Feeling emotional/conflicted re: weaning, ttc

[mm123]

I've been feeling very emotional and conflicted about this issue, so thought I'd ask if any of you have been through this, and how you made your decisions.

DD is about to turn one. She has been EBF until about a month ago, when I started to slowly wean (about one feeding a week). She also started daycare 2 weeks ago (slowly as well!), since I'm going back to work in 2 weeks (I'm in Canada, and just finished my 1-yr mat. leave). She's now drinking milk out of a sippy no problem during the day, and I still BF her first thing in the morning, and before bed at night.

We'd really like to TTC again soon, but AF has not returned. Not sure if I'll be one of those people who won't get it back until DD is totally weaned, but I really don't feel like she or I are ready for that. It's such a comfort for both of us, both physically and emotionally. But on the other hand, I'm 38, and don't feel like we can wait a long time before TTC again (we'd love at least 1, maybe 2 more DC).

So, my questions are: How many of you just got AF back after completely weaning? Anyone conceived before AF came back?!! How/when did you decide to wean in the interest of TTC?

Sorry this is a bit rambling...I'm feeling pretty emotional, and am even getting a bit tearful as I write this...anyone BTDT?

[wellyes]

I know I don't exactly fit the criteria for replying but I am in the same boat in that I'm ready to ttc but I do not want to do so at the expense of my nursing relationship with DD.

My AF came back about 3-4 months after I started DD on solids. I spotted occassionally for a month or so before that. I'm still nursing 4 or 5 times per day.

I wouldn't completely wean yet, if I were you, give your body at least a couple of months to adjust from EBF. There are so many changes in your baby's life right now and I'm sure those 2 daily feedings are precious to you both. I think for MANY women AF comes back after partial weaning and you very well may be the same.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I'm going to be 39 shortly after DS2 is born, so same age now :) Little bit different scenario here since BFing was a MESS of pumping, meds, suck training, supplementing, etc. Weaning happened for both between 6 and 7 mos, and AF returned in the 7th month. We prevented for a month and got pg again the following cycle.

I can't really tease out which is the harder factor - being pg while older, being pg with 1 or 2 toddlers, or being pg again so quickly, but I'm feeling it right now. Maybe it is because I try to carry on as if I'm not all those things.

For us, it was a matter of prayer and feeling comfortable knowing that we'd done the best we could with BFing and that AF and TTC really weren't anything WE could control. Hugs to you. Wait, do you get emotional before AF returns? I always did!

[firsttimemama]

Just time for a quick note - I EBF my son, who is now 16 mo and still nursing, and I just got my cycle back at 16 mo. Some of my friends got theirs back around this time also. Yours could be just around the corner.

[strollerqueen]

I got AF back 6 weeks after the birth of all my children, and I got pg w/DS while still BF DD. So it is certainly possible.

[o_mom]

For me, I felt strongly about getting to a year of BF, so I didn't want to do anything purposefully to wean before then. With DS1, we just stopped using BC at around 8-9 months, even though I had no AF. I got pg before AF returned when DS1 was about 10 months. With DS2 we waited a bit longer and AF returned at 12 months PP, started TTC around 13-14 months. With both, I weaned around 4.5 months pg. I was completely exhausted and with a dwindling milk supply it was time.

So, it is possible to get pg before AF returns. No idea of the odds of it. I did find that each time it was around the time they were sleeping longer at night and eating more solids. You may find with just two feedings, that it may come back sooner than you think, so you might give it a month or two before you change anything again. There are some people that have to wean completely to return to fertility, but I don't think that is as likely as getting it back in the 12-18 month range.

[marit]

tough call. I feel your pain. Weaning at 1 year, when both of you want to continue is really heart breaking, I get it.

Maybe you can give it another month or two. I am sure things would change once you start working which is really soon. You would naturally nurse much less, and maybe that would be enough to get your period back. You don't necessarily have to wean completely in order to get it back, sometimes reducing to maybe 3 times a day is enough.

I would suggest let the new routine get settled before adding more changes.

Good luck!

[DeeEast]

I got AF back somewhere between 5 and 6 months post delivery while still nursing DD. I did wean DD her right before her 1st birthday so that we could conceive again.

[C99]

I got mine back at 13 months post-partum with DS1 and DD, but it did not return until 14 or 15 months post-partum with DS2, who nursed more and never drank cow's milk. I weaned them at 20 months, 18 months and 22 months, respectively. Also, my first couple of periods were wonky after they did return, except after DD -- I really only had 1 period before I got pregnant again. With the obvious exception of my first child, I got pregnant each time while I was still nursing. You can tandem nurse and nurse through pregnancy, but I did not want to. DS1 was already well on the road to weaning when I got pregnant with DD, and he completed the process on his own when I was 9 weeks. I had a harder time w/ DD, as she was much younger and more attached to me/nursing than DS1 was by the time I got pregnant with his younger siblings. I did have to forcibly wean her at 18 months, but I don't think it has affected her attachment to me or overall comfort. She still comes to me when she is sad or hurt.

