Appropriate response for 18 month old issues?

[hillview]

DS #2 is 18.5 months. When he is upset he bites me and also pulls DS #2's hair. This happens >4 x a day. He will do it out of the blue when something strikes him as not ok or even just if he wanders past DS #1 at times. The strong "no" has not worked. I have set up a pack and play in the living room (next to playroom) and now I put him in that for a min or less immediately when he bites or pulls hair -- immediate "no" and into PNP. I am not excited about this. It does not really seem to have any impact on him (he seems happy to play in the PNP quite often -- occasionally he cries or acts like he is upset but not all the time). He is not very verbal (dada, baby, etc) so I think some of his behavior is b/c he is frustrated that he cannot talk.

Anyone have any suggestions? We use timeouts only when REALLY needed for DS #1 and I never had to do anything like this at age 18 months with DS #2.

/hillary

[mamaoftwins]

I am so thankful that you posted this ... and I am anxiously waiting for responses. The boys are 16mos and Monkey is crazy lately - biting, tantrums, throwing food on the floor, throwing toys, the works. A stern 'no' does not work. We are now trying a 1 min 'timeout' in his crib. Sorry to hijack, but I hope someone has some advice!!

[brittone2]

That age was tough for us w/ DD and DS.

Some things that helped:
Teaching DD to sign for help (if she was frustrated w/ DS, who sometimes got in her face a bit, and that often triggered her to bite/hit/scratch). We also had to teach DS, who was 3 years older, to come get us and ask us for help vs. getting in his sister's face or yelling at her. If she took his stuff, messed up what he was playing with, etc, we had to teach him to come to us for help vs. getting in her space (which triggered her to bite/hit, etc.)

When things looked like they were heading south for both kids, we told them to basically separate to keep things from escalating

Practicing gentle touches. Teaching what a gentle touch feels like.

Teaching DS to walk away from DD when she did hit or bite and tell her "I don't like that!" firmly.

I definitely think that at 18 months, even the more verbal kids just aren't equipped to cope very well, so the hitting/biting tends to happen quite a bit. DS almost never hit or bit, but then again, he didn't have a sibling to contend w/ at that age. DD's hitting/biting definitely eased up between 18-24 months, but she's very verbal. She's now over 2 and it is much more rare for her to act out physically now. Since language is a problem, I'd try to observe the triggers and then work on signs/skills to work around those triggers (so signing "help", demonstrating gentle touches, showing older DC how to get an adult to help when needed, etc.). I don't think punishment per se will really affect an 18 month old (eta: in terms of teaching). Walking away briefly or making statements like "hitting hurts" are a natural way to show that people don't like to be hit/hurt.

eta: if DD hit or bit or otherwise hurt DS, we also showed her that he was crying and that he was hurt. We'd ask her to give a "gentle touch" to him afterward (if he was willing to let her, which sometimes took a few mins for him to be receptive).

[bubbaray]

DD#2 started putting herself in timeouts around that age. I'm not kidding. SHe wasn't very verbal either -- understood, but didn't have a lot of words AT ALL. Once she started talking more, the physical stuff (especially towards DD#1) has really lessened.