I suck at this parenting gig

[bubbaray]

I don't even know where to start, but suffice to say, I suck at this. I don't have the skills to be a good parent and I don't enjoy it.

Most people say TGIF, but I say TGIM and I get to go back to the office. Instead of saving for university, I should be saving for the years of therapy the girls are gonna need because I suck at being a parent.

Sigh.

[Wife_and_mommy]

We all suck at one time or another. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Honestly, you knowing that you suck is a good thing. You can resolve to do better. :hug:

[SnuggleBuggles]

I bet you are better at it than you think. :)

Beth

[elizabethkott]

I suck on a daily basis!!!
(I just realized how that sounds...)
And I'm sure you don't suck as a parent. At least no more than the rest of us. :)

[niccig]

I'm right there with you.
I figure I'm going to do something that DS will have issues over, but I'm doing the best that I can. Some days are better than others..

[sste]

I try to have one or two 45 minute slots per day of "non-suckage." The rest of the time I am dealing with house, work, etc and DS is amusing himself - - or it is during the work day and he is with his nanny.

I keep on telling myself that learning to play independantly and deal with a less than perfect world is a great learning experience for DS!!

[LexyLou]

Ya, this parenting thing is pretty tough. I often wonder why I thought having kids was a good idea.

Why do we not know how insanely difficult it is beforehand. I mean, I knew my life would change but I had no idea it would be like this.

Do you think it's because our parents generation didn't talk about the sucky parts or were we just naive.

I feel like it's only recently that it's ok to talk about how difficult it is to be a mom and hard and frustrating it can be. I'm so thankful for that. I can't imagine suffering in silence.

[wendibird22]

I can totally relate.
Next week is my last week of work before my 2month summer vacation. Last summer DD was just turning 1 at the end of my two months. I was enjoying that she napped 2x's a day and that I could just plop her down somewhere with a few toys and we'd both be happy as clams. But this year she's turning 2, needs much more active and stimulating play, only takes one nap, and I'm nervous at my potential inability to bring my A game 7 days a week for 2 entire months. There's a reason that I'm not a SAHM or a daycare provider. I'm seriously considering still sending her to the sitters at least once a week so that she can play with the other kids and the sitter...they are far better at this than me!!! Heck, I think DH is better at this than me! But he's also an elementary teacher...he should be!

ETA: I just watched an episode of Oprah that I DVRd a few weeks ago and it was all about moms who feel they are failing at it. They all shared stories of shortcuts, shortfalls, and bad mommy moments. It was both hilarious and reassuring that far more of us think we're screwing this up and that we aren't alone!!

[elektra]

I am so sorry. I can totally relate. I don't know what I was thinking having a second kid. Before maternity leave I totally looked forward to Mondays too!
My DD doesn't listen to a word I say. She watches hours and hours of TV since DS was born, and I suck so bad at preparing food that she gets tons of stuff that is far from healthy.

I do remember so many posts from you though about how healthy your girls eat, and how you are so careful about their allergies. You have read books on the best discipline methods, etc. And you just took them to Disneyland! So you may suck compared to some but you are probably doing just fine at this parenting gig compared to most people.

[lorinick]

I think I suck at least once a day. So I'm right there with you. Your likely doing better at being a mom than you think.

[maestramommy]

:hug: Anyone who thinks they suck at parenting probably doesn't. Not by a long shot.

[StantonHyde]

A psychologist told me that there is actual research that shows as long as you are there 70% of the time for your kids and you are 70% THERE, then they turn out just fine. There is also the theory of the Good Enough Mother. You want your kids to love you but not be completely codependent on you. That way they are prepared to leave you in various ways at various stages in their development (e.g. making friends on the playground, going to school, etc).

[bubbaray]

Thank you everyone! You really have no idea how much you have helped.

I'm just really overwhelmed with all the changes going on -- and DD#1 in particular is completely UNDERWHELMED and upset about the daycare change, which is NOT helping her already prickly disposition. Sigh.

Some days I really just want to run away. Far far away.

[malphy]

Thank you everyone! You really have no idea how much you have helped.

I'm just really overwhelmed with all the changes going on -- and DD#1 in particular is completely UNDERWHELMED and upset about the daycare change, which is NOT helping her already prickly disposition. Sigh.

Some days I really just want to run away. Far far away.

Can i run away too?!

[gatorsmom]

I don't even know where to start, but suffice to say, I suck at this. I don't have the skills to be a good parent and I don't enjoy it.

Most people say TGIF, but I say TGIM and I get to go back to the office. Instead of saving for university, I should be saving for the years of therapy the girls are gonna need because I suck at being a parent.

Sigh.

Stop that right now!!!! You are one of the HARDEST working moms I know. You try soooooooo hard to do right by your children. You are an EXCELLENT role model to your girls. But, if you keep up that negative, attitude, your daughters could pick up on that too and internalize it.

