Would this be okay with you?

[Corie]

We were out to lunch today. At the table next to us was another
family with kids. The husband talked on his cell phone for the majority of
the lunch.
When we are out as a family or as a couple, we are NOT on our cell phone,
blackberry, etc. Our entire focus is on the kids or each other (if it's a date night!).

Obviously, not everyone shares this same opinion.

How about you and your family?

[trales]

It would really bother me. I mean, really, really, bother me.

[smiles33]

Yes, I would be extremely annoyed if DH were on the phone for the entire meal. Not only is it unfair to our family, but I'd be embarrassed as I think it's rude to do so in a restaurant.

With that said, occasionally, DH will get emergency calls on his cell phone but if we're in public, he always takes those outside/away from us and usually it's a quick call (5 minutes) and results in him immediately leaving for the office.

[mamaoftwins]

I agree, it would bug me. There are times though when we are out and DH is on call for work, so if he gets paged, he has to call in, but he never takes more than a minute or two.

[Jo..]

DH gets work calls a lot. He is the only one who can fix a vast majority of issues, so he is *ALWAYS* on call. However, if he was on the phone for more than a couple of minutes during family time, I would tell him to get off the phone. And, I have.

[janeybwild]

I hate people talking on cells phones in a restaurant period. Let alone my DH. A few minutes, a quick call fine, but more than that and you get "the look".

[Happy 2B mommy]

DH usually ignores his cell and refuses to get a blackberry. But sometimes he has to take a call for work. The last time this happened was 2 weeks ago when we were at a family-night potluck at church. About 30 seconds into the call DH simply left the table w/o an explanation or "excuse me" to anyone and was gone for 15-20 minutes. I wasn't happy about it, but it's not a habit with him either.

[g-mama]

The entire meal? That would annoy me. But my dh does spend time on his Blackberry sometimes when we are out as a family. If I want to be able to go out it is sometimes the only way. The other option is for him to stay at home in front of the computer and not join us at all. It's certainly not his choice, it's his job. At times, he can put things off and ignore messages, but at other times, he can't.

[KBecks]

I am very anti cell phone. It would be only OK if it was an urgent work call or family distress type situation.

[Clarity]

No. It would not be okay. I can't even fathom what could have been that important to take up an entire meal.

[lisams]

One evening we were out to dinner and DH's work called with a big issue. He felt incredibly bad, but he had to help them through it.

We are not "chat on the cell" kind of people. We only give our cell phone number out to a few people (mostly close family). If we're on the cell, it's to say "I'm on my way home" and that's about it.

[MMMommy]

That would bug me. DH often times has to take calls for work, but he will step outside and not talk at the table.

I was with my family having lunch at a local restaurant one time, and seated nearby was a couple and their son (about 8 years old). The husband and wife were each reading their own book, and the boy was playing with his Nintendo DS. All three were doing their own thing. I thought that was ridiculous.

[egoldber]

DH gets work calls a lot.

:yeahthat: He has clients on the west coast and overseas. And his consulting business is our bread and butter. If he gets a call he has to take it. If it goes on for more than a few minutes, he usually steps out, but that irritates me more because then if a kid has to go to the bathroom or something, I'm screwed.

[TwinFoxes]

This had never happened to me, if my DH really had to take a call he'd excuse himself. But maybe it was an emergency and the guy didn't realize he'd been on the phone that long. Maybe you caught him on the one day all he** was breaking loose at his job, and he was afraid if he didn't handle it he'd get fired. Or maybe his widowed mother was lonely and needed someone to talk to, but he didn't want to leave his wife alone to handle the kids. I hope it was a one time thing, and not their normal way of having dinner. To me it would be kind of sad if that was their life...if he was just chatting to random buddies while his wife sat around waiting.

[graciebellesmomma]

Yeah, it happens. Not often, but it does happen.
Dh works from home and works his own hours, so we
get LOTS and lots of quality, fun time. We are so lucky to
be able to take a late breakfast or lunch together or with our dd
during the week that if he gets a call, I don't roll my eyes anymore.
I just silently give thanks to be able to have him home with us.

He would step outside if the call needed to be dealt with right
then, but most of the time he would let the caller know that he
will call back.

[gatorsmom]

DH gets work calls from overseas alot. And some of those calls are very important. It happens sometimes he gets them while we are out. There isn't much he can do to avoid it. I'm completely supportive of that.

HOwever, if it were NOT a work call, I would consider talking the length of the meal while in a restaurant is RUDE (and my DH would think so too). jmho.

[KpbS]

Pet peeve of mine for sure.

[SnuggleBuggles]

If it is just me and the kids, I have been known to do it from time to time. If the kids are entertaining each other then I might take advantage of that time to catch up on a call. If it is the whole family out, I would not do this at all and wouldn't like it if dh did either.

