I want to cry. Please help!

[kusumat]

DD(almost 3 yrs old) has kept asking for wearing underwear. I let her and she has had a lot of accidents. Today, she just peed on the sofa in the living room. Yesterday, she pooped in her underwear and walked around. So, I needed to clean and mop all over. I have an infant and am already exhausted. My patience is running very low and I started yelling at her. I hated myself of doing that and am very stress out right now. I really want to cry and am not sure what I should do. She likes to wear the underwear, sit on potty playing, BUT doesn't like to pee or poop in there. Any suggestions? TIA!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Like I said in the other forum, this sounds like it is turning into a power struggle. When you get to the point where you feel like crying or yelling you need to ask yourself what is really being gained by pressing onward vs just taking a break. She may want to wear underwear but she is showing you that she isn't ready. You are welcome to continue on with pushing the issue (or letting her push the issue) but I honestly think that just going back to diapers or pull ups for a little while will help a bunch. We got to the exact point you did with ds1 and we decided that it wasn't worth it. No one was happy. I remember ds was crying, I was crying, dh was beyond frustrated and we realized we were the ones creating a stress that we just didn't need to have.

When he did pt it was on his terms and he did it in one day and has been day / night trained since then and never has had an accident. I'd take that experience any day over the tears and stress of what we dealt with a few months before that!

Diapers aren't so bad.

Beth

[rlu]

DS didn't pt until a little over 4. When he was ready, it was pretty simple. A few daytime accidents the first month, a few more at night after he night-trained, but that's it.

We had tried to pt at 3.5 and it didn't go well. DS just didn't want to stop playing to run to the bathroom.

I realize the pt time for girls is often different than for boys, just adding a perspective that maybe 3 is too early.

I didn't read the other post pp referenced, if it the patterns or "prettiness" of the underware she wants, can she just wear them over her pull-ups? Would that make it harder to pt later, I don't know. Just throwing out an idea. Maybe get pretty diaper covers?

Does she take the diapers/pull-ups off if you put them on?

I can sense your frustration, I hope you can find a way to work this out soon. Wish I could help more.

[brittone2]

My DD is 2 and a few months old, and is doing well with peeing on the potty in general. However, she has times where she just *won't* so we do a diaper (she will sometimes request a diaper as she will refuse to pee on thepotty). Sometimes she wants underwear but refuses to pee on the potty (and I know she needs to go...as in, it has been hours since the last time she went and she's dry). In those cases, I pull on underwear over her cloth diaper and she's reasonably satisfied.

it is frustrating, but IMO, you can't make them pee or not pee. When DS was ready, it was very easy. So I'm just trying to be patient and wait for her to be totally ready. In the meantime, I consider her successful pees in the potty good practice.

eta: we do also do some nakey time outside (with a dress or whatever on, but no undies or diaper) and she's more likely to ask to use the potty that way. She still has accidents (gets too busy playing) but she's more likely to tell me she needs to go when she's naked under her dress vs. wearing a diaper or underwear.

[o_mom]

Honestly, I don't even give them the option of underwear until they can demonstrate that they can poop and pee in a potty (big or little). If they can't release at will, then they are basically waiting until it is already coming out to try and catch it in the potty. That is setting them up for accidents and mess that I didn't want to deal with, especially with an infant around.

We also did do naked time to start with, but usually after they had gone in the potty multiple times and could go on cue (we would try every night at bedtime). With DS1, the first time we tried, he didn't get it. He kept having accidents so back to diapers. A few months later we tried naked time again and within a few days he was having no accidents while naked.

[Tondi G]

I didn't rush my kids and they trained easily by themselves... DS1 right at 3 and DS2 a couple months after he turned 3. They know when they are ready!

I started by doing a lot of naked from the waist down time. For some reason without pants on they were more able to catch themselves and run for the potty... plus there was no time spent trying to get pants and underpants down and have an accident right there in front of the toilet! I would back track.... put her in pull ups. Tell her when she is ready to try using the potty ALL the time then she could try underwear again but for now she just isn't ready and has shown you that! Give her some naked time each day and attempt to get her to use the potty and feel what it feels like to need to get to the potty in time.

Don't give yourself additional stress. Is there a reason you "need" to have her trained? If it's family or friends pressuring you then tell them to come over and train your kid... you'd like to see them make it happen!!!!

Give your self a break... abandon this for a few weeks and then try to take it back up in a little bit. Sometimes a month can make a huge difference!

[kusumat]

I didn't rush my kids and they trained easily by themselves... DS1 right at 3 and DS2 a couple months after he turned 3. They know when they are ready!

I started by doing a lot of naked from the waist down time. For some reason without pants on they were more able to catch themselves and run for the potty... plus there was no time spent trying to get pants and underpants down and have an accident right there in front of the toilet! I would back track.... put her in pull ups. Tell her when she is ready to try using the potty ALL the time then she could try underwear again but for now she just isn't ready and has shown you that! Give her some naked time each day and attempt to get her to use the potty and feel what it feels like to need to get to the potty in time.