There are no perfect parents. And it is totallly understandable that you don't look forward to going from busy at work to busy at home too. But you keep on doing it, right? And that is what your kids will see- that despite not wanting too, you will do what you need to. I couldn't think of a better example for your kids. :kisscheek:

[MontrealMum]

I think your questioning your parenting skills shows that you DO NOT, in fact, suck...just that you're tired and unsure - like most of us.

I agree that this seems to be something that wasn't talked about a lot by the previous generation, though I don't know why. I know my own mom gave up a career to be able to get me and probably felt as if she couldn't complain about it at the time because of that and her fertility issues - as she supposedly went into it eyes wide open - as if anyone can! She will now make comments about how hard it was, and how it's hard for everyone when she sees me struggling. I know for you especially it must be hard to not have that intergenerational pat on the back and encouragement that really helps to keep be going sometimes.

So, :grouphug: not everyone is a natural mother, and that does not mean that you can't still be a great mother - those things are NOT mutually exclusive. I know it's so hard to watch some people to whom it really seems to come easily and naturally, but that does not mean that you are not doing a great job too. You come across as someone who is very concerned and protective of her girls, who has done all sorts of research about things that most would not even consider doing, and you have given them so many wonderful opportunities. I think that = good mom. I forget, are you 2 or 3 hours behind us? Because it's happy hour here...so that means you can certainly start there :)

[maestramommy]

Some days I really just want to run away. Far far away.

I feel like that too, sometimes as much as twice a week. I can't imagine how it would be if I was WOH FT as well!:hug:

[dcmom2b3]

Just a short list composed with a toddler pulling at my leg wanting to go outside:

You are a wonderful role model for your girls.

You are a great friend.

You are a loving and concerned parent who brings all of her talents to bear on each decision you make in shaping their lives.

You are funny as he!!.

You also are a perfectionist and tend to be hardest on yourself. (Gotta stop that, you know.)

Please relish the ways in which YOU are a wonderful parent (and person). 'kay? And tell anyone who says differently to kiss your a$$. Or I'll tell them for you . . .

:hug: :hug:

[Sugar Magnolia]

I had a therapist tell me that if you think you are doing a bad job at parenting, then you are probably doing a great job!

[ha98ed14]

I feel like that too, sometimes as much as twice a week. I can't imagine how it would be if I was WOH FT as well!:hug:

I feel this way twice A DAY! Seriously.

But Melissa, I agree with everything Mary-Helen said. You far from suck. Because I suck less because I read what you write, so you can't such MORE than me, and even I have good moments. They may be few and far between, but they do exist. But yes, it's hard. Harder than they ever let on. At least we have each other to be honest with.

[misshollygolightly]

Yup. There are many, many things I suck at as a parent (and I've only been doing this 11 months--you wouldn't think that's enough time to screw up so much!). I keep counting on the fact that DS won't remember my screw-ups; it helps that he's still at that stage where he wakes up from his naps (whenever I can get him to take one, that is) all smiley-faced and wanting to snuggle (even if I yelled at him and threw the telephone across the room beforehand like I did the other day when he refused to nap and nearly made me miss an appointment with my out-of-town advisor :oops:). So I guess all I can say is parenting is really hard. And this is going to sound INCREDIBLY self-righteous and stuck-up, but here goes: I think I'm a pretty intelligent, reasonably level-headed, morally-upright person. So HOW is it that being a good mom often seems so hard for me? I mean, plenty of other people who I would think of as less-intelligent, less-level-headed, and less-moral than I seem to be doing it so effortlessly? And just having those kinds of thoughts makes me feel like an even less worthy mother. Sheesh. Anyway, all this to say that you're not alone, and I don't think I am either. Parenting is hard. It is not always fun or satisfying. I am not always good at it, and I'm certainly not always the kind of mother I wish I was. But, I think we're probably better at it than we usually give ourselves credit for. And, you know, it's one of those things we have our whole lives to work on, for better or worse ;-)

[MMMommy]

I suck so bad, that I don't even know where to begin. I suck, suck, suck big time. Oh, let me think of the things... Getting a veggie into their mouths, nonetheless my own is impossible. Showers are a chore. And I'm sure my DDs watch more tv than they are supposed to. There are times I just want to curl up and surf the net and play solitaire on the computer all day!

[urquie]

Stop that right now!!!! You are one of the HARDEST working moms I know. You try soooooooo hard to do right by your children. You are an EXCELLENT role model to your girls. But, if you keep up that negative, attitude, your daughters could pick up on that too and internalize it.

