How often do you contact family (parents, siblings)

[MacMacMoo]

My parents are really laid back and don't care if we call or not, just that DH and I pick when they do call. Basically DH and I are like them we only call people if a something important has happened or if we need something. Calls are generaly straight to the point and end when point is covered... so no more than 10 mins max. And actually depending on the urgnecy most times it ends up being an e-mail. So generaly contact between us and them is oh say twice a month.

MIL on the hand is very demanding she calls every day. we screen her calls. most times the voice mail just says "call me" which is code for I just wanted to say Hi and see what you are doing and not let you get off the phone until you've tried to say good bye twelve times.

We a moving cross country from them this summer and DH and I are trying to think of how often we plan to contact them. If left to our own devices we would uh not do so.

We are thinking of something like have a weekly or bi-monthly e-mail newsletter or blog. and then once a month purposely calling to say hi, how are you, this is what going on. However if something really important happens we will call, though we aren't sure what warrents a phone call that couldn't wait for a weekly update...?

I don't know tis a theory, we'd like to know what works in the real world: So how often and in what manner do you talk with family?

[hillview]

My live with us. Before they lived with us we would talk to my parents pretty often or once a week -- totally depended on what was going on. With DH he does a weekly call on Sunday to them (they are in the UK). It lasts about 30 mins. With my sister we talk at random -- some weeks a few times (5?) a week-- another week and no call. With DH's brother, we rarely talk (not an issue with him at all just what works) but catch up on holidays and occasional calls etc. My sister lives across the country and talks with our mom every day or so for a quick chat.

/hillary

[KrisM]

I talk to my parents most days. We chat about whatever for 10-20 min. We actually talked 4 times today :)

DH talks to his mom about twice a week for 20 min or so.

ETA: after reading other posts, I want to add to mine. Neither of our parents put any demands on us to call. DH's mom lives 700 miles away and my parents live 40 miles away. We call or they call, but it's not a big deal at all. My mom and I talk a lot and a lot of times it's something that could wait, but I call anyway. Like to say DS2 is cruising now. It could wait, of course, but I usually talk to her anyway.

I talk to my brother or, more likely, my sister-in-law about once a week or so. DH talks to his brother once a week and his sisters about twice a year. For him, it's just a common interest thing.

[MamaKath]

We talk to our own parents pretty often, especially now that we live further from them. Our mothers pretty much daily (me on the way to work, him on the way home). My kids like to skype my dad, that is maybe once a week. As the kids and parents get a bit older the contact gets a bit more frequent. Like my mom and I used to talk on weekdays, but now I try to call at least once on weekends to see how she is.

Siblings much less frequently.

[jgenie]

We live away from both of our families. I talk to my mom almost every day sometimes more than once. We generally talk about what we've been doing and calls can range from 5 mins to an hour. I call my siblings every other week - I may not catch them, but I make the effort. DH talks to his mom at least once a month since DS was born. Prior to that it was Mother's Day, birthday, Thanksgiving, & Christmas. He rarely talks to his siblings. DH spends a lot of time on the phone at work - he hates to be on the phone when he's not working.

[MontrealMum]

We talk to the Ils a few times a week, for maybe 15 min or less. They live here in town so much of this is coordinating visits or things DH helps them with. They're older so we help them out with things sometimes. We rarely talk to SIL because she's a nutjob.

I might talk to my dad once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. He has email and also lots of friends so he's quite busy, and not very needy. It's very easy to just call to tell him something quick or ask him a quick question and not get all tied up in something. My mom on the other hand...

If I knew I did not have a sibling I would think you were describing my mom in your MIL's description. I hear you on wanting to limit your calls, to be able to say goodbye ONCE, to just check in quickly, go longer than a day w/o a call and not have that institute a full-on panic etc. etc. But I think if you try some of the options you've listed w/a personality like I am imagining your MIL to be, they are just going to backfire. In my mom's case she is lonely, needy, and very clingy. Push her away or put that call off and I just owe her a much longer one when I do finally call. And I will be made to pay with guilt trips for a loooong time. If my mom had her way she'd talk to me every day - for an hour. While I do like my mom (obviously I love her, but like as in like as a person) and like talking to her (perhaps once a week) this is just more than I can give. She is the reason we got caller ID in the first place.

I guess this doesn't give you any real advice to implement, but what I'd do first is approach her/confront her about the frequency and length of her phone calls...and if she'd be satisfied in toning them down? She might be, who knows? Especially if you explain how it takes away from your time with her grandkids.

GL!

[bubbaray]

My parents are dead, so aside from seances, we have no contact (OK, bad joke with probably equally horrid spelling, but you get the drift).

