Toba
05-16-2009, 06:29 PM
So my MIL is a very, shall I say, determined woman. It's her way, or no way. And if something happens, there are more embellishments on the story than on a Bedazzled t-shirt. I've been with her son for 17 years and I know the woman well. She has her great qualities, but essentially she is a bitch and doesn't care when or if the situation calls for her attitude, she just gives it. I do have to preface this by saying that I do love her and she's done many, many things for me that my own mother wouldn't have done. And she raised my husband into the fine man that he is today. So I do have to give her that. But ...
She lives 600 miles away (with my husband's entire immediate family), but the family frequently visits several times a year. My husband's sister is my best friend and it is not uncommon for my son and me to stay at SIL's house for a few weeks at a time during the year. So MIL comes down the beginning of last week. She's here to help her sister with their elderly mother after a very minor procedure that her sister is having done. Several weeks ago, we planned to attend an adult party (did I just say that??? An ADULT party?? What are those?) and asked MIL if she would babysit our son for the night. She happily obliged. Mind you, I have had a babysitter for my five year old about five times in his life. No lie. She decided, on her own, that she'd spend Thursday and Friday night here (party was for Friday night), even though her sister lives about six blocks away.
So she shows up on Thursday night and things are okay. Husband's nervous because he's heard from both his grandmother and his aunt about what a bitch MIL is being since she's been down here. And I don't handle bitchy too well, you know, since I am one myself when pushed.
My son and I wake up Friday morning to her with the front door wide open. What are you doing, Mom? Oh, waiting for Aunt XXX to get here with my coffee and Chucky Cheese coins. Uhhhh. Thanks for that. No discussion beforehand. And I'm sure most of you can attest that you don't tell a 4-5-6 year old about something like that in advance because you'll NEVER hear the end of it ALL. DAY. LONG. All she says is oops with a smile. So, already got my fume going but I swallow hard and let it go. Until it takes me over an hour trying to coax/threaten (with time out and no CC) my son into eating a small packet of oatmeal for breakfast. As she stands behind me basically telling me that everything I'm doing is wrong ... from the way I'm talking to him, to the mood I'm in, to trying to get him to eat breakfast at all, blah, blah, blah. Swallow harder. Then she lays on with the it's not my fault, it's not like I have little ones anymore where I remember you shouldn't tell them things like that (especially before talking to his PARENT first to make sure it's even okay). Mind you, she has at least a dozen "little ones" (grandkids) back home and raised four "little ones" herself.
Fine, whatever. I've had enough of the whining about breakfast and went into time out mode. His time out consists of sitting in his room with the door closed for a specific period of time. He's crying about wanting to go to CC. Swallow harder. Then she gets up and walks down to his room and starts CAJOLING him. I speak in my calmest voice, that's not how we do time out. He's in there alone for the duration and then we talk afterwards. She gets up in a huff and says to him that she's not allowed in there (thanks for the support). Then she goes back in there!! I call her back out to the living room. I again explain how time out works, maybe not so calmly this time. I go in my bedroom and sit down on my bed to calm down. She calls me a bitch and GOES BACK IN THERE AGAIN to get her "stuff" and tells my son that grandma is leaving (after having revved him up for a week about the fun night they're going to have while Mommy and Daddy are out). As she's walking down the stairs, I say thanks for leaving me with a nightmare of a morning. And she says thanks for being such a nasty bitch, as usual. Slam.
Left out that while I was in my bedroom, I heard her calling her sister to come get her. A minute or two, I get a phone call from her sister (whom I'm close to, she's my son's godmother, but they are two of a kind) and asks if she's there. I tell her I don't know where she is, but she's not here. She asks me to hang up and she'll call back to see if Mom picks up ... I say I know she won't she's not here, she slammed the door on her way out. Well, is she sitting on the steps? Don't know. Did she take your van? Don't know. Okay then. No, I wasn't all "top o' the morning to ya!!" but I certainly wasn't nasty and it was completely obvious to both of us that I was upset ... she knew what was going on because she had just gotten a voice message from her sister.
Anyway, didn't go to the party. Stayed home. Whatever. Not the first time I've been disappointed in my life. Won't be the last. DH gets a phone call from his uncle (his mom's BIL) a while ago to help him with his boat ... he runs over there and helps him out, no problem. As soon as he gets out of the van, his aunt storms out of the house and takes off down the road with his uncle calling after her, WTH are you going?? *sigh* So when he's done with his uncle, he walks in the house and gets the crap from his mother about what a bitch his wife is and I'm so nasty, and the embellishments were SHINY and PRETTY, my friends. Blah, blah, blah. Then GRANDMA who wasn't even there proceeds to tell him how nasty I even was to Aunt XXX on the phone (who was on her car phone at the time with no Grandma). So then he has to be in the unenviable position of defending his wife to his mother and grandmother. And my husband is the most awesomest debater and one of those types that will come out with "come back to reality" one liners to a whine or complaint that will just leave you with your mouth hanging open. Then my son walked in and even though they're both still bitching, he says he's done because he will not have his son listening to this crap.
The best part of the whole story is that I was supposed to ride back home with her to stay with SIL on Monday and then DH was supposed to arrive on Friday for a 9 day vacation. HA! SIL is furious that I'm not coming (not with me), my niece has rearranged her entire LIFE so that my son and I could have her bedroom while we were there (she even made a doggy day care center in the downstairs where she was going to stay so that she could take care of my two dogs and her dog), so she's disappointed to say the least. And I'm just mad. I'm mad that I'm always the bitch and the wrong one and that the coven over there is probably brewing up some horrible potion for me right now as I type.
