Why don't you just let him wipe his butt with them?

[infomama]

Went to see an old (long lost recently reconnected with) friend, who just had a new baby. I took a really sweet lovey and a box of Trumpette socks (I've never even owned a box of these and I have 2 DD's). When she opened the box her son (almost 3) tore the lovey out of the box and chucked it on the floor. She asked him to pick it up, he did, fine. Then the socks came out. He proceeded to yank a pair if the socks on his feet stretching them all to h*ll. She said, "You want to wear those honey? Oh my, they are too small, they are for the baby." I expected her to make him take them off but she didn't. He wore them around my entire visit, ripping the little flowers off the sides and to make matters worse, he wore them outside onto the wet pavement and put another pair on his hands. WTF!!

So I suppose I have to let this go but here is the kicker. Before this whole display of inconsideration I offered her a bunch of really nice baby clothes that I was planning on donating (or selling) because I thought she would appreciate them. Now I don't want to give them to her. Also she wants to get together again soon and I am kind of bent about the whole experience.

[citymama]

Ugh, I hear you. How annoying. I totally sympathize.

How to not get bent out of shape about this: keep your eye on the big picture - she is a new mom again, and probably too exhausted to keep her son in line. You should figure out what you want to sell/can get a good return on and hang on to them. Keep a few items aside to give her that you probably wouldn't get a lot of $$ on. That way she'll get some stuff, but you'll also have the satisfaction of getting some returns on them, as it sounds like that is a source of tension right now.

I'm sure she will love the socks and regret her DS being rough with them! I remember when I got Trumpettes as a gift I was like hmm, socks. When I put them on my DD, I was in love! I wish they made them for preschoolers.

[sarahsthreads]

I would have been pretty taken aback over that kind of behavior too. But I have to agree with citymama - I know when DD2 was first born DD1 was a little out of control for the first few weeks. It was her way of making sure she wasn't completely ignored, and while I would never have let her destroy one of DD2's gifts I did let her adopt one or two of the baby items temporarily - she was just so hurt that people kept bringing gifts for the baby. I hope I didn't offend the gift givers by letting her do that in front of them! (DD1 quickly lost interest in the babyish things and they now live in DD2's room, but I suppose the people who gave us these things have no way of knowing that...)

Sarah :)

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Likely she didn't know what you'd given her and just thought "hmmm gee,socks". I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it but I wouldn't give her the really nice stuff at this point either. You're just reconnecting,there's nothing wrong with holding back a until you're sure the friendship is going to work this time.

Like the pp's said. She is a new mom again and the other children can be a little hard to keep in line for the first little bit. If it continued I might raise my eyebrows a little (o.k. a lot!). I'd cut her some slack this time.

[C99]

The most important things in life aren't things.

Read your sig line. Yes, nice gift. No, not a nice way to treat it. But I also never take a new baby gift and not bring something, even if it's just a box of crayons or bottle of bubbles, for the new older sibling. My kids were out of whack for at least 6 weeks after the new baby was born, so try not to take her son's behavior or her reaction to it personally.

[infomama]

C99, I took a football for her other DC and as far as my sig goes, I fully believe in it and live it. I would rather walk away from an experience with a good memory than a gift and my family and friends, not things are *my* most cherished blessings.

That being said, I also believe in respect and thankfulness. I get that she may not know about the socks but that (to me) is really not the point. When I give gifts, I put a lot of thought into them. I don't subscribe to the idea that a gift should be better received/cared for because it cost more money. At the time I felt pretty bad about the whole thing.

In retrospect I see a bigger picture and I appreciate the insight.

[elephantmeg]

DS was the same way after DDs birth and I totally lacked the energy, ab muscles or anything else to deal with it. He would haev done the same thing

[Ceepa]

If I had a friend come to my house and present me with gifts for the baby I would not have let an older child treat the gifts like that, especially in front of the gift-giver, and been so casual about it. I don't care if I was exhausted, I'd try to get the socks back from him and redirect him to the football or any number of items around the house or just I'd let him act crazy and hope my friend the gift-giver was understanding, but NOT allow him to destroy items she put thought and money into.

OP, I would still share some of the hand-me-downs with the baby (none of this has to do with her). Maybe you can drop off the items and see how you feel around this friend again. Maybe this time you'll feel differently around her (less disappointed) and plan for a future playdate.

[mommylamb]

I wonder if the kid is having a hard time adjusting to being a big brother and not the center of attention. I'm not saying everyone should do this, and not criticizing you at all, but I try to always bring a little gift for the older child when I'm giving a new baby gift so that they don't feel left out.

[infomama]

I wonder if the kid is having a hard time adjusting to being a big brother and not the center of attention. I'm not saying everyone should do this, and not criticizing you at all, but I try to always bring a little gift for the older child when I'm giving a new baby gift so that they don't feel left out.
I did bring him a gift (as I do with all my friends who had older DC's)...a football.