Divorce etiquette question...

[tmarie]

I have had little to no experience dealing with friends/family going through a divorce. I just found out that a relative (who I see a few times a year and don't talk to in between) is getting divorced. Is there anything I can/should do to be supportive? Or do I just not say anything until I see her this summer? Do you ask the person how the divorce process is going? Or is that insensitive? I'm the kind of person who would tend not to address the issue or ask follow up questions for fear of prying. But on the other hand I don't want to seem callous or unsupportive. Just curious if anyone has any thoughts.....thanks!

tmarie

dd#1 5/05
dd#2 6/08

[tylersmama]

Speaking from my own experience, I appreciate it when my relatives are direct with questions and don't pretend that it's not happening. While at the same time not digging too deep, iykwim. If it's a relative I'm not close with, I certainly don't want to rehash all the crap that I'm going through with them, but I certainly don't mind answering questions either. In other words, ask me how I'm doing, what's happening as far as the process, if there's anything you can do to help. Don't ask me what happened to cause things, don't say or imply bad things about my soon-to-be-ex (it really doesn't help at all), don't offer unsolicited advice.

It sounds like you don't live close to this relative, but if you do, it would definitely be appreciated if you offered to help any way that you can...babysitting for court dates, lawyer appts, even just for some alone time, etc. if they have kids would be a huge help. If you don't usually have contact at all, maybe an email would be appropriate. Just to say...hey, I heard what's going on, I'm thinking of you, and I'd like to help you if I can.

Ok, just my .02. Hope that helped a little...

[tmarie]

Speaking from my own experience, I appreciate it when my relatives are direct with questions and don't pretend that it's not happening. While at the same time not digging too deep, iykwim. If it's a relative I'm not close with, I certainly don't want to rehash all the crap that I'm going through with them, but I certainly don't mind answering questions either. In other words, ask me how I'm doing, what's happening as far as the process, if there's anything you can do to help. Don't ask me what happened to cause things, don't say or imply bad things about my soon-to-be-ex (it really doesn't help at all), don't offer unsolicited advice.

It sounds like you don't live close to this relative, but if you do, it would definitely be appreciated if you offered to help any way that you can...babysitting for court dates, lawyer appts, even just for some alone time, etc. if they have kids would be a huge help. If you don't usually have contact at all, maybe an email would be appropriate. Just to say...hey, I heard what's going on, I'm thinking of you, and I'd like to help you if I can.

Ok, just my .02. Hope that helped a little...


Thank you SO much for sharing that. That is just the kind of guidance I was looking for. I just want to be thoughtful without being annoying or insensitive. Thanks again!!