Don't give yourself additional stress. Is there a reason you "need" to have her trained? If it's family or friends pressuring you then tell them to come over and train your kid... you'd like to see them make it happen!!!!

Give your self a break... abandon this for a few weeks and then try to take it back up in a little bit. Sometimes a month can make a huge difference!

The preschool she will start in Fall requires kids pt. I know there are still four months away but we are just afraid that she might still be in diaper by then. That is the only school we applied and really want her to be there. I wouldn't be stressed on this if there is no deadline.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's a reason I didn't choose any preschools with a potty training deadline. I just think kids will be ready when they are and it is unfair to set a deadline on it, imo.

My friend started trying to pt her ds 2 weeks before he started preschool (her school also required it). He was doing pretty good with it and she decided to just send him and hope for the best. His school day wasn't very long so odds were he wouldn't need to use the bathroom then. He had a few accidents but the school was ok with it because they knew he was newly pt'ed.

Really though, you don't need to push things now. Give it a break and try again in June or July.

Beth

[maestramommy]

We also chose a preschool that didn't require potting training. It really limited our choices, but I just couldn't see it happening in time for school to start. In the end I did just put her in underwear and I literally put her on the toilet every half hour. But as a backup I put PUL pants on over the underwear. They really did a good job of catching accidents. I didn't even have to change her clothes. She still ended up going to a school that didn't require potting training. I think it's just less stressful.

[bubbaray]

The preschool she will start in Fall requires kids pt. I know there are still four months away but we are just afraid that she might still be in diaper by then. That is the only school we applied and really want her to be there. I wouldn't be stressed on this if there is no deadline.


I am in your same boat with my DD#2 (who will be 30 months when she starts a new daycare which requires all children to be PTd). This is a done deal and she must be PTd, period (for naps too).

Interestingly, this week with DD#1 and myself sick, we've been doing better. She's had a couple of accidents (including poop on the family room rug last night, after days of poop and vomit from DD#1, plus my own tummy trouble, ugh). But, she's doing pretty well. We've really been talking up staying dry, etc.. I think this week has helped b/c she's been home and not at our current daycare (which only allows pullups).

We also use apple chips (for pee) and Smarties (like M&Ms, only peanut free -- for poop). She's HIGHLY motivated by food.

[lizajane]

get some trickle free trainers from mother of eden. they look a lot more like underwear and feel icky when wet, but then you won't have mess everywhere.

[Tondi G]

The preschool she will start in Fall requires kids pt. I know there are still four months away but we are just afraid that she might still be in diaper by then. That is the only school we applied and really want her to be there. I wouldn't be stressed on this if there is no deadline.

OK 4 months is a nice amount of time and she could be totally trained quickly if the timing is right! Does she have any friends that are potty trained? It might be an encouragement for her to see her other friends in their big girl undies doing it.... peer pressure! :)

I would back off though... when you are home have her naked from the waist down or just with some loose shorts.... elastic waist is key. remind her when she gets busy doing things... give gentle suggestions... take her with you each time you need to use the bathroom.

Food can be a big encouragement. Some people use tic tacs, some gummies, some m&m's.... I guess it all depends on what she likes best! You can also make up a chart for her. Tell her if she can stay dry for a whole week she can get a special treat... either a small toy or an ice cream. For every day that she stays dry she gets a star on her chart. etc. Some kids really need to SEE the good job they are doing.

If it is really a lost cause with her... as in she's not just having accidents she is just going in her underwear and maybe catching one or 2 in the potty... I really think you should just back off for a couple of weeks... even 2 weeks away from the pressure can ease things and she may be ready to go then when you start back up!

Hang in there... she will get there!

[kusumat]

OK 4 months is a nice amount of time and she could be totally trained quickly if the timing is right! Does she have any friends that are potty trained? It might be an encouragement for her to see her other friends in their big girl undies doing it.... peer pressure! :)

I would back off though... when you are home have her naked from the waist down or just with some loose shorts.... elastic waist is key. remind her when she gets busy doing things... give gentle suggestions... take her with you each time you need to use the bathroom.

Food can be a big encouragement. Some people use tic tacs, some gummies, some m&m's.... I guess it all depends on what she likes best! You can also make up a chart for her. Tell her if she can stay dry for a whole week she can get a special treat... either a small toy or an ice cream. For every day that she stays dry she gets a star on her chart. etc. Some kids really need to SEE the good job they are doing.

If it is really a lost cause with her... as in she's not just having accidents she is just going in her underwear and maybe catching one or 2 in the potty... I really think you should just back off for a couple of weeks... even 2 weeks away from the pressure can ease things and she may be ready to go then when you start back up!

Hang in there... she will get there!

Thanks so much for all nice tips.