Tell me why u have more than 1 DC & if u have 1, why not more?

[foodiezen]

DH & I are having this conversation right now. TIA!!!

[Tondi G]

We initially wanted to have 4 kids. Then we had our first and dealt with a colicky baby and a non sleeping model for a good 9/10 months. We knew we didn't want him to be an only child and figured we might just feel ok with 2. After having 2 MC's there was a short while that we thought we might not be able to have a 2nd child... but the 3rd time was the charm and our 2nd DS was born. There are days I think I would still love to try for a 3rd... maybe get a little girl out of the deal and there are days I think to myself "what are you nuts!". Anyways we are very happy that we were able to have a 2nd child and be able to give DS a sibling. Their relationship is really neat... when they are getting along well it is so great to sit back and watch their brotherly love. I feel good knowing that when DH and I are old and grey and eventually pass, these boys will have each other. I can't imagine life with just one child. My boys couldn't be more different in so many ways and the love I have for each of them is so special. I love watching my little guy just adore his older brother... they can be so sweet with one another.... and then minutes later be fighting like cats and dogs... but thats brothers, thats siblings!

Honestly... if we could bypass the newborn phase I think my DH would be totally willing to have a whole bunch of kids but he has a hard time with the little baby stuff. He loves our kids ages right now 4 and 7! Finances always become part of the discussion when we randomly start talking about a potential 3rd child. Kids ain't cheap!!! :)

I always go back to that phrase I heard a while back...

You won't ever regret the children you have but you may regret the child you don't have!

[graciebellesmomma]

I have one. I had two, but my son was killed when my daughter was 3 months old.

I had him when I was 19 and was perfectly content with him being an only child. I was divorced when he was 2.5 and figured that he would always be an only child. We had a sweet little life together. Lots of friends, cousins and family full of love and fun!

I met my dh when my son was 16. We were madly in love and got married after 6 months. My son loved his new step father. I accidentally got preggers and was far from thrilled, to be honest. But I got excited when my dh and son got excited. He was thrilled to have a sibling, even if he was going off to college. We had 3 fantastic months as a family and then he was killed by a drunk driver.

My kids were 17 years and 9 months apart. I was almost 37 when my dd was born.
I am now 43 and watch my daughter play with babies and smaller children and my heart almost breaks for her. She would be such a wonderful big sister, or little sister. Unfortunately, I can't possibly go through pregnancy, physically or emotionally, ever again. My broken heart just could not bear it.

We might foster someday. Maybe.

[infomama]

I have two. Guess I made up my mind years ago that I was going to have two Dc and that was it. We feel complete with our Dd's although I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have a third......

[niccig]

We're done with one DS. It comes down to feeling that our family is complete. I have friends that want another child and it's very obvious, they are always holding any babies in the playgroup, talking about wanting more children as it's a need that isn't fulfilled. I'll hold the babies too, but it's when the other mum needs to chase after the 4 yo and I'm happy to hand them back.

I do worry about DS not having a sibling. But I need to want another child for me, and not solely for DS if that makes sense. DH doesn't have a close relationship with his siblings, and he says the sibling as a friend is not always guaranteed.

We still have some time, and we say if we change our minds, then we'll have another child. But for now, we're very happy with the family that we have.

[ellies mom]

We have two children because I could tell that my husband really wasn't done with one. I knew that while I wouldn't likely regret having a second, I might regret not having a second later. The timing wasn't spectacular with the whole trying to get into nursing school thing but at 38 it wasn't something I could really put off much longer.

There were several reasons why we wanted to have a second child such as wanting them to have someone to commiserate with about their upbringing and our unreasonableness when we are old. Because we are an interracial family, we thought it would be nice for them to have someone "like" them. Because I have a great relationship with my siblings and hope they can too.

Reasons it took me so long to take the plunge. Fear. My oldest was in most ways a pretty easy baby/toddler and I really didn't want to push my luck. And I loved what we had so much that I didn't want it to change.

Doing my pre-reqs while pregnant and nursing school with an infant has been a challenge, but I don't regret it in the least. Audrey has been such a joy and Ellie has been a wonderful big sister.

[pillsnberries]

we have one and it was drama from the moment we started trying to get pregnant. After our wedding I stopped taking the pill. I didn't have periods for 6 months. We tried a number of oral fertility drugs to no avail, endured an exploratory surgery to make sure there was no blockage, and undergo a number of blood tests. Then we started injectable drugs with the intention of inuterine insemination (IUI). The 6th attempt was not working, so we decided to stop trying because it was taking such an emotional toll on us. 2 weeks later we found out I got pregnant on my own, and it happend to also be our 2 year anniversary.

