I'm having a pity-party kind of day

[daisymommy]

I can't believe I've never posted here, after 3,000 posts and 7 years. I usually just keep things to myself. But I'm in a pissy mood today, and feel like getting it off my chest. So there. :tongue5:

Baby #3 is due in 2 months, and DH is tired of me "bugging him" to get started painting the nursery and big kids room, moving the furniture around, etc. etc. You know, preparing for his son to be born?

All of my friends have someone throw them a baby shower for ALL of their kids, even the 4th child. I know it's not traditional, but it's what we do for each other. So far, no one has mentioned anything to me about a shower for my next baby. I feel sad, alone, hurt, and left out. Forgotten, and un-cared for.

I have a double prolapse that feels like all my organs are falling out, but here I am doing all the usual housework and childcare. I'm tired of my body being in pain and uncomfortable. That's not even counting the typical pregnancy body aches and pains.

I still have a list as long as my arm of baby things that need to be bought, but DH is having a cow and thinks I've spent enough already. So, 2 months to go, and I'm sitting on my hands waiting until the last minute--when I'll be as big as a house and wobbling around to finish my shopping when he sees that "gee-there really are things we are missing...like the carseat and crib mattress."

I've decided that I probably need to give myself a break after the baby is born and send Joshua to school (we're homeschooling right now), and Hannah to preschool 2 mornings a week. The response from friends and family? "gee, so you only did it for one year huh? Is that going to be what's best for them?" I DON'T KNOW! MAYBE NOT! But it's either that or I have a melt-down with 3 kids at home all day long! And I know that's not best for anybody.

DH has decided that he can't handle any more than 3 kids. So, now I'm suddenly faced with the fact that there won't be any more babies. This is my last. And I really wanted another girl so badly. There. I said it. Maybe that makes me a bad mother since I'm having a boy. But I always figured I could try one last time for another girl with a 4th baby. Guess not.

If you've read this far, you're a saint.

[bubbaray]

Awwww, Amy, HUGE hugs.

Maybe your DH will change his mind about a 4th? I wouldnt' worry about that right now -- that "fresh baby smell" can work wonders, LOL! Besides, after he's gone out an bought a new carseat and mattress, he might as well get the use out of it for another baby, KWIM?

Your kids will be JUST FINE in school. You can always homeschool again later.

*I* would throw you a shower if we lived closer. I didn't get a shower for DD#2 and it SUCKED. I don't plan/attend any more showers as a result -- I've planned and forked out hundreds of dollars over the years. I had one pathetic shower from friends and a cash one at work for DD#1. For DD#2, I got a VERY small amount of cash from coworkers (who always give BIG for other babies -- I know, b/c I've attended those events) for DD#2. Nothing from friends -- not even a card! What-ev-er.

Having said that, I had fun purchasing my own "shower" stuff for my girls. I think that is what you should do. If you aren't feeling well, do it online! :)

[daisymommy]

Thanks Melissa :hug5:It feels good just be heard sometimes!

[misshollygolightly]

I'm so sorry :-( It sucks when friends and family are less-supportive and more critical than they should be--especially at times like this. Really, though, I think you're totally right about the homeschooling issue: it would not be "the best thing" for anyone if you had your hands so full and felt so overwhelmed (and it would be totally exhausting, I would think, to be caring for a newborn AND homeschooling simultaneously). As for the shower (or lack thereof), ugh. It sounds like your friends sort of dropped the ball. Although it isn't necessarily too late. I know this wouldn't be quite the same, but do you have some close friends you'd like to just spend some time with before this baby arrives? If so, I'd tell them (or send out evites or whatever) that you're not having a shower with this baby, but you'd really like to have some time with your closest friends to celebrate; would they care to join you for lunch (or dessert or drinks or whatever) at [insert your favorite restaurant]? You could either specify "No gifts, please" (so you won't sound like you're trying to throw yourself a shower), or you could just omit that part and if someone does show up with a baby gift--bonus! It might be a good way to reconnect with your friends and have a little special time for yourself before this baby arrives.

[g-mama]

Amy - I'm sorry. :hug: I know how hard it is in the end of your third pregnancy and can't imagine doing it without being able to send the other kids off to school sometimes!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Maybe they are throwing you a surprise shower. That's what my friends did. Just being optimistic. :)

(((((hugs))))) I hope things get better.

Beth

[Melaine]

Awww....I'm sorry you are having a hard time! (W2G on never posting in BP, good grief. That's a record.)

[brittone2]

A big :hug5: to you.

I'm crossing my fingers that your friends are throwing you a surprise shower as well. I know many mamas here on the BBB that would love to host a shower for you if we lived closer :hug:

You are a wonderful mama and will continue to be one once #3 arrives, even if it looks a little different than it has in the past.

[DietCokeLover]

I'm so sorry. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[sste]

Maybe a surprise shower is in the offing??? But, if not, don't take it personally. I think with the economy there is a general scaling down of celebrations, gift giving, etc. I have noticed this alot recently. I know it sucks to have your turn come during such an economic downturn. I like the idea of a no-gifts celebration. Maybe you can hint to one of your friends that you would love a frozen food shower - - I want one of these for #2, it is when everyone brings a homemade frozen food item so your family doesn't starve during those early weeks with the newborn!!

[ThreeofUs]

HUGS! I'm so sorry you're in this space - and I totally get the "waiting for DH to come around" part. I had the same problem with mine (and I think that was among the very first times I posted here too).

I send you "health and happy" positive thoughts for you and your new little one. I wish I could have 3! :)

[KpbS]

Big hugs :hug:

Sorry things are so crummy. Boo on those friends for not getting their act together.
Don't worry about the schooling--things will fall into place. Try not to listen to the the family members who doubt your decision making--your life, your kids, your decisions.

Hope tomorrow's a better day.

[DebbieJ]

(((((HUGS))))))))))

I'm with you on the shower. I did one for my sister and I don't think they're going to do one for me, just cuz it's #2. Well, #1 was 5+ years ago and I need some new stuff!

[maestramommy]

awwww:hug:! I know subsequent showers aren't the norm, but sounds like they are around you, and I know it probably sucks to feel forgotten.

About the homeschooling, why would your friends and family make comments? Did they have anything to do with your homeschooling in the first place? You know, sometimes the best thing for your kids is making sure everyone stays sane and ends the day without becoming unglued.

I'm sorry about the discomfort. I only have the regular pregnancy aches and pains and I feel about 80 yo these days. If my hips don't fall off soon it'll be a miracle.

I was telling Dh I'm sure I'll be sad to be done at some point (we are). He says, "only in abstract." I think sometimes only women can understand there's more to it than that :hug: