Does your mommy group have by laws/rules?

[AnnieW625]

I joined a yahoo based moms group for moms in my area when DD was 2 mos. old; the group had started the year before and I was member #60, I think. About six months ago the group had grown to 350+ members, and a group of 18 or 20 really active moms, including the mom who started the group and formed a more exclusive group that was suppose to stay just us; she in fact invited us to join. I know it's a cliquey, and sorrority like, but I joined anyway. These are the moms I talk to a lot and my daughter is friends with a few of them.

Well over the weekend the moderator sent out a poll requesting to add more members. I voted for the members I knew and thought should've been included from the beginning. We also got an evite to the Easter Egg hunt/brunch and the date was chosen by the members, but the evite included a few members (who a few of us know and are friends with as the hostess of the event (kind of the wannabe moderator who likes to control things)) and for some reason that kind of bugged me because I feel like if we have events with lots more people than our members (even if they are friends) that our group could grow out of control again, and we'd end up splitting again.

So I emailed the moderator, and the group and let them know my thoughts, and suggested bylaws for things like this. Was that completely stupid?

ETA: wannabe moderator has been a member of the group since the beginning, but she does get on nerves of some of us a lot; we just kind of laugh it off though, but I'd hate for the group to lose control to her because she always has to have her nose in others business. The original leader doesn't care how the group is run and a lot of the time doesn't plan much at all and doesn't think of herself as a leader, but she is friends with wannabe leader. Most of us really like how the group is run now.

[ha98ed14]

I think it depends on the "culture" of your moms group. If it is a group that puts things to a vote and has official inner circles and outer circles, like yours seems to, then, no, I don't think it comes off as stupid to suggest by-laws. It seems (to me) like a logical step to govern a group that has gotten really big.

I will say that I personally would avoid groups like this because IME, their leaders take themselves much too seriously. I have been a member of a moms group of moms in my church since I was pg with DD. For the most part, they are a really nice group of ladies. All was going well until the group got commendeered by a "wannabe moderator who likes to control things." She was new to our church and just kind of came in and took over a group that had been previously egalitarian. Granted, we were not that big, maybe 20 moms max, but we were doing just fine before she came in and took over. She changed our meeting place and activities. No one in the group liked it, but no one had the nerve to say anything because they didn't want to offend her (how *(&^%$#$ Christian of them!). Before her, the group did not have a leader, so it was hard to object, I guess. Long story short, I ended up leaving the group. In recent months, a lot of people have stopped going and the group has kind of fizzled. Partly I think because of this wannabe's bossy style and partly because a lot of ladies had more kids and it makes it harder to get out. I still see some of the moms I was friends with out side of church for play dates, but I won't go to the events that the wannabe leader plans. She has a huge personality and she wants to be the center of attention and decide who is "in" and who is "out." Thankfully a lot of the other moms see her for what she is, but they don't want to say anything, which I think is lame because I liked the group the old way. Anyway... blather, blather... JMHO.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yikes! That is the kind of moms' group I always strive to avoid. I'm glad it's working out for you but it sounds way more labor intensive than a playgroup should be. My playgroup was 8 of us that met through gymnastics as well as friends of friends. We rotated houses or outtings every week or so, had some Mom's Night Outs and that sort of thing. It was so casual and easy. At this point I guee you need to decide if you really think it is worth putting that sort of time and energy into a social playgroup...or if you just want to call up a few of the moms you especially click with and start doing things on your own.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to get something down when you have a group that big. If you are up for it then go for it.

Beth

[niccig]

Our playgroup is low-key. There's 8 mums and about 14 kids. We normally get together once a week. We email out and see what everyone wants to do. Sometimes we met at the park, or someone's house. We're very informal, and I like it that way. But the OP's group is much bigger. You could try and formalise things like a Mom's Club or MOPS.

[maestramommy]

I also belong to a yahoo based group in my town. It's an offshoot of an original Moms Club group that split up over unhappiness with their bylaws. This group is much more informal. The rules are few. You have to be a resident of the town to join, no criticism of anyone's parenting style or political/religious debates on the message board. I *think* that's about it.

[AnnieW625]

Some of our original moms joined our group too because they were unhappy with their local MOMS club (not sure if it's the same originazation as yours was, but you had to be a SAHM only, and couldn't even work part time) so they joined our club.

I really truthfully would hate to see bylaws like what MOMS Club International has in place (no offense though to those are members) but I'd also hate to see our little group become huge once again, and possibly have to split again. 98% of the time we usually just post who is going to be at the park at a certain time, and then every couple of months there is some kind of family event for just us, and in the past we have been asked by wannbe moderator to not invite other people who are members of the larger group so it kind of irritates me that wannabe invited her own friends. I know I should get over it and move on:) (truly laughing at myself for thinking I should be taking the mommy group seriously).

Thanks for all of your suggestions and such.