Uber-sensitive DD

[DeeEast]

I am so tired of the things that DD comes up with to be fearful of. Its not a new thing. She is now 5.5, turning 6 in August. She has been fearful of things I would never consider. We take all of the kids to Sunday school, and she will be afraid to come into the room for a while. During Bible school, no way would she take part in the final program, nor wear the tie-dye shirt every other kids wears. *sigh*

I have come to a point where I am getting pretty good at anticipating things where she will have this reaction. She can't wear flip-flops because of the part between her toes. She had a complete meltdown at the dentist when he tried to examine her teeth, while her 3 year old younger brother and sister were fine. Drama anyone?

Except that I truly don't think its drama. Its something in her make-up. Today she all of the sudden became terrified of going outside because of bugs. She ended up shaking and in tears at the thought of going outside by herself because she saw bees and dragonflies.

I'm not actually asking for solutions but does anyone else have a kid like this? Does it stop at some age? Or do you just get better at dealing with it?

[kristenk]

DD (also 5yo) has decided that she's afraid of birds and squirrels. She's also scared of my BIL's 4mo kitten. DH has a remote controlled helicopter that can fly in the house. Well, it *could* fly in the house if DD weren't terrified of it. Accidentally letting go of a balloon while blowing it up so that it flies all around the room is also scary. She's truly terrified of dogs. Bugs aren't her favorite things either.

As I was writing the list it became easy to see that DD is scared of things that act seemingly erratic. (She loves our cats b/c they mostly sleep. The kitten is a bundle of energy and likes to run all over the place.) It least there's a common thread.

She's getting better around dogs - at least dogs on leashes. I don't know if this is something that she'll grow out of or if we should be seeking professional help to deal with some of her fears. For the most part, the fears don't affect her daily life, but they get out of control every once in a while.

[ha98ed14]

My BFFs little boy was like this around between 3 and 4 with regard to bees and other flying bugs. It wasn't irrational per se because he could get stung, but his reactions seemed over the top. He eventually grew out of it. Honestly, it sounds like your DD is afraid, but then works herself up more when you or someone else encourage her not to be scared. If your 2nd and 3rd children are ok in the exact same situations, I would take her to get her evaluated. Kids can have anxiety disorders and you'd miss it because kids do tend to be afriad of more things than adults. But this sounds like it is severely impacting her (and your) quality of life. If she were mine, I'd get an eval. JMO.

[egoldber]

I feel for you. My older DD is like this. In some situations, her response is WAY beyond what is typical or socially appropriate. Now that she is older (this tends to be better tolerated in younger children) it has caused her issues in school and with friends. This was actually the main reason we had her evaluated recently by a psychologist. We were concerned, as a PP mentioned, about anxiety.

Essentially the psychologist says that she is neurologically immature with poor self regulation skills. One thing she emphasized to us is that she KNOWS this about herself and wants to control it but can't, so that has definitely helped us become less frustrated with her.

Our psychologist has recommended a combination of therapy and OT so help her learn some coping skills. But your DD is about 2 years younger and may still mature before the need for that kind of intervention. BUT. If you feel like this is affecting your and her quality of life, then I would see someone. I wish now that we had seen someone sooner.

A book I would highly recommend is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Lots of great ideas and helpful insights. Even though the book talks mainly about children who explode physically, he does say that the same process is in place for children who "explode" into tears or explode emotionally in general.

Good luck. It's very frustrating as a parent to see your child over react and not be able to help them self regulate, and even worse, feel angry or irritated with them.

[maestramommy]

Another great book is "Raising Your Spirited Child." I borrowed it from the children's section at the library after hearing the parents here talk about it over and over. It talks a lot about things like wearing flip flops, having meltdowns at seemingly random things. I don't have spirited children, but I still found it extremely informative and helpful for when my children have spirited moments.

[vejemom]

Is she socially shy? I was painfully shy as a child and the Sunday school thing sounds like something I would have done. Walking into the room and wearing the shirt would have drawn too much attention to me. Silly I know, since everyone else was doing it, but sometimes shyness is irrational. I suppose there could be some sensory integration issue at play with the flip flops, but OTOH, I know quite a few adults who won't wear them because the thong part hurts them or just annoys them.

Flying bugs seems to be a pretty common fear in children. The PPs got me thinking - I wonder if that fear is hardwired into them since kid's bodies are smaller and the venom from a sting could hurt them so much more than an adult. (Allergies aside, of course)

As a funny aside: When I was a teenager, I used to ride a spectacular horse. He was often described as "Scopy", meaning that he was absolutely fearless going over jumps. And he did - I could jump him 5 feet, no problem. He WAS afraid of...the drain in the wash stall. I had to go in there and drag the hose out to him to wash him down. So I suppose it isn't just humans! ;)

[pinkmomagain]

Another couple of books you may want to read are "The Highly Sensitive Child" and "The Out of Sync Child".

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Highly-Sensitive-Child/Elaine-N-Aron/e/9780767908726/?itm=1

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Out-of-Sync-Child/Carol-Stock-Kranowitz/e/9780399531651/?itm=1

[Melbel]

nak
A DF's son has sensory processing/integration issues that seem similar to what you described. You may consider getting her evaluated. OT has been quite helpful in many cases. Good luck!

