MIL wants us to use 30 year old portacrib

[mousemom]

We are going to visit in-laws across the country for the first time in June. MIL wants us to use the portacrib that she used for dh 30 years ago (which was also used for BIL 20 years ago). We've explained to her that standards have changed, but she's still very set on this.

We are willing to (and intend to) purchase a new portacrib/mattress to keep there, so cost is not an issue. The very "helpful" associate at BRU last weekend told her that the slats were the main issue and as long as a soda can does not fit through the slats it is ok to use. MIL is normally extremely paranoid about any health/safety issue, so I'm not sure why her alarm bells are not going off about this, other than the need to justify having kept this unused crib in the house for the last 20 years.

In any case, I'd appreciate any advice on what to say to her that might help convince her. Or maybe news stories about injuries caused by old cribs or something like that? Thanks!

[KrisM]

My parents wanted to do that too. They pointed out that the slats were not so far apart that DS could get his head through and fall out of the crib. I pointed out that that was the point - his body and NOT his head could go through and he could strangle himself hanging from the crib. They threw it out over the course of the next month so noone else would take it.

She may not understand why the slats need to be closer than they were 30 years ago. It might be all it takes.

Otherwise, I'd just blame the pediatrican and make him the bad guy :).

[KBecks]

I'd bring a pack n play and use it, just say no to the 30 year old crib and do your thing. She won't have to store your
pnp or be reminded of your disagreement, so it's no hassle for her.

[JBaxter]

OH some paints and varnishes are also bad ( lead paint etc).... That being said I did use a mini crib ( dont know how else to explain the size) for my first 2 boys that was my moms. The slats were close enough and the finish was a rubbed oil finish and we made a new mattress ( cut a xfirm sofa cushion foam to fit).

I would be really scared if it were a painted one.

[frgsnlzrds]

She may just feel upset that you are not using a "family heirloom." After all, it was good enough for her, right?

When DS1 was born I was very young and didn't know better so we used the crib that MIL had used for all her kids (it has to be 50+ years old now). It had been refitted about ten years beforehand with new parts and finished really nice by DH's brother. When DS2 was born and we told her that we were buying a new crib, she was pretty upset. Thankfully, MIL is pretty reasonable and doesn't bully people, so it wasn't a huge issue.

[Beckylove]

I had the same issue with my in-laws. When it comes to crib safety I had to put my foot down and come off as the "princess".

I offered to bring the pack n play because I was not comfortable with the old crib. Then I typed out word for word the crib safety section (it goes into depth about the dangers of old cribs) from Baby Bargains and sent it to them. I tried explaining again that it is a safety issue that I am just not comfortable with. They thought it was silly for us to haul the pack n play all that way and ended up buying a new crib and mattress. They got to pick it out as well as the sheets, so that was fun for MIL to do, so I don't think they are still angry that I wouldn't use the old one.

I hate all forms of confrontation, but this is one issue that I won't compromise on. I tried to play up that is isn't me-- that's what the experts say. Sorry you are in this position, I know it can be awkward.

[arivecchi]

I bought the Baby Bargains book for my mom and my in-laws. It's great for them to get up to speed on these things!

[newg]

I was in the same boat as pp.....and really don't like any type of confrontation......but I really was not going to put my dd in an old crib.......my mom wanted me to use her old crib (my sister and I used) and my MIl bought an old pnp at a garage sale for us to use at her house..........
I had dh help me with mil and I had to put my foot down with mom...telling her about the crib slats....not knowing if screws were missing or holes routed (sp?) out or parts bent......I think they both got their feelings hurt a little....but my momma bear instincts really came out with this issue and I wasn't backing down...
I know they've both gotten over it since then...and both have a new pnp at their house now too....
Use your ped....and baby bargain book as back up....but don't back down on this if it's important to you.....have your DH help back you up on it too...

[army_mom]

My MIL did the same thing....they have saved the cribs for 30 years in hopes of using them again. However, (and this is amazing), my FIL right away noticed the difference of the slates so I had an immediate "in" to explain the new safety concerns! We bought them a pack n play and a new crib/mattress and haven't had any more problems. Even the ped told my MIL that the biggest problem grandparents have is car seats, food, and cribs as all of that has changed a ton since they raised us!

GL. Hope MIL understands your concerns!

[zag95]

Get a Baby Book (BBB, AAP or whatever) and share with your MIL about the safety issues, including the snugness of the mattress, paint type ,etc.

My mom had saved the crib and mattress that she used with my bro and me- it was about 34 yrs old! She thought it would be OK to have- I wasn't so sure- so we got out the books and read about the safety- and how things could pinch, the width of the slats, etc. Right away she got it- and my dad who is an RN, also got it! Luckily, my mom's friend had a newer crib and mattress that was much safer, to use! And Mom and Dad got rid of the old one.....same with the highchair! And there are toys (like old FP toys) that are pretty cool and getting some great use! More than likely, they are safer than the toys of today (i.e. not made in China! :)

GL!

[infomama]

We used the cradle my dad made (for my brother and I) for both our Dd's (new mattress of course). It is very well made and worked well for the first weeks that they were in our room. That being said, I would never use an old crib for reasons pp have cited (safety).

I would arrive with a pack n play (or whatever you want to use) and tell her this is what your DC will be sleeping in. Personally I don't think you need to arrive armed with articles or books to prove your point to her. You know it's not safe.....end of discussion.

[Neatfreak]

We were offered the same - MIL raved about how wonderful and convenient her porta-crib was when DH and my SIL were infants. When I said that DH and I would have to check out the slats, lead paint issue, etc., she was taken aback, but she didn't press the issue. We just brought the PnP when we visited, and said that "M sleeps so well in her PnP already!"

[mousemom]

Thanks for all the replies. We had suggested buying a pack'n'play for there since it would take up less space and be cheaper, but MIL vetoed that because she did not think DS would be as comfortable in it as in a crib. (Which might be true.) Also, we do not already have a pnp since we live in a small apartment and we are flying to see them, so lugging one along with us would not be very convenient.

Ultimately, MIL will allow us to get a new portacrib and won't force us to use the old crib. But she's not one to say "you are the parents, you make the decision" and let it go. So, if I don't want this subject to come up again and again both before and during the visit, then it would be helpful to have her understand why it's not a good idea to use it. I've requested a copy of Baby 411 from my local library consortium, so hopefully I'll get that by the end of the week and it will be helpful.

She is also a pack rat who has trouble getting rid of anything, so I suspect that part of the problem may be that if we get a new one, she has no excuse to keep the old one anymore.