Pointing and staring...what age do they start/stop?

[sarahsthreads]

I had a rather embarrassing incident the other day where DD1 noticed - apparently for the first time ever - a smoker, and started pointing at her and asking at the top of her lungs, "Mommy! What's that?!? What's she doing?!? What's it doing, Mommy?!?" She wouldn't stop pointing and staring and shouting when I calmly told her I'd answer her questions in the car, until I went and took her by the hand and lead her away. First we had a conversation about how she's free to ask me anything, but she's not allowed to be rude and hurtful to someone else. Then we had a conversation about smoking and making healthy choices.

It got me thinking, though - she's never pointed out differences in people (skin color, weight, etc.) before. I would have expected to have dealt with this embarrassing phase much sooner, as she is *extremely* aware of her surroundings usually. Is it beyond the norm for her to start now? My mom thinks I've been too careful with what she sees and watches and that's why it's just starting now, but it's not as though we've never walked by a smoker before, and it's not like she would have been exposed to smoking on any TV show I've chosen not to allow in our home. Beyond that, the kids go *everywhere* with me - they're exposed to so many people and places and situations that I can't fathom how they could be considered sheltered...

I think it was more embarrassing because she looks old enough to know better, kwim?

So, normal or not? Would you have apologized to the woman? I was so flustered I didn't but then realized I probably should have.

Sarah

[lovin2shop]

I'd say, normal. My DS did just that at around the same age. Only he said, "smoking, icky, yucky, yucky smoking" while pointing and jumping up and down. I sheepishly said sorry, but clearly his words were more offensive than just pointing and asking.

[infomama]

I think it's normal. Imagine how shocking smoking may look to a child who has ever seen it (red ember, smoke, putting the cigarette in one's mouth). I wouldn't have apologized to the woman and I can't imagine she would have expected one.

DD1 did something similar in Target a couple of years ago when we walked past an African American woman who was very dark skinned. We were very close to her and DD1 said, "mommy, why does she have a dark face?" I explained (again) that people look different on the outside but we are all the same on the inside. I briefly gave her some examples (hair color, skin color, height) and she said, "oh, I understand now". The woman gave me a big smile and we went on our way.

[sarahsthreads]

I'd say, normal. My DS did just that at around the same age. Only he said, "smoking, icky, yucky, yucky smoking" while pointing and jumping up and down. I sheepishly said sorry, but clearly his words were more offensive than just pointing and asking.
OK, glad to hear that DD1's not the only one. ;)

Sarah :)

[sarahsthreads]

I think it's normal. Imagine how shocking smoking may look to a child who has ever seen it (red ember, smoke, putting the cigarette in one's mouth). I wouldn't have apologized to the woman and I can't imagine she would have expected one.

You know, thinking about it that way, I bet she really was kind of shocked and horrified. She's pretty clear about fire & smoke == bad. (DH let the pasta boil over at dinner tonight and there was a lot of steam and DD1 wanted to call the fire department!)

I still don't want DD1 pointing and shouting, so I hope our discussion about asking me instead sunk in a bit.

Sarah :)