My pregnancy was not easy. I was considered high risk from the start because we had been using fertility drugs (but on the bright side that meant I got ultrasounds every 2 weeks). My quad screen came back abnormal, so I had to have an amnio because they thought the baby had trisomy 18 (but she didn't). Then I was diagnoised with gestational diabetes and had to give myself injections twice a day, follow a strict diet, keep a food log and see my doctor once a week. I continued to get ultrasounds every few weeks (11 total). I went into preterm labor at 32 weeks, but they stopped it. And finally delivered a healthy baby girl 4 days before my due date.

After all that, I'm nervous to try again. I'm happy with our 1 DD, and I know my DH would love a son. But all the drama in the past few years does not make the idea of having another very appealing.

Doesn't mean it won't happen. If we do, we'll probably wait until the economy is more stable. Both of us are secure in our jobs, but we would like to move to a bigger house if we had another.

[kijip]

Well, to make a long story short we have two children because in each case, I was pregnant unexpectedly without planning:hysterical:. Birth control is not fail safe. We had decided to try for a second child after T was born but moved on from that after 4 mc. Once we started trying to not have a second child, I ended up pregnant. It was/is a joyous shock, but nevertheless it was a shock!

I don't buy into the various arguments that people have about only children. I know many, many wonderful people that were only children. Parents should not have more children than they personally can handle/parent well. Adding a second child merely because it is the "right" thing to do for an older child seems pretty odd to me. If people want 1 or 10, I really don't care. Whatever works for each family. We don't think we will have more than 2 right now, in part because:

I don't want kids super close in age. The 5+ year difference we ended up with works really well for us.

We have a small house and 5 people would be a stretch, considering T and F will already be sharing a smaller room.

I had a horrible time this time around postpartum and don't want to deal with that again anytime soon.

I am only 28 and I like that we will be in our early 40s when T is in college aged and under 50 when F graduates from high school.

My uterus is scarred from 2 c-sections and the surgeon when F was born cautioned us that future pregnancy may be higher risk and birth might require a classical incision to get around the scar tissue from when T was born.

My husband has not yet finished professional school. A third child would delay, perhaps forever, that endeavor as we are not rich and me staying home longer with a third child would be using $$ resources we need for him to finish school.

I share all these personal points to underscore that we all have our reasons for having as many or as few children as we do, and I think they are all valid and reasonable.

[smiles33]

We have a 3 year old DD and DD2 is expected in 3 weeks. I've recently brought up TTC #3 with DH and he's pretty against the idea. For me, part of it is trying for a boy (DH is the last male of his entire line, as his grandfather's brothers all died childless and his uncle never had kids). DH keeps joking he doesn't want to be surrounded by 4 women. :) I think his more serious concern is financial. We're both in stable relatively well-paid professions, but he wants to be able to provide our children exactly what his parents did: a generous education fund to cover all expenses (including professional school) plus funds to help with weddings/house down payments. That's going to be tough with more than 2 kids.

Frankly, I think having some student loans (not $200,000 but maybe $20,000) will help our kids learn the value of money, work a part-time job, and not be too entitled.

DH thinks I'll eventually get my way and we'll have #3, but I don't want to push it if he's not 100% on board. So we'll have to see...maybe once the economy rebounds he'll feel more financially secure. I'm in my early 30s so I think I'd be fine waiting until around 35 to TTC again. Let's hope the economy doesn't take more than 5 years to recover!

[katydid1971]

When DH and I were first married we said we wanted one child, better financially, easier on us, able to give her more etc. But when I was told that DS was a boy I wanted another. I love my son with my entire being but I always wanted a girl. When we were told that DS#2 was a boy I left the doctor's office crying. When he was stillboorn I blamed myself for wanting a girl. When I was pregnant with DD I truly didn't care if she was a boy or a girl just that she was healthy. I had to inject myself twice a day with blood thiners and didn't have a single day with her pregnancy that I wasn't completely worried something would happen. The day the ultra sound said she was a girl I went to the store and bought a bunch of girly clothes. We are done with two and are so happy to have our two beautiful, bright, mostly healthy babies and still miss our little boy everyday.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Wow, these are such touching explanations. Ours is too simplistic.

