Dear FIL

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

You do not get to try to guilt me! No, that's just not going to happen. You are not a part of our lives because of your choosing. You only seem to care about us when it is convenient for you or you are trying to look like a good father/grandfather for someone else. You wanting pictures of us for your desk at work doesn't really hold much priority in my life when we told you TEN weeks ago that we were having a girl and you never responded....at all!

You have seen DD1 three times in her three years - and the last time you freaking yelled at her for *ALMOST* touching your precious train set. You made us eat dinner (lasagna) in the living room in front of the blaring tv and were surprised when the 2 1/2 year old also wanted dinner. Then you make ice cream for dessert but don't give her any!? And when I politely decline my portion, you eat the extra!? You wonder why she doesn't know who you are and is not willing to go near you. Shocking! Oh, and you have forgotten every one of her birthdays (she has only had 2!). You will hear about it from this very pregnant, hormonal mama when you forget again this year!

Alright, vent over!

[belovedgandp]

If you've managed to be polite to date, I think it's time to stop. So sorry you have a cruddy FIL.

[pinkmomagain]

YIKES! Not to excuse him, but is he divorced/widowed/living alone? I just find that sometimes men (especially older ones) can be completely clueless when it comes to socially appropriate behavior (including recognizing birthdays)....ofthentimes the wife is the one who keeps track of these things and is better at relationship maintenance, entertaining, etc. Again, not excusing him...and I'd b*tching too...but just wondering if that might be the case here?

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

If you've managed to be polite to date, I think it's time to stop. So sorry you have a cruddy FIL.

I have been polite. I always want to tell him what I think, but I can never bring myself to do it! ;)

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

YIKES! Not to excuse him, but is he divorced/widowed/living alone? I just find that sometimes men (especially older ones) can be completely clueless when it comes to socially appropriate behavior (including recognizing birthdays)....ofthentimes the wife is the one who keeps track of these things and is better at relationship maintenance, entertaining, etc. Again, not excusing him...and I'd b*tching too...but just wondering if that might be the case here?


He is divorced, but has been remarried for 5 years. He is socially clueless and somehow his wife totally lets him be his way. DH has no relationship with her since they got married after we did so it's not like this is his step-mom, you know?

[MCsMom]

:nono: FIL!

Sorry it sucks.

I was treated like that when I was a child and I remember very clearly. I love my parents but I do wish they had the wherewithal to just remove me from that situation.

Do what you have to do to spare your DD's feelings. If FIL misses out, it's his loss...

[infomama]

He sounds pretty selfish. I am a firm believer that healthy relationships are about give and take....not take and take. I'm sorry you have this stress and negativity to deal with esp when it happens to be family.

[Indianamom2]

So sorry that you have to deal with this insensitive man.

As an adult, you have a shot at understanding this kind of behavior, but your children don't. They just end up hurt and disappointed, and you are left to deal with the aftermath.

In general, I'm all for trying to get along with family, but after seeing my best childhood friend be hurt time and time again by uncaring grandparents (even as a teenager), I think I would condier just severely limiting any contact with your FIL to protect your children, at least until he is willing to be more of a grandfather and an active part of your family.

Christina

[MamaMolly]

So sorry that you have to deal with this insensitive man.

As an adult, you have a shot at understanding this kind of behavior, but your children don't. They just end up hurt and disappointed, and you are left to deal with the aftermath.

In general, I'm all for trying to get along with family, but after seeing my best childhood friend be hurt time and time again by uncaring grandparents (even as a teenager), I think I would condier just severely limiting any contact with your FIL to protect your children, at least until he is willing to be more of a grandfather and an active part of your family.

Christina

:yeahthat: Speaking as the non-favored grandchild on both sides, I have to agree with Christina. As a child and even a teen I thought it was something wrong *I* did that made my grandmothers favor my sister or my cousin over me. It isn't healthy, and no grandparent is better than a bad one. IIWY I'd steer clear for DDs sake.

[bubbaray]

I'm not quite understanding the meal part -- he wouldn't let her eat any dinner? WTF??? Honestly, that's just cruel. I wouldn't let him see my kids again if it were me and he pulled that crap.

JMHO