he was washing her with a washcloth (which prompted me to inform him he doesn't have to actually get in there and wash it anyway as it is basically self cleaning).

She takes a bath every night. He gives her a bath maybe once a month. This whole thing started when I said, "How about you giving her a bath tonight?" b/c I had been running ALL DAY with her and he said, "Didn't I just give her a bath last night?" Which he STARTED the bath last night (I finished it) b/c I had to attend a viewing of a 16 yo girl who apparently died from a drug overdose (I went to high school with the parents and had the girl's brother and sister in my class in first grade several years ago). So sorry to inconveince you, DH! I was in line at the viewing for ONE HOUR!

I think he is being totally ridiculous, and while I would like to be supportive of his feelings, this is just one more thing I am po'ed about....there are many many other little things, some having to do with DD and some not.

BTW, DD is just about 3 1/2 and due to his work schedule, most days I am operating under single mom status as he cannot help. I will say this... he picks her up from daycare every day and cooks dinner every night. I do EVERYTHING else. Also, when he is here, he adores her and spends time with her doing quality activities.

So what do you think? I'm interested to hear others' opinions.

I am so flippin' P*SSED OFF right now. Ughh.

[StantonHyde]

Oh puhleeze. Heck, DH took the kids to McDonalds playland where there is a bathroom in the play area. It is sort of open at the top and she is in there screaming--don't touch my vulva!!!!! Nope, there was not another exit. He survived. Your DH will too. I don't wash DD's--I just let the water swish in there.

[sste]

As the song goes, hit him with your best shot.

Tell him DD is going to catch onto the fact that DH never gives her bath. And she is going to feel, for the first time in her life, shame. His unwillingness to give her a bath is sending a message that it is only OK for mommy to see her body and that there is something shameful about her father seeing it. How can you teach your daughter to have pride in her body and in being female when her dad "punishes" her by never bathing her after her very appropriate comment that she was being inadvertently tickled.

[Neatfreak]

At 3.5, my kiddo was able to wash her own privates in the bathtub. That could be a way for your DH to still be involved with bathtime and be comfortable ...

[sarahsthreads]

DH is just about the only one in this house to give DD1 a bath. Ever. He took over the job while I was pregnant and I've never taken it back.

He was a little taken aback when I taught her the word "vulva" and she used it in his presence. He had just been calling the whole area her bottom while washing her, and she started calling it her "front bottom" so I thought we might need to have a little girl-to-girl talk about it. But I pointed out that if we ever have a son I'll be hearing the word "penis" fifteen million times a day and it's really no different. (Side tangent: if anyone has any suggestions about how to teach when and where it's appropriate to use those words without making them seem shameful I'm all ears! DH is terrified DD1's going to tell all the other preschool kids about her vulva. She probably already has. I'm less worried about DD1 talking about that than about the fact that she is sure that we're going to have twins soon - a boy baby and a girl baby - so that she can have a little brother and DD2 can have a little sister.)

I'm pretty sure that most daycare and preschool teachers have heard it all. In fact, it makes me cringe to think of what they probably know about us, as I've overheard DD1 telling them random little things and I'm sure she shares other stuff when we're not around.

And, yeah, my DH didn't realize he didn't have to really get in there with the washcloth either, until I mentioned it. So I would just clear that up and tell him to get over it.

Sarah :)

[shawnandangel]

Start letting her wash her whole body and just supervise and get her hair? I don't know how capable of this she is, obviously my dd is not that old and I can't remember when my nieces started washing themselves in the bath tub, but I know around 4 it was just supervision and parents washing hair. Of course, every child and every family are different.


BTW I asked my husband about this post and he thinks your DH is being silly.

[belovedgandp]

I'm pretty sure that most daycare and preschool teachers have heard it all. In fact, it makes me cringe to think of what they probably know about us, as I've overheard DD1 telling them random little things and I'm sure she shares other stuff when we're not around.

Slight tangent, but yes, they probably have. My mother still remembers my Kindergarten teacher telling the parents at the first meet the teacher night that she wouldn't believe everything that she heard about them at face value if they didn't believe everything they heard about her. Those mouths just move non-stop and things come in and out of context so easily.

As for the bath, I agree about the positive body image message and teaching self-care. I have two boys and have never thought twice about giving them baths. And yes we talk about penises at great length on certain days.

[hillview]

penis penis penis penis!

Sorry had to get that out. I have 2 boys (well three really) and it is penis 24/7. Tell DH to get over it. For me with my 3.5 year old I don't always wash each and every part each bath. If he really has an issue just let her play and wash the very dirty parts.
/hillary

[veronica]

My DD is roughly about the same age and DH and I do bath together and he has never complained.

I will tell you that a few weeks ago , when we took DD for her 3 year check up , the Doctor (female this time) began the exam and we were surprised that the said "these are your private parts and only mommy and daddy can see them when you take a bath or get dressed or a Dr. when you have an exam".

We actually thought this was a great introduction to the topic since there are so many dangerous situations out there. Since then, DD has been very intersted in private parts. Each bath we talk about what they are and who can see or touch (grandma when she helps her potty, teacher when she helps her potty and not one else, etc) This could be a great way to protect your child, and help DH establish ground rules about the situation and to realize that is it quite ok to bath his child!

Hope this helps

[lizajane]

I will tell you that a few weeks ago , when we took DD for her 3 year check up , the Doctor (female this time) began the exam and we were surprised that the said "these are your private parts and only mommy and daddy can see them when you take a bath or get dressed or a Dr. when you have an exam".


our ped says the same thing at every annual appt to both of my kids.

[C99]

our ped says the same thing at every annual appt to both of my kids.

Ditto here, although she doesn't say see them, I believe she says look at/touch them.

[StantonHyde]

My kids use penis and vulva in public--I just brush it off and keep going. They mention their elbows too. Same thing to them.

[niccig]

I will tell you that a few weeks ago , when we took DD for her 3 year check up , the Doctor (female this time) began the exam and we were surprised that the said "these are your private parts and only mommy and daddy can see them when you take a bath or get dressed or a Dr. when you have an exam".



We've been saying this for a while with DS. We have a couple of books like "Your Body belongs to you" and they talk about how you don't have to give someone a hug or a kiss if you don't want to, and talks about your private parts and who can see them

As for the OP's DH. Tell him he can still bathe DD and let her wash herself. DS is 4yo and he washes his own penis.

[maestramommy]

Dh and I take turns giving the girls a bath, because both girls want me, but I can only do one at a time. So each kid gets a bath by Dh every other night. I'm sure it tickles when he has to wash Dora's privates, but when she laughs, "tickles!" and cringes away he just says, "oh sorry, I'll try not to tickle you." He also taught her how to wash her bum by herself, so that's another option available to her. We use to have her sit with her legs open so we could aim the sprayer, but that started to tickle too much, so now we do it while she's standing and hope for the best.

[overcome]

Many many thanks ladies! Your suggestions/opinions/experiences are so logical and intelligent. I will be sure to share with my DH.

You all made me feel so much better.

Thanks :-)

[Momof3Labs]

DS2 used to giggle and tell us that we tickle his penis when we are trying to clean him following a messy bowel movement. DH used to react to that comment, and then I suggested that we just calmly say, I'm not trying to tickle you, I'm just getting you clean; this is what mommy and daddy do to get you clean after a poop. It doesn't come up any more. OP's DH could use a similar line. Or I agree about teaching DD to wash herself - DS2 can do it with coaching (now wash your knee, and your foot, and your other foot, etc.) If she misses a spot, so what. It will get clean the next night.

Ask your husband if he'd do all the bath duty if you had a boy. I'm guessing that the answer is no...