I thought the year was 2009

[dogmom]

And I quote from a flier sent home from the room parents trying to get people to volunteer for a school picnic:

"Remember, Dads make great grillers and game refs, and they really enjoy it!"

I don't know where to start. That my DH is capable of doing more. That apparently men only need to volunteer if they enjoy it. That apparently cooking, set up, clean up and putting together raffle baskets is women's work. That dads make better game refs (half my son's coaches have been women). Or that the only person in the house the reads these things must be the mom.

A simple, "We really encourage both parents to consider volunteering, please let us know and we will not schedule you at the same time" would have accomplished the same thing. These are the days I really hate living in the suburbs. I can't imagine a flier coming home like this in my old neighborhood in the city.

[LMPC]

Niiiiice! Let's file your story next to mine....at Target the other day, they had a display that read "select boys toys 8.99"....they were legos! I just stood there and stared! Okay, I don't care if they were the most "boyish" toys (whatever *that* means)....who says that?! Ick, are we still supposed to adhere to strict gender stereotypes...cuz I didn't get the memo!

[KrisM]

Most people will probably not even think anything of it. The worst is that if it had said "Remember, Moms are great at setting up, making baskets, and cleaning, and they really enjoy it!", could you imagine the uproar??

My friend and I put together an outdoor playhouse at preschool yesterday. I can't wait to point it out to my neighbor (also at the school) that I it and not DH as he's convinced only dads use tools :). I keep telling him, I do too, but he sure isn't convinced. In his family, only dad does.

[elliput]

Ya know, I hate to tell them, but not all dads enjoy grilling and ref'ing. Morons. :6:

[JTsMom]

I think you should show up dressed like Ward and June Cleaver. ;) Don't forget the pearls and pumps- you want to be a lady when you *&$^# out the author. :13:

[mamaoftwins]

Don't forget the pearls and pumps- you want to be a lady when you *&$^# out the author. :13:

:hysterical: LOL - I just spit my water!

[SnuggleBuggles]

In fact, our male principal just yesterday told me that we should schedule our dad breakfast for the same day as field day because dads like to help with field day. That that was a stereotype didn't really even enter my brain. Now, I would never advertise things the way they did. I guess I just wouldn't be surprised if more dads than normal volunteered that day.

That was a really silly comment.

Beth

[gatorsmom]

That wording was dumb. Although maybe the school is desperate for volunteers and thought (stupidly) that this would be a way to reach the guys? At our school, for every 8-10 moms who volunteer for a school picnic or festival, there is one token dad. And they never look very happy doing face paintings or helping kids string cheerios and fruitloops on their craft necklaces.

[maestramommy]

The funny thing is that my Dh WOULD like grilling. Wouldn't ref though, not to save his life! But he'd volunteer for things like setting up, cleaning up, tear down, AND he'd willingly sit and help kids string Cheerios necklaces and do face painting. I mean, that's what he does at home when he's playing with the kids. I swear he is MUCH more creative about coming up with ways to play with them than I am:heartbeat:

[dogmom]

That wording was dumb. Although maybe the school is desperate for volunteers and thought (stupidly) that this would be a way to reach the guys? At our school, for every 8-10 moms who volunteer for a school picnic or festival, there is one token dad. And they never look very happy doing face paintings or helping kids string cheerios and fruitloops on their craft necklaces.

I realize that where I live there a lot of SAHM and that most the volunteers during the day are moms. Disappointing there aren't more dads, but whatever. This is in the evening, and it is a family event. So I guess my feeling is please don't assume I have problems in my marriage getting my DH to share the responsibility just because you do in your house. I mean, if a father isn't going to volunteer for this I don't think a stupidly worded line in a letter is going to fix that problem.

Yes, men don't volunteer as much as they should, but that needs to be addressed on a more global level. Men need to be in schools to see what happens with their kids in school and serve as role models. Not, "Hey, you can grill meat and ref, and we don't mind if you scratch you crotch while you are doing it."

[gatorsmom]

I realize that where I live there a lot of SAHM and that most the volunteers during the day are moms. Disappointing there aren't more dads, but whatever. This is in the evening, and it is a family event. So I guess my feeling is please don't assume I have problems in my marriage getting my DH to share the responsibility just because you do in your house. I mean, if a father isn't going to volunteer for this I don't think a stupidly worded line in a letter is going to fix that problem.

Yes, men don't volunteer as much as they should, but that needs to be addressed on a more global level. Men need to be in schools to see what happens with their kids in school and serve as role models. Not, "Hey, you can grill meat and ref, and we don't mind if you scratch you crotch while you are doing it."