We married at 35 and had no idea what would happen fertility-wise. We prayed God would lead us as we went about our lives and boom, boom, boom. Our third will be born in June and our fourth anniversary will be in August. I've had 4 or 5 periods since I got married. DH is from a family of 3 and loves it. I'm an only child and thought siblings (real ones, not just steps and halves like I have) would be fun.

We feel very blessed, but having 3 so close is challenging and exhausting on my older body. We just *know* we are done at this point.

[jayali]

We have 1 son. DH and I never wanted kids. We are both the youngest and neither of us had felt the urge to be parents. On 9/11 I was in the south tower of the World Trade Center. That changed a lot of things for us. We decided that there was more to life and we wanted to start a family. The problem was I was almost 39. My gyn, who had been my doctor for over 10 years, was shocked when we told her our decision. Luckily she is a great doctor so she had us go for all sorts of testing before we really started trying. Anyway right after my hysterosalpingogram (sp?) I got pregnant. I was 39 1/2. Unfortunately I MC. We were devastated and it took us a few months to decide if we wanted to try again. We did genetic testing on our first child and he had Trisomy 18 so that was a little bit of a reality check. Even though we knew what we were dealing with being at advanced maternal age the reality of our lives changing in a way we hadn't plan made us give thought to the whole process. Anyway, 1 year and another hystero later we got pregnant again. I was 40 1/2. I had a great pregnancy - I had quit my job 1 month before I got pregnant and so I was able to focus on being pregnant. It was a great nine months. DS was born in May 2004 and we talked about having another one. I think we both really wanted another. However, the thought of going through another MC was just too hard for me. Fast forward 5 years and I am sorry that we didn't have another. I am now 46 and I know that I am too old to have another and it makes me sad. DS is the youngest of 13 grandchildren on DH side so in some ways he isn't alone. The only thing that brings me some comfort is that he has lots of friends and some family that are single children. He hasn't asked for a sibling, but I know he will and that will break my heart. I secretly keep hoping that I get pregnant, but I know it won't happen without another hystero and of course if I did I would be a nervous wreck. I know that my husband is content with just one but if I had to do it all over again I would have tried for a second right away. Our lives would have be completely different, but so what.
If you think you want more then one then I say listen to pp and don't regret not having one. If you feel you are complete with just one then that's fine too. Listen to your mommy voice, she is telling you something for a reason.

[KHF]

We have two currently, and my new DS is so sweet that I've been having pangs lately that I might want a third child. Realistically though, it probably won't happen. We both work FT outside the home, and there's no way I would be able to SAH. And I seriously don't think DH would be able to handle it. We would have to wait another year and a half for DD to go into school to offset some of the daycare costs. I'm 37 now, and I'm not sure I'd want to have another one at 39 or 40.

That and my DH is convinced we wouldn't have another easy baby like DS, we'd have another one like DD. Screaming at all hours, up and down 5-7 times a night, and just generally difficult all around :)

[LBW]

DS1 was not a planned pregnancy. We were married just under a year, and were talking about having kids, but hadn't decided to try yet. I was on the pill. Oops.

When DS1 was ~2 years old, we decided to try for another baby. I wanted DS1 to have a sibling - not just for NOW, but for when we are all older. I spent months convincing DH that having a second was the best thing for our family. Got pregnant, had the baby. I was very, very lucky to have to issues getting pregnant. So many of my friends dealt with/are dealing with infertility.

After DS2, we were D.O.N.E. Pregnancy is very hard on my body, and I was working from home FT in addition to taking care of the boys. My husband traveled a LOT for his job, so I was a single parent 2/3 of the time. I never slept and never had any time to myself. I had an IUD and we were taking about having DH snipped. (He was being lazy about scheduling the appt.) Then I found out I was pregnant again, at 20 weeks. Oops again!

So, long story short, we quickly went from being not sure about having 1, to having 3! They are great kids, and I wouldn't change anything now, but it's been a hard, exhausting few years!

Good luck with your decision!

