It's really not contagious

[Gena]

DS currently has an obsession with auto insurance. He can recite the print ads and the commercials from memory. He loves to talk about Geico, All State, Esurance, State Farm, etc. with anyone and everyone. It's sometimes funny, sometimes annoying.

A few days ago we were at Target and DS was happily sitting in the cart chattering about auto insurance. There was another mother with a small toddler wandering in the same aisle. The Other Mom listened to DS's chatter for a moment, smiled at me, and then said Hi to DS. The following conversation took place:

Other Mom to DS: Hi there.
DS to Other Mom: Do you have enough auto insurance?
Other Mom: Uhm, yes. Thank you. Uhm, do you like auto insurance?
DS (silence)
Me: DS, she asked you a question.
DS: Mommy and Daddy have auto insurance. DS does not have auto insurance. DS has autism instead.

Either by chance or to illustrate his point, DS then started stimming by flicking his fingers in front of his face. I burst out laughing. (I previously had no idea he thought auto insurance and autism are somehow related.) Other Mom got a look of horror on her face, quickly picked up her little girl, and ran down the aisle. She shot me a dirty look over her shoulder. I gave DS a big kiss and told him how much I love him.

But I was saddened by Other Mom's reaction. Autism is not contagious. I thought most people understood that by now. I really wish I knew why she ran away from us. DS was having a really good day. We were having fun. Why did she run from us? Should I have said something to reassure her as she hurried off?

[citymama]

DS currently has an obsession with auto insurance. He can recite the print ads and the commercials from memory. He loves to talk about Geico, All State, Esurance, State Farm, etc. with anyone and everyone. It's sometimes funny, sometimes annoying.

A few days ago we were at Target and DS was happily sitting in the cart chattering about auto insurance. There was another mother with a small toddler wandering in the same aisle. The Other Mom listened to DS's chatter for a moment, smiled at me, and then said Hi to DS. The following conversation took place:

Other Mom to DS: Hi there.
DS to Other Mom: Do you have enough auto insurance?
Other Mom: Uhm, yes. Thank you. Uhm, do you like auto insurance?
DS (silence)
Me: DS, she asked you a question.
DS: Mommy and Daddy have auto insurance. DS does not have auto insurance. DS has autism instead.



:ROTFLMAO:That's one clever kid. He sounds like a trip. I think the other mom's reaction was nutty - picking up her child and hurrying off? Too bizarre. I'd have cracked up (although been self-conscious at not wanting to laugh at the child and annoy the mom - you, but at his word connections!). Maybe she mis-read his finger flicks and thought he was going to do something rude? I don't know, but there's really no excuse.

[elliput]

Gena, I am sorry, but I am totally LOL! I love that your DS said he has autism. :hug: I wish DD could do so, it would make trips to Target much easier sometimes.

The other mom lives in the state of denial and will someday figure out that not all kids are created equal and just because someone is different doesn't mean they are in any form dangerous or a threat. I hope she retells her side of the story to someone and gets a (figurative) slap in the face for being ignorant.

[JTsMom]

People are weird. :hug: Maybe she was worried she offended you or something? But if you were laughing, you'd think she'd know it was ok. Maybe she thought he didn't really have autism? I think some people find it hard to believe that any type of special needs child isn't clearly labeled or something. ;)

[nov04]

Sounds like a mom with a completely charmed life and has never dealt with any adversity. We notice those are the ones who usually make stupid comments to us.

[Ceepa]

Sometimes people just don't know what to do or say. Forget about it and give DS another big hug. :)

[brittone2]

I'm sorry she did that :hug: Your DS sounds like a riot. :love-retry:

We would have enjoyed chatting with your DS in line.

[TonFirst]

Oh my, that is hysterical, especially with the stimming! Had I been the mom in that Target aisle, I would have laughed out loud and shown you the professional photo of my son (who has neither autism nor auto insurance) and my nephew (who has autism) both flapping their hands - my nephew started flapping during the photo session and my son, never one to be left out, joined right in.

The other mother may have simply had no idea what to do, and reacted by fleeing. Inappropriate, of course, but hopefully after the fact she's reflecting on the experience and working out for herself how to appropriately interact with special needs kids and their mothers.

[Laurel]

I would have laughed, your son sounds adorable.

[egoldber]

Maybe she was worried she offended you or something?

See this was my first thought, that she was afraid she had said something wrong or had offended you.

I think she was just caught off guard and was confused and didn't know what to do and behaved poorly.

[KpbS]

So sorry she was insensitive. I think you responded perfectly.

[smiles33]

Ditto what's been said. If I were that other mom, I think I would've smiled and suppressed my laughter, not wanting to laugh in case you didn't laugh...but since you did, I'm sure I would have, too.

[MontrealMum]

Wow, that is just so insensitive. I clicked on this and thought you were going to say he was couging or something and someone thought he had swine flu. I think your DS sounds like a little guy with a lot of personality who'd be fun to talk to :)

[MartiesMom2B]

See this was my first thought, that she was afraid she had said something wrong or had offended you.

I think she was just caught off guard and was confused and didn't know what to do and behaved poorly.
That was my thought too. I probably would've smiled. I wouldn't have shot you the dirty look though.

