How do I get 4 month old to fall asleep on his own?

[Spicygirl]

I know this topic is addressed somewhere in this forum, but I am too stressed out to search for it :-( We have held/rocked/walked our 4 month old to sleep since he was a newborn. I never thought I would be able to have a baby, so when he arrived and was so precious, I always wanted to hold him. Now, of course, I wish he could go to sleep on his own, but I have no idea how to do get him to do it.

He does sleep about 7 hours at night, but getting him to sleep is the tricky part. Also, the only way he will nap during the day is if I hold him. The idea of CIO scares me, although I haven't researched it thoroughly yet. DS is ok for a little while when he wakes up, but his temperment is such that he doesn't just cry, but screams bloody murder if I don't pick him up soon enough, so I'm worried that CIO will be too traumatic for him, and possibly counterproductive. Any recommendations of books/videos etc to effectively deal with this? I REALLY need help!!!!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn't do CIO at this young age. I also don't think it is time to worry yet about bad habits. It's still the age where you should do what works.

I nursed both boys to sleep till they were about 8-9 months old and they both stopped falling asleep nursing. At that point we would put them in their cribs and they played themselves to sleep. Maybe I just had easy boys? I just know that with ds2 I just didn't stress about the sleep because I knew it would fall into place. By 6 months I really think you will see that so if you can hang in there it would be great.

Will he nap in a bouncy seat or swing? How about in the car and you can transfer in from there (put in the crib, not leave in the carseat)? Nurse/ bottle to sleep? Those are what we used for naps at that age.

GL!!!
Beth

[Spicygirl]

Unfortunately, he hates the swing, hates the car seat...

My biggest "challenge" (understatement!) is getting him to nap. I rock him to sleep and put him in his bassinet, and 10 minutes later he is up. Often it's sneezing that wakes him up. Although he will usually get himself back to sleep if he awakens during the night, maybe because it's much darker in the room or he's just more tired, he will never soothe himself back to sleep when napping. It's making me crazy, because I can never get anything done - not even open the mail - during the day. But what's even more of a concern is the thought that DS is not getting enough sleep. It seems like, according to all of the books I've read, that he should be sleeping about 14 hours per day, and he's getting nowhere near that much.

[SnuggleBuggles]

How about letting him sleep on his stomach for his nap? You'll be up if you are nervous about it so you can check on him. He's probably strong enough to be able to safely sleep that way but I know it is a personal comfort decision. Tummy sleeping really helped my ds2.

Beth

[firsttimemama]

I think 4 mo is way too young for CIO. But we're anti CIO in general. DS is 17 mo and I still parent him to sleep (rock, sing, nurse, whatever)

[pastrygirl]

I also didn't do CIO. It used to take an hour to put my son down for a nap and at bedtime -- nursing, rocking, shushing, etc. At 13 months, he started going down for a nap on his own. I don't remember when he started falling asleep on his own for bedtime, but it wasn't much later than that. Just wanted to share that you don't have to do CIO, and not doing CIO doesn't mean you'll automatically end up having to rock to sleep forever! :)

[Spicygirl]

The trouble is, even after I rock DS to sleep for a nap, if I put him in his bed he wakes up, sometimes after a few minutes, sometimes right away. Then I have to start all over again. It's making me lose a lot of sleep, and it's starting to make me lose my mind!!! BTW, I'm typing this with my left hand, while my right arm is breaking from holding a sleeping 16.5 lb. baby :-(

[neeleymartin]

i guess i am the minority here. we did cio with ds1 the day he turned 4mos. it took 3 nights but, he was great, and has been ever since.

also typing with right hand with 3wk old asleep in left. much lighter at less than 9 lbs.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's why I suggested tummy sleeping. Sometimes that feeling of being nestled continues when you transition them from your arms onto their tummies. You could also give swaddling a go. We did that till about 5m.

Beth

[arivecchi]

i guess i am the minority here. we did cio with ds1 the day he turned 4mos. it took 3 nights but, he was great, and has been ever since.

also typing with right hand with 3wk old asleep in left. much lighter at less than 9 lbs.
Same here. I cannot wait for DS2 to turn 4 months so we can do CIO and sleep again!

[Spicygirl]

SnuggleBuggles, Re: sleeping on tummy, I would love to do that, because I think sleeping on his back is part of the reason he wakes up so easily. I'm just afraid to do it because the fear of SIDS has been drilled into me.

NeelyMartin and Ariveraz, what type of CIO did you use, Ferber, Weissbluth or Tracy Hogg (Baby Whisperer)? I'm confused as to which would be best, and I'm hesitant about it because I'm terrified of doing something wrong and traumatizing my baby.

[neeleymartin]

we used weissbluth. total extinction, i think it's called, newborn sleeping again, can't get my book. i recall he had varying degrees. we did the most hard core. i don't regret it for a second. huge fan.

just googled, this is what we did, exactly:
"The most common Weissbluth method is the "extinction" method where a child is allowed to cry it out indefinitely at bedtime and for an hour at nap time. Follow the regular bedtime routine with your child and put him to bed. Leave the room and don't go back in. At nap time, allow for up to one hour of crying. If the child is still crying after the hour, soothe the child and try again at a later time."

[arivecchi]

We did modified CIO. We put him in his crib sleepy but awake. We then let him cry for a couple of hours checking in on him every 10 minutes or so. Next night, we did the same thing checking on him every 20 minutes or so. Last night, every 30 minutes. You rub them and console them but do not pick them up or feed them. I think that is the Ferber method. He slept through on the 4th night and has been an awesome sleeper ever since. I do not regret it at all. It's hard to hear the crying at first, but then you sort of get used to it. All in all, we did everyone a favor. He got lots of sleep and rest after that and so did his very tired parents! However, I know it's not for everyone. Do it if you are comfortable with it. GL!

