PT: Do you wait til they can ask?

[pastrygirl]

My son will be 3 next month and LOVES to sit on the potty. For the past year, he's occasionally asked to sit, and goes (both pee and poop). But half the time, he doesn't do anything -- just sits there for as long as I'll let him. He loves the toilet for some reason!

I don't want to clean up accidents on a regular basis. We have expensive furniture and rugs that we won't be putting away. So, I'm fine with changing diapers. I've been talking about "underwear day" for the past few months, figuring that at some point, I'll feel motivated to start potty training. My son surprised me yesterday by saying it was underwear day! I put undies on him after he pooped for the day (he has loose stool), put him on the toilet every 3 hours, and he peed. Great!

Did the same thing today -- once he pooped, I asked him when underwear day was, and he said today. Put undies on him and put him on the toilet, but he didn't pee. I kept asking if he needed to pee for the next two hours. He kept saying no... and then eventually peed on the floor. Ugh, I'm so annoyed that I didn't just put him on the potty! He tells me that he knows not to make pee or poop in his underwear or on the floor or rug, that it goes in the potty only. But I guess he's not making the connection yet?

I'm ready to scrap underwear day for now, and wait until he can ask me to go pee, or run to the bathroom right away. Is that what people do? Is it unrealistic to think that one day he'll just start asking to go?

[KrisM]

Most kids will have accidents. DD has been in underwear for 5 or so weeks now. She does ask and does run over on her own, but we still have some accidents. They are fewer now than 4 weeks ago, but she had one on Saturday.

I have heard from friends that if you do wait longer until they are 100% ready, they train in a day with no accidents, but those kids tend to be 4-4.5 years old. If you really don't mind changing diapers and he doesn't mind wearing them for a while, that's an option.

[Momof3Labs]

I think that it is unreasonable to think that he will tell you when he has to go AND won't have any accidents at barely 3yo. One accident doesn't mean that he doesn't get it - he's just getting used to the whole idea. We trained DS1 at closer to 3.5yo and set the timer for every hour (and if he had an accident, shortened it to 45 mins, and so on). When the timer went off, he had to stop what he was doing and go pee on the potty, no questions asked. After 4-5 days, we had lengthened the time between potty trips and the accidents tapered down to almost nothing, but we still had to remind him to go for a while vs. him telling us. It was almost two separate processes a few months apart - step 1 was potty training him with our regular reminders, then step 2 was him figuring out when he had to go on his own.

If you want to wait until he tells you reliably when he has to go, you can, but it may mean another year of diapers (more or less).

As far as protecting your house - can you at least make one room safe for him to be in while he is PT'ing so that accidents aren't as stressful for you?

[pastrygirl]

I think that it is unreasonable to think that he will tell you when he has to go AND won't have any accidents at barely 3yo.Oh yeah -- I didn't mean unreasonable to expect it now; I meant is it unreasonable to expect it ever. I don't mind waiting! I just wasn't sure if everyone needs to start with timed intervals to get to the other side where they ask on their own.

I like your idea of having one room that's safe. That would definitely help my stress. I also like the timer idea. I'm pregnant and find myself snoozing a lot during the day, but the last two days I've been paranoid about that since he wasn't in a diaper. The timer would help to wake ME up, too. :)

[citymama]

One day he will. Probably when he has really got it down - in our case it was easily 8-9 months into being potty-trained. Now DD just goes on her own, doesn't ask, doesn't want us around. I do make sure she's wiped herself well but she really doesn't even want me around. But it took many months of established potty learning to get there. Hang in there and good luck!

[egoldber]

My older DD told me just before her third birthday that she wanted to use the potty. She was essentially (daytime) trained within a week. She had almost no accidents, although she did have a few.

For the first month or so (call me bad nom) I did NOT let her sit on the nice furniture. But we have kid chairs that she preferred to sit on anyway.

But ALL kids will have accidents. Even months and YEARS after they are trained, there will be occasional accidents.

[pastrygirl]

I don't mind occasional accidents. I just don't want them to be daily or several times a day, as I've heard can happen in horror PT stories!

I think I'll stick with this for another week and see what happens. Do you think it matters if I don't put him in underwear until after he poops for the day (usually around noon)? His poop is SO messy, I really don't want to have to clean that up off the floor/rug. But I also don't want to sabotage the effort by not being consistent.

[jren]

I think you're fine any way you choose to PT, he will eventually get it. I found that DD had an easier time recognizing when she was about to poop, so she was trained for that first. I also didn't let her sit on the furniture when she was PTing, but she did have accidents - a lot. Part of learning I don't think you can avoid. Maybe you can get something to cover the furniture with? Even blankets to soak some up would help. We PT'd in the winter, so DD had layers of clothes to help.