DH's family, we hear from FIL and sMIL about every month (via Skype) when they are in Europe half the year. When they are home (which is a ways from us), every few weeks or so. They visit every couple of months, maybe 2-3x in the 6m they are not in Europe. They used to email more frequently, to the point of only sending email b-day cards, etc, until I flat out told DH that sending an email to a baby was pretty thoughtless. At least give a baby a card to chew on, KWIM?

DH has contact with his brother every couple of weeks, possibly more frequent email contact, but I have NOTHING to do with BIL or his family, so I'm not really too clear on that. The girls see their cousins every month or two, depending on celebrations and birthdays, etc.. If nothing else the whole troop goes skiing once a month typically in winter (well, not including DD#2 yet -- she does go on the other visits, though). DH and BIL don't really have a relationship other than to get the kids together, if it weren't for the cousin events, they would likely have zero contact (and they did for almost 3 years). BIL and FIL are not currently speaking at all.

DH and I (v.e.r.y.) briefly (OK, fleetingly) toyed with the idea of having the ILs live with us to solve our current daycare dilemma (see bitching post). We have the room, but DH (to my surprise) quickly nixed that idea. It probably would have been perfect for the ILs who have sold their main residence and are "homeless" (living in their ski cabin) b/c of some dispute over the new home they purchased (and subsequently agreed to rent back to the vendors for what, to me, seems like sketchy reasons).

[mommyp]

All our family is far away. I talk to my parents probably 3-4 times/week. Usually on the days I'm not at work, we'll just chat and catch up. We use the webcam occasionally too. I talk to one of my sisters weekly, the other one is harder to get hold of and we talk twice a month I guess. DH talks to his parents weekly, sometimes we use the webcam with them too. SILs are less frequent than that, but more often reached through email.

[ellies mom]

I talk to my mom 2-3 times a week. Sometimes for just a few minutes, sometimes for over an hour. I usually chat with my dad for a bit if he answers. I talk to my sister about every 2 weeks, sometimes more and I talk to my brother about every 1-2 months. But we write on each others FB walls more often.

I never actually talk on the phone to my ILs. They don't call us. My DH calls them every 3-4 months but more out of a sense of obligation I think.

Both our immediate families live about 600 miles away.

[salsah]

i talk to my mom at least once ever day. her choice not mine. but if she does not call me, i have to call her or else she will make a big deal about how i don't care about her and only call her if i need something. i only call my dad if i have a reason to. i see him (and my mom) once a week. my sister and i talk very irregularly because it is hard for us to find a time that we can both talk. we often rely on email.
dh talks to his parents and one of his brothers daily. he talks to his other brother only very rarely (special occsaions, etc.) and is more likely to exchange emails with him. he talks to his sister daily when her voip phone is working.

[klwa]

Before my mom died, I made sure to speak to my parents about 1ce a week on the phone (and these were 1/2 hour to 1 hour long talks). When Momma died last year, I started calling my dad (or he would call me) every 1-2 days. Now that it's been about a eyar, we're back down to 1-2 times per week. I know Sundays are hard for him, so I try to always make a call then & usually one other day during the week.

[maestramommy]

My parents I generally talk to once a week or every other week. The conversation could be as short as 15 minutes or as long as 40. It also depends on if there's a specific reason for a call. Sometimes my mom calls me and sometimes I call her. And if my dad answers I talk to him first.

MIL was calling every week during the girls' naptime because she knew I'd be free to chat. But she's not doing that anymore. Maybe Dh has been calling her, I don't know.

Both sets of parents live far away. I used to live within commuting distance of my parents, and would go visit them once a week, so we didn't really talk on the phone.

For added context, everyone has very busy lives, and not particularly needy. The grandmas do miss the girls a lot more, which is the main reason they call. But they would never think of calling every day. That would just be too much for them. And me!

[pinkmomagain]

My DH calls his mom and also his sister every weekend...and also if he knows his parents went to the dr or got back test results, or haven't been feeling well, etc.

My mom and I talk almost everyday for 5-10 min, just to check in. My sister and I check-in about 1x a week....wish it could be more, but we each have 3 kids and we're pretty busy.

[Ceepa]

I talk to my family (parents, sibling) regularly, like a few times a week. We make quick calls just to say "Did you hear about .... " and long ones just because we enjoy talking. But there are also entire weeks when we all get so busy that we don't talk and it is no big deal. There are no hurt feelings.

And then there is MIL. She considers it a personal affront if we don't call frequently. She regularly tells us that we don't include her in our lives enough even though we visit ILs, have them visit, call, put DC on the phone, send photos, send cards, artwork, etc. Bottom line: IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. That's her personality. And we cannot tell her that we're just busy and that we're more private because she just becomes super resentful and passive-aggressive. Ironically, the more she pushes for contact the less we feel like it because it's so laced with underlying tension.

OP, the idea of a blog may help to close the distance after the move but MIL would probably consider a bi-monthly phone call inadequate if she's already calling daily just to say hi. If you're open to the idea of Skype that may be a good weekly project for your family.