[hellokitty1]

I'm in a similar situation with my almost 3 mo old so hugs out to you bc i know how you feel. i'm not going to give you any advice on what "method" to use to change this since many others have chimed in and bc i don't yet know how i'm going to address it but i'll just say that i decided it was more important that my baby get enough sleep rather than how hegot to sleep. i ended up getting a $30 sling from Target and he loves it. i still try to get him to sleep in his crib after our "preparing to sleep" ritual in the mornongs but it only lasts 30-45 minutes too. and then when i just can't do it anymore, i sling him and he passes out pretty quickly. it's not my ideal but at least i know he's getting the sleep he needs so he won't get crankier as the day goes on. hth

[jellibeans]

I think that 4 months is too young for CIO. Have you tried things like pacifiers and swaddling? If you are into reading books, try "The Baby Whisperer."

[lorinick]

swaddling worked wonders for my ds2. He would nap during the day unless I was holding him. I was also concerned he wasn't getting enough sleep but our doctor was not. At around 4 month is when he started to take two naps and it was wonderful. I did nurse him and put him down. He would be very tired and out of it but not fully asleep. Hang in there you'll be able to put him down and open your mail soon.:hug5:

[aggie202]

i did CIO with both of my kids (now 5 and 3) in and around 4-5 months and i have to say that they are fantastic sleepers. i'm currently re-reading my well-worn weissbluth book in preparation for the same with my almost 4-month old. i did extinction with the other 2 but i might try the partial extinction (or whatever it's called) with #3--don't know why. she's my last so maybe i'm getting soft ; ) seriously, though, you're teaching them a life skill and it's totally worth it but if you're heart isn't in it, do what works for you. good luck--i feel your pain!!!

[Sweetum]

My DS too is 4m old and has trouble falling asleep and staying asleep during the day. My mom takes care of him during the day and with her back issues she can't hold him all the time. So, she puts him in the swing, covers him well (not necessarily warmly), lightly pats him, rocks the swing a bit, or lets the swing do its swinging, and that works for her. I usually put him to sleep for the night, and I've stopped rocking him - I simply take him to his/our room, darken the room with just a night light on, we both lie down side by side on the family bed, and I gently pat him, or simply lay my hand on him while softly singing/humming his favorite lullaby. He fidgets a lot during that time, trying to fall asleep and eventually does. I can't be impatient at that time. I'm against pacifiers, but my mom says that a lot of times sucking helps them get into the mood. If you're ok with pacifiers, you might want to try that too. Also, there are times when he's just a wee bit hungry and can't get to sleep because of that - I offer him some milk then and he falls asleep halfway - I'm not crazy about this method, but that's what he needs at that time. About keeping him asleep - he normally has one 2-3 hour nap during the day, sleeps for 8 hours straight during the night, so I'm not overly concerned about him taking longer naps otherwise. But I know that he sleeps restfully when there's less light, no distractions (people talking, tv talking etc) around him. Hope my experiences give you some ideas.

[AngelaS]

It was at that age, or a bit before, when mine started learning to fall asleep on their own. When they started getting sleepy, I would start the rock and pat routine and get them to sleep. Then I'd lay them down. Over the course of a week, I'd rock and pat a little less each day so that eventually I was laying them down before they were fully asleep. Since every day the going to sleep routine was the same, they quickly caught on that it was time to sleep when we reached the crib and there was very little fussing. :)

[kellyd]

DS at nearly 1 still doesn't fall asleep on his own... so I'm no help there...

BUT, he napped like your LO does, 10 minutes out of my arms... hours in them (good for days I was too tired to move bad for days I NEEDED to get things done) The cure to naps, was sleeping on his tummy. I had to come to the decision that DH and I both slept on our bellies... and were fine. I feel you with the fear of SIDS, I was scared to death when I did it. I think the first few naps I grabbed a book and read laying on my bed next to the bassinet until he woke that way I NEW he was still breathing. Our DS has really bad reflux... so sleeping on his back caused him unbeliveable misery... on his belly was much much better.

Good Luck to you, I really hope you find something that works for you, becuase I know how crazy it can make you!

[krocodile]

My DD is 3 1/2 months old and about 2 weeks ago we started to work on getting her to fall asleep on her own (at the same time we moved her from the bassinet to her crib). She'll eat, we'll rock and read a book and then I put her down in her crib. We've also added a bath into the routine and I try to do a little baby massage.

For the first few nights, it was a long process (a couple of hours probably before she finally fell asleep)... she would "talk" a little, eventually cry, and I would come back in and calm her by stroking her head and just being there. I tried to not take her out of the crib unless she wouldn't calm down within less than a minute and then I would rock her or just move with her until she was calm again (but not asleep) and then put her back in the crib. I just repeated that until she finally fell asleep on her own in the crib. It was exhausting and a little frustrating but I kept at it. There was 1 night where I eventually gave up and rocked her straight to sleep, mostly because by that point she was just so overtired.

This week the process as shortened significantly, she's been asleep within around 10 min of me putting her down in the crib (after we've done the bath, feeding, and reading), hasn't been crying, required little to no standing around the crib, and she's been sleeping 10 hours straight! I think there's only been 2 nights since we started this whole thing where she's woken up in the middle of the night (Knock on wood!) and I think it was a room temperature issue.

Also, I've been starting "the process" early, like 7ish and I think that makes a big difference.

I do have similar nap issues somtimes though, but I'm hoping it gets easier as she adjusts to the nighttime routine! I have noticed it getting better the last few days. We're pretty on the go during the day so part of my problem might be not really having a set nap place, plus she sleeps so good at night.