[pinkmomagain]

We have 3 children. When I was growing up, it was just me and my sis. I don't know, it felt kinda boring and small, wish I had a bigger family. My sis and I agreed to have 3 kids each. DH came from a family of 3 kids. Well, when we had our 2nd, as she got older, it turned out she had some issues (developmental, etc.)...in hind sight, nothing terrible, but it really threw me for a loop. I just couldn't have more kids after that. My sis went on to have 3 kids. Fast forward a few years and we have a 3rd unexpected/unplanned pregnancy. My 3rd girl. Love her to pieces! Best thing ever...gives me so much pleasure. I think if I hadn't had issues with my 2nd and had my 3rd earlier, I may have even gone for a fourth. But *feel* too old to have anymore, so three it will be.

Who knows how close they will be in terms of being friends, but they will be there for each other as family. And they will share the burdens (hopefully they won't be too bad) when DH and I get older. I watched my mom take care of her ailing dad and she was so grateful to have her sister to turn to in terms of helping to make decisions for his care.

[Melaine]

Because our first was a BOGO.
Just kidding, I actually always wanted a big family and I still hope we have more than just the two girls. I was the oldest of four and I can't imagine missing out on all the fun we had (and still have) together. There was always tons going on at our house and we were pretty much always laughing (sometimes fighting, but it was still amusing). My sister and I are now and have always been best friends, even though she is nearly a decade younger than me. Watching my twins together is just (not to be cheesy) heart-warming. Their relationship is so special.
I just really hope that one day they can experience having younger siblings too!

[DietCokeLover]

DH and I married later than most of our friends (34 and 32). I had always wanted to be a wife and a mom, did not have career aspirations, so as soon as we were able to think about having kids, we did. I got pregnant with DD on our first "try". We were thrilled. At 36, I knew we would need to have more fairly quickly if we were going to have any, but had been advised to wait at least 9 months, preferably 12 mos, before trying again. However, God had plans that the OB/Gyn was not aware of and we were pregnant again within 2 months. DS was born 11 months later. So, we don't have twins per se, but it sure feels like it. We won't be having any more, but sometimes I ache for another. Other times, I am wonderfully happy that our little family is complete.

[jenny]

DH and I are both 29 and we have 1 child who will be turning 1 in July. It took us a while to get pregnant because I have an irregular cycle and don't get my periods for 2 months at a time.

DH is an only child and he is pretty adamant that we have more than 1, ideally 3, because he said growing up as an only child was extremely lonely. His mom told me once how when DH was little, he blocked the door so that his friend couldn't leave the house b/c he didn't want him to go home. hehehe.

But just b/c DH wants another child, doesn't mean it will happen. We'll see how it goes.

I know a lot of parents with only 1 child say they're content, and perhaps they are at the moment. (DH's parents said after they had him they knew they were done and didn't want another one.) But watching DH's parents now that they're older and their only child has left the house, they regret not having a second. Another couple I know who's only child is leaving for college told me they also regretted not having a second now that they will become empty nesters.

I'm sure every parent feels sad when their kids leave the house, so who knows if they're sense of loss is unique. But I will say that for DH, the burden has been greater for him b/c he's an only child and he feels the responsibility of caring for his parents and being the only one his parents can call/depend on when they need something.

[kozachka]

This is something I am thinking a lot about recently since I'd be turning 35 soon. We only have one child and unless something changes dramatically that is how things will stay. DS was not an easy child and DH was not much help until DS was two and a half years old and I went back to work full time. There is no way I would be a SAHM ever again. Not happening. I need to work for my sanity and to have DH respect. So childcare is an issue as in my profession 60-65 hours week is considered an easy one. And DH is not into small kids. In addition, DH and I have been having lots of issues in our relationship, especially after DS was born. I would not mind having another one but I would have to get another husband or my current husband would have to be a changed man. On top of everything we are moving countries back and forth every few years. I am about to move back to the States with DS and finding a job is a priority over having another DC right now. Unfortunately, DS is asking for a sibling ALL the time as in few dozen times a day every day.

[g-mama]

We have three because we wanted our children to have other children around in their home to grow up with and enjoy their life with. And because we love kids and want to enjoy that more than one time. As I watch them growing up, I love to see the bonds they share and how much they love having one another to laugh and play with. My older two boys share a room by choice - we have enough bedrooms for each - because they think it's more fun. To be honest, (and I may get flamed) I have many friends with two children and feel like my kids have more fun together because of a different dynamic, and probably also that they are all the same gender.

Looking ahead, my dh has a wonderful relationship with his three siblings as adults and I want that possibility for my kids.

[amldaley]

We have 1. We have hemmed & hawed about # 2. We really want a second child. We don't want dd to be alone in the world.

