How am I supposed to be happy for you?!?!

[frgsnlzrds]

To my sister:

I understand that you want another baby. I really, really do. I waited 7 years to be able to afford have another one and it was an awful wait. But you are being so stupidly selfish right now, it makes me furious!

You cannot afford to take care of the child you already have! You call Dad at least once a week and beg him to take you grocery shopping because your son is hungry and you don't have enough money for food! You can't afford your cell phone bill, your rent, or your car payment. You couldn't even afford a pregnancy test! The industry that you work in is severely effected by this economy and you could lose your job at any time. WHY WHY WHY do you think you can afford another baby?

You've told me how you've been thinking about leaving your husband. About how bad things are. Babies don't save marriages, they make them harder!

And even if, by some MIRACLE, you manage to sponge enough money off of our parents for diapers and formula, you're going to try taking care of this baby on your own! You don't live with Mom any more. There's no one to take the baby while you sleep for 12 hours because you're tiiiiiiiiirrrrred. No one to bring you cold wash cloths while you lie on the couch moaning. And if you think having one baby is hard, wait until you try taking care of a baby and a kid at the same time! And do you really think that Mom is going to keep taking your kids every other weekend so you can have some "me" time?

I know how it feels to want another baby. But I think this is a mistake. And I will love my future niece/nephew, but I will constantly fear for his/her safety and well being. I think you're being too selfish to be a mom. I think if you're marriage is holding together, you should wait until your husband finds a better job to support you with. I think you should be able to make the minimum payments on your current financial obligations and FEED the child you already have before you add another person to your family. I've been there. I am not a hypocrite. But I believe in putting the child's needs first and right now you CANNOT meet those needs.

No one believes it was an accident, especially since I heard from another relative that you've been trying for a couple months. You are selfish and too immature to have another baby. How am I supposed to be happy for you???

There. It's out. Now I can smile when I see her this weekend, even if I don't mean it.

[lorinick]

WOW! You really needed to get that out. I hope it helped. I have no advice except Breath again. Everyone sees things in a different light I hope everything works out. It looks like your mom and dad will be busy.

[Melanie]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[niccig]

I know some people that are in a similar situation. You want to be happy because having a child IS a happy event. BUT, because of the family dynamics you can't help but shake your head as they can't manage their current circumstances, let alone with another person in the house to care for too.

All you can do is cross your fingers and hope it works out.

[ILoveLucy]

I empathize with you. My sister is the exact same way. She couldn't afford one baby, but 2 years later had an "accident" that resulted in my second niece. No one bought her "accident" story either. I don't think my sister ever bought so much as a diaper for her kids. My mother has bought them everything they've ever eaten, worn, done, and even the various cars my sister has driven over the years.

My nieces are now 11 and 13, and my mother still buys them everything they need--clothing, money for school activities, summer camp, school supplies, etc, or they would simply do without, because my sister either can't afford it or won't afford it. She just doesn't care that much, and as long as mom will pay, she'll let her.

I love my beautiful nieces, and they need these things, but it is frustrating as well as worrying for their well being.

Hang in there, and try to focus on the new little one to love. As much of a mistake it was for my sister to have my second niece under her financial circumstances, I love her so much and can't imagine our family without her, and I bet you'll feel the same way.

[frgsnlzrds]

Thanks, ILoveLucy. I keep thinking this is something she'll grow out of, or just plain grow up, but I don't think it's going to happen. She's just got this huge entitlement thing going on. She's always guilting our parents into buying her things and giving her money to make up for who knows what. Some perceived preference on my part, I think, but I don't see them offering to pay my rent or take my kids twice a month. Sigh. I will love my new niece or nephew, but I will also spend a lot of time worrying.