[Asianmommy]

I agree with pinkmomagain--read The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them by Elaine Aron. It helped me to understand my daughter better.
For her, some of it did improve with age. At age 5, she used to run out of the room screaming if there was a thunderstorm brewing on "Little Bear," the mildest program on TV. Now, at age 7, she can watch "Madagascar 2" and enjoy it. She no longer screams and covers her eyes when the sun is too bright. She's discovered some coping strategies. She'll wear sunglasses or put up the shade.
Other things stayed the same. She still complains about the tags on her clothes and the seams on her socks. She has difficulty speaking up in front of the class. I don't expect these things to change, but I think we're finding ways to deal with it better.

[SammyeGail]

I was an overly sensative child, now a sensative adult ;), some of us are just made up this way. I remember my mother entering me in preschool and the teachers trying to get me to play with other kids. I just couldn't, I was happy playing by myself. I remember overhearing (pretending to play) the teachers and my mother talking about me, I didn't understand why I was so 'wrong'. I guess it helped me prepare for kindergarten and such, but I was always awkward socially. I sometimes think I was meant to be an only child to an overprotective mother, lol! I was the youngest of 5 and by then my mother was just tired.

I think my mom did like that I was very clingy to her, but I know I irritated her too with some of the things I did. She would get really aggrivated at me and say things to me that really hurt, very much because I was a child and didn't understand. My sister 3 yrs older than me also tortured me behind my mothers back, saying terrible things to me, that didn't help the ol' self esteem much (no, we're not close). I started having full blown panic attacks in 4th grade, my mom was very involved in the school/PTA and it embarrassed her. My 4th grade teacher was a blessing, she took extra time after school to talk with me. My parents sent me to a therapist but we lived in a small town and he wasn't very good, I never got past the chip on my shoulder stage, lol, my mom quit after about 4-5 sessions.

One of my sons has autism so I know alot about sensory issues. I would see about going to a pedi OT, I think it would help her alot. Maybe you could see someone about what you could do to help her express her fears in a proper way and slowly overcome them.

I totally understand about her not wanting to participate in the final program, to me that was being in front of an audience, people looking at me, stuff like that put me in total panic. Of course my mom wanted me in all the school programs. The one I will never forget, one halloween I was the black cat, my mom slaved over making me a costume, I must admit I had the best one, lol. But when it got closer and closer to the program time the anxiety just built up. We were in line to go on stage, next thing I knew it was my turn. I was supposed to jump around and meow. The teacher had to give me a gentle push out there, I got in the middle and looked up. An auditorium full of people, I froze. (I swear I remember this like it was yesterday, lol) The teacher was wispering loudly 'Samantha, you need to meow. Just meow loudly Samantha, meow loudly'. So I gathered my strength and let out the biggest "MEEEE-YOOOWWW" I could scared to death. The entire auditorium burst into laughter. I was shocked for a second or 2 then all the anxiety and terror dissapeared. I made people laugh!! I gave a big smile and ran back behind the curtins.

So after that I found my relief/outlet in being silly/goofy and making people laugh. I learned all the jokes I could and loved telling them. I wasn't with the popular crowd and didn't date alot (I was super skinny) but i wasn't on the bottom. I was just goofy and silly and had fun in jr High and HS. I would go to the Disney Store and had 3+ Goofy sweatshirts. There were people I still just couldn't talk to, but I had several close friends and overall a good HS experience.

It's hard work to do all you can to help your child overcome these obsticles. Great books out there with advice on how to dig in there and help her overcome her fears, find the reasons behind them, etc. I am a SAHM and it was very hard on me to send Noah to preschool a few weeks ago. I had to realize it was best for him, he is very high spirited and constantly wants to absorb info, he loves it so far.

You and your DD will be ok, just let her know you accept her for who she is, that meant so much to me when I was little.

Sorry to ramble, I do that ;). I sincerely hope everything works out ok.

Samantha
Mommy to 3.5 yr old twin boys
Noah, my little firecracker
Jonas, my sweetheart with autism

[sidmand]

I have come to a point where I am getting pretty good at anticipating things where she will have this reaction. She can't wear flip-flops because of the part between her toes. She had a complete meltdown at the dentist when he tried to examine her teeth, while her 3 year old younger brother and sister were fine. Drama anyone?

Except that I truly don't think its drama. Its something in her make-up. Today she all of the sudden became terrified of going outside because of bugs. She ended up shaking and in tears at the thought of going outside by herself because she saw bees and dragonflies.


I was wondering about sensory stuff too. I hate wearing flip flops and now that DS has come along and we see that he definitely has some sensory issues I'm finding that *I* have a lot of sensory issues! DS also has problems at the dentist. They had to go very very slowly with him and show him what they were doing. Haircuts are another one. Is it possible the shirt is scratchy to her and that's why she doesn't want to wear it?

Just reading your post that was the first thing that came to mind. Could be totally offbase and I know you weren't necessarily looking for solutions.

[jillc]

Hi there,

My DD just turned 5, and was having similar "issues" with bugs recently. It about drove me insane. She had seen some bees around us at a park & then for several weeks, it was a 15 minute ordeal to get her out of the house. She would cry and shake and become terrified at the thought of going into our yard or to a park or into the garage. I feel your pain! Hang in there! I muddled through it, trying my best not to get angry, although I didn't always succeed. I ended up looking through a few books at a bookstore one afternoon and something stood out, which was that a parent should "go to where the child is and help her come back" during a panic type episode.

Luckily, it only lasted a few weeks, although now she is still *very* aware of bugs. Our pediatrician said that if this was impacting our everyday life for more than 6 weeks, it was time to look into it further.