A helicopter parent

[trales]

I got an email from the mother of a potential student today, asking all kinds of questions about my summer chem class. Ummmm. This is college, can't your child, who is a junior in college email me.

Would you, will you do this for your kids? I am thinking it is time to let go and let this kid do things on his own.

[Ceepa]

Yikes. Cut the cord already.

[SnuggleBuggles]

LOL! A mom on a few committees at ds1's school with me is a professor and she says she has these interactions all too often. I have no intention of doing that. Maybe her child has some special delays that she needs to be more involved than normal?

Beth

[octmom]

I work in university administration. It amazes me how many parents handle every task for their college-aged children. Truly amazes me. And not in a good way.

[niccig]

Heck No. At this age, DS need to organise his own classes. I will be interested, as in what are you taking this semester, but I won't be doing it for him.

[kedss]

uhm no, I'm hoping my kiddos will be able to do that on their own, Maybe the parent is doing this so she knows what he's doing?(I'm hoping)

[lorinick]

:yeahthat:
Yikes. Cut the cord already.

[wendibird22]

I work in university administration. It amazes me how many parents handle every task for their college-aged children. Truly amazes me. And not in a good way.
:yeahthat:

And I even try to be intentionally vague in my advice/recommendations and ask that they have their son/daughter call, email or speak with me in person so that I may be assist them...to no avail most of the time. Never in a million years would my parents or DHs parents done that and we have no intentions of coddling our children. And yet, people wonder why college "kids" don't act more like adults...um, yeah, why don't you ask their helicopter parents.

[boolady]

I would have been mortified if at what...age 20? my mother was making phone calls to my professor. I can only hope DD feels the same way at that age. I considered college my first real chance to not have my mother in my business all of the time-- that was one of its benefits. (And I love my mom very much:) )

[bubbaray]

*I* wouldn't do that, but I can totally see DH doing that.

[KrisM]

I'm pretty sure the only professor's name my parents ever knew was my thesis advisor in grad school. No way would they call anyone. I can't imagine doing that for a 20 year old.

[MaiseyDog]

I too am a professor and I'm constantly amazed at what parents do. I just last week had a long phone call with a parent to discuss their childs grade in my class. The conversation started "I would like to know why you failed my child." That is a huge gripe of mine. I did not FAIL the student, the student EARNED an F. Why can't people understand that I don't give out grades randomly. The child in question didn't put in the time necessary to learn the material. Not my problem. I know for a fact that the "child" took a long weekend to visit his girlfriend the weekend before the test. I have to wonder why I'm even involved in these type converstations. It seems to me that the parent ought to be talking with the child, not with the professor.

[brittone2]

Would you, will you do this for your kids? I am thinking it is time to let go and let this kid do things on his own.

He## to the no!

I remember reading something about this in DH's university newspaper. It was talking about how many students call their parents the instant they walk out of an exam, etc. using their cell phones. I think things like that make the parent feel way more personally responsible and invested in the outcome than they should be. They talked about parents calling up professors to talk about changing a grade, etc. Yikes.

Then again, I think our society treats teens in many ways in a very juvenile manner with respect to personal responsibility. THey go from having to ask permission to use the bathroom and need a hall pass in high school, to the extreme freedom and personal responsibility a college environment affords.

[trales]

I am glad that I am not the only one who was horrified. I am shocked at how common this is.

And I do hate the question, why did you fail me, my child. Ummm. If you don't know the answer to that question, you should have failed. And to the parents, ask you kid why they failed.

[sarahsthreads]

Uh. No. And I would have been beyond humiliated if my parents ever did that when I was in college. In fact, they didn't even get involved in my classes/scheduling issues in high school - I transferred between 9th and 10th grade, and the new school automatically put me in a math class that I'd already done. *I* had to go to the guidance counselor and the teachers and have my class switched and prove myself capable of it. (I took calculus in 10th grade, which was rather unusual back then.)

I don't see any reason to be more interfering than they were. If DDs can't handle themselves starting in high school and through college, they'll wind up making way worse mistakes after graduation. Is that mom going to call up her kid's boss and complain about his salary or his latest evaluation too?!?

Sarah :)

[n2ou]

The conversation started "I would like to know why you failed my child." That is a huge gripe of mine.


My dh gets: "Why did you fire my child?" Your child did not show up for two days, no call, no note - nothing. Does that not imply that your child quit this job?

[bubbaray]

Can you not just cite privacy laws and refuse to speak with the parent if the child is of the age of majority?? If the situation were reversed and a professor contacted a parent about a child failing a class without the (adult) child consenting, all hell would break loose.

I'd consider getting your college to draft a policy on this. You probably aren't the only one dealing with it, KWIM?

[maestramommy]

Ye gods. I saw your post and my first thought was, Doesn't she teach college??

Time for someone to cut the apron strings!

[LarsMal]

OMG- was it my mom?!?!?! *I* would never do this, but it is something my own mother HAS done- especially for my "baby" brother (who just turned 24). Talk about cutting the cord!

[cvanbrunt]

Can you not just cite privacy laws and refuse to speak with the parent if the child is of the age of majority?? If the situation were reversed and a professor contacted a parent about a child failing a class without the (adult) child consenting, all hell would break loose.

I'd consider getting your college to draft a policy on this. You probably aren't the only one dealing with it, KWIM?

If parents contact faculty about their children's grades, the law to refer to is the Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974, or, FERPA. We are instructed to tell the parent that we are not at liberty to discuss grades with anyone but the student. It is a violation of federal law to discuss student performance with their parents. Then we refer them to administration and the dean can listen to the parents scream and complain about how much money they are paying and they have the right to know, blah, blah, blah.

It is stunning how child-like some students are. They do whip out their phones after every exam and call mommy. I'm of the mind that if you can't make it through a day without calling your parents, you have no business in college.

[trales]

I always cite privacy policy, but this parent just wanted to know the syllabi, text ect.

If she had said, my child is studying overseas and has asked me to get the following info for him to sign up for summer classes, I think I could understand.

I did have my mother contact the university to help me register while I was in Bamfield B.C. To access email, we had to take a boat to the marine station, and we had one pay phone that only worked sometime, the mail boat only came every 3 days. I did not want to get closed out of classes my senior year.

To each thier own I guess.

[belovedgandp]

Wow, that is so scary. Let them be adults. I've gotten to know a lot of teachers in the past couple of years. I know their stories have altered how I interact with my older son's teachers. Mind you, he's still in pre-school, but the first step is me doing my job as a parent and my son knowing his responsibilities. Even at 5, my son gets that.