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TwinFoxes
04-27-2009, 12:01 PM
We all know that as mothers of multiples we get more attention/questions than singleton moms. Personally, I love the attention, I'm not one of those people who wishes strangers wouldn't talk to me about my girls, and only a couple of people have creeped me out (please stop chasing me through the airport strange lady!) So this isn't a bitch. One question that I don't understand is: "Which one is older." It's the question I get asked the MOST (after they take a random stab at their gender.) Why do people ask that? Often they guess which one is older...I have no idea what they're basing their guesses on. If the person is nice, I'll say "yes, that's the one" no matter if they're right or wrong...if they're not so nice I'll tell them "nope, you're wrong." :tongue5:

HIU8
04-27-2009, 12:48 PM
Not a mom of twins, but I can sort of relate on a different level. DS and DD are 2.5 years apart. When I would have them in a double SBS I would constantly be told that my twins are so cute. Uh, hello....NOT twins. My favorite is, they look so similar...are they fraternal? I guess I never understood this b/c they are not twins in any way shape or form. I think people are: clueless, nosey and generally weird.

gatorsmom
04-27-2009, 03:09 PM
The one that drives me nuts only because I try to explain and people still don't seem to get it is: "are they identical?" Ok, I can understand if you don't notice the blue and pink blankets or girl and boy outfits. So, I'll always say, "no they aren't; they are a boy and a girl." But then when some people go on to give me a quizzical look like they don't understand, or maybe the twins are identical all except for the gender parts :duh:, I just kind of shut down.

Even if I had the time to explain it further, most people's attention span only lasts 30 seconds and then I see them space out or start looking around. :dizzy: So, that's the answer they get and probably 75% of them still look mystified after I say it. Go check it out on wikipedia- I don't have the time.

Melaine
04-27-2009, 03:34 PM
Oh where do I begin?
"Which one is the evil one?"- that's the worst
"Which is the oldest?"-that just seems irrelevant to me. I assure you it never comes up at our house.
"Are they twins?" in our case this is SUCH a big "duh". They are the same height, weight; look the same and dress the same.
"Are they yours?"- REALLY?!?!
Comments that also make me gag:
"Double trouble"-gosh, so original and not at all rude
"Better you than me"-although ITA with that one
And the one time the lady stopped me to relay her long, heart-wrenching story of having one of her twins kidnapped from the hospital and praying for the last 27 years that she might find him before she dies.-there are just no words for that

fivi2
04-27-2009, 03:46 PM
Oh where do I begin?
"Which one is the evil one?"- that's the worst
"Which is the oldest?"-that just seems irrelevant to me. I assure you it never comes up at our house.
"Are they twins?" in our case this is SUCH a big "duh". They are the same height, weight; look the same and dress the same.
"Are they yours?"- REALLY?!?!
Comments that also make me gag:
"Double trouble"-gosh, so original and not at all rude
"Better you than me"-although ITA with that one
And the one time the lady stopped me to relay her long, heart-wrenching story of having one of her twins kidnapped from the hospital and praying for the last 27 years that she might find him before she dies.-there are just no words for that

ITA with all of this! Why does everyone feel the need to relay every story of every twin they've ever met - especially the horribly sad ones? I can handle it now, but when my twins were newborns I would literally have to run away before I started crying.

We get a lot of "you have your hands full" while they are watching me struggle to get my twins, bags, stroller and everything else out the door. Yes, I do have my hands full. If you want to comment, at least hold the door! The stopping and staring in general has not been great for us - my children now think they are celebrities and that everyone wants to take their picture or hug them or whatever. People seem to expect us to stop and smile and wave just so they can stare and gawk.

I get "did you have help?" a lot. I don't know if they mean fertility help or a nanny, but I am not sure why they want to know in either situation.

The whole identical/fraternal thing kills me also. I usually just smile, nod, and keep walking. (Mine are identical, but people always ask a million questions about it all).

Phew!