Beth

[JamiMac]

This is how my DH is. He works from home part of the week and we do lots together when we can as a family. We also travel as a family for his job when we can, so part of our routine is just fitting in with his workday and then having fun around it. He would definitely leave the table if it was a work call though, and I don't think he'd talk but a few minutes on a personal call. If it was a work call and he would have to get up I'd understand because he's our breadwinner right now, although it might be annoying.

[kransden]

This is how my DH is. He works from home part of the week and we do lots together when we can as a family. We also travel as a family for his job when we can, so part of our routine is just fitting in with his workday and then having fun around it. He would definitely leave the table if it was a work call though, and I don't think he'd talk but a few minutes on a personal call. If it was a work call and he would have to get up I'd understand because he's our breadwinner right now, although it might be annoying.

:yeahthat:

[kijip]

Any work calls that I had to take when I was working ft, I would step away from the table and come back as soon as possible. My husband's only work calls are "can you work overtime on Tuesday because so and so is ill" so they take no time at all. Neither of us even answers the phone during family time out unless to quickly check to make sure it is not an emergency with my mother.

[shawnandangel]

I can understand in certain circumstances. For instance, I used to be a retail store manager. I would get calls all hours of the day if I was not at work (anytime between 9am and 10pm). If my store was calling me, obviously they needed me. I was a salaried employee and imo, that meant I needed to be available.

So, if my store called me and I were out, yes I would answer and I would fix the problem as quickly as possible. A "problem" could be an irritable customer about a return, or a problem with money that the employees could not figure out ect. Sometimes these problems took a bit of time to resolve. I would probably leave the table and go outside though. I think it is rude to be on your phone at the table itself.

Anything other than business, I would ignore. Also, if I were at dinner and it was a problem that could wait, I would tell them I would call them back in x amount of minutes, that I was busy at the moment. It just depended on the severity of the problem.

[ThreeofUs]

It's barely okay with me to watch - just makes me feel so bad for the family, honestly - and we would never want that to be our family. (Obligatory caveat: if it were an emergency, or if they were trying to work out something big that had great bearing on the family, I can see it.)

But then, we tend to think cell phones have taken over too much of family and social life.

[egoldber]

just makes me feel so bad for the family, honestly - and we would never want that to be our family.......But then, we tend to think cell phones have taken over too much of family and social life.

In some ways, I agree. But OTOH cell phones on more than one occasion have allowed us as a family to take a vacation while DH "worked" the whole trip. He would take calls and do conference calls while on the trip. Without the ability to do this, we often could not have gone anywhere for vacation, he'd have been stuck in the office.

And the cell phone means that he is not chained to a desk while working for clients, dealing with clients and networking for clients. So it gives the flexibility that he can work while at the same time picking up a sick kid from school or again while on vacation. Many times we drive to my ILs while DH is on a conference call. That means we can make the drive during a good time of day for the kids vs a bad time of day.

I've learned that while *in theory* being self employed means being your own boss, in reality it often means you are at your clients mercy 24/7.

So like anything, there are upsides and downsides.

[blisstwins]

I used to be violently against the cell, especially at the table, but my DH is a physican and he is on call all the time. I got tired of him leaving all the time, so periodically he will be on the cell at the table. He would never be on the phone the whole meal, but I hate him coming and going all the time too. FWIW, we would not go to anything but a family style restaurant if he was on call.

[L'sMommy]

On the phone through the whole meal is not ok. That said, there are times that DH gets a phone call he has to take. when this happens he leaves the table for a few minutes. If it's going to be a long conversation he lets the caller know he needs to call back later.

[LexyLou]

I don't know, I guess I feel that it's really easy to judge others without knowing the circumstance.

If my husband was always on his phone when we were eating, I'd be annoyed but who knows what was going on with that family.

Maybe he was closing a huge deal but still made time to meet his family for a Dr. appointment and lunch, maybe his mother was dying, maybe they were closing on a house, etc..

I just hate placing judgment without knowing the facts.

[g-mama]

I don't know, I guess I feel that it's really easy to judge others without knowing the circumstance.

If my husband was always on his phone when we were eating, I'd be annoyed but who knows what was going on with that family.

Maybe he was closing a huge deal but still made time to meet his family for a Dr. appointment and lunch, maybe his mother was dying, maybe they were closing on a house, etc..

I just hate placing judgment without knowing the facts.


This is how I feel. My dh's job as a transactional attorney is far from 9 to 5. If he's not at the office, there are deals that he he is working on that continue to go on. He cannot just ignore the messages he gets on his BlackBerry while people who are at the office working need his "ok" or advice to proceed on a transaction while he's out to lunch with his family.

It's easy to say it's unacceptable if your spouse doesn't have that kind of job. How can you understand something you've never been exposed to? I would hate to think people are thinking my dh was an a$$ when he's the farthest thing from it. His job provides for our family and he would much, much, much rather be focusing on the kids at any given time rather than on demanding clients. It's not a choice.

All of this was said assuming he was not chitchatting to a friend, but I don't know men who really do that so I'm guessing it was work.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't know, I guess I feel that it's really easy to judge others without knowing the circumstance.