[MommyAllison]

AF didn't return for me until DD was 17 months, and we conceived a few months later, while she was still nursing a lot. AF hasn't returned since DS, who will turn 1 in a couple weeks, and is still nursing. I don't think I've heard of many people going longer than 18 months before AF arrives, even if they are still nursing often.

[bubbaray]

With DD#1, I weaned at exactly 12m (happy b-day to her, LOL) b/c like the OP, I'm in Canada and was returning to work. I got AF exactly 28 days later.

With DD#2, I partially weaned at 12m and continued BFg 2x/day until she was 17m (and I had to fully wean her then to take a particular antibiotic for a 6m long sinus infection). I got AF 28d after partially weaning at 12m.

[DrSally]

I got AF back at 6 months when DS took ONE bottle while I was visiting my dying father in the hospital. With DD, I got it back immediately, as I had to BF, supplement, and pump for the first 2 weeks. I totally got robbed. I suppose everyone is different, but I've never heard of nursing only 1x a week and still not having your period back. I agree it would be awesome if you could continue to nurse in the am and pm. Have you talked to your doctor about it, what does she suggest?

[lil_acorn]

I bf my son until 20 months and in the last few months it was just once a day at night but I never got my period even with just once/day. I finally weaned him at 20 months and then it took another 6 weeks to get my period...it was weird and kind of cool not have a period for almost 2.5 years between the pregnancy and bf period! I just had my period 2 weeks ago and I had forgotten how much I don't like it! But #2 is wearing me down..I don't think I can handle a third one!

[jacksmomtobe]

I was still nursing DS when I got pregnant with DD. I actually nursed until about 4 months before DD arrived and DS was a few days short of his 2nd Birthday. The first go around I got my period back @16 mo. At that point DS was nursing 3 times at bedtime during the middle of the night and morning. We used an ovulation kit (mostly since finding time to conceive can be difficult with a toddler) and got pregnant the first cycle. I was almost 38 when DD arrived. After DD my af ret'd much slower and has been flukey but she nurses much more than DS did at the same age & nurses often at night so I'm quite sleep deprived. So you can definitely get pregnant while still nursing! I think there was a poll here a while back where it turned out around 16 months was a fairly common time for nursing moms to get AF back.

Definitely do what works best for you and your family but it might be a good idea to get your child adjusted to daycare before you wean the child. The addt'l comfort they gain from nursing might help this transition.

Good Luck!

[kimberley-k]

Overwhelming odds are your AF is going to come back in the next six months whether or not you wean now. Why put a stop to something that is working for you? You might regret it later. What if something happens are you're never able to have another baby? I say enjoy this one being little while you can!

-Kim

[Tanya]

Did you have any difficulty conceiving the first time?

I struggle with infertility is why I ask and that's a huge factor when you add in your age. It took 2 years for me to get pregnant the first time. I breastfed, but I got AF when DD1 was 6 months old. However, I still couldn't get pregnant again and my doctor wouldn't let me start the fertility drugs again until I weaned DD1. I went home from that appointment and just cried. Neither of us were ready to quit breastfeeding at that point, but we did start cutting back. DD1 was 18 months old then and we spent the next 6 months "weaning" until she was finished at 2 years and I was okay with it then too. She asked one more time a week after we stopped, but she was fine with no and a distraction and never asked again.
It took me 1.5 years to get pregnant with DD2. For her, I said I would be an "equal opportunity mom" and breastfed her until she was 2 as well. However, I was more ready to quit with her...and she fought the weaning much harder. If I hadn't been ready, I probably would have given in and breastfed her longer because it was so important to her.
Oh, I got AF when DD2 was 4 months old and we never used any kind of birth control and I still didn't get pregnant. I've been seeing my doctor for awhile and what worked for the previous two is not working this time around. She suspects that my problem is egg quality which my age certainly hasn't helped.

So, while I do think it's important to breastfeed until you both are comfortable stopping, you do have to look at your age as well, especially if you had any difficulties getting pregnant before. If it was easy to get pregnant, I'd say just try to gradually cut back on the breastfeeding and see if AF comes back. Even with my struggles, I'm glad I didn't cut DD1 off cold turkey and took that extra 6 months to do it at our own pace. That doesn't mean it isn't upsetting to see all the medical bills I now have or the possibility that I might not get a 3rd child.