But, for the most part it has gotten better as they have gotten older.

eta: yep - we get the "are they natural" also. usually along with the "did you have help"... Strange.

Melaine
04-27-2009, 04:51 PM
"did you have help"
Oh gee, I totally forgot about the
"Were they natural?" (ie were you on fertility?)
People are so amazingly tactless....also strangely curious.
I mean, I just smile at people with kids. It never occurs to me to say much of anything to them....it's just odd how people are.

mamaoftwins
04-27-2009, 05:36 PM
We get a lot of "you have your hands full" while they are watching me struggle to get my twins, bags, stroller and everything else out the door. Yes, I do have my hands full. If you want to comment, at least hold the door!

Amen to that!

I like "are they twins?". Nope, I just have one wicked small toddler and one huge newborn. :wink2:

Momof3Labs
04-27-2009, 05:48 PM
They aren't even here, but how many times have I heard "do twins run in your family?" Talk about a backwards way of asking if we did fertility treatment.

gatorsmom
04-27-2009, 07:08 PM
They aren't even here, but how many times have I heard "do twins run in your family?" Talk about a backwards way of asking if we did fertility treatment.

Oh, I don't know. I still hear this alot followed by some story about how Billy Bob's mom had twins and her mom had twins and her mom, etc. I think people are always on the lookout for some entertaining stories, ykwim?

Kindra178
04-27-2009, 08:17 PM
I get the twins run in the family question all the time. It drives me bananas.

TwinFoxes
04-27-2009, 09:59 PM
These are funny...and for the most part I've heard them all except which one is evil (I'm sure I'll get that eventually.)

I think some people want to know if twins run in my family (they do) but others are trying to figure out if we did fertility treatments or not. I read a good answer to that question (no one's ever asked me directly, but I'm prepared!)

Nosy: Did you have fertility treatments?
Future me: Why, did you? :p

Most people I meet are nice, and I like it when they tell me what a blessing I have. I do feel blessed, especially considering the 9 weeks in the NICU! I also like meeting grown up twins, who always tell me how much they like being a twin.

la mama
04-27-2009, 10:52 PM
:yeahthat: to everything you other MOMs said! I love that you all get asked the same questions and are sometimes annoyed by them too. Sometimes when I feel annoyed, I think I'm just a grouch.

Here's the list of questions/comments that annoy me:
are they natural? (how personal, yes, but if they weren't, how rude!)
which is the good one? (really?!)
did you have them naturally? (also very personal, I vow to never ask a mother this question)
are they identical?
two boys/two girls? (when there is blue and pink everywhere!)
do twins run in your family? (they actually don't to my knowledge, which only confuses things)
double trouble
now there's tribe

Thanks for this post; it's good to know I'm not alone!

AJP
05-01-2009, 10:29 PM
Lately the ones that bug me the most are "Are they twins?" (no one is a huge infant and one a tiny toddler lol) always followed by "Oh look, they're IDENTICAL" down the next isle (look nothing alike). There is always some guy who says "Are they both yours" (am I the only woman to have more than one child???)
I've never gotten the which one is the evil one, but maybe I will some day. Just yesterday I got a "I'm glad they're going with you and not me" to which I replied "ME TOO!" DUMB A$*
I've gotten many more dumb comments than nice ones. There are always these 2 fashionable male employees at 2 of my fave city shops. They always wink and say "double blessings" as I walk by. The nicest part? They don't barricade my stroller to gawk!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

o_mom
05-19-2009, 04:07 PM
Lately the ones that bug me the most are "Are they twins?" (no one is a huge infant and one a tiny toddler lol) always followed by "Oh look, they're IDENTICAL" down the next isle (look nothing alike). There is always some guy who says "Are they both yours" (am I the only woman to have more than one child???)


OK, this one I actually understand. As you can see a few posts above, many people ask this about NON-twins... I have been asked thousands of times if mine are twins or all mine. To complicate it, I regularly go out with two of their cousins as well who are similar ages, so it really looks like I might have two sets of twins and a toddler, or we are on a daycare field trip (been asked that too) :hysterical:. As soon as someone starts asking I head them off with "no, these two are my nieces".

So, as obvious as it is to you, it is hard to tell just by looking. I also remember sitting next to a guy who had two boys with them that looked about the same age as my two... I was figuring they were 18-24 mos apart based on size. We get to chatting and nope, they were twins... had TTTS and were over 4 lbs different at birth.

Anyway, some people are just chatty and try to make conversation.

theboys'mom
05-26-2009, 12:52 PM
We get asked if our twins "run in our family" or if they are "natural" all the time! I just laugh and tell people we did it the old fashioned way. We had sex. Twice. That's how twins happen. :wink2: I don't know why I get funny looks. They are the ones asking about my sex life, and then they seem surprised when I answer them.

Mostly I think people are curious and just want to say something, and they don't think about it before they do. I got this a lot when I was pregnant too. Things like "no wonder you're so big." It used to really upset me (probably because of all my crazy pregger hormones), but now it just makes me laugh.

Also it's weird going someone with just one. No one asks me anything about my one baby. Sometimes I almost miss the attention, but usually it's refreshing to be able to do my shopping in peace.

Melaine
05-26-2009, 03:48 PM
Also it's weird going someone with just one. No one asks me anything about my one baby. Sometimes I almost miss the attention, but usually it's refreshing to be able to do my shopping in peace.

:yeahthat:
It is soooo weird to go out with just one DD. I may complain about all the attention, but truthfully I sometimes feel weird NOT getting the attention. And I remember one time someone said how cute DD was and I was kind of relieved.

I mean, it was good to know that other people think my children are cute even one at a time. Not just cute like a freak show because they are twins!

Sweetum
06-01-2009, 08:04 PM
I don't belong to this group (one DS) but just happened to be here - all very funny, and I should say I'm guilty of asking some of those questions :D sorry about that! But like one person said, it's very personal when people ask if I had my child naturally (twins or not) - and I didn't get sensitized to that till I had mine via C, and I feel a wee bit bad that it wasn't natural :( oh, well, C or not there's a baby at the end, and I'm happy about that. I really do think the 9 months count towards something...anyways, I'll keep in mind not to ask these questions next time I meet a parent of twins LOL haffun everyone!

longamkl
06-08-2009, 11:18 AM
It's really fun to see all these questions. We regularly get:

Are they twins? (yesterday shouted from six stories up - I couldn't even see the man shouting!)

And we get "Are they identical?" all the time (I have a boy and a girl - blue and pink all over).

Yesterday, my husband wanted to respond to the shouted "Are they twins?" question, "Are they senior citizens? (mimicking the pointing also). And "Are they a boy and a girl?" (to the senior citizens). Maybe next time.

HIU8
06-08-2009, 11:34 AM
I'm not a member of the twins group, but for some reason I get a lot of comments about DS and DD. They are 31 months apart. They do look alike, but come on people, it's obvious they are not twins at all. Plus, I get weird comments when DN is with us. DS is 4.5, DN is 3 and DD is 2. I get comments about triplets (um, NOPE). I also have people ask if they are all mine, or if any of them are adopted. I now get what my mother went through when I was a child (there are 3 of us and we are a total of 3.5 years apart). People were always commenting to her about us (especially since growing up my sister and I looked very very similar --same hair type, same hairstyle and wore each others clothes for many years).

SammyeGail
06-13-2009, 08:10 PM
I can't believe I don't come in here, what have I been missing!?!

As pregnant, went into pre-term labor at 25 weeks, had to go to OB weekly (and gladly). DH would drop me off at the door and park in the deck. When we were finished I would wait on the bench while he got the car. (was pretty much on full time bed rest) The last 4-5 appts on that bench were nothing but questions from older women waiting on their cars from valet.

