Birthday present etiquette question

[billysmommy]

DS1's birthday party is this weekend. The mom of one of his classmates who is not able to come to his party just dropped a present off for him. I told her she didn't need to do that and she said that they received an invitation so they should send a present?!?!

I have never heard of this in regards to kid's birthday parties!!! Is this something new that's happening? This little boy's party is next weekend but we're unable to go as we're having DS2's birthday party that day so now I'm feeling that I should get a present for him. But I'm going to stand strong :) I'm thinking I'll have ds1 make him a card or picture and mail it to him.

I've always thought that if you can't go to the party, then you respond as such and that's it. We only send birthday presents to family unless we go to the party. I'm confused now though

[fivi2]

My girls are only 3, but I usually do not give a present if I don't go. Unless it is someone we know well and would give a gift to even if they weren't having a party. If I already had it picked out and it was a last minute case where we got sick and couldn't go, then I would probably go ahead and give the gift... shrug. Wondering what everyone else does...?

[JTsMom]

I think traditionally you don't send a present unless you go, unless it's a close friend/family member. In your case, I'd definitely feel obligated to send something to her child though. JMO.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's not wrong to give a present if you can't come but it certainly isn't required or expected, as far as I know!

Beth

[caleymama]

It's not wrong to give a present if you can't come but it certainly isn't required or expected, as far as I know!

Beth

:yeahthat:

The only time (other than to family/cousins) that we have given a gift when we couldn't attend a party was when we had RSVPd yes but DD1 was unable to attend at the last minute b/c of illness. I had the present ready to go and popped it in the mail the next day (party was on a Sunday). The Mom was very sweet about it and I know DD wanted her friend to have his present.

[Ceepa]

Maybe the mom had purchased the gift already?

[Meatball Mommie]

Maybe the mom is confusing wedding etiquette with bday party etiquette? I know that when you are invited to a wedding, etiquette books say that you should give a gift regardless of your attendance. I'd say that as far as a kids' bday party goes though, a gift is only necessary if you are attending or cancel at the last minute like a pp mentioned (due to illness or whatever and you likely already have the gift anyway).

My eldest is close to 6 and we've only ever given gifts when we've actually gone to the party (same goes for gifts we've received). The only cases that I'd make an exception for are close friends/family and the case you describe - I think I'd feel guilty enough to buy something small!

[sidmand]

I agree with the others. If we can't attend I don't send a present unless it's a good friend or family member who I would have bought one for anyway or if I was planning to go and couldn't at the last minute.

I've never heard of getting an invite equaling having to send a gift! I hope not because then I think I've made some serious faux paus!

[Snow mom]

The parent who dropped off the gift is also having a b-day party that day? If I'm understanding that correctly I'd probably get something for their LO also. I'd probably sneak and see what they had dropped off and get something similar for their LO. Typically I don't think there is an obligation to buy a gift for a party you aren't attending.

[billysmommy]

The parent who dropped off the gift is also having a b-day party that day? If I'm understanding that correctly I'd probably get something for their LO also. I'd probably sneak and see what they had dropped off and get something similar for their LO. Typically I don't think there is an obligation to buy a gift for a party you aren't attending.

DS1's party is this weekend. His classmate's party is the weekend after, the same day/time as DS2's party. DS2's party is a family party so it's partly for DS1 also as alot of the family coming will be bringing his presents at the same time so he was unable to go to his classmate's party. It's very confusing :)

[billysmommy]

I let DS1 open it this evening and it was a bucket of summer stuff ~ sidewalk chalk, jump rope, goggles, shovel. It was really cute. I'm going to drop off one of the favors that we're giving out for her DS.
DS1 chose to do a flower pot with paints/paintbrush and a packet of seeds and a little brown bag filled with birdseed that says "Take a Bird to Lunch" for his favors. I feel it's in the same spirit as what she dropped off so should be fine.

[melissaflorida]

I always send a gift whether or not my child attend the party. I also give every child a party favor whether or not they attend our party. I figure it's not the child's fault they are not coming, whether they are sick or have something else planned.

~Melissa

[SomeoneLikeYou]

Yeah, maybe that's regional? I'm in the Northeast and I wouldn't sent a gift for a kid's bday party if I couldn't make it. I'd send one for a baby shower and maybe even a wedding but not a kid's bday. :::shrugs:::

[ThreeofUs]

Never heard of it. If you go to a party, you bring a present. If you don't, you *can* of course still take a present by, but it is highly optional.

I think the present you're talking about dropping off sounds wonderful. Perfect for a reciprocal present.

[elephantmeg]

I've never taken a present if I can't be there-unless its family