There are no perfect parents. And it is totallly understandable that you don't look forward to going from busy at work to busy at home too. But you keep on doing it, right? And that is what your kids will see- that despite not wanting too, you will do what you need to. I couldn't think of a better example for your kids. :kisscheek:
:yeahthat: and you took your girls to disneyland - that is so not sucky! and you spend hours and hours researching things to make your family's life more wonderful - not sucky! i could sum up my overall impression of you as pretty awesome! ...and i thought your hair was very cute! :wink2:

[elephantmeg]

Thank you everyone! You really have no idea how much you have helped.

I'm just really overwhelmed with all the changes going on -- and DD#1 in particular is completely UNDERWHELMED and upset about the daycare change, which is NOT helping her already prickly disposition. Sigh.

Some days I really just want to run away. Far far away.

I'm working on a runaway mommy book (a la runaway bunny) One day there was a mommy who wanted to run away... I think we all have those moments! Hang in there!

[amandabea]

I suck so bad, that I don't even know where to begin. I suck, suck, suck big time. Oh, let me think of the things... Getting a veggie into their mouths, nonetheless my own is impossible. Showers are a chore. And I'm sure my DDs watch more tv than they are supposed to. There are times I just want to curl up and surf the net and play solitaire on the computer all day!

Yeah, that's me too. Too much TV, not enough veggies (maybe none the whole week), 1 bath/week, not enough "play" time, I could go on and on. And at this point I'm also sucking at work even though I'm there more than home these days, which then reinforces the fact that I suck as a mom!!

Melissa you so don't suck. Parenting is hard and we all want to quit from time to time.

[jent]

Of *course* you don't suck... didn't one of your DD's say that you made the best ballerina buns in her class?

[StantonHyde]

oh, the previous generation complained a LOT but they had other SAHMS to commiserate with. Bitching with co-workers can be hard--I am lucky because I work with people who are in the same stage and GET it. (all women, mind you).

As for other people doing it effortlessly--my therapist assures me that while it might look good, those people are in her office too. :hug5:

[dcmom2b3]

I feel this way twice A DAY! Seriously.

But Melissa, I agree with everything Mary-Helen said. You far from suck. Because I suck less because I read what you write, so you can't such MORE than me, and even I have good moments. They may be few and far between, but they do exist. But yes, it's hard. Harder than they ever let on. At least we have each other to be honest with.

Parentio ergo sucko. Or suckito ergo parentas. With apologies to whoever it was who said "cogito ergo sum" I think therefore I am.

"I'm a parent, therefore I suck."

We all suck in some way. But as part of loving our kids, we will always be thinking of ways to be better parents. And getting better at the fine points to ensure that our DCs have the best we have to offer. Always with the intention that we give our best, still there's stumbling and both colossal f-ups and surprising miracles along the way. None of it is about you, really.

I think that's the nature of the parenting beast. As is being pissed off when she (fill in blank).

[MCsMom]

I can't relate because I am PERFECT!

And if you believe the previous statement, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you...;)

Bless all of us the have the sense to know that we are human and will make a mistake from time to time when it comes to our children.

Forgive yourself and have that drink for me (still nursing and waiting for the day when I can chill with a drink in hand...).

[niccig]

I think I'm a pretty intelligent, reasonably level-headed, morally-upright person. So HOW is it that being a good mom often seems so hard for me?

:yeahthat: I really struggle at times to be a good parent. DH has come home a number of times with me in tears about how awful I was and that I'm the adult and should be able to do better.

BUT I figure me in the mother role is a work in progress. I'm better at some things now than I was a last year, and next year I'll be better at other things. One day at a time, take a deep breath and we'll improve on the things we struggle with.

And our kids aren't as hard on us as we are. DS told me he loved him because I made raspberry icecream and bought him honey nut cheerios to thread on a plastic string and make necklaces like they do at school. What he doesn't know is that the ice cream is bribery to get through dinner, and the cherrio necklace occupies him for 30 mins at a time, so I can do something else....no altruism at all.

[C99]

I don't even know where to start, but suffice to say, I suck at this. I don't have the skills to be a good parent and I don't enjoy it.



I am assuming that you didn't have the skills to be a good lawyer before you became one? I think parenting is like anything else worth doing in life -- you have to work really hard at it, it's frustrating, and there are roadblocks and setbacks. Unlike other things in life, however, you can't stop doing it once you've started. Good luck.

[ThreeofUs]

You are a wonderful parent and a good person.

And I totally could have written your post. I have been so extremely disappointed with myself as a parent over and over again. But I'm trying. Hard. And I'm not giving up.

And I think from your posts that you are, too. Be good to yourself - this in itself will be good for your family.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

:grouphug:

I have some days I feel like I suck a$$ at being a mom... We all feel that way. You would suck if you didn't...It means you care.

[pinkmomagain]

Some days I really just want to run away. Far far away.

I announce this loudly at least once daily within earshot of my entire family.