However, I am almost 35 and have health issues that complicated pregnancy. And really, the biggest issue for us is money. We have loads of debt right now and I work more than full time already. I am not sure we could afford day care for #2. DH is military, so in addition to not knowing if he will be here to help me or overseas, we also live nowhere near any family at all to help us.

[Gena]

We have one child and although DH and I woud both love to have more, DS will probably remain an only child.

I wanted to have another child when DS was about a year and a half old. But at that time we started an interstate move that took 6 months to complete. For those 6 months, DH was living and working in Ohio and doing renovations on the house while DS and I were living and working in Michigan and finishing the lease on our apartment. We took turns travelling and saw each other every other weekend. So we postponed the idea of having another baby.

During this same time we began to realize that DS had some developmental delays. By the time our move was complete and we were settled in our house, his delays were obvious. Unfortunately my in-laws, who we now lived near and saw often, blamed DS's issues on our parenting style. They convinced DH that we should not have another child until we figured out "how we had messed up with the first one". So we again postponed having another.

We got DS's offical autism diagnosis just after he turned 3 (during the week bewteen his birthday and Mother's Day). Our limited financial resources have gone to getting DS the interventions and therapies he needs. I've been a stay at home Mom so I could do much of his therapy myself at home. Even so, speech, OT, therapy consultants, materials, suppliments, etc. have been expensive. We realized that we could proabably not afford another child.

So unless we hit it big in the lottery or the Publishers' Clearing House Prize Patrol show up, DS will proabably remain on only child.

[fivi2]

We have two at the moment. An oops pregnancy that turned out to be an oops twin pregnancy! At this point, I would like to ttc #3, but dh isn't sure. Mostly for financial reasons, but age is coming into play also. (I turned 35 last bday). We will see what happens!

[foodiezen]

Thank you all for sharing your stories...I'm reading them with DH right now. Our conversation so far has includes points from everyone's post! It has been very helpful!:heartbeat:

[BabyMine]

When I was growing up I wanted 8 children. I always wanted a round number of children so they could go on rides together.

When I had my first DS1 that number dropped suddenly. He was born with VATERs and with all the hospital visits it took a toll on us. We were also scared that the next DC would have the same problem. I am also on a lot of medication so we had to plan 6 months in advance when to concieve.

We finally figured to have another child. After he was born I had 3 eclampsic seizures and almost died. We are sure we are done. I don't know if I could survive another. I do mourn the loss that my body always fails me. I look at my two precious and know that I am so blessed.

I would like to have more but I know I can't. This is going to sound weird but it makes me feel normal. That is somethingI can share while my illness I feel alone. I am slowly comming to terms. It is hard to transition from birthing children to know growing up with them.

[Melanie]

Because I am an only child and I didn't want to do that to my kids.

Having said that, now that I have two I totally understand why some people stay with one! My perfectly-well behaved 7 yo turns into a 3 yo around his sister, and she has picked up some perfectly awful behaviors for a 3 yo!

Before we had kids I wanted to have a large family, through adoption. I still have a hope somewhere it may happen but my hands are way more than full right now. I wouldn't be the parent I wish to be if we had more children.

[larig]

I had a lovely childhood as an only child. I have never longed for more siblings as an only. My husband had a lovely childhood as one of six, so we are pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum. We had #1 when I was 38 and had decided one would be it. I had really only ever wanted to have one kid, and DH was open to that knowing how good my life has been (and knowing that DS will have lots and lots of cousins). Financially we feel more comfortable with one kiddo, and we three have a great time together.

[Ceepa]

I had a lovely childhood as an only child. I have never longed for more siblings as an only. My husband had a lovely childhood as one of six, so we are pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum. We had #1 when I was 38 and had decided one would be it. I had really only ever wanted to have one kid, and DH was open to that knowing how good my life has been (and knowing that DS will have lots and lots of cousins). Financially we feel more comfortable with one kiddo, and we three have a great time together.

Thanks for this insight. I think it is an underrepresented position. I know only children who have grown into perfectly strong, loving, well-adjusted adults. And I know PLENTY of siblings who have grown up either almost neutral about each other or who harbor a world of negativity toward their siblings. As pp said, sibling bonds do not always equal closeness. In DH's family alone we have witnessed a lot of sibling rivalry that is scarring and exhausting.

[larig]

And I have to add this about only children. There is an unfair stereotype of onlies as being selfish, well I know many many adult only children and every single one of them is generous to a fault.