I'm not trying to start an argument, after all I agree with you the wording is pretty stereotypical and this is YOUR place to vent. I was just thinking about your comment that it's disappointing more men aren't volunteering in school. It's a true and interesting fact. MY DH doesnt' volunteer more in the afterschool events (although he DOES volunteer some) but I think it has more to do with it being outside his comfort zone. My schedule as a SAHM is much more flexible and open to volunteering during the day. He spends his days at our business bringing home the bacon. I do offer some HR advice occasionally to him for our company, but mainly I focus on the home stuff. I could be the Human Resources manager for our business and He could take more time off from work (we own our companyy) to do more at school. But we both agree that focusing on one thing makes us much more effective than we would be if we were to try to both have a hand in everything. I feel I'd be spread too thin. And because of that, volunteering at the evening picnic and preschool festivals just feels like part of my SAHM duties. He's much less involved and it's not as natural for him to do it. He doesn't know the other volunteers well, he's not as familiar with the pecking order at the school, where things are located, etc. I feel the same way everytime I'm at our company's office. I don't know where the personnel files are, I don't know the specifics about their payroll system or all their benefits options, and I am not familiar with the finer points of their personnel policies and procedures. So, I don't work at the office nearly as much as I should. It's just a little more comfortable (and effective) to stick to what I do on a regular basis, ykwim? We both feel like fish out of water when we are taken out of our regular settings. I'm guessing working dads feel the same way.

OTOH, we have one SAHD at our preschool and he is VERY involved. He knows the other SAHMs, the teachers and their aids. He volunteers quite a bit more than his wife who WOH and is the main breadwinner. She rarely volunteers.

[dogmom]

I'm sorry, the "So I guess my feeling is please don't assume I have problems in my marriage getting my DH to share the responsibility just because you do in your house." plural you to the room parents, not you. I wasn't trying to get into an argument. If the division of labor in a house is one parent does kid/home stuff and the other one works, or whatever, fine that's the agreement between to married people. I don't get involved in other people's marriages. But, I hear I lot of people vent about how involved their husband is in school/kids/getting ready for Mother's Day, whatever. But THERE IS an expectation for mothers to volunteer, whether they have extra time or not. I work more that my husband, but clearly him showing up at school appears to be treated as an "oohhh, a Dad moment" vs me being expected. I think the wording just keeps the status quo going, which might not be a accurate reflection of reality. And it's demeaning to Father's more that anything else. Like they are some kind of adolescent that don't understand their responsibilities to their families and unable to make choices about spending their time wisely. And, BTW, I think it's a valid choice for a family decide the whole school picnic is sort of not what they wanted and they have enough demands on their time they don't want to volunteer for it.

As my husband puts in when someone refers to him with the kids instead of me, "Oh, you are babysitting." He's like, WTF, they are my kids, I'm not babysitting.

[boolady]

Yeah, ahem, I know at least one DH who would not make a great griller or ref, unless you wanted the fire department there and didn't care if there were any rules to the games. That said, he'd be willing to do anything that was asked of him, including setting up tables, cleaning up, gift baskets, you name it. It bothers me because not only does it suggest that only dads can do these things, they are "man things" that women need not bother with.

[maestramommy]

As my husband puts in when someone refers to him with the kids instead of me, "Oh, you are babysitting." He's like, WTF, they are my kids, I'm not babysitting.

I've never heard it put this way before, but that is a very good point. :thumbsup:

[kransden]

While horribly sexist, it has a point. Some Dad's won't volunteer for anything, but they would grill or ref. I am happy to say that I'm glad that we live in a world now that has men happy to grill or string cheerios. I sure couldn't imagine my father doing crafts lol!

[gatorsmom]

I think the wording just keeps the status quo going, which might not be a accurate reflection of reality. And it's demeaning to Father's more that anything else.


I totally agree.

[Twoboos]

As my husband puts in when someone refers to him with the kids instead of me, "Oh, you are babysitting." He's like, WTF, they are my kids, I'm not babysitting.

This is SUCH a pet peeve of mine!!! If the kids are home w/DH and someone makes this comment I always correct them. Jeez, no one ever asks me if I'm babysitting.

[mamaoftwins]

This is SUCH a pet peeve of mine!!! If the kids are home w/DH and someone makes this comment I always correct them. Jeez, no one ever asks me if I'm babysitting.

Yep, same with me. According to my mom AND my MIL, DH 'babysits' while I work my few days each month. It drives me CRAZY to hear that. It's not babysitting, he is home caring for HIS children.

[MamaMolly]

As my husband puts in when someone refers to him with the kids instead of me, "Oh, you are babysitting." He's like, WTF, they are my kids, I'm not babysitting.

Yeah, in our house the response is "no, I'm not babysitting, I'm parenting." Once I got DH to see the point he has had a lot of fun telling other people (especially dads!) that! ;)