Dear Playdate's Mom

[kransden]

Dear Playdate's Mom,

I realize that no child is perfect, but at age 6 please teach your child a few manners.

1. Shreiking in my car is not allowed.
2. Standing on top of and running on benches is not allowed.
3. Pouting because I corrected my dd, I didn't bother correcting the girl, is not allowed.
4. Making farting noises in the midst of a busload of gray haired ladies is not allowed.
5. Completely ignoring me telling you to stop your abysmal behavior is not allowed.
6. Tearing your Subway sandwich apart and covering your cookie w/bread crumbs so it looks like a snow covered mountain is weird and messy. I really don't want my child learning those sort of behaviors.
7. The fact that your child decided to be a vegetarian is laudable, but I really don't care for harping on saving animals during our dinner. I also think a diet purely made up of starches is not healthy. Vegetarian implies eating a vegetable.

I could list another 20 things easily, but I feel better now that I have vented. Since my dd is an only child, we have a lot of playdates with a wide variety of kids. This kid was the most PITA we have ever had. It was mostly that she just flat ignored whatever I said. I have never had a kid do that. Even my dd's ADHD friends try to do what I ask. Needless to say she won't be invited on any more trips.

[gatorsmom]

. Vegetarian implies eating a vegetable.



This is so funny. I had a friend in high school who claimed she was vegetarian. But she really only ate junkfood and sweets!

[MamaMolly]

Oh my. Not ok. I mean, some of it is just kid stuff but she sounds like a pretty disrespectful child. Yeah, I don't think I'd want my DD hanging out and picking up ideas from her either. Maybe the mom will clue in when no one schedules a second playdate??

And ITA about the vegetarian thing. My stepsister (teenager, ick!) has been a vegan for about 3 years. Vegan...You know, one of those people who don't eat more than 20% meat or dairy in any meal. :banghead: The girl lives on pasta and popcorn. Who know that a 'vegan' could be fat? What.Ever.

[infomama]

At least you can take comfort in knowing you wont have to go through another one of those playdates. What a nightmare!

[Laurel]

BTDT, big time. Even with kids who I know to be well behaved around their own mom and dad. Some children will test out the limits of every adult they come across! Those are the kids I don't invite over for a second playdate without mom coming along! I also always find a way to share some of the choice behaviors with the parents. I'm a big fat tattletale.

[Melanie]

vegetarian implies eating a vegetable.


:rotflmao:

[Wife_and_mommy]

Eek.

I always wonder about a kid who has the gall to misbehave around an adult they don't know well. I can just imagine what the kid is like around his/her parents.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Eek.

I always wonder about a kid who has the gall to misbehave around an adult they don't know well. I can just imagine what the kid is like around his/her parents.


Eek, indeed!!

Does anyone else ever worry that their kid might do something when they are out with their friends that would be worthy of someone b*tching about on here? He is pretty well behaved and agreeable but I imagine that he could do something irritating to another parent.

Beth

[kijip]

Eek.

I always wonder about a kid who has the gall to misbehave around an adult they don't know well. I can just imagine what the kid is like around his/her parents.

I dunno. T is way better behaved at home with us alone than he is with friends either here or there like a playgroup setting. I have been told he is a charmer when alone with other adults (for example with Grandpa, visiting Grandpa's neighbors) but it seems that kids together really play off of each other. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing terrible but it's way more "silly yourself into trouble" IYKWIM.

[Wife_and_mommy]

Eek, indeed!!

Does anyone else ever worry that their kid might do something when they are out with their friends that would be worthy of someone b*tching about on here? He is pretty well behaved and agreeable but I imagine that he could do something irritating to another parent.

Beth

I think there's a difference between childishness and being all-out obnoxious because they don't know better. The latter, IMO, is lack of training by a parent.

I've had a rough last few weeks with my kiddos where they were acting like wild monkeys. It helped me realize how I'm falling short in my parenting and also why. Regardless of the why, I need to hold them to a higher standard than they've had the last few weeks. In the long run, I'm doing not only myself and my kids a favor but also teaching them to be considerate of others.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I dunno. T is way better behaved at home with us alone than he is with friends either here or there like a playgroup setting. I have been told he is a charmer when alone with other adults (for example with Grandpa, visiting Grandpa's neighbors) but it seems that kids together really play off of each other. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing terrible but it's way more "silly yourself into trouble" IYKWIM.

LOL. See my post above. Totally agree.

Normally my kids are the opposite, angels when out and monkeys at home. Lately they're in permanent monkey status which is not acceptable to DH/I so we're working on it in concert.

Also I babysit a little boy who every time I watch him, I think to myself if my kid was doing ______, I'd want to know but then I feel like I have a long list of grievances against the kid. It's a hard line to walk, for sure.