[ha98ed14]

I'll throw my hat in the ring. We have one DD who will be 2 on Sat. At this point, we do not plan to have another. I really do not think that will change because my main reason is that I do not want to be pregnant ever again. I was high risk and had excellent care, but it was really hard on many fronts, physical and psychological. Now that DD is here and requires time, attention and care, I do not know how I could cope with a difficult pregnancy and caring for DD and having any kind of sane home life.

But since this post was about you: I would say if you want another, have one. Most women do not have my experience being pregnant; in fact, many seem to love it. I realize I may regret not having another when DD is older than she is now, but truely I think it would put me in the ground to have one. So at this point, I will just be content with the blessings I have: a lovely DD and a very good DH.

[ast96]

I have three and I might want one more. DS1 was an extremely difficult baby and young child. DS2 was unexpected but welcomed, and he has been an easy baby and an easier young child. DS3 was planned because I kind of felt like I rushed through the first two babies, having them 21 months apart, and it was an adventure. He has been such a joy and added SO much to our family. I am so glad we have him. Now I am having so much fun I would go for a fourth, but financial constraints and the sheer chaos of our daily life holds me back.

Babies are wonderful. Children are amazing. If you want another one and another child will fit into your life, have one. Children are what life is about, in my opinion.

[LarsMal]

We have three because DH and I obviously missed the sex-ed class where they taught exactly HOW you get pregnant!!! ;)

I'm one of 5 and DH is one of 4. We both loved growing up with siblings, so we knew we'd have more than one. I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, DH was in the 2-3 range. DS was planned and took a while to conceive. Both DDs were total surprises- which is how we ended up with 3 kids under 4!! I am 110% sure that we are finished now. I feel that our family is complete. I'd love to have 2 boys and 2 girls, but I can't imagine going through another c/section recovery and dealing with 3 others. I am absolutely in LOVE with my sweet little newborn, but I'm already exhausted and done with the newborn stage. I just want some sleep!!!!

So, for us, the decision to have more than one was based on the fact that we both grew up with siblings and wanted DS to have brothers or sisters.

[ourbabygirl]

Being a first time mom to a 7 month old DD, I don't have much to add from a parenting perspective, but I can say that before having kids I had wanted 4; if I could choose the denomination & order, it would be girl, boy, boy, girl:D. My husband wanted at least 2, and was fine with the idea of 4, as long as he could support us all, of course. I figured that the boys would fight a lot when young but would end up being good friends, having a lot in common like my brothers do, and the girls could be spaced out but end up really close; one being a great big sister and giving good advice to her little sister. I have two older brothers and always thought it would have been awesome to have a sister, but then again I think it made me closer to my mom, since I've never been anything like my brothers... my mom & I kind of turned out to be best friends. However, after going through a ton of pain after delivering my daughter, and still being woken up once or twice at night, it's going to take me a while to even get ready to have a second, and we may very well stop at 2, if God blesses us with another.
Now I can TOTALLY see how people would be fine stopping at 1 or 2, and I won't judge them for just having 1 or 2 (though my DH & I would like to give our daughter at least one sibling).
I think that if we can get through the young baby stage (though I realize that every stage is hard in its own way), we can be up for more, but I'm in no rush. I just turned 30 & originally wanted to be done giving birth by 35 to avoid more of the typical complications. I thought having one at 29, 31, 33, and 35 would be good spacing, but I may be pushing it! It took us 11 stressful months to conceive our daughter, and it may very well take at least as long- or longer- for the next one(s), so I need to be more realistic this time around. I'm also up for adopting, but my husband doesn't want to do that (cost-wise and for other reasons) unless we can't conceive on our own. I'm just ELATED that we got a daughter the first time around, because I told them that, no matter what, I wanted & needed to have a daughter!
Since I'm the only daughter I do most of the gift and event planning for my brothers and their families; I'm sure I'll do more of it as we get older, too, and will need to take on more of the responsibility of caring for my parents. My mom took care of her mom the last years of her life; her brother and half-sister lived further away and weren't much involved, but I know what a burden it put on my mom to take care of us and her own mom while she worked full time.
So it's a bit selfish, but I'd like at least two kids to help share the burden of visiting and taking care of us if we live that long! I also like the idea of having big family get-togethers for the holidays and such when everyone's older; it's just more fun with a bit of chaos. We went from 1 to 4 grandkids within 3 months, and the holidays will never be the same!:ROTFLMAO:

[Melaine]

but I can say that before having kids I had wanted 4; if I could choose the denomination & order, it would be girl, boy, boy, girl:D.

