Normal 21 month old behavior? Discipline?

[scrooks]

I just took my 21 month old DD for a charity Mommy and Me photo shoot at a local childrens store. She was awful. She wouldn't sit still to save her life. She was all over. Granted it was a very wide open, kid friendly space she had never been to before. I was still completely embarassed. She was just everywhere!

My husband says I need to work on discipline. I agree but what methods do people use at 21 months. Some people swear by time outs but I think she seems young for that. My husband is pro spanking, I'm not so sure about that, at least at this age. Any suggestions?
I'm also wondering how much of this behavior is just normal for a 21 month old.

[elliput]

Based on my own experience, I would say that is completely normal and to be expected.

At 21 months, I personally think most disciplining techniques just cause the parent endless frustration, but then again, I am basing this on my own experience with a child that is atypical.


:hug::hug::hug: I know how frustrating it is to have the girl who won't sit still, take turns, and runs circles around everybody.

[Piglet]

Totally, totally 1000% normal!

I find at this age the discipline problem is usually a function of tiredness, hunger, sickness, etc. I can totally see any kid losing it during a photo shoot - it is a different envirnoment, full of strange people, weird equipment, etc. I know grown ups that would find that stressful. Your 21 month old is definitely within her rights to lose it! You can only try to redirect her, offer her a lovey, give her a snack, etc. Beyond that it is somtimes time to call it quits and go home for everyone's sanity!

[mommylamb]

My DS is 22 months. I do time outs, but only at home if he does things like pull the cat's tail or hitting the cat (things that could result in a swipe). If he was difficult when we were out and about, I'd probably just leave. I'm not sure how to do discipline for something like that at this age.

[brittone2]

Totally, totally 1000% normal!

I find at this age the discipline problem is usually a function of tiredness, hunger, sickness, etc. I can totally see any kid losing it during a photo shoot - it is a different envirnoment, full of strange people, weird equipment, etc. I know grown ups that would find that stressful. Your 21 month old is definitely within her rights to lose it! You can only try to redirect her, offer her a lovey, give her a snack, etc. Beyond that it is somtimes time to call it quits and go home for everyone's sanity!

ITA, and pics are particularly difficult for some kids. Lots of stimulation and feelings of being overwhelmed, kwim? I also think sometimes they pick up that we're anxious for it to work out nicely, and it just escalates things more than usual. With pics the other thing is even if you did a time out, etc. (I personally didn't w/ my kids at that age), it ends up with tears and upset sometimes, which is counterproductive w/ getting good pics in the first place.

In the past we've left and come back another day. No one wants to do that, but we've had to on at least one occasion.

[egoldber]

Absolutely normal.

[elektra]

My DD is the same way. I don't have any advice though because we are struggling through the discipline thing too. (DD is 25 mo.) My DH and I have both agreed on no spanking but he also thinks I am not firm enough with DD. I personally find it a challenge to balance gentle with firm.
And it's true that DD does seem to respond when DH gets his "mean" voice. He always speaks softly but very firmly and she does respond. But it just doesn't work when I do it. She cries. And I wonder if she is just going to be more fussy around me and that's just the outlet she needs or something.
We have been doing timeouts but only for hitting. We would be doing them 20+ times a day if we did it for any kind of not listening/misbehaving! It's so hard for a situation like the pictures though because you can't really threaten to leave if you can't really leave.
We have also been reminding her that if she wants something and she is whining, she knows how to ask for it. And then she pretty much stops and says, "please" after that.
Sorry to ramble about my own deal, but I thought some commiseration might help!

[wendibird22]

At home or out and about if a tantrum starts we have found it works to talk to our 20mos old right at her eye level. She seems to listen and respond better when we meet her eye to eye. When we are out at stores or restaurants we have her diaper bag stocked with a few small and fun toys that she doesn't get to play with otherwise. For example, we have a mini magnadoodle. She LOVES that thing and keeps her entertained for quite a while. But, it lives in her diaper bag and she only gets to play with it when we are running errands. We also keep the bag fully stocked with easy to eat snacks (like o's or annie's bunny crackers) and a cup of water.

[scrooks]

Thanks for all of the advice. It sounds like this is to be expected at this age. I feel the terrible 2's coming on. I think I need to be more firm in general. She just doesn't listen very well. I like the advice about talking eye level. I don't expect her to be perfect, I know I need her to listen just a little better.

I also took her to the doctor this morning (for me not her) and she was a little better. I have my trusty bag of goldfish crackers and her sippy of milk with me which helped. She was still darting around more than I liked. I just want her to listen better in case their is danger. I think it's just going to be struggle for the next couple for months finding out what she responds too. I know she's testing my limits! She's doing a great job : )

[Hawkeyewife]

Totally normal! Don't worry, I am sure you noticed her behavior much more than everybody else at the event.

I have had to leave fun evens many times and tried again later with my brood. DS ia a couple months younger than your daughter, I just try to redirect him, of course the older two are very familiar with the thinking chair, corner, spot, whatever is convenient... I think I have used time out after 2nd birthdays with success. Try to enjoy it, time flies with little ones.

[HIU8]

DD is 22 months. It's totally normal and very frustrating. DD is very verbal, so what works with her is a lot communication. Plus, she responds very very well to time out (we call it the naughty step--or if we are out, the naughty stroller). This did not work with DS, but works beautifully with DD. We had an issue this morning where she wanted to walk instead of being carried through the parking lot to take DS to preschool. Her choice is to hold my hand or be carried. She didn't want to hold my hand, so I carried her. She went ballistic. All I had to do was tell her that she was being carried b/c she would not hold my hand to walk and she looked at me and said Ok, but I want to walk on the sidewalk (sometimes I wonder when the really bad behavior is going to hit b/c she is so much easier to deal with than DS was).

[deborah_r]

Took 22 month old DS2 to the doctor today - suddenly wouldn't go on the scale. Never had a problem before. Every day this week he has fought me on what to wear, then I have DH come in and put his clothes on (same ones I tried) and he does it. Meal time usually results in him climbing on the table. He had a tantrum this morning because he had to learn bathtub crayons are for the bath only.

It's a difficult age. It's like you never know what will set them off! I think he says "no" to things just because he can.

Just sharing so you know you are not alone!

[Tracey]

As everyone else said, that's perfectly normal behavior. I highly recommend the book Discipline for Life : Getting it Right with Children by Madelyn Swift. It's the best parenting book I've ever read.

[scrooks]

I'll have to check out that book! Thanks!

Hand holding is another issue we are working on (someone mentioned in a previous thread). I've tried the same thing (you will get carried if you don't hold mommy's hand....). It always ends in her being carried. Hopefully she will choose hand holding soon!