[kransden]

This girl is 6. I teach, I know how kids are supposed to act. I have actually helped in her class. I know she can behave. Kids only have so much goodness in them, I am actually very tolerant. Things like climbing on the benches is typical silly behavior. After telling my dd "DD that is not appropriate behavior and you know it." The girl has a huge sulk fest. I felt like I was with an angsty teenager. This child actually sucked all the joy out of the day. She was spouting crazy random things all day. I am not talking about the multiple saving animals conversations either. Those, while melodramatic, were correct. Things that were completely untrue - like how cuts heal. It was very hard not to say anything, but it was the best choice. DH and I would exchange the WTF look with each other. We both could not wait to get rid of her. I can't imagine what she is like with her mom.

[Ceepa]

I need to stop reading this thread. I know it's the BF but the comments about this six year old ... hmmm, makes me wonder how other adults are judging my DC when they're on a playdate.

[kransden]

I need to stop reading this thread. I know it's the BF but the comments about this six year old ... hmmm, makes me wonder how other adults are judging my DC when they're on a playdate.

I think it will be very clear to you how people judge your child if you want it to be. If you are in a playdate/birthday party enviroment (which this school is, some are not) and no one ever invites your child or your dc is only ever invited one time. Then something is probably wrong with your child's behavior. Out of all the playdates, which is a lot, I have had for dd this is the only one that was from the twilight zone. Her behavior (a part I didn't mention because that was too long of a story) almost got us told to leave where we were because she wouldn't listen to the attendant's MULTIPLE tellings of her it was not ok to do what she was doing.

[KBecks]

I wonder if it's possible to send home a bad playdate early for everyone's best interests.

Personally, I don't think we'll do unchaperoned playdates at age 6.

[mamicka]

Personally, I don't think we'll do unchaperoned playdates at age 6.

Yup, no unchaperoned playdates here anytime soon. My almost-6-yr-old is very well-behaved IMO but I have no idea how he would behave on a playdate without me.

OP - I understand when you are watching other kids who don't behave to your standards (for lack of a better word). I'm sorry you had a frustrating experience.

Honestly, though... I think that a lot is expected of our 6 year-olds & I'm not sure if many of them are capable of meeting them.

[mamicka]

I think it will be very clear to you how people judge your child if you want it to be. If you are in a playdate/birthday party enviroment (which this school is, some are not) and no one ever invites your child or your dc is only ever invited one time. Then something is probably wrong with your child's behavior. Out of all the playdates, which is a lot, I have had for dd this is the only one that was from the twilight zone. Her behavior (a part I didn't mention because that was too long of a story) almost got us told to leave where we were because she wouldn't listen to the attendant's MULTIPLE tellings of her it was not ok to do what she was doing.

I'm not sure I agree with this. At least, I think it must be regional or something. Playdates are not the thing around here at such a young age. It just doesn't seem to be done that much. I read here about all these playdates without parents & it just isn't the reality around here.

[kransden]

I wonder if it's possible to send home a bad playdate early for everyone's best interests.

Personally, I don't think we'll do unchaperoned playdates at age 6.

I wish I could have sent her home early, DH and I wanted to, but mom was at work. We had short day at school. This was actually a favor to the mom. The playdate was to last only 2.5 - 3 hours. I even had water and snacks ready to avoid grumpiness.

Now that you mention it, this was actually the first unchaperoned playdate we have had by itself without a chaperoned one first. It wasn't the plan, that's just how it happened. I didn't think anything of it. Now I know better. This has been a very learning lesson. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think it will be very clear to you how people judge your child if you want it to be. If you are in a playdate/birthday party enviroment (which this school is, some are not) and no one ever invites your child or your dc is only ever invited one time. Then something is probably wrong with your child's behavior. Out of all the playdates, which is a lot, I have had for dd this is the only one that was from the twilight zone. Her behavior (a part I didn't mention because that was too long of a story) almost got us told to leave where we were because she wouldn't listen to the attendant's MULTIPLE tellings of her it was not ok to do what she was doing.

Especially wrt birthday parties I don't agree with this. My ds isn' invited to much mainly because I never follow through with any social things for him. For example, no school tomorrow and I have no playdates planned. I bet other people do have things planned because their parents were more on the ball. He also prefers to play alone so he hasn't really gotten in any social group. Kids like him and I see them try to gethim to play with them but he wants to do his own thing. So, I don't think the lack of invites is a reflection on his behavior without us around. It's just a social planning problem. :)

He has been asked back to everyone's house that he has gone to so I assume all was fine. We just tend to do the inviting and people don't reciprocate. I haven't quite decided how I feel about that or what I should do about it.

