Anyone not do CIO?

[L'sMommy]

DS is now 4 mo. At last month's checkup the pediatrician said to let him fuss a little when going to sleep so that he learns to self-soothe and fall asleep on his own (I had been rocking him to sleep). She didn't tell us how long to let him fuss, etc. Said to use our judgement. Sounds easy enough. Here's my problem - I cannot just let him cry on his own for longer than 5-6 minutes. It just makes me cry too. I hate seeing him so upset. So, here's what I've been doing:

For naps - he naps in the swing in the morning and afternoon (I know, the swing is not ideal for the flat head issue). I put him down while he's awake and he cries for about 5-10 minutes. During that time, I am usually around to put the paci back in his mouth and stroke his forehead (he likes that). Swing is in the living room. This works well and he's usually asleep by 10-15 minutes and sleeps for anywhere from 30 min to 1.5 hrs, depending on how tired he is. I'm fine with how the naps work.

For bedtime (routine starts at 7pm) - we do our bedtime routine (he starts to fuss a little as soon as we start saying goodnight to the dog and head upstairs). I change him, read to him and then rock him for just a couple of minutes. Then I put him down awake. I say goodnight and leave the room (don't shut the door). I have white noise playing (happiest baby CD) and the FP Peek-a-Boo Waterfall toy is on. He starts crying within 5 minutes. I go in the room, rub his back, forehead, etc. He quiets down for a couple of minutes and then starts crying again. I leave the room and let him cry for 3 minutes, and go back in. Then, I usually spend several minutes trying to soothe him to sleep (I DONT pick him up, though). If he keeps crying I will leave the room and let him cry for 5 more minutes. Eventually he does fall asleep without me picking him up. We do swaddle, but he breaks out of it now.

Is this method going to eventually work or do I need to let him cry for 20+ minutes for it to work? it's so painful to watch them cry. I'm usually standing there wiping off his tears and all. All the moms tell me it's so painful but well worth it in the long run.

While I was pregnant I did read BabyWise and Weissbluth, but I need to reread the books as I have forgotten what they recommend.....

[Melaine]

Personally, I think your method *should* work. It is more of a modified version of CIO, and very similar to what I believe most people actually do. That is pretty much what we did and it did eventually work. Maybe a more drastic approach might work more quickly, but I am with you; I just wasn't willing to let DDs cry for long amounts of time without constantly checking on them and reassuring them.
I would keep it up.:thumbsup:

[firsttimemama]

Hugs mama. I come to this from the opposite end of the spectrum - my DS is 17 mo and we have not done CIO. We cosleep. I believe in listening to your mommy gut. You know your child better than anyone else. I am not sure why your ped is giving you advice on parenting. This is really your decision. There is no right or wrong answer, only what is right for your child and your family. Do what feels right to you, what resonates in your gut. And whatever anyone else says? In one ear and out the other. "Thanks for the advice, I'll think about that". This is your child and your decision.

If you don't want to listen to him cry/it hurts you, by all means, soothe him! He is your baby! No one can tell you not to do that! And you are not hurting him by doing it.

Babies sleep when they want to sleep. You will not be rocking him at college. :) The baby days go by so fast...

[citymama]

We have a 3 yr old and have NEVER done CIO. Just don't have it in us to take the crying. Unfortunately, I can't say it's a 100% success - we have months of blissful sleep for all, and sometimes (like right now) weeks of terrible sleep. I don't have any advice except do what you feel comfortable with and not anybody else's formula!

[Clarity]

We did CIO with dd1 but not with dd2. We co-slept/co-sleep with dd2 and she has eczema so she scratches like mad whenever she gets truly upset. I try to avoid that at all cost. Right now I nurse her to sleep or lay with her until she falls asleep and that's working fine for now.

