How Do You Deal With a Scared 2 Year Old?

[vejemom]

For the past several nights, DD#1 has woken up telling us "I'm scared". If you ask her what she's scared of, she doesn't reply. We generally leave her closet door partially open with the light on. We've taken to leaving her bathroom door open with a dim light on in there. I know that kids that age can start being scared of the dark, but she's not really in the dark. I'm sure that part of it is what Dr. Ferber terms "Curtain Calls" and that she doesn't want to go to sleep. Each time, she starts yelling, opens her door, walks out, and crashes down the hallway.

This afternoon, she was happily playing with MIL when she suddenly sat down and said "I'm scared!" MIl asked her what she was scared of, and she told us "The wolf! Right out there!" I looked out to see if she might be seeing a fox, but nothing was out there. I told her that there was nothing to worry about, that the big dog would chase the wolf away. Eventually she got back up and resumed playing.

I'm not sure what to do. The sleep issue is really becoming a strain - she's up 3 or 4 times some nights. (And this is on top of a 6 month old who still wakes up once or twice to eat.) DH has taken to yelling at her if she doesn't go right to sleep at bedtime. I don't particularly agree with that approach but I understand his frustration. Evenings have become a miserable battle - forget trying to get the dinner dishes done - I'm up there holding her door shut. She does give up if I hold the door for about 10 minutes. That tells me that a lot of it is just the "terrible twos" rearing its ugly head. But I hate thinking that part of this might be legitimate fear and that she's not getting the comfort she needs when she needs it.

Anyone BTDT and have some ideas?

[s7714]

Both my DDs have gone through phases of that (sorry to tell you more than once each in fact). Honestly I haven't found any magic cures to the problem other than them outgrowing it. When it has happened, it's usually lasted a week or two and then they're fine for a while. I think it's tough because it's hard to tell sometimes if they're just doing it to get attention or if it's sincere.

In regards to nighttime, we've tried the whole range of fixes for both my DDs--leaving the door cracked open, night lights, staying in the room extra time, promoting certain loveys or stuffed toys to be "protectors", monster spray, etc. For my older DD the best solution was to leave the door cracked open, although she still has rough nights once in a while if she's been overstimulated that day. With my younger DD we finally discovered that she was less prone to being scared when she had some control over the amount of light in her room. Night lights were a pain, because some nights she wanted less light but it was either a no light or yes light option. Eventually we came across some color changeable night light clocks (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3169168) which put off just the right amount of light for her. Some nights if she wants more light she switches it to a brighter color and other nights she's fine with a dim color.

The daytime version I never made much of an issue about and both DDs seemed to phase out of that quicker than the nighttime version. Usually distracting them with something else seemed to be the easiest way to make them mentally move on.

[lizajane]

we let dylan come into our room in the middle of the night and sleep in a sleeping bag (already set up) on our floor. it worked for about 2 weeks before he started waking us up again.

i can't solve your problem, but i can empathize. i am SO SO sorry. it is horrible not getting to sleep all night.

i will say that if she is anxious, as my older child is, then love and comfort and soothing will go a lot farther than yelling and orders to get back into bed.

(ETA: what solved dylan's night waking was going gluten free. he is probably intolerant because i have celiac.)