Beth

[kransden]

... He has been asked back to everyone's house that he has gone to so I assume all was fine. There is your answer, people invited him back. :)

[HannaAddict]

Maybe she was having an off day, it happens. It sounds like a long day for you, but I would really try and cut her some slack, she is only six. Six years old is not 16, or 26, or really old enough to know better and always act like we would like them to act. All kids can have bad days or act up at any time, even the "all above average" "all perfectly behaved, polite, etc." children of the BBB. (FWIW, mine has a tendency to start acting emotional and not listening and the next thing I know we have yet another ear infection.) I have had the most "popular" boy in my child's class over with his mom and he acted like, well, like crazy boy. Just nonsense, making stupid noises, tossing toys around, no eye contact or communication with adults, and I couldn't understand for the life of me why all the kids think he is so great. But he was only five at the time and I didn't take it personally. Unchaperoned play dates are not that common here, except for a few moms who socialize together. The most obnoxious kids are actually the ones going on the play dates around here too, go figure.

Hope it helps to vent and that the little girl is able to start with a clean slate with you in the future. I'm sure her mom would be mortified to know how she behaved. :(

[kijip]

I have had the most "popular" boy in my child's class over with his mom and he acted like, well, like crazy boy. Just nonsense, making stupid noises, tossing toys around, no eye contact or communication with adults, and I couldn't understand for the life of me why all the kids think he is so great.

We had a kid from T's class over several times...the first time I was like "NEVER AGAIN" because of the combination of his and T's behavior but I felt obligated to try and help the mom and to my great pleasure and surprise, they were just fine together after that 1 time. The first time, I come into T's room and the boys have made a game called "feed the sharks" which consisted tossing everything in T's room off the bed while shrieking that the sharks would get them too if they did not keep "feeding the sharks" T's toys, books, games, bedding etc. Now it seems funny to me, but then I just wanted a blanket to crawl under and hide. I am amazed to see how some kids either can't or won't talk to adults that are not their parents when needed on a drop off play date. This kid was intensely shy WRT talking to me but very rambunctious and loud with T.

T and his best friend also engage in more rude talk around each other than when apart, I think each is just trying to see what they can get away with.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Dear Playdate's Mom,

I realize that no child is perfect, but at age 6 please teach your child a few manners.

1. Shreiking in my car is not allowed.
2. Standing on top of and running on benches is not allowed.
3. Pouting because I corrected my dd, I didn't bother correcting the girl, is not allowed.
4. Making farting noises in the midst of a busload of gray haired ladies is not allowed.
5. Completely ignoring me telling you to stop your abysmal behavior is not allowed.
6. Tearing your Subway sandwich apart and covering your cookie w/bread crumbs so it looks like a snow covered mountain is weird and messy. I really don't want my child learning those sort of behaviors.
7. The fact that your child decided to be a vegetarian is laudable, but I really don't care for harping on saving animals during our dinner. I also think a diet purely made up of starches is not healthy. Vegetarian implies eating a vegetable.

I could list another 20 things easily, but I feel better now that I have vented. Since my dd is an only child, we have a lot of playdates with a wide variety of kids. This kid was the most PITA we have ever had. It was mostly that she just flat ignored whatever I said. I have never had a kid do that. Even my dd's ADHD friends try to do what I ask. Needless to say she won't be invited on any more trips.

I am a vegetarian, but I think my daughter is technically a "fruitatarian" at only 2 she says "eww green gross", to several veggies. Vegetarian's that eat only starch and junk should be renamed "meatless crapatarians".

[stella]

Just to further the sample field:

My son (now almost 8) and daughter (6) have had drop-off playdates since they were 3 or 4. I have always known the parents pretty well, though. We have a child-saturated neighborhood, and all the moms take care of all the kids - and while we do talk smack about some children's poor behavior, we don't hesitate to discipline or correct any of them as though they were our own.

[MartiesMom2B]

Just to further the sample field:

My son (now almost 8) and daughter (6) have had drop-off playdates since they were 3 or 4. I have always known the parents pretty well, though. We have a child-saturated neighborhood, and all the moms take care of all the kids - and while we do talk smack about some children's poor behavior, we don't hesitate to discipline or correct any of them as though they were our own.

This sounds like my neighborhood. My 6 year old DD has done the same. In fact right now we have a friend of hers over for the afternoon. DD knows that she has to clean up after having friends over, so while I remind them to clean up after themselves if they don't it's her responsibility to do so. I also do not hesitate to correct or discipline poor behavior. If a child does not listen to me consistently or if they do not play well with my daughter, I don't invite them over again.

[stella]

This sounds like my neighborhood. My 6 year old DD has done the same. In fact right now we have a friend of hers over for the afternoon. DD knows that she has to clean up after having friends over, so while I remind them to clean up after themselves if they don't it's her responsibility to do so. I also do not hesitate to correct or discipline poor behavior. If a child does not listen to me consistently or if they do not play well with my daughter, I don't invite them over again.

and I also have no qualms with ending the playdate if it starts to go south. I'll just say something like "It's almost time for me to take Susie Q home now, so y'all need to start picking up."