That's funny, I was the oldest in a G, B, B, G family. We did have a lot of fun....

[gatorsmom]

I haven't read the othe replies but I can tell you that the more children we have the more difficult our lives become. It is REALLY hard. But with every additional child, the more fun, joyful and happy we become. Our lives are much less "perfect," in other words our house is rarely clean now whereas it used to always look nice. We have toys everywhere and we've accepted it. We've replaced a Jeep and convertible with a minivan and Yukon. And we laugh so much more often because there is just so many more things to laugh about (for example, I would never have expected to hear myself say in one breath, "Sisi, quit digging in the toilet, Gator, take the vaseline away from Greenbean, Cha Cha, quit wrapping tp around Greenbean's head. NO, he doesn't like it." They are fun and funny and I can't wait to see what they do with their lives.

I've found that the things I used to concern myself with before seem so ridiculous now. They just seem so superficial. Everything I'm doing for my family and children is just so much more important. We are really trying to turn these little children into our future friends, confidants- our own "village." We've considered having a fifth child because we would just love to welcome another person into our lives.

Again, i've never worked so hard in my life. And there have been tough times. For example, GB's colic was achingly difficult. But it was over in 3 months. What is 3 months in a lifetime? Even though I"m tired all the time, i feel like I"m working toward something very, very worthwhile (creating a loving home and raising 4 self-confident children). I've never been more joyful and felt more complete than I do now.

So, that's my take on it, fwiw.

[MamaMolly]

We may very well end up having only one due to medical reasons. We have big fertility issues, and DD is a miracle. I always imagined having 2, DH would like 3. It absolutely breaks my heart if DD is an only child, mostly because *I* want 2. But I have no intention of telling her that. Much better to let her think we hit perfection on the first try! ;)

Coming to terms with it has been a challenge and a journey. I'm not there yet but am working on it.

[maestramommy]

We talked about this before we got married. I was thinking 2, Dh was thinking 2 or 3. So we decided to go for 2, and let 3 be a chance baby. Which is kind of silly seeing how easily we seem to get pregnant. But we don't regret it at all. We're very excited about #3, and we are feeling very done as well :p I did get asked this weekend whether I'd consider a #4. Maybe if I were 10 or even 5 years younger. But given my age, and having 3 so close together, it's been hard on my body, and I'm ready to be done with that part of my life and move on.

Deciding to let #3 just happen was easy because we have been very lucky. Both Dora and Arwyn are relatively easy. If even one of them was very challenging, we might've just stopped after 2. I don't know that there is really a right or wrong reason to have just one or more than one. It depends on so many factors. Just having one child is an act of faith, imo.

[DrSally]

I have one. I had two, but my son was killed when my daughter was 3 months old.


I'm so sorry, graciebellesmomma.

[DrSally]

We have two. DH and I have always thought about 3, but didn't have our hearts set on it absolutely. I think finishing my PHD before getting started on our family has made age an issue. DS's birth was very traumatic and DD's preg was def not as fun as DS's and she was premature. Not that big of a deal, but you just never know what to expect. A number of factors are contributing to us prob not having another. We have 1 healthy boy and 1 healthy girl, my age, worries about having a healthy preg/baby, lower energy at this age, DH travelling for work all the time, me wanting my career back eventually, we tend to get the wakes a lot at night models. Because of age, I would have to get preg, like now, and I don't think I could do a newborn and an 18 month old (and a toddler) at the same time alone. I also don't want DD to get lost in the shuffle and want to have special time with her too. I know that others do it, but I worry about that (I am a middle so that prob has something to do with it).

The reason I have dreamt of 3 is prob that I grew up with a brother and sister and loving having both. It's nice to have more than one to lean on and you related to each sib in a different way.

In any case, my sister has a boy and girl each less than a year older than ours, so I hope they will be close and like brother/sister to each other. I know I love having a both a sister and brother.

[sste]

We have 1 and we def. want one more. I agree with pps that its a crapshoot as to whether the siblings will end up friends. But, we would love another baby. And I think DH and I would spoil one child - - there would just be too much for us to offer one child educationally, materially, etc. Not to say all only children are spoiled - - just that our only child would be spoiled!!