And the worst part is that after this all happened my son comes to me and says that he doesn't like Grandma anymore because she's mean to me and calls me nasty names. And then I have to DEFEND HER ACTIONS and explain the situation to a FIVE YEAR OLD.
Sorry so long ... I could have gone on forever.
She lives 600 miles away (with my husband's entire immediate family), but the family frequently visits several times a year. My husband's sister is my best friend and it is not uncommon for my son and me to stay at SIL's house for a few weeks at a time during the year. So MIL comes down the beginning of last week. She's here to help her sister with their elderly mother after a very minor procedure that her sister is having done. Several weeks ago, we planned to attend an adult party (did I just say that??? An ADULT party?? What are those?) and asked MIL if she would babysit our son for the night. She happily obliged. Mind you, I have had a babysitter for my five year old about five times in his life. No lie. She decided, on her own, that she'd spend Thursday and Friday night here (party was for Friday night), even though her sister lives about six blocks away.
So she shows up on Thursday night and things are okay. Husband's nervous because he's heard from both his grandmother and his aunt about what a bitch MIL is being since she's been down here. And I don't handle bitchy too well, you know, since I am one myself when pushed.
My son and I wake up Friday morning to her with the front door wide open. What are you doing, Mom? Oh, waiting for Aunt XXX to get here with my coffee and Chucky Cheese coins. Uhhhh. Thanks for that. No discussion beforehand. And I'm sure most of you can attest that you don't tell a 4-5-6 year old about something like that in advance because you'll NEVER hear the end of it ALL. DAY. LONG. All she says is oops with a smile. So, already got my fume going but I swallow hard and let it go. Until it takes me over an hour trying to coax/threaten (with time out and no CC) my son into eating a small packet of oatmeal for breakfast. As she stands behind me basically telling me that everything I'm doing is wrong ... from the way I'm talking to him, to the mood I'm in, to trying to get him to eat breakfast at all, blah, blah, blah. Swallow harder. Then she lays on with the it's not my fault, it's not like I have little ones anymore where I remember you shouldn't tell them things like that (especially before talking to his PARENT first to make sure it's even okay). Mind you, she has at least a dozen "little ones" (grandkids) back home and raised four "little ones" herself.
Fine, whatever. I've had enough of the whining about breakfast and went into time out mode. His time out consists of sitting in his room with the door closed for a specific period of time. He's crying about wanting to go to CC. Swallow harder. Then she gets up and walks down to his room and starts CAJOLING him. I speak in my calmest voice, that's not how we do time out. He's in there alone for the duration and then we talk afterwards. She gets up in a huff and says to him that she's not allowed in there (thanks for the support). Then she goes back in there!! I call her back out to the living room. I again explain how time out works, maybe not so calmly this time. I go in my bedroom and sit down on my bed to calm down. She calls me a bitch and GOES BACK IN THERE AGAIN to get her "stuff" and tells my son that grandma is leaving (after having revved him up for a week about the fun night they're going to have while Mommy and Daddy are out). As she's walking down the stairs, I say thanks for leaving me with a nightmare of a morning. And she says thanks for being such a nasty bitch, as usual. Slam.
Left out that while I was in my bedroom, I heard her calling her sister to come get her. A minute or two, I get a phone call from her sister (whom I'm close to, she's my son's godmother, but they are two of a kind) and asks if she's there. I tell her I don't know where she is, but she's not here. She asks me to hang up and she'll call back to see if Mom picks up ... I say I know she won't she's not here, she slammed the door on her way out. Well, is she sitting on the steps? Don't know. Did she take your van? Don't know. Okay then. No, I wasn't all "top o' the morning to ya!!" but I certainly wasn't nasty and it was completely obvious to both of us that I was upset ... she knew what was going on because she had just gotten a voice message from her sister.
Anyway, didn't go to the party. Stayed home. Whatever. Not the first time I've been disappointed in my life. Won't be the last. DH gets a phone call from his uncle (his mom's BIL) a while ago to help him with his boat ... he runs over there and helps him out, no problem. As soon as he gets out of the van, his aunt storms out of the house and takes off down the road with his uncle calling after her, WTH are you going?? *sigh* So when he's done with his uncle, he walks in the house and gets the crap from his mother about what a bitch his wife is and I'm so nasty, and the embellishments were SHINY and PRETTY, my friends. Blah, blah, blah. Then GRANDMA who wasn't even there proceeds to tell him how nasty I even was to Aunt XXX on the phone (who was on her car phone at the time with no Grandma). So then he has to be in the unenviable position of defending his wife to his mother and grandmother. And my husband is the most awesomest debater and one of those types that will come out with "come back to reality" one liners to a whine or complaint that will just leave you with your mouth hanging open. Then my son walked in and even though they're both still bitching, he says he's done because he will not have his son listening to this crap.
The best part of the whole story is that I was supposed to ride back home with her to stay with SIL on Monday and then DH was supposed to arrive on Friday for a 9 day vacation. HA! SIL is furious that I'm not coming (not with me), my niece has rearranged her entire LIFE so that my son and I could have her bedroom while we were there (she even made a doggy day care center in the downstairs where she was going to stay so that she could take care of my two dogs and her dog), so she's disappointed to say the least. And I'm just mad. I'm mad that I'm always the bitch and the wrong one and that the coven over there is probably brewing up some horrible potion for me right now as I type.
And the worst part is that after this all happened my son comes to me and says that he doesn't like Grandma anymore because she's mean to me and calls me nasty names. And then I have to DEFEND HER ACTIONS and explain the situation to a FIVE YEAR OLD.
Sorry so long ... I could have gone on forever.