'oh my, you're really big, how far along are you!?!' me in monotone voice '29 weeks, I have twins' her 'Oh! do you know what they are' me 'yes, they're boys.' her 'Oh! Do you have names picked out?' me 'can you shut up!!!' (not really) But....I got creative.

'oh my, you're really big, how far along are you?' me in my best clueless hick voice 'I've been pregnant for about a year, the doctor keeps saying the babys not ready.' her..nothing, stunned. I go on 'my friends who've had babies had had them earlier than this, I don't know how long you go, ya know, but I don't think its a year, is it?' still nothing 'I think he's going to be a big boy, don't you? I'm so proud, its my first. I hope the doctor lets me have him soon, we need to buy a carseat and stuff. My aunt gave me her old one, but its real old and smells funny, I may use it anyway.....' Then I realize I may give her a stroke so I tell her I'm kidding, I'm pregnant with twins, etc. I did this to 2 ladies, none found it funny but I sure did!!!

After born (in Nov), the first spring and summer was the worst: From across the mall several times we would hear 'OMG!! Twins!!' Let us all surround their stroller, get close to them and spread our germs! One looks just like my dad and the other looks just like my FIL, nothing alike. After the 'are they identical' and no, most people saw the difference. Once in line at Costco I got the Q, said no. He looked them over very well and asked me seriously 'Are you sure?' (I did get irritated at all the repeated questions everytime we went out) I answered sharply 'I carried and gave birth to them, yeah I'm sure!'

Double Trouble would lite a fire under my ars : ). Especially when they were infants, why say that about 5-6 month old babies!?! After the 3rd time of hearing it in an hour while at the mall I snapped at a lady and said 'How would you feel if I came up to you, a stranger, and said your child was a brat?'

I snapped after that, DH would literally have to haul me away from people if anyone said 'double trouble'. I would just snap at them 'Do you know how rude that is!, bla, bla, bla' with DH dragging me away, lol.

Twins do run in my family, my 2 1/2 sisters had identical twins. Mine were fertility twins and when I answered yes people looked so dissapointed. So to anyone bothered by this Q, answer yes, my sister had twins, or my aunt had twins, etc. People looked so stumped.

'Are they natural?' my answer was 'Are they natural?? Do they look plastic?'

All thats been so long ago, we never get it anymore. At 9 months Jo was in 75th percintile and Noah in 50th. Jonas has grown over Noah ever since. Last summer he was 4 in taller and it has stayed that way. Once in a while we get 'they are so close in age they could be twins' when we tell them they are people are a bit shocked. I just say 'Well, you can definiately tell they aren't identical can't you!'

I personally don't like attention brought to myself and it was hard on me, the attention the twins brought. I just didn't respond well.

Have loved reading the stories, sorry I wrote so much!!

AngelaS
06-13-2009, 09:09 PM
My all time favorite question I was asked, "Do they all have the same father?" My oldest and youngest are darker complected and have dark hair and the middle one is pale and was blonde (her hair's getting darker finally!). Um...yeah, I cheated with the mailman for the second one and then my husband took me back for the third? Um... NO.

I get the "are they twins?" thing a lot, because my last two are only about 2 inches apart in height and weigh the same. I don't generally dress them alike but I get that about every few days. :P

I think people are just so fascinated by twins and multiples. I mean--it's cool to have a sibling THAT close. :D

Momof3Labs
06-13-2009, 09:32 PM
Okay, I confess that I've stopped telling most people that I'm having twins. People that I just meet in passing, that is - cashiers, etc. My energy is so low already, and it just feels like it sucks more energy out of me to have the extended discussion that always comes when they find out it is twins.

Hopefully I'll have more energy to deal with these conversations when the girls are here because I'm not sure how to masquerade them as a single baby - it is pretty easy when they are still in utero!

ETA: And the "oh, how perfect - two boys and two girls!" Like my family wasn't perfect before? My heart kinda breaks for the boys, especially DS1 who is old enough to wonder why people need to say this.