[frgsnlzrds]

I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I have never been able to listen to my babies cry. And now I have spoiled kids. LOL

I honestly don't remember how DS1 learned to sleep through the night. I think I was pretty lucky. When DS2 was little, he never had any problem falling asleep by himself, but on his own time table. He'd happily play until 1am and then just zonk out over his blocks. When he was just over a year old, we started putting him down at a specific bedtime every night and just got further and further away from the crib each time. It started with DH lying next to the crib reading a book and ended with whoever put him down pausing in the doorway for thirty seconds. It took a couple weeks.

Now, DD is an entirely different story. She was a very difficult baby. I have no answers for you because she is 22 months old and only falls asleep while nursing. She has only once fallen asleep without my help. And that was last night, on the floor, at 11:30 pm because I told her I was out of milk. She wakes up several times a night and by midnight I just take her to bed with us.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

[neeleymartin]

i am a hardcore fan of cio. dh couldn't stand it. he also has all the mother's intuition.

fwiw, i did it on a night when dh was not home. put on my ipod and let it blast. my eardrums probably suffered. but after 3 nights, i have a champion sleeper. maybe you could put the ipod on and let dh deal with the crying.

i read somewhere, perhaps weissbluth, that letting them cio develops the ability to self soothe. which is a lifelong sleep neccesity. made dh feel better about the whole thing.

whatever you decide will be the right choice for you. good luck.

[julymommy]

We have been struggling with the sleep issue as well - trying to decide to do CIO or not. It seems like people are usually pretty pro CIO or very much against it - very little middle ground. We have read a ton and have listened to people advise us on CIO. DH and I sat down last week and had a big talk - we both decided that CIO was not what we want to do and that we will try other methods and deal with the lack of sleep. Honestly, just making that decision together was a huge weight off. Now when someone starts telling me to do CIO I say - my DH and I have decided that it is not the method for us. I realize it worked for you, but that is not how we are going to proceed.

I know this doesn't help with your lack of sleep right now, but I just wanted to say that you should do what you and your DH want to do and feel comfortable doing - now that you have a child (I was strong in the CIO camp before I actually had a child). As someone on this board said to me when I posted about lack of sleep - although it feels endless right now, in the grand scheme of things, this period in your child's life is so short - in the near future- whether you CIO or not - you and your child will sleep.

[KBecks]

We have not done CIO yet with Mark, age 7 months. With Alek and John, we did Ferber-style CIO with each at about 8 months.... I think Ferber starts at 5 minute intervals of checking in, then doubles and doubles and doubles. Well, I couldn't stand 5 minutes so we started at like one or two minutes and doubled from there.

I would not do CIO with a 4 month old, I think that is too young.

Mark right now is getting up 4x a night, and that is a lot, it is starting to wear on us. I'd like to encourage him to sleep longer at night, I do not think he needs to eat 4x a night, and so we may need to do something, I am not sure if we will CIO in the same manner as our other boys or if we will find other things to try.

Mark is showing more signs or being able to settle himself a little, when I put him in the crib, he will roll a little into a comfy sleeping position. I'm not sure what the next step is for us to help him be a little more independent. Perhaps we will ramp-into a bedtime routine for Mark. Alek and John are both pretty great sleepers and we have a nice bedtime routine in place, and Mark has not gotten his share of reading time yet, so maybe we will try to do bedtime stories and a wind down time for him that does not involve nursing / feeding.

Good luck!

[chozen]

i just dont get the whole let them cry it out thing. what is wrong with you soothing them. they are babies.

[arivecchi]

Everyone's experience varies and you do what you are comfortable with, but CIO was the best thing we ever did for our first DS and our family. We were all so exhausted. He was getting up every 2 hrs at 3.5 months. We did modified CIO at that time and he started sleeping on the 4th night. They learn to self soothe and thereby learn how to go back to sleep when they wake again at night. He started sleeping 12 hrs straight after that. With the additional sleep, he started eating more during the day and went through a massive growth spurt. He really started thriving with the extra sleep. We are definitely doing CIO with DS2 as soon as he turns 4 months. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it worked wonders for our DS1, so we are ready to give it another go.