[Gena]

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive replies. I told this story to some people off-line and a few of them thought that it was inappropriate for DS to talk about his autism with a stranger at the store, so I'm relieved that nobody here responded that way. I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the conversation funny. DS often has a unique perspective on the world and I love when he is able to express it.

[bubbaray]

OK, I wasn't there, but my first thought when I read your post was maybe the other lady has a child with autism and thought your DS was making fun of autistic children?

Had *I* been the other woman, I probably would have laughed and turned it into a teaching moment for my girls, saying something like "hey, he is special, he has autism -- just like you girls are special because you carry EpiPens" -- I try to make differences "normal", KWIM?

ETA: I don't mean special as in special needs -- I'm not saying it very well online. My point is I try to teach my kids that we all have things that make us "different" and that makes us each special in our own way.

[elliput]

I told this story to some people off-line and a few of them thought that it was inappropriate for DS to talk about his autism with a stranger at the store,

Nice. :irked: They don't get it either, do they?

[JTsMom]

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive replies. I told this story to some people off-line and a few of them thought that it was inappropriate for DS to talk about his autism with a stranger at the store, so I'm relieved that nobody here responded that way. I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the conversation funny. DS often has a unique perspective on the world and I love when he is able to express it.

I think it's awesome that he talks about it! I think it shows that he has a pretty amazing mom too.

[MamaMolly]

Your DS sounds so cute and funny. I kinda see the connection between auto insurance and autism. If you say them out loud they sound a bit alike, don't they?

Gotta agree that the lady is a twit.

[Mamma2004]

I told this story to some people off-line and a few of them thought that it was inappropriate for DS to talk about his autism with a stranger at the store
:irked:

What is wrong with people? I think it is AWESOME that he talks about his autism in such a matter of fact fashion (....all while comparing it some how to auto insurance....).

Hug that precious DS and be proud of him for being more enlightened than oh-so-many people.

[jillc]

Hi Gena,

Maybe she misinterpreted your laughter and thought that you were laughing at your DS in a mean way?

So she thinks that *she* saw a really insensitive lady in Target. That's the only reason that I can think of for her to shoot you look and walk away...

Glad you and your DS had a fun day!
Jill

[mytwosons]

First, I think your son is a riot and I would have burst out laughing if I had heard his comment. Secondly, I think you responded brilliantly! You were wise not to chase her down - her ignorance IS contagious and you don't want to exposes your precious son.

Sorry, but my son with autism has been discriminated against and people have stared, made comments, run away, etc. I don't want to go so far as to use the word "hate", but I really, really detest these people with a passion I didn't know was in me.

[maestramommy]

Honestly I might have burst into laughter as well, if only from surprise. And since YOU (the mommy) thought it was funny, I wouldn't have to worry that I just offended you. The other mom's reaction was kinda strange.

[TwinFoxes]

It's really hard to figure out what the heck she was thinking. Did your son refer to himself in the 3rd person? Like "Mikey doesn't have auto insurance, Mikey has autism." Maybe she thought he was making fun of someone, and you were laughing along with him? I dunno. Or she's just weird. Whatever, you did the right thing, it doesn't seem like you let your DS's good mood was ruined by her odd behavior.

[DrSally]

Funny! You know, just chalk it up to ignorance. Don't let one mom ruin your day.

[DrSally]

I told this story to some people off-line and a few of them thought that it was inappropriate for DS to talk about his autism with a stranger at the store,

Absolutely not. It's part of him and not something he should be ashamed of or hide! I love that he talks about it in a matter of fact fashion.

[ha98ed14]

I think she ran from you not because your DS has autism or displayed some unusual behaviors, but because your reaction was to laugh and not to correct him or apologize for him or show the other mom some recognition that his behavior was indeed odd.

I'm not saying she was right to do this, but this is my first impression/ gut reaction. I think all moms understand that we cannot always control our children, BUT their public displays of misbehavior are usually followed by comments to on-lookers like, "She's tired." Or "End of a long day." Or "Excuse us"; "I'm sorry." etc. What this mom does not get is that this was not a display of DS misbehaving. This is who DS is. In your mind, you cannot/ will not/ should not apologize for who your son is. Absolutely, I agree. But to the on-looker who knows nothing about Autism or your DS, all they see is a child who made them feel uncomfortable/ awkward and the child's mom did nothing to excuse it or explain it. She laughed.

[vonfirmath]

It's really hard to figure out what the heck she was thinking. Did your son refer to himself in the 3rd person? Like "Mikey doesn't have auto insurance, Mikey has autism." Maybe she thought he was making fun of someone, and you were laughing along with him? I dunno. Or she's just weird. Whatever, you did the right thing, it doesn't seem like you let your DS's good mood was ruined by her odd behavior.

Yeah, I kind of wonder what the other lady thought too. After all, she doesn't know your child actually has autism, so she could very easily have thought he was making fun of autistic children with his weird conversation and the motion and that comment. And she hurried away rather than telling you how you should raise your children/etc. It may have nothing to do with thinking a child with autism is contagious. But rather a mis-understanding.

I can have entire conversations with my husband, who knows me intimately. And I think I'm saying one thing and he's hearing something else, so I get very upset where he does not follow through, only to discover that he didn't even know there was something he needed to do, etc. And so I'm not sure I'd leap to the worst interpretation of an action by a complete stranger.