The question for us is a third child. I would love a third child and I wish I had started all this earlier (currently in my mid-thirties). My DH and I both have challenging, full time jobs that we love - - and that we could absouletely not re-enter if one of us were to take 5-10 years off to SAH. I am just not sure in our particular situation that there will be enough time and energy to go around if we have to split it three ways . . . so as much as I want a third, I am just not convinced it is the fair or responsible thing to do in our situation.

[Piglet]

We always wanted 2 - I am an only child and DH is one of 3, so 2 seemed like a perfect balance. Well, we had 2, as planned and then I suddenyl started feeling the baby lust. It came as a HUGE shock to me that I wanted another one when we were so set on having 2. I went back and forth for so long that DH finally said, "if you are going to spend the rest of your reproductive life debating this question, just do it and get it over with!" Typical man, LOL. He was right - after #2 I didnt' get rid of a single item of baby gear, maternity clothing etc. After #3, I have gotten rid of everything I could get rid of. I KNOW I am done, done, done. In fact the thought of getting pregnant fills me with nearly as much dread as a teenager. DH was right. I know that I am done and I don't have to think about it. My hairdresser said the same thing - she has 4 kids and said that if you are even thinking of another one, it means that you want one; if you are done you don't think about it.

[DrSally]

Piglet, I think it really is over once you sell your baby gear/clothes. Then you know you've really made up your mind. I still can't bring myself to do it, so there's prob still some doubt there. I love what your DH said about instead of debating it, just do it, b/c if you have the means, it's prob better to err on the side of having another child b/c you'll never regret it but you may if you don't, KWIM?

As far as it being hit or miss whether sibs will be friends, I think that's another pro of 3, you have a "fall back" sib in case one flakes out, hahaha.

[Fairy]

We're done with one DS. It comes down to feeling that our family is complete. I have friends that want another child and it's very obvious, they are always holding any babies in the playgroup, talking about wanting more children as it's a need that isn't fulfilled. I'll hold the babies too, but it's when the other mum needs to chase after the 4 yo and I'm happy to hand them back.

I do worry about DS not having a sibling. But I need to want another child for me, and not solely for DS if that makes sense. DH doesn't have a close relationship with his siblings, and he says the sibling as a friend is not always guaranteed.

We still have some time, and we say if we change our minds, then we'll have another child. But for now, we're very happy with the family that we have.

This is exactly me. I am an only child, and I know the benefits of being an only child. There is nothing wrong with having only one. The only thing different about me from this post is that I do have pangs here and there for another one, but not true mommy lust. More due to the fact that I worry that DS won't have a sibling to rely on. However, like niccig, my DH is not especially close with his sibs, and I agree that siblingdom does not automatically get you closeness with them, it just gets you a brother or a sister. We had a long road to get DS, as well, so that's not a road that we want to go down again without truly wanting another DC for all the right reasons. Now, if it happens, ok, then off we go. But we're not trying, and we're definitely ok with that.

[let73]

I had a lovely childhood as an only child. I have never longed for more siblings as an only. My husband had a lovely childhood as one of six, so we are pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum. We had #1 when I was 38 and had decided one would be it. I had really only ever wanted to have one kid, and DH was open to that knowing how good my life has been (and knowing that DS will have lots and lots of cousins). Financially we feel more comfortable with one kiddo, and we three have a great time together.

I also wanted to thank you for your positive insight regarding only children. We are leaning towards only having one child. Finances are playing a huge factor in this decision. We just can't afford the cost of 2 children in daycare. We don't make enough for one of us to stay home full time.

Also, before DD was born we had 2 early miscarriages. We didn't even think we could have one child, so we are so happy to have our healthy DD.

[caheinz]

Well, we planned two. For a while, I wondered if DS1 was going to be an only child (life was getting in the way of #2), and then we got a surprise when #2 did happen (#3 came along for the ride!).

We never even discussed having more than two kids, so having three was a big surprise. But, we're enjoying the twins now that they're here!

But... we can't wait to sell off the baby stuff as the twins outgrow it!

[mommyp]

Well, we currently have one DD, 16 months. We would like another DC, DH and I both have siblings we love and would like that for DD as well. But we're not ready to try for another one yet. My age will come into it soon, I'm 34 now...but at this point we're so not ready for the newborn stage again. We're really enjoying DD's toddlerhood right now, so I guess we will see what happens down the road.