Good luck.

[caleymama]

DH and I both talk to our parents just about every day. Mine are 15 minutes away and most days I talk to my Mom for at least a few minutes, my Dad less often during the week. On the weekends I often talk to them multiple times a day. DH's are 5 hours away and I think he talks to his Mom or Dad almost every day.

I talk to my sister every few days, probably. She lives about 30 minutes away. Sometimes it's multiple times a day and other times we'll go a week+ w/o talking. We also text via cellphones and chat through gmail a lot. I talk to my SIL (DH's sister) every day. She's far away but is now one of my best friends and our kids are the same age (except for her 3rd, which I don't have!). We text all the time and often email. I would say DH talks to this sister at least 1-2x a week, same for his brother, who is about 3 hrs away. His other sister less often, but she lives on the other side of the country.

We each try to talk to our grandparents every 2 weeks or so if we haven't seen them. His are far away, but his one grandmother emails so that's our primary contact with her. The other grandparents don't do email so he calls them or they call us. My remaining grandparents are nearby and we see them maybe 1x a month (wish it was more often) and try to call the rest of the time. My aunt lives with them so I send her pics and updates via email for them too.

[Melaine]

Interesting question. I talk to my mom on the phone nearly every day, sometimes for quite some time. Sometimes I talk to my dad, but we see him more as he drives into town (they are about an hour away) a couple times a week for business. I don't call my brothers just to talk but we keep up on facebook. My sister still lives at home and I talk to her on occasion, and see her pretty often. I visit them maybe every two months, and see them much more often than that, as they come in town.
DH's family is a different story. His dad and step-mom live in China; we have a very good relationship with them, but they live in China and DH is really bad about communicating. Fortunately we see them about 2 a year and I try to send them pics and blog about the girls for them to keep up. DH's brother lives in CA and he talks to him on Xbox pretty frequently.
Sometimes I get frustrated with DH because it's like pulling teeth to get him to communicate with his side of the family. I often end up emailing and responding and calling his three step-brothers and their kids who live in our town. I feel like he should call his grandparents or write and he never does. This is getting quite OT, but I think DH really hasn't dealt with the death of his mother, over a decade ago. I believe it is painful for him to talk bring up old memories by contacting extended family.
OP, could you get your DC to call MIL or write her to help her feel more connected. My girls are only 2 and a half but I will hand them the phone and let them talk to my mom or my grandmother or my sister and they LOVE it (both the kids and adults). If I call my grandmother and talk to her for 5 minutes, let her talk to the kids for 5 minutes, I get major POINTS in her book, ykwim?
Something else that crossed my mind is the whole concept of love languages. It sounds like it is really important to your MIL to hear your voice and connect to you on a regular basis, whereas, not as important for you and your DH. Maybe quality time or words of affirmation are her main love language. That would explain why she needs that from you.

[pastrygirl]

My family, hardly ever. We e-mail or call when there's something to say, though I am more in touch with my sisters (who are more like friends -- sometimes e-mail daily).

My in-laws are a different story. We call them every weekend for some grandson talk time, but they also call a few times during the week. Sometimes they call here specifically to talk to me, instead of just calling my husband. I think it's odd and it makes me a little uncomfortable. They think it's odd that I don't really talk to my parents casually. They actually don't believe me and always ask how my parents are doing. I tell them that I don't know, since I don't really talk to them. Then they ask again the next time they call. I finally asked my husband why they do that, and it's because my MIL talked to her mom daily on the phone, several times a day, and cannot fathom that I REALLY don't talk to my parents. I don't know if she thinks I'm lying, or she just can't fathom it so it doesn't really sink in as a fact?

ETA: My family has always been a need-to-know-basis family. We never made small talk even when we all lived under one roof. We kept to ourselves (surprisingly easy to do, even in a family of 10). It would be really weird to talk daily! There's really nothing to say...

[boolady]

I talk to my mom at least 5 times a week on average. My dad's not a big phone talker, so we'll talk if he answers. If not, he generally just defers to my mom, but we see them about once every two weeks anyway.

DH talks to FIL about once every week to 10 days. We see him probably once or twice a month. DH calls BIL about once every two to three weeks.

My sisters and I email a lot more than we talk. We're all very close, but busy, so email seems to work best. We see them probably about once a month, sometimes more.

[Pennylane]

I talk to my mom once or twice a day, my inlaws every few weeks, my sister about once every 3 weeks (but she lives overseas) and my brother only when he needs something!