If my husband was always on his phone when we were eating, I'd be annoyed but who knows what was going on with that family.

Maybe he was closing a huge deal but still made time to meet his family for a Dr. appointment and lunch, maybe his mother was dying, maybe they were closing on a house, etc..

I just hate placing judgment without knowing the facts.

:yeahthat:

[Pennylane]

If my DH did have to take a call from work, he would excuse himself and go outside and talk. It would bug me, but I understand that sometimes things come up.

Ann

[o_mom]

Depending on the cirucumstances, it might be OK with me. We have had times when DH has had to deal with work crises while out.

I really could care less what someone does at another table in a restaurant, though. It is their business and without knowing their family and situation, I don't think I can judge from sitting next to them if they need my pity for some sort of family disfunction. Dinner out is not a big deal for some people. We have friends with kids who go out to eat 3-4 nights a week. It is not a big family event or luxury for them.

[jgenie]

Other than an emergency, I would not be happy if my husband was on the phone while we were out as a family. I feel the same way about other friends & family - I can't tell you how many times I've been out to eat with friends / family that they have received a call from someone and will take the call and chat. I find it very rude and limit my outings with those people. I will not answer my phone while I'm out with someone else unless I think it might be an emergency. I am the same way at home, if the phone rings and I have company the answering machine gets it and I return the call after my guest has gone.

[frgsnlzrds]

I wouldn't be okay with it. I even refuse to go to restaurants (like Applebee's) that have tvs in them because DH will automatically zone in. Especially when the Cubs are on!

[Tondi G]

Not cool in our family. My DH doesn't like people answering calls at the table. If his phone rings he might pick it up and tell the person he is sitting down to dinner or if it was important he would get up and walk outside. He feels its rude to the people sitting around you as well.

One Valentines day I went out to dinner with DH and we witnessed a couple each on their cell phones for the majority of their meals!!!! What's the point of spending time alone with your SO if you are going to be on your phone with someone else the whole flippin' time?

[nov04]

If he were talking on it like it was a soup-can (ie really loud), then it would tick me off. It if was in a regular conversational tone, I would ignore it.

[Corie]

To me it would be kind of sad if that was their life...if he was just chatting to random buddies while his wife sat around waiting.


Since the family was seated right next to us, I could hear his entire
conversation. He was definitely talking to a buddy.

[maestramommy]

Unless it were some life and death emergency, that would not happen in our family. We only carry our cell phones for emergency anyway so most of the time they are off. And at home we don't answer phone calls during meals.

[sste]

Talking to a buddy might be OK for DH and I under some circumstances. We are very hard to get ahold of with both of us working otoh so we sometimes play phone tag with friends and family for weeks and weeks - - if that friend/family member calls its usually OK for one of us to take the call. Also, if one of us has been on childcare duty all day and we are grabbing something to eat very casually (sandwich shop, roadside thing) then it might be OK for that parent to take a break.

It would not be OK with me if we planned a nice family dinner or if DH didn't get the high sign from me (and vice versa) and went ahead with a call.

[bethie_73]

I would find it embarrassing to sit through a whole meal with a phone attached to my ear. I have taken an important call before, and left the table.

I guess if an important call came through or something I would get up and go, but meals with the family are meals with the family. That said, DH and I do not have jobs where we need to take emergency calls usually.

[tarabenet]

It is extremely rude to be on the phone while at dinner. What happened to civilized dining, even at home, much less out in public?

I used to presume that everyone was raised to know better. After one or two frutrating dinners with my stepdughters taking phone calls (because theri mom was raised in a gutter somewhere, I am convinced), we made it a rule: no phone calls or texting at dinner. We make exceptions for emergency stiuations, like when we know a friend or family member is ill or in trouble, but that is it. If they can't appreciate a nice meal enough to stay off the phone, we won't take them anywhere. If they were mine to discipline, I would simply cut off their phones for misuse, but that is not my decision. Lucky for the girls, they have figured out that violating simple ettiquette when dinner is my parents' treat will get them "cut off" from a lot of lavish goodies!

As for other diners phoning/texting during dinner, I find it annoying to see them treat their dining companions with so little regard, but there isn't much I can do.

[pb&j]

Generally speaking, we don't talk on the phone at dinner, whether at home or out. But there are always exceptions. I get pretty steamed when DH answers a random business call at 6pm if we're out at dinner, though. It is not a crime if his clients go to voicemail once in a while!! But I also think there is a difference between a quick, "Hi, can I call you back in an hour?" and a full blown, ignore your family kind of conversation.

ETA: DH owns his own business, and is pretty much a one man show. So, there really are times when he *has* to take a call, even if we're having family time.

[khalloc]

It would bother me. My Dh is kind of into his cell phone though. He doesnt text i dont think (at least rarely) but he checks email. And he will answer calls. It does piss me off. But OTOH, he is a manager of a support division at a healthcare software company and its almost always something work-related. Sometimes he cant really say no.