Ann

[Veronica's Mommy]

I have been *trying* to get DH to set up a weekly phone call time with his parents. Because his mother WORRIES constantly. DH works odd hours, so whenever she calls, he rarely answers and puts off returning her calls. Usually not on purpose. But when they finally do talk, she freaks out that something must be wrong and most of the conversation is based on that. DH *never* calls on his own just to talk. She rarely checks email, and to her it's no substitute anyway. ILs live in south TX, we live up north, like a 9 hour drive. Now that BIL moved to town, ILs have sometimes been using him as a go-between (aka spy) which bugs the crap out of me.
His parents are busy too and I really think that if DH sets up a time, say every Sunday at 8 (we are usually not busy, and DH is at his most relaxed) I think it would make a world of difference. I brought it up to DH a couple times and he said the phone tag & worry wart mom don't bother him. Grrr. I may have to stealthily set it up with her myself.

As for MY family, they live in town and we talk all the time. More on days when we have plans together, but we do call each other to chat. If I go a week without talking to my sister, it feels really weird. My sis in Michigan, we email or myspace pretty regularly. My dad, even though he's RETIRED, I rarely see. My ILs fly up a few times a year, and for a while, I saw them just as often or moreso than my dad & stepmom. It's getting better though.

[LarsMal]

On average I talk to my mom about twice a day. Drives me insane!!! I screen her calls a lot. If I didn't I'd probably talk to her 10 times a day! She calls for anything and nothing. It's 1PM as I type this and she's already called twice!

I communicate with my brothers mostly by email/facebook, sometimes text messages. I rarely talk to them on the phone.

DH talks to his parents, who live 12 hours away, once a week. They talk about the same time every Sunday night, usually for about 45 minutes. I rarely talk to them on the phone, but I do email them every now and then if I have something to share about the kids. I also set up a photo page on Shutterfly that they check out a lot.

[HIU8]

Well, we see my father daily as he comes over to eat with us. He lives about 20 minutes away. He comes over and plays with DS and DD while I cook dinner. I speak with my mother daily-sometimes multiple times a day. DD and DS always ask to call my mother to tell her what they did during the day. My parents divorced 5 years ago and my mother moved to FL. My MIL calls or DH calls her daily b/c FIL and SIL passed away 3 years ago and MIL needs to speak with DH every single day. I probably speak with her 3-4 times a week (short 3-5 minute conversations). She calls at 10 pm and so she probably speaks to DS and DD 2x a month (when we call her earlier).

I speak to my sister basically when she needs something (she lives 10 minutes from md and DN and DS go to the same school). My brother does not speak with the family. He will answer emails, but not phone calls. He comes out of the woodwork when he is in need of something (take me to Costco--don't know why a lawyer cannot afford a Costco membership.....) but that is a B@%#^%#$ that belongs in the B*^*ing post.

[lisams]

We see my parents about once a week and talk on the phone shorty 1-2 times a week. Sometimes the call drags on (especially when they have something medical to talk about or a trip to Vegas they must describe detail for detail).

We see my inlaws about once every 6-8 weeks and rarely talk on the phone, if so it's like two minutes to plan a get together.

I actually wished my inlaws wanted to see the kids more often, since they live 10 minutes away, but they're too busy (aka we're not at the top of the priority list).

[new_mommy25]

We live next door to the IL's. I love it. I rely on my MIL a lot for help and I'd probably be a crazy person without her. She really is like a mother to me. It would be very hard for my children if we moved away because they would miss my IL's tremendously.

I talk to my Mom about once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. We like to call and check in with each other. I don't mind it but I do sometimes screen her calls if I'm not ready for a long chat. I'll call her back as soon as I can.

I never talk to my Dad on the phone. If we do it's an awkward two minute chat. We prefer to communicate via email or even text.

My siblings (I have 3) are scattered all over the country. I email with my oldest sister a lot and sometimes with my younger siblings. I probably talk to them on the phone once or month or so, more depending on the situation. I talk with my oldest sister the most because she has a child. When she was pregnant we talked almost every day and she still calls me frequently for advice. I'm sure I'll talk to my other siblings more once they are less busy (one is in college and the other just joined the army).

[ThreeofUs]

I talk to my family at least a couple of times a week, in addition to emailing frequently.

When my mom was alive, I'd talk to her on the weekend and then a couple of times during the week.

[specialp]

I must be the only one that doesn't talk to my family that much!

Both of our parents we talk to maybe once a month. Siblings, almost never, but we do email. I'll add that there is no ill feelings b/w any of us and we live realtively close (1-2 hrs. away), I guess it's just not my nature to call and have nothing really interesting to say. (My sis and Mom talk a few times a week . . . so I guess it really is just me).

[nellonello]

I talk to my parents 3-4 times per week, my sister internationally at least once a week and by brother once a month. In fact most of us now use IChat since it's free. My husband tends to talk to his family 3-4 times per year.

[Fairy]

I talk to my dad every day, sometimes twice a day, tho sometimes we'll go a few days without a call. I talk to my mom about three times a week or so. DH and his family are the polar opposite. Once a month for his mom, tho I talk to his granfather often.